by Maya Banks
He parted her thighs and she wrapped her legs around his waist, arching forward, needing him, wanting him inside her. His hardness slid between the soft folds of her femininity seeking entrance to her depths. “Please,” she pleaded.
With deliberate slowness, he sank into her inch by agonizing inch. She’d never felt so full as she did now. She could feel him in the deepest recesses of her soul. When he was fully seated within her, he paused and looked deeply into her eyes. “Come with me, Jenna. Ride the tide until it returns to the sea.”
She saw the ocean mirrored in his smoky depths, saw all the dreams she’d ever dreamed, the pyramids of Giza, the sunset over the Taj Mahal, all the things, like him, she’d never have. Tears spilled over the rims of her eyes, leaving a single trail of pain down her cheek.
With a tender finger, he wiped away the dampness then kissed each lid. He began moving within her, at first slowly, then faster, with more urgency. She matched his rhythm, meeting each thrust with the arch of her hips.
She memorized every nuance of his face, the dips and hollows of his body, burning his imprint on her brain, determined to remember this night always.
As she neared the precipice, she wavered, balanced on the edge of something truly wonderful. She imagined she heard him say I love you, and catapulted into oblivion. Her tears mixed with their cries of joy. Softly she floated down from the heights they’d climbed. Back to reality.
She cuddled against his broad chest and he tucked her head under his chin. A long moment of silence settled over them then Gray whispered against the top of her head, “It’s time, isn’t it?”
She nodded, the knot in her throat too large for her to speak. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. “Tonight is ours then.”
How she loved him. Her heart ached with the depth of her feelings for him. If only telling him would dissolve all the obstacles standing before them. But it wouldn’t. It would only further complicate an already emotional farewell. It wouldn’t be fair to burden him with her heartache.
“Tell me more of your travels,” she murmured against his chest. If she couldn’t visit any of the places she loved to read about so much, she’d let him take her there with the soothing timbre of his voice.
“Four years ago, I booked passage aboard a ship bearing supplies to the soldiers in the colonies. I was restless, wanted something though I had little idea what it was at the time.”
He shifted beside her, turning over onto his back and pulling her into the crook of his arm. “Our ship overtook an Italian vessel that was suspected of being an American spy ship. Of course it turned out to be nothing more than an explorer on his way to chart unexplored islands in the Pacific. The captain was English and offered to let me go with him after I had expressed interest.
“We spent a year navigating around small, uninhabited islands, well, at least some of them were. We met up with some rather interesting native life on a few.”
“How exciting,” she exclaimed. “Were you ever in any danger?”
“Other than a preliminary fear of running across a tribe of cannibals, we were more eager than afraid. The islands were more beautiful than I had imagined a place could be. And for the most part, the natives were friendly and welcoming.”
“It must have been such an exciting adventure,” she said wistfully. “I’ve always wanted to go swimming in the ocean.” She finished with a laugh. “I suppose the first order of business would be to learn to swim.”
“You don’t know how to swim?”
“And where would I have learned this most important ability?”
“Sarcastic wench,” he said with a chuckle. “I can well imagine the need for ladies to learn to swim.”
“Some do. I have a friend back home in Westerleigh who sneaks out to the pond on her family’s estate and swims when no one is around. I can only imagine the scandal were someone to discover her swimming in her unmentionables.”
“Surely the world would come to an end.”
She giggled. “Now who is being sarcastic?”
He smacked her lightly on her bare bottom. “Would you like something to eat? I can have a tray brought up, and we can eat in front of the fire.”
“Sounds lovely. I didn’t eat dinner,” she admitted.
“Why not?”
“Too many other things on my mind.”
He nodded in understanding. “Well we can’t have you starve.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked nude over to the bellrope. When Masterson appeared at the door moments later, Gray requested a tray of food be brought up immediately.
While they waited, he arranged pillows in front of the fire and beckoned her over. She slid from the covers and padded over to sit beside him. Moments later a knock sounded at the door and Gray walked over to retrieve the tray of food.
He set it in front of them and settled back down beside her. They sat cross-legged eating in silence. Jenna stared into the fire, unable to think beyond the fact that this would be the last time she enjoyed his companionship. She looked down at the tart in her hand, tears splashing onto her wrist.
His hand cupped the side of her head and pulled her to his chest. She dropped the tart onto the platter and wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t want to go,” she whispered.
“And I don’t want you to go.”
Ask me to stay, she silently pleaded. But he didn’t. She knew he wouldn’t, and she couldn’t even if he did. “How much longer do we have?”
“A few hours yet,” he replied. “Don’t worry about the time. Let’s enjoy the present. I won’t let you leave late.”
She snuggled further into his arms forgetting about the food in front of them. “I want you to know something, Gray.”
“What’s that?” he asked softly.
“You are the dearest friend I ever hope to have.” She pulled away and sat up to look him in the eye. “I know that sounds so ridiculous, but it’s true. I don’t want you to think that I only came to you because of our original agreement.” Her face grew hot as her awkwardness grew.
