by Brooks, Tori
“Big crowds. More people than we could draw on our own.”
“I suppose. You’ve heard their singles, right?”
“Hard to miss,” Dev agreed.
“They mostly suck. I like this one though.” Lindsay leaned over and turned it up a little more.
They listened to the song, then Lindsay skipped over two tracks and they listened to another. Dev didn’t completely listen to all three CDs, but he got the high points. He also got a better idea of what Lindsay liked: a style completely different from A Thousand Words.
She listened to a lot of different things, Dev told himself. Upon reflection, he realized when they listened to music together they listened to a radio station where they didn’t have control over the play list. He never suggested anything and neither did she. This, Lindsay skipping tracks and saying she didn’t care for Rushing On’s recent hits, was as close as she ever came to expressing an opinion on music.
Kenny’s rant about Lindsay not being part of that side of his life came to mind. Dev didn’t like the conflicting feelings the night’s discoveries grew in him. He felt sick, uneasy, and restless to address the problem, but terrified to discuss it with Lindsay at the same time. Worse, that there was something he couldn’t talk to her about made him worry about the very foundation of their relationship.
“Dev, you’re thinking again,” Lindsay chastised him with a sly smile. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t overthink things. You’re breaking out in a sweat.”
Embarrassed, Dev realized she was right and tried to smile and shrug it off.
Lindsay turned off the music. “It’s about time to take me home anyway, then I’ll tell you something that should really blow your mind.”
He looked at her sharply.
“Don’t worry, I’m still not interfering in that five-year-going-to-be-in-graduate-school plan. I might settle some of that internal conflict you’ve got going that you clearly don’t want to talk about yet. Although, to be honest, it’ll probably make it a little worse until about . . . we’ll say one to two a.m. Then you can message me, text me, call me – whatever you like, and we’ll talk.”
“Is your plan this intricate and detailed because you’ve spent a long time putting it all together? Or because you know me so well you think you can predict exactly how I’m going to melt down and how long it’ll take to pull myself together again? Or are all women like this and no one thought to mention it to me?” Dev asked, starting the car again and not daring to look at Lindsay. If she laughed, he didn’t know what he’d do. She didn’t though, instead she reached over and pulled his hand from the steering wheel and held it in both of hers. She was silent, waiting, and Dev finally clenched his teeth and looked at her so she’d answer him.
“All of the above. Now, don’t worry about it.” Lindsay winked playfully and released his hand.
Dev put the car in gear and drove her home. The drive was silent, but not as uncomfortable as the previous ones were. Dev let his mind wander again, pulling up to Lindsay’s house a while later almost surprised at their arrival. He’d been driving on automatic, not paying attention to anything beyond his thoughts, and amazingly, Lindsay let him dwell the entire drive. The revelation didn’t make him happy, it was dangerous on so many levels: first, he was driving while not truly paying attention; and second, ignoring Lindsay could come back to bite him.
Helping Lindsay out of the car, Dev escorted her up the walk, lost in thought, until Lindsay stopped and turned to look at him. As Dev was still below the low steps up to her front porch, Lindsay’s position on the bottom step put her at eye level, something Dev wasn’t used to.
Looking into Lindsay’s eyes, his morose concerns over what Kenny and Jess were going to say about Lindsay’s new look fled his mind. His best friends could go to hell, he didn’t care what they thought.
Waiting for the guilt trip or snappy chastisement over his silence that was sure to come, Dev was surprised when Lindsay put her hands on his shoulders. He watched carefully for her next move so he almost didn’t flinch when Lindsay slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.
The single experience Dev had with Lindsay’s kisses was a brief, light kiss brushing the corner of his mouth. As innocent as the kiss was, it still left an impression on him. Dev initially expected the same, but Lindsay’s lips softly caressed his and parted slightly. Dev’s heart rate jumped. Between the two of them, she had the experience and he acknowledged her as the teacher in this scenario. When instinct failed, Dev decided to simply do what Lindsay did. He fought back his panic as he opened his mouth to mirror her own.
