Dog Day Wedding

by Rich Amooi

  Justin opened his mouth and then closed it.

  “What?” asked Paolo. “You were going to say something? Say it.”

  Justin shrugged. “It’s just that you’re talking about respect and all, but you just crashed a wedding with a gun. That’s not very respectful at all, is it?”

  Paolo nodded and paced back and forth. “Not respectful at all. You’ve got a good point there. You’re right—it’s not respectful at all.” He paced a few more times. “But I don’t give a shit! Having a gun allows a person certain liberties, you know what I’m saying?” He spun the gun around on one finger and some of the guests ducked down in their seats. The gun stopped spinning on his finger and he winced and bit his fingernail. “Damn! Anyone got a fingernail clipper?”

  What kind of mafia guy was this? He was going to do some grooming now?

  “I do!” said the wedding coordinator. She ran up to the front with her little bag of goodies and sat it on top of the piano. She shuffled through some things inside of the bag and handed him the nail clippers.

  “Thank you.” He clipped part of his fingernail and dropped it on the floor. “Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, I was going to kill the bride.”

  Federico stood up. “That is probably not a good idea.”

  “Yeah? Why not, old man?”

  “She’s a cop.”

  Paolo yanked his head around to Natalie and checked her out from head to toe. “I don’t see it.”

  “Believe me, she is. And one of the best cops in the city, I might add. And it may also be helpful to know that there are two other cops in this room and at least ten lawyers.”

  Paolo scanned the room. “Seriously? Shit. Of course I knew about the lawyers, but I had no clue about the cops. I’m new at this and still learning the ropes.” He looked to the back of the room where the other guy was guarding the door. “My partner did not do his homework very well either, did he?”

  The guy shrugged.

  Giovanni fidgeted in his seat and wanted to say something. He could see Natalie looking around the room for something. Was she sending signals to the other cops? Maybe she had a plan to stop the guy. She could always just kick him in the shins.

  Paolo handed the fingernail clippers back to the wedding coordinator. “I guess it doesn’t matter if she’s a cop, really.” He pointed to Jacks. “This man sent my brother away for life and tore apart my family. So…you need to suffer for it. I thought about killing you, but then that’s not suffering at all! That’s when I came up with the idea of killing your bride. That will make you suffer.”

  Jacks shrugged. “Fine. I’m going to suffer, you’re right.” He pushed Natalie at Paolo. “Go ahead. Kill her.”

  What a jerk.

  Giovanni stood up. “Wait!” He moved to the front and became a shield in between Paolo and Natalie.

  Paolo let out a deep breath. “You again? You’re like a bad case of something that not even penicillin can get rid of. What do you want this time?”

  “Don’t kill her. Kill me.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Natalie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Giovanni was willing to die for her. God, that made him even sexier. If that was possible.

  She glanced over at the man she was supposed to marry. Jacks did nothing—didn’t even say anything to defend or protect her. She had decided to go through with the wedding—she had felt guilty about breaking it off and hurting him. Then Jacks threw her to the lions.

  Talk about one hundred percent betrayal.

  Paolo pointed the gun at Giovanni. “What are you doing?”

  “If you’re going to kill someone, kill me.”

  “Yeah, great idea,” said Jacks. “Kill him.”

  Paolo stared at Giovanni for a moment. “I’m not going to kill you! I don’t even know you! And how is that going to hurt him, anyway? Sit down!”

  Giovanni pointed to Natalie. “Killing her is not going to hurt him either! He doesn’t care about her!”

  “And you do?”

  Giovanni nodded. “Yes—absolutely. In fact, I love her. It’s crazy because we just met, but I do. And I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to her. So if you’re dead set on killing her, kill me too.”

  There were a few audible “awws” in the crowd.

  “Interesting development here.” Paolo paced back and forth. “I’ll be honest—I’m not sure what to do. I’m new at this gangster stuff, you know?” Paolo analyzed Giovanni and pointed to his face with the gun. “How did you get the black eye?”

  “From the guy standing next to you.”

  Paolo turned to Jacks. “You did that?”

