by Maya Banks
She took breakfast in the garden, determined to calm her nerves and enjoy the morning sun and the multitude of fragrant blossoms her mother had lovingly planted. Unlike many, they owned their London townhouse. Most of the ton rented a house for the season, but Penbury Two, as the family liked to call it, had been in the family for over a hundred years.
After she ate, she opened the book she’d chosen and began reading, losing herself in pages devoted to the Egyptian pyramids and the ancient Pharaohs. Imagining her and Gray experiencing them together.
A few hours later Quinn and Sebastian ambled out into the garden and sat down across from her at the small breakfast table. “Good morning,” she greeted, looking up from her book.
“Good morning,” they returned.
“How was the gaming hell?” she asked innocently.
Sebastian arched an eyebrow. “What do you know about a gaming hell?”
“Quinn told me you were going last night.”
“Quinn needs to be more discreet in the future,” Sebastian said dryly. “Gaming hells aren’t proper conversation for a lady.”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “You’ve become such a bore, Sebastian. Now are you going to tell me about your evening?”
“No.”
“Yes,” Quinn said at the same time.
She laughed. “Well which is it?”
“I went to Vauxhall with friends,” Quinn said.
“Vauxhall? And here I thought you were going wenching and gaming.”
“Jenna,” Sebastian said in a warning voice.
She and Quinn ignored him. “Ahh yes, well, Sebastian decided against such noble pursuits. He went to see his mistress instead.”
“Bloody hell, Quinn! Mind your tongue.”
Jenna dissolved into giggles. “Mistress? Oh my. And here I thought you stuffy. And watch your tongue, brother dear. You are a bad influence on me.”
“The two of you are insufferable,” Sebastian growled.
“So tell me about this mistress of yours,” Jenna cajoled.
“When the Thames freezes over again, and we all know that isn’t going to happen.”
“Is she very beautiful?” she asked Quinn, blithely ignoring the scowl on Sebastian’s face.
“If you say a word, I’ll stuff your tongue down your throat,” Sebastian threatened.
“Never mind,” she said with wink. “You can tell me later.” She sat back, fighting a smile. So, stuffy Sebastian had a mistress. Suddenly she didn’t feel so guilty for her nightly excursions. If he could take a mistress, there was certainly no reason she couldn’t take a lover. In theory, anyway. She knew Mamma and Papa wouldn’t see it that way. Nor would society.
Thomas stepped out the French doors leading into the garden. “This just came for you, Lord Hembly.” He held out a letter.
Sebastian took the envelope and broke the seal. He quickly scanned the contents. “Mamma and Papa will be returning early,” he announced.
Jenna sat forward. “What? Let me see that.” She snatched it from his hand and read the short letter. It was true. In Mamma’s flowery handwriting, she informed her children that she and the earl would be returning earlier than expected. That meant they could return at any time. No date was given.
She let the letter fall and tried to compose her raging emotions. “How wonderful,” she said faintly. “I’ve missed them.”
“Yes, it will be wonderful to have them home,” Sebastian said, relief evident on his face.
No doubt he looked forward to relinquishing his responsibilities as the head of the family. Jenna sank back into her chair, her mind a whirl of conflicting thoughts. She had to think. Alone.
Pasting a bright smile on her face, she stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I am going to speak to cook about a special menu for Mamma and Papa’s return.”
“Excellent idea,” Sebastian spoke up.
But Quinn regarded her in silence, his brow furrowed. She hurried away, anxious to be free from his scrutiny. So her excuse wasn’t a complete lie, she stopped off in the kitchens and informed the cook that the earl and countess would be arriving early and to please have on hand the necessary ingredients for the earl’s favorite meal and the countess’s favorite dessert.
As she exited, she nearly ran into Quinn. He caught her arm, searching her face intently. “What’s wrong, Jenna? You didn’t seem overly happy that Mamma and Papa are returning.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “No, I’ve missed them both.” Frantically she searched for something to say to wipe the disbelief from his face. “It’s just that when they return, my time in London will be at an end. And then I must marry Stuart.”
Quinn’s eyes softened in sympathy, and he squeezed her arm. “Perhaps you should go out and have a little fun before they arrive.”
She looked at him in surprise and smiled. “Why Quinn, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
“I don’t see why you shouldn’t attend a ball or two before they return. Without Stuart, of course. But no reason you shouldn’t have a bit of entertainment before Mamma and Papa come home. I’ve noticed you haven’t been going out much in the past several days. No sense moping around the house.”
If he only knew. A pang of guilt surged over her. It had taken a lot not to confide in him. She had never kept any secrets from him, but this wasn’t just any secret. “Perhaps you are right. I may just attend Lady Dunning’s ball tomorrow night.” She didn’t add that she’d need the distraction since tonight would be her last night in Gray’s arms.
“I’ll smooth things over with Sebastian and Stuart. Promise. I don’t think the world will come to an end if you attend a ball without them. I will volunteer to escort you so that you are adequately chaperoned, but I will make it a point to remain out of sight.”