Lindsay’s hands crawled across his shoulders and climbed his neck; she let her fingers slide into his hair, with her thumbs resting on his cheek bones. At the same time, Lindsay tilted her head slightly and let the tip of her tongue flick gently across the threshold of his lips.
Dev felt awkward as he put his hands on Lindsay’s waist. He wasn’t sure about what she was doing with her tongue, only that he was sure he couldn’t mimic it.
Undaunted by his failure to reciprocate, Lindsay’s tongue slid deeper into Dev’s mouth. Soon Dev lost the ability to analyze her movements, then interest in trying, as the kiss turned into an exotic dance of gentle strokes, brushes, taps, grazes, and teasing chases.
Then it was over. It seemed Lindsay glowed, but otherwise gave only a slight smile as she backed away.
“I promised earlier I’d tell you something that would blow your mind. This doesn’t change anything, not in terms of college, the tour, the band, or the guys. It won’t make our relationship easier, but I don’t think it’ll make it harder either. This is just something that I don’t think you know yet, and you really should.” Lindsay leaned over Dev’s shoulder, letting her lips brush his ear, and said softly: “You love me.”
Not waiting for an answer, Lindsay turned and disappeared behind a closing door before Dev’s mind began to formulate a response.
Chapter Five
Dev stood on the step staring at Lindsay’s front door. That he’d thought about that original glancing kiss daily for the past few months and hoped she’d grace him with another one wasn’t lost on him. This was different. Dev didn’t have words to describe this.
A bench sat in the flowerbed that lined the walk and Dev stumbled the few feet to it and sat. Lindsay freely admitted she was leading him to something, was this it? Maybe.
How could she tell him he loved her? That was a little presumptuous. Dev leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. Wouldn’t it be more normal for her to say she loved him and then scamper off? Did she? What if she didn’t? Dev considered that. What if Lindsay didn’t love him but thought he loved her?
Did he love her? Dev wasn’t sure. Was there some sort of test? Wasn’t he supposed to feel like he was falling, or have rocks in his stomach, or feel sick all the time, or something?
Bryan loved Brenda, but Dev wasn’t around when it happened. They’d always been together from his point of view. Jess and Cassie – no, Jess was more obsessed with his sister than loved her, that didn’t count. His mom – Dev didn’t want to think about his mom either with Paul or Flynn, and didn’t pay much attention to her interaction with his dad. Kenny wasn’t with Alicia long enough to count.
Back to Bryan and Brenda. Dev couldn’t see how he and Lindsay emulated Bryan and Brenda in any way. Okay, they didn’t fight. When they disagreed about anything, the girls inevitably won, that was the same. He supposed he did little things for Lindsay for no reason like Bryan did for Brenda. And Lindsay humored him, like going to the skateboard park on dates when she didn’t have to. And she put up with Kenny and Jess. She was like Brenda in those ways, he supposed.
Dev remembered the night he took Lindsay to meet the band. On the way home, Lindsay told him she’d always be there to support him no matter what he needed. She understood his hacker side and understood his music side existed, even if she wasn’t really into it. Lindsay said she was willing to be what he needed her to
be.
Putting that long-ago conversation in context with everything that happened tonight, Dev started making connections. Lindsay said she kept the goth pretext going longer than she needed to because he wasn’t ready for her to drop it yet. Everything she did, she did for him. He was pretty sure that meant Lindsay loved him. Why not just tell him that?
Because it would freak him out, Dev smiled. Telling him that he loved her was a puzzle, and Lindsay knew it was a puzzle he couldn’t pass up. She knew he’d sit down and figure it out and realize she loved him, and what she’d been doing about it for – wow, a year now.
The question was: did he love her? Dev looked back to the closed door he suspected Lindsay was waiting behind. She might even be watching him through the peephole. There was something about her, something indefinable he’d known all along that made him see himself as marrying her. If he wanted to marry her, that probably counted as loving her. That was when she still looked like she was dressed for Halloween. Now there was definitely a physical attraction. He wanted to kiss her and hold her. Dev pushed those thoughts aside.
