Illusive

by Nina Levine

  He screamed in pain – a glorious fucking sound as far as I was concerned – and yelled some obscenity at me. I hardly heard him. Death had come calling and the thirst for blood had overtaken me.

  The thirst for vengeance.

  A chance to right so many wrongs.

  As the adrenalin flowed through my body, and the need for violence overtook me, I fought not to go there – fought not to let the hunger for revenge consume me. I’d never suffered at the hands of a paedophile but I had an extreme level of hate towards anyone who subjected children to that.

  I’ve got ten minutes.

  I need to get out of here.

  I took a few steps back, pointed the gun at his chest and without any further thought or conversation, pulled the trigger. The way his eyes widened with fear and the knowledge he was about to die would stay with me, and I had no issues with that. A small price to pay for ridding the world of another piece of scum.

  As I backed away further, I aimed the gun at his head and fired again. Then, satisfied he’d taken his last breath, I tucked my gun into my jeans, shrugged the backpack off my back and quickly ripped my shirt off. I had another one on underneath it – one that was clean of blood. As I shoved the blood-splattered shirt in my backpack, I began to make my way out of the house. I’d planned to run into more guards, however none bothered me, and I decided Christmas Day was a good day for this type of work.

  Ten minutes later, I was on my way home.

  And Danny had his proof I meant every word I’d said.

  I never made promises I didn’t intend to keep.

  9

  Sophia

  I sat at Josie’s table feeling overwhelmed. In all of my twenty-nine years, I’d never experienced a Christmas Day lunch like the one she’d just given me. And it wasn’t just about the food. Josie had given me the whole package – amazing food, good company, a beautifully decorated table, thoughtful gifts, and friendship and care on a day that was supposed to be all about those things.

  She’d treasured me.

  Tears pricked my eyes, and I blinked rapidly in an attempt to stop them from falling. When I stopped blinking, I looked up to find Josie watching me closely. She smiled at me and nodded.

  She knows what she’s given me.

  I returned her smile before standing and saying, “I’ll be back in a moment.”

  She nodded. “Take your time, dear.”

  Looking around the table at the five other guests, I found them nodding at me, too, with similar expressions on their faces as Josie had on hers. They understood, but of course they did. We were all orphans in one way or another.

  I headed outside to sit on Josie’s verandah, and as I pushed through her front door, Griff came up the front stairs.

  He slowed when he saw me and narrowed his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked, and I heard the concern in his voice.

  I wiped my face; I hadn’t been able to stop the tears once I’d left the table, and they flowed down my face now. Nodding, I assured him, “Yes, I just had a moment, but I’ll be okay in a minute or so.”

  He took another few steps up and a moment later he stood next to me. Good God, he smelt good today – sandalwood and something else, and whatever it was, I wanted to buy it by the dozen. I took in his towel-dried hair, the scruff on his face, his dark grey t-shirt and jeans that hugged his muscles, and aviators, and I felt weak in the knees. The fact he stood so close to me didn’t help, but it did take my mind off how overwhelmed I’d felt right before he arrived.

  “Josie’s something else, isn’t she?” he said in the gentlest voice I’d ever heard from his lips.

  “Yeah, she really is. You’re lucky to have her in your life.”

  “I’ll give you some space,” he said, and took a step towards the door.

  “You don’t have to.”

  He paused, mid-stride. “Yeah, I do.” His eyes were trained on mine, and the way he looked at me gave me shivers.

  He made no sense to me so I simply nodded and let him go.

  I found a chair and sat, letting my thoughts consume me again. Josie had phoned me a couple of days ago and invited me to Christmas lunch. I’d hoped Magan would come with me, but she’d told me she was spending the day with her boyfriend. I’d worked out she spent a lot of time with him, and I only hoped he was a good guy. When I was her age, I’d had terrible taste in guys, and had accepted less than I deserved. Hell, even in my twenties, I still had trouble picking good guys. I was working on that, and had gone on a lot of first dates that didn’t eventuate into anything more.

  Even though Magan hadn’t come today, I’d had a wonderful day with Josie and her friends. They ranged in age from early twenties to possibly late sixties. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d put Josie at about sixty-five.

  “Sophia.” I turned to find Josie watching me from the door. “I’m making tea and coffee, dear. Would you like a drink?”

  I stood and smoothed my dress. “I’ll help you make them.”

  Smiling, she nodded. “Thank you.”

  I followed her into the kitchen and we worked together to make the drinks. When we carried them to the dining table, my gaze met Griff’s briefly. He sat eating the lunch Josie had put aside for him, and as I gave everyone their drinks, I felt his eyes on me, but when I looked back at him, his attention was on his food.

  “Sophia, sit,” Josie said, motioning for me to take the seat next to Griff instead of returning to the kitchen to help her.

  “No, I’ll help you clean up.”

  She tsked me, and Griff chuckled. My head snapped around to look at him. I’d never seen him smile, let alone laugh. He raised his brows. “There’s no point arguing with Josie,” he explained. “No one wins against her.”

  Fixed to the spot, I stared at him like an idiot. He’d surprised the shit out of me when he chuckled.

  He reached for my chair and pulled it out. “Take a seat, woman, and stop staring at me like you’ve just seen a unicorn,” he muttered.

  I did as he said. “Who would have known you had a sense of humour underneath all that?”

  “Underneath all what?” he asked as he finished his lunch, and sat back in his chair.

  I waved my hand at him. “All that armour you wear.”