“You’re a dear,” she said kissing his cheek. “And the best brother I could ask for.” She smiled at him and walked toward the stairs, anxious to get to her room so she could sort out the latest upheaval in her life.
She paced back and forth in front of her bed. She’d never felt so trapped in her life. A sick feeling rolled in the pit of her stomach. Her two worlds were on an inevitable collision course. One she must prevent.
Dropping to the bed, she covered her face with her hands. She was out of time. And now, more than she hated the idea of marrying Stuart, she hated the idea of never seeing Gray again. Of never lying in his arms.
She loved him.
Hot tears ran down her cheeks. God, she loved him. How could she let him go? What had started as an affair had turned into a deep friendship and an even deeper love. There must be something she could do.
She stood up and walked to the window, staring aimlessly out at the garden below. There had to be a way of extricating herself from this mess without disappointing her family. Without them ever knowing what she had done. Engagements were dissolved all the time. Would it be the end of the world if hers went by the wayside?
She gnawed at her lip, her consternation growing with each rapid breath. If Stuart cried off the marriage, her parents could hardly object. But what would make him take such a drastic measure?
Disappointment lay heavy on her heart. She could think of no excuse, no solid reason for their marriage not to go forth. At least not in Stuart’s eyes.
Except her affair.
She turned away from the window and leaned against the sill. If he knew about her affair, there was no way he would consent to the marriage. He’d likely suffer an attack of the vapors and take to his bed for a week. Not to mention spread the news of her perfidy far and wide.
With a frown, she shook her head. Stuart may be a lot of things, but malicious wasn’t one of them. She could not believe that the boy she had grown up with would purposely destroy her for the sake of revenge. But was she willing to wager everything on that belief? Because if she was wrong, her entire world would come crashing down on her like a house of cards.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Stuart’s reaction. Despite the levity of her mood, a smile curved her lips. As prone to theatrics as Stuart was, this could be more dramatic than an evening at the opera. But when he was over the initial shock, she would simply implore him to keep her secret. He had never been able to resist her pleading when they were children. She had to hope that carried over into their adulthood.
But did she have the courage to confess what she had spent countless hours trying to hide? Indecision warred within her. Then, curling her hands into fists, she took a deep breath and nodded. Yes, she did. She would go to Stuart and confess her affair. Give him the opportunity to cry off. Once he dissolved the engagement, she would have to tell her parents. Not a duty she relished, but she would do it. She had to.
She hurried over to her dressing table and checked her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, her skin blotchy from crying. She poured water into the washbasin and splashed cool water over her cheeks. When she was satisfied that she didn’t look a fright, she changed into a sprig muslin day dress and hurried down the stairs.
She waited on the doorstep for the carriage to come around then hurried out when it arrived. Praying that Stuart was home, she gave his direction to the driver and sat back to ponder what she would say.
By the time the carriage stopped in front of Stuart’s townhouse, she’d nearly made herself sick with anxiety. Her palms were damp, and she wiped them on the seats before stepping down onto the street. Her feet felt lead-filled as she forced herself up the walkway to the door.
She paused, staring at the knocker, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Papa,” she whispered. With hardened resolve, she opened her eyes and knocked firmly on the door.
The butler opened the door seconds later and Jenna cleared her throat. “Would you kindly inform Mr. Eglin that his fiancée is here to see him?”
The butler bowed and gestured her inside. “Right this way, my lady.” He led her into the expansive drawing room. “I’ll summon Mr. Eglin at once.”
Jenna paced restlessly in front of the large window that faced the street. He must hurry before she lost her nerve. Her head snapped up when she heard approaching footsteps.
Stuart swept into the room, his welcoming smile in direct contradiction to the puzzlement in his eyes. “Jenna, how marvelous to see you. What brings you here this afternoon?”
For a brief instant she was swayed from her mission. Stuart looked so...so normal today. He was attired in a simple pair of tan breeches with a white shirt and tan waistcoat. Even his boots were staid and dull.
He crossed the room to stand in front of her. And he didn’t look overly thrilled to see her. Maybe she’d come before he could complete his toilette. She fought the grin that threatened her lips and focused back on her objective.
“Is your father at home?” she asked.
“No, he’s at the club, shall I summon him home?”
“No, no,” she said much too quickly. “That is, I needed to speak to you...privately.”
He gestured for her to sit down, but she shook her head. “I’d prefer to stand.”
“Very well,” he said opting to remain standing as well. Ever the consummate gentleman.
“Stuart, I...I have something to tell you.” She broke off, looking away briefly. She hadn’t imagined it to be so difficult to tell him. But memories of them as children, her tagging along behind him and Sebastian, him always having a smile and a kind word for her filtered through a heavy fog of guilt. But it was those same memories that convinced her he would not turn on her and betray her secret.
“What is it?” he asked in a soft voice. A voice completely devoid of the nasal whine he’d long since adopted.
“I can’t marry you,” she blurted out.
“I beg pardon?”
“I’m having an affair.” Shame coursed through her, but she willed herself to look him dead on.