He knew what Lindsay was, what she wanted, and that would be a challenge for another time. First, he couldn’t leave her waiting.
Standing up, Dev strode up the walk with confidence. He reached for the doorbell, then hesitated. It was late and Lindsay was probably just on the other side of the door anyway. There was no reason to disturb the whole house. He knocked on the door instead.
The door opened immediately. It wasn’t even locked, Dev noticed with satisfaction. Lindsay smiled at him and leaned against the frame. She’d touched up her makeup and her face was perfect.
Dev motioned for her to step outside, she did.
“You wanted to talk to me?” Lindsay asked.
Dev nodded. “You love me too,” he said and leaned forward, pressing his lips carefully to hers. He slid his hands around her waist, surprised at how small and fragile she seemed in his hands. Lindsay’s arms rested on his shoulders, her fingers finding their way into his hair again, this time Dev didn’t mind. His lips parted, as did hers, and he tentatively let his tongue explore her mouth, beginning the intricate dance he didn’t really know the moves to. As it turned out, it didn’t matter. Lindsay was delicate and strong at the same time. She guided and tempted him, drawing him deeper, pulling him closer. Dev felt her body mold to his. He wanted to know all of her secrets and knew that she would show him, but in her own time and in her own way. Heat rose in him, in his stomach and lower. He needed to pull away, but didn’t want to as well. If he let this continue . . . Dev broke off the kiss, turning away and gasping for the cool night air.
Lindsay’s fingers gently stroked his cheek, leaving a burning trail in their wake. Dev closed his eyes, he couldn’t look at her. He had to calm down and just the thought of her wasn’t helping.
Tiny kisses on his neck made him flinch and Lindsay stopped. She held him instead, letting her head rest on his chest. They stood like that, entwined together, for what Dev felt was a long time. Finally he felt calm and steady enough to move and opened his eyes.
It wasn’t as bad as he imagined, he was simply holding her. There wasn’t anything racy to be seen. Kissing the top of Lindsay’s head, Dev relaxed his hold on her. Lindsay took a step back and smiled up at him.
“That was a bit more than I expected,” she said. “Quicker too. I underestimated you.”
Dev felt the color fill his cheeks and glanced back toward her front door, imagining Jack watching through the peephole.
“Relax, we’re alone,” Lindsay said. “Now that we’ve managed that hurdle, get some sleep.”
“Sleep? You know I get to run the gauntlet as soon as I get home, right?”
“They still ambush you?”
“I bailed on tour planning in favor of spending time with my girlfriend. Yeah, they’ll ambush me,” Dev told her.
“Dev, in the grand scheme of things, nothing’s really changed. A little bit, sure: I let the dye grow out of my hair, changed my wardrobe, and you kissed me. Not that even that much is their business, but I know Jess is really hung up on the kissing issue. Trust me, ignore Jess. Kenny isn’t qualified no matter how many psychology books he reads. You can listen to Bryan if he decides to dispense any wisdom, assuming he’s even there. If it comes to advice, Flynn is probably right if he offers any. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
“It’s really going to come down to Jess and Kenny though, isn’t it? They’re the nosy ones who’ll be waiting to ambush you.” She shrugged. “Tell them as much or little as you’re comfortable with. I’m sitting back and being supportive, as usual.”
Lindsay reached up and kissed Dev again, moist and deep. “Try to relax and get a good night’s sleep, honey. You’ve got a long week ahead of you with the tour plans and everything. I’ll leave you to it tomorrow, but the day after I expect some quality time.”
Dev smiled. “Okay, deal.”
○ ○ ○
Dev drove home, considering everything that happened. He wasn’t going to tell the guys anything. Maybe Bryan if they were alone, but otherwise, not a word. Of course they’d find out Lindsay’s clothes fit her differently when they started playing the lineup for the tour. Kenny already had everything arranged, it was just a matter of practicing so they ran together perfectly. Brenda and Lindsay would be there at least some of the time when they played, it was pretty standard.
He thought about that as he stopped at a light. Lindsay sitting there watching him, with those legs . . . she might be a distraction now. Well, if she was, he’d explain it to her and shoo her off to his room to play on his computer. No big deal.