“I know what you mean. You needn’t explain yourself.” He cupped her chin rubbing his thumb over the curve of her cheek. “I too have enjoyed our companionship in a way I never dreamed possible. You are a very special woman, Jenna. I don’t hold hope of ever meeting a woman of your equal.”
She got up on her knees so that she was on eye level with him. She placed her hands on either side of his face, her fingers splaying out over his cheekbones. Lowering her mouth to his, she kissed him. Tentatively at first, but with more demand as she gained confidence in what she had decided to do.
This last time they would be together, she wanted to love him, to show him the depth of her feeling. Pressing on his chest, she pushed him down to the pillow. Her tongue tangled with his, and her hair fell over his chest in a silken curtain.
She rained a trail of kisses from his neck, over his chest, licking and nipping at the firm contours. Already he was hard against her belly, proof that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. She kissed the skin just above the nest of curls at the base of his manhood, and he arched convulsively against her.
The tips of her breasts brushed against his thighs as she raised her head over his erection. Slowly, gently, she took him in her mouth, loving him, caressing him with her tongue. Her need was fast overcoming her. She raised her head and looked into Gray’s smoldering eyes. “I want you inside me.”
With a growl to rival any lion, he raised up and bore her to the floor. He parted her legs and was inside her in one hard thrust. She moaned and wrapped her legs around him, trapping him against her.
“Tonight, my love, I am going to teach you more about passion than you ever dreamed.”
She shivered, nearly sent straight over the edge by his whispered promise.
Abruptly, he withdrew, leaving her bereft. Then his fingers found the spot between her legs that pulsed with need. With his chest, he pushed her legs back,
her knees doubling. He continued to manipulate her with his fingers until she was convulsing beneath him.
With her knees pressed firmly against her chest, he plunged within her again making her gasp as he reached further into her than she thought possible. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he pressed firmly against her feet with his chest and thrust again.
He touched spots that she didn’t dream existed as he strained against her, planting himself further into her being. She would die if she didn’t gain release from the unbearable pressure that was building. He inserted his hand between them, reaching down and brushing his thumb over her quivering bud as he thrust forward again. It was more than she could withstand.
She screamed his name as she broke into a thousand pieces. But he didn’t stop. She writhed beneath him in agony of pleasure, begging him to stop, begging him to never stop. Impossibly, she began a slow climb as he continued to torment her with his hands and with his body.
His pace increased, rocking her body forward as he continued to thrust into her. “Oh God, Gray, I can’t...”
“Yes, you can. Let it happen. Don’t fight it.”
She let go. He plunged within her one last time and rolled the tips of her breasts between his fingers. Flashes of color shot across her vision, and she feared she’d lose consciousness. The most exquisite pleasure she’d ever experienced in her life infiltrated every pore of her body.
She no longer felt the hardness of the floor beneath her, or his weight over her. She was floating on a cloud, weightless, euphoric. His weight settled over her, a comforting blanket over her shaking body.
She wrapped her arms around him, not wanting him to move off of her. They stayed that way, bodies entangled, one taking up where the other left off. Their hearts beat in a steady rhythm, counting down the remaining minutes they had together.
Finally he eased from her, rolling to the side, taking her with him. Their damp bodies glistened in the light of the fire, the flames seemingly dancing on their bare skin. Would that she could stop time.
A distant clock chimed the hour. Funny, she’d never taken notice of it before. But now it echoed harshly in her ears, a reminder that daybreak was coming. She resisted the urge to pull a pillow over her ears and hide from reality.
“It’s time,” he said needlessly.
“I know.” She choked back the sobs, holding her breath in an effort to stay calm.
He helped her up and she slowly pulled her dress back over her head. As always, he buttoned the back, but it seemed he did it in record time because all too soon she stood before him fully clothed, waiting to kiss him goodbye for the last time.
“Promise me you’ll be happy,” he said looking at her with bleak eyes.
She wanted to laugh, cry. How could she be happy? But she did none of those things. She nodded. “I promise.”
“Goodbye, Jenna. You’ve spread your sunshine in places that haven’t seen the light in more years than I care to think about. I’ll never forget our nights together.”
“Oh Gray,” she whispered. She threw herself into his arms holding onto him as tightly as she could. She flinched when Masterson knocked at the door and informed them the carriage was ready. She looked up into his eyes, but it was more than she could bear. Breaking from him, she ran to the door and down the stairs, great sobs overcoming her as she fled to the carriage.
She wasn’t cognizant of the ride home, her despair too great. Her head ached from the tears she shed, but her heart ached even more, felt hollow, empty.
When the carriage stopped she sat there for a moment, staring dully ahead. “My lady?” The outrider’s concerned voice sounded from the open door.
Shaking her reverie, she descended the steps and walked the remaining distance to her house feeling the weight of unhappiness burdening her shoulders.
She let herself in, closing the door with a soft click behind her. The silence of the house was deafening. The soft sounds of her feet echoed through the foyer as she walked, head down, toward the stairs. She stopped when her eyes lighted on two sets of boots on the bottom steps.
Dread clenched her chest. No, not now. Not when it didn’t matter anymore. Her eyes drifted up to the unsmiling faces of her brothers.