To his credit, he didn’t so much as flinch. “I see.” He turned away from her and walked to the liquor cabinet.
She rushed on before he could respond further. “I understand if you no longer wish to marry me. I will accept full responsibility.”
There was a long pause as he poured brandy from the decanter. Grasping the glass in his hand he turned back around to face her and raised the drink to his lips. He drained the glass then pinned her with a stare, one that made her uncomfortable. “Why?”
Heat crept up her neck and infused her cheeks. She hadn’t counted on him asking why. Clearing her throat, she twisted her hands nervously, wondering what exactly to tell him. Deciding the best approach would be one that made him more than willing to dissolve their engagement, she opted for complete honesty.
“I wanted to experience what I thought to never experience with...you.” She watched him closely for his reaction to her blunt statement, but he remained silent. A slight flicker sparked his eyes but was gone in a flash.
She pressed the issue again. “I am sure you have no wish to continue with our engagement.” He was close to acquiescing, she could sense it. Uncertainty reflected in his face and she silently said a prayer that he’d say the words she most wanted to hear. But her prayer went unheeded as he spoke next.
“Don’t be silly, my dear.” The affectation was back. “I can only imagine the stress you’ve been under.” He clucked in sympathy. “I forgive you, Jenna.”
What? No! This was not supposed to happen. “But, Stuart, I’ve been unfaithful. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Surely you have no wish to marry someone who has betrayed you in such a fashion.” She was pleading, but she didn’t care. This was too important to conserve her pride over. She’d beg if she had to.
“Nonsense. That is completely unnecessary. I’ve no doubt you are truly regretful. And you’ll make a fine viscountess. I see no reason to dissolve the arrangement our fathers made.”
“I have no regrets.” She struggled to keep the anger from her voice, from her face. Had she done this for naught? He acted as if she’d just told him she spent too much money, not that she’d had an affair. What was wrong with him? Did he really not care? Or was he trying to drive her mad?
He rushed over and took up her hand, holding it over his chest. “We are all weak. Don’t feel badly because you succumbed to pleasures of the flesh. I don’t think any less of you. In fact, I admire you for being so honest. You are truly an exceptional woman.”
She was speechless. Nothing could have prepared her for this most unexpected reaction. Was he a complete idiot? “I don’t believe this,” she muttered.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said in a nauseatingly sweet voice.
“You mean to tell me that you don’t care that I’ve been intimate with another man?” She couldn’t keep the incredulity from her voice. “Would you feel the same way were I to take a lover after we are married?”
He led her over to the settee and sat down beside her. “We’ve never discussed our marriage so I guess this is a good a time as any. All I require is an heir. So, of course, I would expect you to remain faithful until that is accomplished. But afterwards...if you should choose to take a lover, I shan’t try to stop you.”
Was this actually happening? Was she sitting here in Stuart’s drawing room casually discussing her taking a lover? But worse, he hadn’t wanted to cry off the marriage. She was well and truly stuck. He was her only chance to end the engagement. And he’d failed miserably.
“I’ve got to go,” she mumbled, standing up.
“You can count on me to keep this conversation in confidence,” he said as if she should be grateful.
She didn’t respond, but fled from the room. Launching herself into the carriage she called out, “Home!” Tears ran down her cheeks before they were fully away from his house. The houses blurred in the window of the carriage as the tears fell more freely.
Tonight would indeed be her last night with Gray.
Her shoulders began to s
hake as sobs came welling out. Somehow she didn’t see Gray being content to wait until she’d provided an heir for Stuart. And she couldn’t envision taking a lover after she’d said her marriage vows.
Hopelessness surrounded her, and she felt more desolate than she’d ever felt in her life. How could she let go of him? How could she say goodbye?
Chapter Twenty
Determined not to ruin the first moments of their meeting with the news that this would be their last, Jenna trudged up the stairs, a smile pasted on her face. Her brothers had gone out for the evening, so she had left the house with no fear of discovery. She had spent the afternoon staring aimlessly out over the well-manicured shrubs. Dreading the night to come.
Now she stood poised to go into Gray’s bedroom for the last time. Her chest ached with sadness, and she had to work to keep the tears from forming. Gaining control over her emotions, she pushed open the door and entered.
Gray was standing at the window where he’d likely watched her pull up and turned when he heard her come in. His welcoming smile was nearly her undoing.
She walked into his arms, burrowing her head into his chest. He pulled her away, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her long and hard. She returned his kisses with ferocity born of utter despair. Her fingers wrapped into his hair, pulling him down to her, her lips moving over his with increasing passion. “Love me,” she whispered.
He swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed, following her onto it, pulling frantically at their clothing. The rapid sounds of their breathing filled the room. Finally she was free of her dress, and she worked his trousers down his legs. He kicked them off and pressed his hard chest to the soft curves of her body.
Her nails scoured his back and tangled in his hair. Danced over the rippling muscles of his back down to his firm buttocks. She slid her legs sensuously up his, her body writhing beneath his heated skin.