  Jacks nodded proudly.

  Eleonora stormed to the front and got in Jacks’ face. “How dare you do that to my son!”

  “He kissed my fiancée.”

  “I don’t care if he bent her over the dining room table.” She wound up and punched Jacks in the face.

  Jacks covered his nose with his hand and screamed. “You crazy bitch!”

  Natalie tried to hold in a smile. Giovanni's mom wasn’t so bad after all. Obsessed with grandchildren, yes. But she still cared about her son. Natalie glanced over at Giovanni, who was staring at her. Yeah, she had feelings for him.

  Strong feelings.

  And showing up today to marry Jacks was a mistake. What was she thinking? She didn’t want to hurt Jacks’ feelings, but that wasn’t a good enough reason to marry someone.

  Paolo eyed Eleonora. “You single?”

  “Afraid not.”

  “Too bad.” His eyes dropped down to her chest, then rose back up to connect with her eyes. “Did you really come here to stop the wedding because you want your son to bang the bride?”

  “As I said before she’s very fertile.”

  Federico stood and held up his index finger. “Excuse me.”

  Paolo sighed. “What do you want, Grandpa? You going to object to the wedding too? Join the club.”

  “I don’t object, but I don’t agree with it either. It’s not my business to tell my granddaughter what to do. I just want her to be happy and as I told her yesterday, she needs to follow her heart.”

  Paolo nodded. “Good advice. Why you standing up then? The diaper’s all full?”

  “I wanted to tell a story.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes.”

  Paolo studied Federico and then nodded. “Okay.” He hopped up on top of the piano and gestured to him. “Be my guest.”

  “Thank you.” Federico stood there thinking, possibly trying to gather his thoughts.

  What was he up to? Natalie was getting tired of standing and doing nothing. She would have tried to do something, tried to apprehend Paolo, but her dress was keeping her from doing almost anything at all. She could barely move. It was the most uncomfortable dress she had ever worn, and truth be told, she didn’t even like it very much. It wasn’t her first choice, but Jacks insisted she wear his grandmother’s wedding dress from the fifties. It took two cleanings just to remove the smell of mothballs.

  Federico looked around at the many guests who were staring at him. They had his full attention. “It was 1940 when I met Olive at a carnival. She was the most beautiful woman in the world and we were set to have a summer love affair of a lifetime. It was love at first sight, I tell you. The only thing I wanted to do was spend every waking minute with her, romance her, and make her mine. Nothing mattered more to me. Nothing. I recited poetry from Walt Whitman to her every chance I got and her eyes would sparkle with each poem.”

  Paolo nodded. “I tried reciting the words to “Baby Got Back” one time.” He grimaced. “It didn’t work so well.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Please continue—I’m really enjoying the story.”

  “Thank you. Olive and I grew closer and closer to each other, but little did we know that a force stronger than our love was trying to keep us apart.” Federico poked himself in the chest with his index finger. “I was a boy from the wrong side of the tracks and her moth
er could not bear that. So she banned her daughter from seeing me. She said I was trash.”

  Natalie looked around the room. Some of the guests wiped their eyes, even a few of the men. She turned and looked at Paolo. He sat on the piano, crying like a big baby.

  Paolo wiped his eyes and sniffled. “I hope this has a happy ending.”

  Federico nodded and continued. “It wasn’t long after that when her mother took the family and moved away. I was devastated and convinced they moved away because of me. I would later find out it was the truth. I wrote letters to her every single day for a year, but never received a single response. I also found out her mother was hiding the letters so her daughter could not see them. What kind of a person would do such a thing?”

  Paolo wiped his eyes. “A bitch! That’s who!”

  “Heartbroken, I enlisted to fight in World War II and after that I—”

  “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a goddamn minute,” said Paolo. He jumped off the piano and wiped his eyes. He blew his nose and then rolled up the tissue into a ball and stuck it in his pocket.

  Inching closer to Federico, he wagged his finger in front of his face. “This little love story of yours sounds a little bit fishy, Grandpa.”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “I mean the story, this story…it sounds familiar. I just can’t put my finger on it at the moment.”

