The Rude and Ridiculous Royals of Classroom 13
Page 5
William nodded yes. He also made a promise to himself to always wash his hands.
CHAPTER 27
Ximena
Ximena adjusted the crown on her head, then announced, “I want a royal wedding!” It wasn’t exactly a “law,” but Ximena was queen and that’s what she wanted. So she got it.
Everyone everywhere agreed that royal weddings were wonderfully fun. All citizens were given the day off so they could throw their own royal-wedding-watching parties or come see the festivities in person.
As the morning arrived, every channel in the kingdom was broadcasting the ceremony. It was the biggest televised event since… well, ever.
Reporters tried to guess who the lucky husband-to-be was. There were lots of hunches. When asked, all the kings and queens of Classroom 13 had different opinions. Ava thought it would be “a YouTube celebrity famous for, you know, stuff.” Preeya wanted it to be “an attractive prince, of course!” Sophia hoped he would be “a rich aristocrat with an air of mystery.” Liam guessed, “A toad—but like an actual toad, not a prince in disguise.” (Oh, Liam.) Isabella suggested, “A dark and handsome cowboy.” Mark said, “A dark and handsome cowboy,” and then he blushed.
When the music began, Ximena walked out in the most beautiful white dress you’ve ever seen. Her family was moved to tears. “Such a beautiful bride,” they all cried. She walked down the aisle as white rose petals fluttered down from above. It was like something out of a fairy tale. There was only one problem.
“Uh… where’s the groom?” the officiant asked the bride.
Ximena scrunched up her face and said, “Ew! I’m too young to get actually married. I just wanted a royal wedding and a royal dress and a royal wedding cake. Is that so wrong?”
The nation felt bamboozled. (That’s a fancy word that means fooled or tricked.) That is, until they tasted the cake. Ximena made sure everyone in the country got a slice. It was the best cake anyone had ever had.
CHAPTER 28
Yuna
Yuna did not want to be the queen.
She wanted to be the queen’s spy.
So when it was her turn to become queen, Yuna gave herself a super top secret spy mission. (She—of course—gave it to herself in code.) After the mission was made official, Yuna demoted herself from world leader to secret agent.
Her mission was this:
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CHAPTER 29
Zoey
Zoey’s last name was Zucchini, but she wasn’t green. She was actually bright red—thanks to a terrible sunburn. Zoey was one of those unlucky people with fair skin that burns instantly if she doesn’t slather herself in sunscreen and hide in the shade.
Unfortunately her dad chose a beach vacation, and Zoey fell asleep in the sun. Four hours, and Zoey was as burnt as toast. Zoey hated the sun.
“You burned me on purpose!” she screamed at the sun. It didn’t say anything. Because, you know, it’s the sun. And it doesn’t speak. Still, Zoey took the sun’s silence as being rude, and she vowed revenge.
So, when she became queen, she did what any rational sun-hating queen would do: She soothed her sunburn with aloe vera and said, “I royally command that the sun be made illegal!”
You read that right. Zoey wanted the sun gone, and she didn’t care how. But her royal advisors and the royal scientists and even the royal army said they couldn’t help her. So she went to 13. “You have magical powers or something, right? Can you make the sun disappear from the sky forever?”
“I could, but that’d be really bad because of gravity and the planets and stuff.”
“Well, could you make sunlight go away?”
“I can do that, too, but people need the sun. So do plants. The whole world kind of needs it to make everything work. Plus, people are finally using solar energy, and that’s good for the planet.”
Zoey pitched a tantrum. “Just do it, 13! Use those magic lips to make an eclipse. Or else!” Zoey raised her fist like she was going to hit 13.
13 had never been hit before. The threat of violence was pretty scary. So without thinking further, 13 just did it.
Right then and there, at just a few minutes after noon, the moon moved in front of the sun, and the nation was suddenly covered in complete darkness.
At first, people thought it was cool. Schoolchildren everywhere rushed to make those eclipse-watching thingies out of cereal boxes and foil and tape. (Why? Because you’re not supposed to look directly at an eclipse, silly. It’s really bad for your eyes. I’m serious! Look it up.)
Farmers worried about their crops. They asked, “How will I grow my corn?”
Sailors lost their way in the water. They cried, “How will we find our way home?” (With a compass, you silly gooses.)
But all the vampires cheered for the twenty-four-hour darkness! They said, “How will we decide who to bite first? Woo-hoo! Let’s party!”
Vampires overran the whole country.
And the citizens of the queens and kings of Classroom 13? Well, they’d had enough. It was time for a revolution.
