On Edge

by Gin Price

“Jesus. I’m sorry, Manu.” He leaned his head against mine.

  “I’m sorry she was shot but it feels weird because we don’t like each other much.”

  As if he knew what I needed, he shrugged. “You didn’t shoot her, and you’re not wishing she were dead. It’s okay to not care that she got shot.”

  “I don’t know if I can say I don’t care. I don’t know how to feel about it. I know…it sounds psychotic, but a part of me feels…responsible. I wanted to strangle her myself, I wanted bad things to happen. I…”

  “Hey,” he comforted, smoothing his hand up and down my back. “You’re not friends. She made you angry, wasn’t very nice to you, and you wanted her to get what she deserved. That’s normal! You can’t blame yourself because this massive shit-hill of a city made it so. The truth is, the people in power don’t wanna look down at the kids getting shot, beat up, and dying at their feet, because of this school merger. They don’t wanna admit they’re to blame, which they are. It’s not us, Manu. It’s them, and until they turn the tide of violence, shit like this is gonna keep happening. You’re not to blame because you didn’t like her,” he repeated. “It sucks she was hurt. Leave it at that.”

  I nodded and enjoyed his comfort in silence, trying not to think of anything but what he’d said and allow it to wash my guilt away.

  Of course, after twenty or so minutes, I could only handle so much of his nearness before my thoughts turned to picturing him naked.

  Whoa. I blushed and decided to hide it while fidgeting with the shoulder strap of his doctor’s bag. “So, planning on going out tonight? I was going to invite you to meet up with Surge and me at Tucker Park.”

  “I wasn’t able to go out and erase your character last night. I’m going to do it today while everyone is here at school.”

  I laughed. “And how do you plan to sneak past the hall Nazis?”

  “I don’t have to. My parents are cool. I told them what I wanted to do and they called me out.”

  Well, that was weird. My father would turn purple if I asked to skip school, and then he’d dip into his lecture on why rules and structures were important in the real world. I loved my father, but sometimes he really did try too hard. I guessed it was because he wanted more for us than what he had.

  All parents say that, but only some obsess about it. Pops was a definite obsess-er. “So, you’ll meet up with us tonight? Six-thirty-ish, okay?”

  “Yeah, sounds good, Manu.”

  Apparently he didn’t plan to wait the whole hour, anxious to get the deed done. His lips brushed over mine again and I was lost. Sometimes, I suspected his mouth was covered in some addictive substance. I could never get enough and right after a kiss ended, I wanted another, and another, and another.

  Sadly, the make-out session was short-lived.

  “Tonight then,” I said, once the thrill of his kiss died down and I could breathe. With a nod he ducked out of the closet.

  Five minutes later, I was outside of Liv’s Government class dancing the cha-cha until she noticed me and came out to play.

  Twelve

  “Maybe he ain’t coming. He heard it was gonna be me, and instead of admit he was scared, he decided he would give you some lame-ass excuse tomorrow.” Surge walked across the monkey bars. When he came to the end he did a little turn, while dropping down through the small square. His hands gripped the bar at the last second, jerking his descent to a halt. He proceeded to swing from one bar to the next, the way the apparatus was intended to be used.

  “I told him you’d be here, dork. He’ll be here,” I said without certainty. I didn’t think like Surge. I knew Haze wasn’t afraid of him. But that didn’t mean Haze didn’t run into the law while trying to clean up some graffiti. The irony almost made it impossible not to have happened.

  While I rested on the parallel bars, draped across them like a sheet on a couple of clotheslines, I watched as Surge effortlessly moved from one side of the monkey bars to the next before making the leap to the nearby catwalk.

  The best place to learn parkour was a small arena, and playgrounds were the best, as long as you didn’t make a bunch of noise that provoked the neighbors into calling the cops.

  I knew that the difference between parkour and freerunning was spelling to most people, but to me, freerunning seemed a little more specific to what we actually do. If you were going from one point to another out in the world off the beaten path, that was freerunning. The rest of the terminology debate was lost on me. The flow and the freedom I felt while practicing was all that mattered.