Pulling into the driveway, Dev swore lightly when he saw Jess’s shiny red Jag sitting in the driveway. Kenny always parked his truck behind the garage, but Dev didn’t have to look to see if he was home, he was rarely anywhere else this time of night. Bryan’s practical Acura was nowhere to be found. He shouldn’t really expect it to be here. Bryan had his own house and Brenda would want him home with her. Still, it would have been nice if they were over watching a movie. Dev almost left and went to Bryan’s house to chat, but that meant disturbing Bryan and Brenda and it was late. He could talk to his best friend tomorrow. He could handle Jess and Kenny tonight. Besides, he might be able to avoid them altogether.
Dev tried to be quiet, but not so quiet he could be accused of being sneaky, as he parked and walked to the back door. Flynn was in the kitchen and he hurried past him and downstairs to the basement before his stepfather tried to engage him in conversation.
Kenny and Jess sat in the basement and Dev paused on the bottom step when he saw them there. They were watching TV, a seemingly innocent act, but Dev knew they were waiting for him.
“So how’d the date with Little Miss Walking Dead go?” Jess asked.
“Get bent.” Dev walked past them to his room without a glance. He closed the door behind him, and sat at his desk. Above his computer, a picture of Lindsay and Becky at the skateboard park caught his eye. Lindsay in her goth makeup. He already wished he had a picture of her in pink instead of black. Dev was still staring at the picture wistfully when Jess walked in without knocking, Kenny on his heels.
“Flynn’s making popcorn and Sophie wants to watch a movie,” Kenny said. “I think she’s excited summer’s here and Flynn relaxed her bedtime. She’s working her way through the James Bond series.”
“What’s she up to?” Dev asked, only half-interested.
“Roger Moore,” Kenny answered.
“Let me know when she hits Pierce Brosnan.”
Kenny nodded. He gestured to the picture of Lindsay and Becky. “How’d it go with Lin?”
Dev hesitated a fraction of a second too long. “Good.”
“That was a great answer,” Kenny said with false enthusiasm. The smile vanished from his face. “Now I’d like the truth.”
Dev gave him a blank stare.
“You’re hiding something. I’d like to know what.”
> Dev shook his head. There was no way he was having this conversation with Kenny and Jess. Kenny seemed to understand his hesitation, he turned to Jess. “Take a hike.”
“What?” Jess asked.
“He’s not talking with you here, scram,” Kenny said.
Jess scowled at Dev and left, closing the door behind him. Kenny turned his attention back to Dev. “Fine, we’re alone. Now, what happened?”
“What on God’s green earth makes you think I’d tell you?” Dev asked.
“So something did happen? I thought so. Your posture and behavior screamed something was wrong. Something’s on your mind, and we can’t afford that right now. We’re leaving to finish the final stages for tour prep in two weeks. Less than two weeks. Relationship issues need to be worked out before then. Knowing Lindsay, it could take some time. I’d like to get started now.”
“Fuck you.” Dev rarely swore, so the words felt unfamiliar on his lips. It was the appropriate response, however, and he refused to feel guilty.
Kenny leaned against Dev’s bunk beds and watched him. Dev’s eyes glanced back to the picture of Lindsay on his wall, then he tore his eyes away, not wanting Kenny to read anything into it.
“I suppose I could ask Bryan.”
“Bryan doesn’t know.”
“Are you sure?”
Dev laughed. “Pretty sure, but you’re welcome to try. Go for it, just get out. I’d like to write some poetry while it’s on my mind.”
Kenny opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to think better of it. Dev’s gamble paid off, Kenny left.
As soon as the door closed, Dev opened the laptop on his desk and brought up a program he hadn’t used in a long time. He trusted nothing had changed while he was gone.
A window opened, offering a list of microphones to choose from. Pulling a set of headphones from a desk drawer, Dev plugged them in and selected a microphone. The sound quality was still reasonably good, meaning no one covered up the tiny bug he planted in the rec room downstairs.