What’s a rev-o-lu-tion? It’s an instance of revolt. Or in this case, a forcible overthrow of the government. They were going to get rid of the queens and kings of Classroom 13.…
CHAPTER 30
The Former Kings and Queens of Classroom 13
All the kings and queens were sitting around in their throne room, taking a break from weeks of making laws. (It was exhausting work.) Suddenly, they heard loud noises coming from outside the castle. Mark looked out the window. “Uh-oh. That doesn’t look good.”
“What?” Preeya asked.
“There’s an angry mob outside chanting, ‘Down with crazy kings and kooky queens! Down with ridiculous royalty! Off with their heads!’”
The kids all ran to the windows to see for themselves. Tens of thousands of people were gathered outside the castle with pitchforks and torches.
“What are those pitchforks for?” Emma asked.
“Maybe they’re here to garden,” Mason said.
“We’re not here to garden!” one protester shouted back. “We’re here to take away your crowns and fix the nation!”
Another protester added: “Yeah! There’s horse poop everywhere—”
Another protestor added, “Underage drivers crashing into everything!”
Even Liam’s grandmum was in the crowd. She threw a tomato at her grandson. “I saw Liam’s exposed bottom—despicable!”
“You got rid of sunlight! No one can see anything or get a sweet summer tan! And there are vampires everywhere!” another protestor shouted. “You are all, by far, the worst rulers in the history of humanity!”
Mason recognized this woman. “Mom? Stop it! You’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!”
His mom waved. “After I dethrone you, let’s go get some ice cream, okay?” Then she went back to shouting mean stuff and angrily waving her torch.
The kids all looked at one another with worry. Gulp!
“Well, students, I suppose this little educational experiment is over. We should probably get back to school,” Ms. Linda said. “What do you think, Mandy?”
“Moooo!” Touchdown the teacher’s assistant said.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Ms. Linda noted. She’d never had such a wonderful teacher’s aide before. “I’m thinking of hiring you full-time,” she told the cow.
“Moooooo,” Touchdown the teacher’s assistant said.
“You heard Mandy—back on the bus! The field trip is over!” Ms. Linda started collecting crowns. “And, 13, please put everything back the way it was.”
“Can I keep the mopping law?”
“No, 13.”
“Okay, Ms. Linda.” 13 snapped its fingers and magically undid all the chaos. The sun was no longer eclipsed. All the horse poop vanished, replaced by smog from cars. Liam got his butt cheeks back, and Liam’s crocodile went back to the wild. 13 fixed all the chaos that the Classroom 13 students had created. The damage was undone.
The vampires were super bummed out. “The sun is out again? Boo! Hiss!”
And citizens were happy once again. Well, not happy exactly. I mean, the government isn’t exactly perfect—but what is?
During the long bus ride back, the students were all chatting about what they’d done. Some, like Sophia, were proud of their royal accomplishments. “We planted a ton of new trees!”
“And we gave people free health care!” Santiago said from his quarantine bubble.
Others felt bad for the way they’d ruled. Teo said, “I’m gonna have R-rated nightmares for the rest of my life.”
Preeya admitted, “I could have made the world a better place—if only I’d made my reign as queen last forever.”
Ms. Linda sat back, almost proud. None of the students were on the phone. Instead, they were all talking about government and law making. Maybe they would really learn something. She got so excited that she broke up the conversation by asking, “What did everyone learn today?”
A hush fell over the bus.
Crickets.
(Which is a funny way of saying total silence.)
Finally, Mason raised a hand.
Ms. Linda called on him: “Yes, Mason—”
“I learned that tomorrow is Taco Tuesday.”
“Tomorrow’s Wednesday, bro,” Mark corrected him. “Wednesday comes after Tuesday.”
“Oh. Okay,” Mason said. “There you go. I just learned Wednesday comes after Tuesday.”
Ms. Linda sighed. “Well, at least that’s something.”
CHAPTER 31
Your Chapter
Grab some paper and a writing utensil. (Not a banana, silly. Try a pencil or pen.) Or if you have one of those fancy computer doohickeys, use that. Now, tell me…
If YOU were king or queen, what laws would you make—or break?
When you’re done writing your chapter, share it with your teacher and your family, and, of course, your friends. (Don’t forget your pets. Pets like to hear stories, too, you know.)
And if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, send your story to the author. He’ll get a kick out of them. (No, really, I’ll give him a kick. Honestly. Wait… I’m the author, so I would have to kick myself. Never mind. No kicks. But send me your stories.)
HONEST LEE
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