  “Looks like he’s decided to brave the Surge,” Surge said looking off into the shadows.

  I lifted my head in time to see Haze wandering up, his doctor’s bag hanging between his shoulder blades.

  Surge gave a little show by jumping off the catwalk onto the poles of the swing set, his legs spread and feet docked to hold himself up without effort. Showing off for the new guy. Was he trying to intimidate Haze or impress him?

  “Hiya, stranger,” I smiled and let the top of my body free-fall, depending on my knees to hold me up. Using the momentum of my swing, I straightened my legs and landed on my feet, heading toward him.

  I hoped I looked as impressive as Surge, but didn’t have to worry much as I saw Haze’s eyes take on a mix of respect and something a little more primal. He probably felt a lot like I did when I saw what he was capable of doing with a few cans of spray paint.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Haze mumbled, eyeing Surge as he pulled me in for a quick hug. I’d told him Surge knew about us, but I couldn’t blame him for being too cautious.

  Stepping away from me, Haze held his hand out to Surge, who clasped it without hesitation.

  Bonus! Good sign. I was surprised at how easily they seemed to take to each other, before I realized neither had let go of the other’s hand. They kept squeezing, waiting for the other to cry uncle.

  “Ugh! Really?” I stepped into their embrace, forcing them to let go. “Unbelievable.”

  “Calm yourself, LL,” Surge said with a grin. “We’re letting each other know where we stand.”

  Haze grinned and I found myself wanting to smack the both of them.

  “Must be one of those jokes where I’d need a penis to get it,” I said.

  “Let’s get started,” Haze said and clapped his hands together with enthusiasm. I briefly wondered if he’d be that excited after his first hospital visit.

  Right before I turned away, I noticed a crack in Haze’s smile and made a note to ask him about it. He arrived late and not in the best of moods. Something was up.

  ***

  Once Haze started bleeding, we called it a night. For the last few hours Surge and I showed him the basic concepts of parkour, from ideals to moves, then we stood back and watched him jump around on all the activities of the playground without a routine. After all, improvisation and quick-thinking breed the strength of mind needed to freerun. Or so Ander often told those he taught.

  But all the quick-thinking in the world can’t save the inevitable face-plant or, in Haze’s case, the introduction of nose to metal pole.

  Cussing, he landed flat on his back, his nose trickling blood. I winced and ambled over, ignoring the snickering from Surge.

  “Welcome to the fun stuff, bro. I’ll let LL play nurse while I run to the store for ice and some mango smoothie goodness. Either of you two want?” Surge pointed two fingers at us while walking backwards. Haze shook his head and I nodded. “Cool.” Surge waved and scaled the playground fence.

  I turned my eyes back to Haze. “You all right? Feeling woozy or anything?”

  “I’ll live, LL. I just haven’t had a bloody nose in a while. A tournament when I was in sixth grade, I think. I forgot how much it sucks.”

  “Is it broken?”

  “My pride? Yup.”

  I thwapped his arm. “Your nose
, freak.”

  He wiped his nose across his sleeve and stared up at me with a grin. Blood smear and all, he couldn’t help but remain hot.

  “Nah. I doubt it will even bruise noticeably. Which is good. Hard to get girls with a battered face. Might hurt when I put on my respirator, though.”

  “Get girls, huh? I think you’re wrong about that broken nose.”

  Laughing, he sat up and pulled me by the hem of my hoodie onto his lap. “I only care about getting one girl.”

  “Getting something you already got seems like overkill.”

  He buried his hand in my hair and brought my mouth down to his, kissing me while laughing. I’d never been kissed that way before but there was no question I loved it. I loved everything where he was concerned. And his lips made me forget all about asking after his earlier frown. Which could mean only one thing:

  I was the queen of all fools.