  “I think you are mistaken.”

  “Got it! You sneaky son of a bitch. That’s from a Nicholas Sparks movie, I’m sure of it. He scratched his chin with the gun. “The Notebook! That’s it! Jesus Christ. My second ex-wife made me watch that movie so many times. On our anniversary. On Valentine’s Day. Always when she had PMS. The Notebook. Don’t you deny it!”

  Federico nodded. “It’s common knowledge that people my age tend to blend fiction with reality and many times can’t tell the two apart. My doctor told me he saw the warning signs. Thank you for catching that—I will report the results to my doctor.”

  Federico sat down and folded his hands in his lap. Natalie tried to hold back the laughter. She had no idea what he was trying to accomplish by telling that story, but it was entertaining at least.

  Paolo cleared his throat and stuck his chest out. “Enough of these shenanigans—change of plans again. I gotta shoot someone. I guess I’ll just shoot the groom. ”

  “Stop!” said Giovanni.

  Paolo cocked his head to the side. “Again? You love the groom too?”

  “No!” Giovanni let out a deep breath. “Paolo, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Look Paolo, killing him won’t solve anything either. It’s unfortunate, but you got tossed into a situation you don’t want to be in, right?”

  “That’s right.”

  “You seem like a nice guy, I can see that. Sensitive. Passionate.”

  Paolo blushed. “Thank you. I often wondered if people noticed those qualities in me.”

  “For sure! I noticed immediately. Now listen…if you kill him, you would be sharing a jail cell with your brother. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in jail? Because killing Jacks is not worth it.”

  “I can appreciate where you’re coming from and agree with you, but I gotta do something. What happened to my brother was a disgrace to the family and now the pressure is on me to take over and rebuild our reputation.”

  “I have a solution!” yelled Stevie, making his way to the front.

  “Jesus Christ,” said Paolo. “Another one?” He points the gun at Stevie. “Please state your name and your solution and make it fast.”

  “My name is Stevie Marino. I’m a Sagittarius.” He points to Giovanni. “And I’m best friends with this very kind man. He’s right, killing that douchebag wouldn’t solve anything. If you want to make this man pay, you need to hit him where it hurts the most.”

  Paolo pointed the gun at Jacks’ crotch. “In the balls?”

  “No. Not a bad choice at all though, but no. His most prized possession is the Camaro sitting right outside.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yup. That’s not your average Camaro from the sixties. In fact, there are only sixty-nine of them in the entire world. Now I’m not telling you to do anything to his car—I don’t want to get in trouble, okay? I’m just saying…his car is outside and he values it more than anything else in the world, including the bride. You can use that information however you see fit. That’s all I have to say on the matter.”

  Paolo smiled.

  “Don’t you even think about it,” said Jacks.

  “Don’t worry!” said Paolo. “I’m not going to do a thing. Am I, Bruno?”

  Paolo winked at his partner at the other end of the cellar. Bruno shrugged.

  Paolo sighed. “I repeat…I am not going to do anything to his Camaro.”

  “Oh!” said Bruno. He disappeared out the door. A few seconds later gunshots rang out. Twelve. Maybe fifteen. Bruno returned and gave Paolo a thumbs-up.

  “Nooooooooo!” said Jacks. He pushed Natalie out of the way and grabbed Paolo’s arm, knocking the gun out from his hand. The gun discharged when it hit the floor.

  Both Eleonora and Natalie fell.

  “I’ve been hit!” yelled Eleonora. “I’ve been hit, goddammit!”

  Natalie jumped up and grabbed Paolo’s wrist with both of her hands and twisted it sideways and upward behind his back. Then she pushed him up against one of the wine barrels along the wall.

  Paolo screamed in pain. “Uncle! Uncle!”

  Stevie dove for the gun and popped back up on his feet. “Go ahead. Make my day.”

  “Give me the gun,” said a man who stepped up quickly. One of Natalie’s coworkers on the force.

  Stevie frowned and handed him the gun. The man went after Bruno, who slipped out the door again.