“What have you done?” Sebastian demanded in a horrified voice.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jenna’s back stiffened and her chin went up. The moment she had dreaded from the beginning had come. But instead of the nauseating fear she’d imagined, anger bubbled up within her until she threatened to explode.
“I have no wish to speak to you right now,” she said through gritted teeth. “I am on my way to bed.”
“From the looks of you that is where you just came from,” Sebastian said in a dangerously low voice.
Her glance flitted over to Quinn who had remained silent. His eyes reflected hurt and worse, disappointment. “I refuse to stand here while you castigate me. If you won’t let me go up to my room, then I am going into the drawing room.”
She turned and stalked to the drawing room door, but Sebastian’s hand gripped her elbow. “I demand an explanation, Jenna. Where have you been and more importantly who have you been with?”
She yanked her arm from his and sat down in an armchair. “That is none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t!”
“Jenna, you owe us, me, an explanation,” Quinn said quietly.
“I fail to see why it matters,” she said bitterly. “I am doing my duty. I’m marrying Stuart and producing the necessary heir.”
“I hardly think he will want to marry you now,” Sebastian said in disgust.
“Oh yes, he does,” she retorted. “He knows about my affair, and he doesn’t care. He still wants the marriage to go forward.”
“Affair?” Sebastian’s face grew stormy. He was angrier than she’d ever seen him before. “How does he know about your affair? And who else knows? My God, you’ve ruined this entire family.”
She saw red and flew out of her seat. “Everything I have ever done has been for this family. Everything. How dare you say that I have ruined it! No one gives a damn that I am dying on the inside. No one gives a damn that I would rather join a convent than marry Stuart. No one asked me what I wanted. I was betrothed to Stuart without anyone so much as asking me what I thought.”
She dashed away the tears that ran freely down her face and raged on. “Do you have any idea how it feels to have your entire future planned for you? No, of course you don’t. You have the luxury of a choice. Sure, you’ll be pressured to marry and provide an heir, but you’ll at least have a say in who you marry.
“And it’s perfectly all right for you to take a mistress, expected even. But I will ruin my entire family if it’s found out I indulged in an affair.”
She turned her back on them, furious at herself for crying in front of them. But months of resentment spilled from her like a knocked over pail of water. Her grief over losing Gray overwhelmed her.
“I asked you how Stuart knows,” Sebastian bit out.
She whirled back around, glaring at him through a sheen of tears. “I told him. I went to him, desperate to try anything to get out of the marriage. I thought if I told him I was having an affair he would want to cry off since God knows Papa would never allow me to. The dolt forgave me.” She laughed humorlessly. “Said he didn’t care. Gave me permission to take a lover once I’d provided an heir.” She stared accusingly at her brothers. “And that’s what you want for me. A man who doesn’t care that I’ve been another man’s lover.” She shook her head in disgust.
“What will Mamma and Papa say?” Sebastian asked in a weary voice.
“I’m beyond caring,” She shrugged. “Why should it matter to me what they think? They were only too willing to consign me to a life of unhappiness. I’m sorry if I can’t conjure genuine regret for disappointing them.”
But even with the false bravado of her words, she was dying on the inside.
Her parents’ inevitable shame in her made her want to weep all over again.
“What’s happened to you, Jenna? I had no idea you were so miserably unhappy. Yes, I knew you didn’t want to marry Stuart, but I never imagined you would go to such lengths. I never imagined you to be so spiteful.”
His words hurt. She looked over at Quinn who stood watching her in silence. The hurt on his face was nearly as stabbing as the thought of Mama and Papa’s reaction. Then she turned back to Sebastian. “Spiteful? How have I acted spitefully? I’ve spent the last two weeks in agony over the possibility of discovery. Of shaming Mamma and Papa. Of letting you and Quinn down. All my life I’ve done everything for my family. Wouldn’t dream of doing anything to dishonor them.
“I did this for me. Not to spite you or anyone else in this family. I wanted a few moments of happiness. Was that too much to ask? I made damn sure no one found out what I was doing. Didn’t flaunt my association to the ton. And all because I cared what everyone thought of my family.”
She was crying in earnest now, barely able to see her brothers through her cloud of tears. “It was all for naught. I wish to God I had never done it. All it’s done is outline in stark detail what I can never have.”
“You’re in love with him,” Quinn said quietly.
Sebastian jerked around. “Love? We don’t even know who this fellow is. How could she be in love with him?”
“I think I know,” Quinn said never taking his eyes from Jenna. “It’s Grayson Douglas isn’t it?”
She saw no need to deny it and nodded, a new round of tears welling in her eyes. “How did you know?”
“I saw the way you looked at him at Lady Lockhart’s ball. And the way he looked at you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me of this?” Sebastian demanded. “No man should have been looking at her that way. Damn it, I am going to kill him.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort,” Jenna retorted.
“He is a bounder, a rake, a complete cad! He took advantage of you, Jenna. You couldn’t possibly have been equipped to deal with a man of his caliber. It’s time someone put a stop to his seducing innocent women.” Sebastian’s face was mottled in anger, his blue eyes sparking.