  ***

  Haze waited for Surge to come back with ice and my smoothie before he gave me a quick kiss and claimed he had to go. I chewed on the inside of my lip, coming to terms with my feelings for Brennen Craig while watching him leave.

  Once he was out of sight, Surge came up behind me and squeezed my arms into my chest until I involuntarily squeaked.

  I laughed and sent a warning elbow into his ribs.

  “Harsh, girl!”

  I knew he wasn’t as hurt as he pretended. Especially since he stumbled back and clutched his middle like I threw a UFC punch.

  “Yeah, yeah. So what do ya think?”

  Surge stood up straight, his Oscar performance interrupted by my question. He ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth and then shrugged. “I don’t know, LL. I just met the guy. Unlike you, holing up in some school closet for hours every day, I haven’t had the time to form an opinion.”

  I shook my head at him and cracked open my smoothie.

  “I’m serious, baby girl! I’m not as convinced as you that he ain’t the one that painted your face for all to see. Some of my cousins are the best writers in Cali, so I know a thing or two a’ight? I know that they all can tell who did what by the style. Everyone is different, like Monet is different from Van Gogh. The lines, the style…it looked a little like the clouds we saw Haze painting on the wall that day.”

  “Come on.” I groaned, folding my arms across my chest. “You saw his work for like, a second. There are similar styles between some artists that would need closer inspection to see the differences. Besides, do you really think he’d ruin a chance for us to be together by making an homage to me on a noticeable wall? I mean, I don’t know exactly what he feels, but I’m pretty sure he likes me enough not to cause problems for me.”

  I walked over and sat down on one of the swings, drawing my hood up over my hair. The single strand of blue waved across my nose, unruly as ever, reminding me of the piece causing me so much grief. I always said the lock had a mind of its own. I kinda wanted to give it a personality all its own, too, which is why I dyed it a vivid color.

  I shivered when Surge sat down on the swing next to me, but my reaction had nothing to do with him. When the sun goes down, the late September nights became downright cold.

  Of course, coming out of the winter, I always thought the same temperature was tee-shirt weather.

  “I didn’t mean to make it sound like he don’t like you, girl. I just think maybe he likes you too much.”

  Surge probably took my silence as anger, but I felt fine. His suspicions about Haze meant he cared about me, so I wouldn’t hold a grudge against him.

  “Sounds like you think he might want to start trouble with my brother or something.”

  “That ain’t off my map completely,” he admitted, “but I see the way he looks at you, and that’s what makes me a little concerned is all.”

  “Paranoid, you mean.”

  “Well, Ander will kill me if I let something happen to you. That’s enough to make me a little ’noid, I’m saying.”

  “Yeah, I get ya. It’s all right. Keep your eye on him if it makes you feel better, Surge. I want you to be comfortable with this.” I leaned on the chain links of the swing and rested my chin on my grip so I could stare over at him. The genuine concern I saw in his face humbled me. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

  “I’ll remind you of that if I have to tackle your boy like a ’roided quarterback.”

  Thirteen

  “Your brother is still really mad at you, huh?” Liv turned her head to stare at Warp’s retreating back. For the second time in two hours he’d walked past me without saying a simple hello. Rudeness was nothing new for Warp, but I knew him well enough to know he was still stewing from our talk night before last.

  Pops had returned from his job a full day early, so we hadn’t had another argument like I’d been expecting that last day or so. I wondered if Warp’s anger would ever subside enough to where we could have an actual conversation or if I was doomed to be subjected to his ’tude for all eternity.

  Liv and I arrived at my locker and I unloaded all but my third-hour books.

  “I think he’s just mad because I made him feel guilty pointing out the truth and all.”

  “You’re not gonna do your Bio homework in Study Hall?”

  “Nah. I’m going to work on my art project for once. I need something that isn’t going to make me pull out my hair today.” I planned to work on it with Haze in the supply closet but left that part to myself.

  “Ah,” Liv said, seemingly mollified. “So why do you think your brother feels guilty?”