  Giovanni rushed to Natalie and grabbed Paolo’s other arm. “Fancy meeting you here.”

  “Take off your tie,” said Natalie.

  Giovanni grinned. “Shouldn’t we wait until we get to a place with more privacy?”

  “When was the last time I kicked you in the shins?”

  “That’s all you needed to say.”

  “She’s a tough girl,” said Paolo. “I can see why you like her. Reminds me of my third wife.”

  Giovanni took off his tie and handed it to Natalie. She grabbed Paolo’s other wrist and twisted his arm back so that his hands were aligned. Just like that, they were tied together.

  “Stay,” she said.

  Giovanni just stared at Natalie with a big grin on his face.

  She pointed a finger at him. “Quit looking at me like that. You jinxed my wedding.”

  “I’m pretty sure it was doomed from the start. I have a lot of experience to back up my observation. Plus, I can’t help looking at you like that. Have you seen yourself?”

  “I try not to look at myself while I’m getting married.”

  “You’re beautiful and I love—”

  “Hellooooo?” yelled Eleonora.

  Most of the wedding guests were on their feet now, talking, and snapping photos of Eleonora with their smartphones.

  “I’m dying over here!” screamed Eleonora. “A slow death. And what does my only son do while I’m dying? He flirts with the baby maker instead of saying his final goodbye to the woman who brought him into this world. The woman who had a twenty hour labor with him. Something’s wrong with this picture, people!”

  Giovanni turned and gazed down to the floor where his mother laid, a handful of people around her. Someone was actually petting her head.

  “Stop that!” said Eleonora, swatting the woman’s hand away. “You think that comforts me? I am not a dog! And do you know how much I paid to have my hair done yesterday? I would guess more than your weekly salary!”

  The kind woman got up, lowered her head, and slowly walked away. Giovanni moved toward his mother and knelt beside her. One of her hands was wrapped in a handkerchief and he could see blood.

  “
I’m dying, son. Do you care? I think not. Woe is me. Woe. Is. Me.”

  He unwrapped the handkerchief on her hand. The fingernail on her pinkie was gone. That was it.

  Eleonora gasped for air. “Say goodbye to your father for me. Tell him I love him after all.”

  Natalie leaned down and placed her hand on Eleonora's arm to comfort her. “You’re going to be okay.”

  “I’m not sure about that. What is your name again?”

  “Natalie.”

  “I’m sorry, Natalie, for pressuring you to bang my son. If you knew the whole story you’d understand. I was an only child, just like Giovanni. Did you know that?”

  “No. I didn’t.”

  “Of course you didn’t. We don’t know each other well enough and there’s no time for it now. It would have been nice to get together for tea or coffee or a couple of sweet shots of Amaretto. Oh, how I love it Amaretto…the heat as it goes down. Anyway, where was I?”

  “You were an only child.”

  “Right! After I had Giovanni the doctor told me I would never be able to have children again. Giovanni was my only child and my only hope for grandchildren. All of my friends have grandchildren and I get so jealous. I want what they have. Do you understand? Do you see why I may have been a tiny bit obsessed with having grandchildren?”

  Giovanni sighed. “A tiny bit?”

  Eleonora ignored Giovanni’s comment. “But now that I’m going to die, you can do whatever you want since I won’t be here to see it. You don’t have to bang him if you don’t want to.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” Natalie pointed to her hand. “Let me see the wound.”

  Giovanni unwrapped her hand again and Natalie leaned in to look at it.

  Natalie snorted.

  “I can’t believe you’re laughing at me. I’m dying! I’ve been shot! Oh dear God. The room seems to be spinning a little bit. I think my time is near. Don’t cry for me, Argentina!”

  “Mom, you’re missing a fingernail, not a limb.”

  “Seriously?” Eleonora held her head up and inspected her hand. Then she flipped it over and checked out the other side. “How is that possible? Because it hurts like a son of a bitch.” She sat up, pointed at Natalie with her good hand, and smiled. “Okay, good news then. You and I are back in business. Eight kids. That’s all I’m asking for. You two need to get busy.”