  “He was accusing me of getting myself in deep with someone and not telling him. He’s so sure that I’ve done something wrong and got mixed up with the wrong crowd.”

  “Like you have time in between his stalking, hanging with me, parkour and, oh yeah, school!” Liv rolled her eyes.

  “Exactly. I told him, with his territorial attitude, he could very well be responsible for the reason my face was on some wall.”

  Liv sucked in a breath and wrinkled her brow in uncertain disapproval. “I don’t know, Ellie, I think you might have gone too far with that one.”

  Slinging my book bag over my shoulder, I turned and walked to my third hour knowing she’d follow me. “No. I hope me saying it will make him more careful about who he upsets.”

  “You want him to not piss people off? I don’t think he can help himself.”

  “Liv, if he makes a bunch of enemies, they could use me to get to him. I don’t want to be involved in some pointless war. I had to say something, cuz I don’t think he thought about his bullshit causing me trouble before I said something.”

  “I guess. If you think mentioning it might keep him from doing something irrational.” She didn’t sound convinced.

  “There isn’t much I wouldn’t lower myself to do if it meant keeping my brother in check.”

  “I don’t blame you,” Liv said.

  A typical noncommittal response that made it possible for her to skip to the next subject. Not that I minded. I didn’t like talking about my arguments with my brother.

  “Are you spending the night tonight?” she asked.

  “Can’t. Pops is home, and he always likes us to be ‘in house’ when he’s around.”

  “Oh. Well that’s cool, I guess.”

  “Yeah. Warp isn’t on me when Pops is around, but I have less freedom, too. It’s a vicious circle, as Mr. Fewd would say.” We both laughed.

  Liv stepped in front of me and gave me a big, reassuring hug. “Things will get better. Maybe your brother will cut the crap now that your portrait is erased.” She released me and frowned at my frown. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  I couldn’t think of anything to say. Over her shoulder, I spied Haze and one of my gymnastics team members intimately entangled.

  Cathy. The dirty slut.

  Fiv
e seconds ago I was antiviolence. Now, the urge to run down the hall and face-stomp her into the linoleum crawled into my skin and played over and over in my mind.

  “Ellie, what’s going on? You look—unhinged.” Liv turned and saw the same scene. “Check out the whore-jacket. Yikes! You’d think Bren would have better taste.”

  I hated that I felt my eyes sting and knew if I so much as blinked, I’d have a telling wet trail down my face. Next came the shakes as I fought the impulse to brutalize the bitch throwing herself on my secret boyfriend.

  Was he my boyfriend? It wasn’t as if we had verbally said so. Although Haze did tell me he only wanted one woman. Maybe he was being purposefully vague so later down the line he could cruelly say “I didn’t mean you, silly girl.”

  I swallowed and looked down as I felt Liv grab my hand and squeeze hard. “Snap out of it,” she chastised.

  But I couldn’t. “I…”

  Down the hall, Haze stepped into my line of sight, his face impassive as he started talking to Cathy, who stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Haze’s lips.

  I was going to be sick. My stomach roiled and I took a step back, feeling the sharp slap of betrayal.

  I think my hateful gaze penetrated the distance and called to him, because in the instant after he moved back from her, he turned his stare to me. A strange expression claimed his handsome, treacherous face and he subtly shook his head.

  Whatever his message, I couldn’t absorb it through the sudden hardening of my heart.

  “Jerk,” I whispered, and damn if I didn’t blink.

  A single tear rode the wave of my cheek down to my chin.

  “That’s it. You have some explaining to do,” Liv said, tugging me off toward the bathroom with a grip so tight it hurt. She could’ve done anything she wanted to me and I wouldn’t have cared—I wouldn’t have felt it. My entire body was numb with heartbreak.

  ***

  I don’t remember much about my climb through the girls’ bathroom window or the jog a few blocks down to the local fast-food joint, but once I sat down and sucked on the straw of my pop, I finally realized Liv was munching a burrito while glaring at me.