  “You’d be surprised what shit I’ve got buried underneath all that.” He raised a bottle of beer to his mouth and took a long drink, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “No, I don’t think I would.” At his look of doubt, I continued. “I may not have a clue what it is, but you fascinate me enough to know you’re not a simple man by any stretch of the imagination. I’m fairly sure you’re the most complex man I’ve ever met.”

  “It may seem that way, but when it all boils down, I’m fairly simple.”

  I leant towards him. “Tell me about that. Like, in what way are you simple?” He was deluding himself if he thought he was a simple man. I’d had simple men, and Griff was nowhere near any of them.

  “I’m your average guy, Sophia. I like booze, women, and the occasional fight. Not sure how much more simpler you can get.”

  “I call bullshit. If you were an average guy, you’d have slept with me by now. You’d have sweet talked your way into making me think you were offering me more than a one-night-stand, and you may have even come back for seconds, not even caring that I thought it was headed somewhere. If you were an average guy, you wouldn’t have turned up at my house last night to apologise for being a dick, and you sure as hell wouldn’t have stuck around and shared parts of your life with me after working out there would be no sex on offer. If you were an average guy, you wouldn’t have quietly dealt with the thieving bastard who tried to steal my neighbour’s car, for nothing in return. Don’t kid yourself, Griff, you’re not a simple man. I think you’ve got a lot to offer a woman, and I hope one day you decide to put yourself back out there.” I leant back into my chair and watched as he thought about everything I’d just said. The thing about Griff was that while he wore some of his emotions,
he hid most of them, so I struggled to read him. That both frustrated me and excited me.

  Finally, he said, “You saw that? The thing with the car?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I saw you beat the dude up and threaten him so he’d never come back. I also know that you made him pay the owner for the damage he’d done, and that when my neighbour put the call out in the neighbourhood to give a reward to whoever helped, you never stepped up.”

  “Don’t give me too much credit. I may not have known about that reward.”

  “Something tells me you know everything. I bet Mrs. Jones down the road could sneeze and you’d know.”

  The corners of his lips twitched as if he was about to smile, but he didn’t. Instead, he moved his face closer to mine, and murmured, “Something tells me you’re very good at reading people.”

  I stared at him in silence for a moment. “Everyone but you.”

  His chest rose as he took a deep breath. “You wanna get out of here?”

  My eyes widened. I hadn’t seen that question coming. “Depends where you’re going.”

  “I feel the need for a long ride today.”

  “I’ve never been on a bike and I suck at balance so maybe it’s not the best idea.” Even as the words came out, I felt disappointment move through me. Spending time with Griff today would round out an amazing day.

  He stood and reached for my hand. “You’ll be fine. All you gotta do is hold on tight.”

  With slight hesitation, I placed my hand in his and let him pull me up. “Let the record show, I’m still not convinced. You can’t get upset with me if I fall off.”

  “Sweetheart, the only person I’d get upset with if you fall off is myself. Trust me when I say, I’m not going to let you do that.”

  Josie appeared in front of us, her eyes betraying their excitement to see Griff and I talking. “Are you two leaving?”

  Griff shook his head and swore under his breath. “Don’t make something out of this that isn’t there, Josie. We’re simply going for a ride.”

  I grinned. It was kind of cute to see this big, tough man explaining himself to his aunt.

  “I’m not making something out of it, Michael. I just needed to know if you were leaving so I could give you your present before you went.”

  He narrowed his eyes on her. “My present?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Now don’t go getting annoyed at me, it’s just a little something.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he muttered, and I swore I could imagine him rolling his eyes at her. I bet he did when he was a kid.

  She left us for a minute and returned with a small gift. After giving it to him, she squeezed his hand and said softly, “Open it later.”

  He nodded, and then placed his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s go,” he said as he ushered me outside. “Just wait near my bike while I grab you a helmet from under the house.”

  “You keep a helmet here? What, for Josie to ride with you?”

  “Smart ass,” he murmured. “I store some of my stuff here because I don’t have much storage at my place.”

  Grinning, I said, “I kinda liked the thought of Josie riding on a motorcycle.”

  His hand pressed against my back as he directed me in the direction of his bike. “Go. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  It was only a few minutes at the most before he returned and handed me a helmet. “Things you need to know - you can get on once I’m on and have started the bike, keep your feet on the pegs at all times and watch out for the pipes – they get hot – if I lean, you need to lean. And you need to sit as close to me as you can and hold on tight.”

  “What if I need to tell you something? You won’t be able to hear me.”

  “No, I won’t, so if you want me to stop, you’re gonna have to give me a signal.” He contemplated that for a second. “Just point at the side of the road if you want me to pull over, okay?”

  I nodded, but my brain had already moved onto the next dilemma I had. “These things,” I gestured at the bike, “aren’t meant for women wearing dresses, are they?”

  His gaze dropped to take in the short dress I wore today. And then he looked back up at my face, and – holy God – he had a smile on his face, a sexy ass smile that did good things to me, and said, “They mightn’t be made for dresses, but I’m sure as fuck not complaining.”

  Butterflies took over my stomach. I tried to force them away, because he might be flirting with me but he’d made it abundantly clear nothing would happen between us. But I couldn’t force them away. Griff made me feel something I’d never felt from a man before – alive. And he made me feel good about myself in a way no man had before. If I couldn’t have him in the way I wanted, I wasn’t going to stop myself from having him as a friend.

  I pointed at his bike, and said, “Get on before you say something that makes me reconsider everything I’ve ever said about one-night-stands before.”

  He smirked. “Bossy…I don’t usually like bossy, but rolling off your tongue it sounds good.”

  “Oh my God, if you don’t stop talking, I am going to lose my shit. There’s only so much sexy a woman can handle, Griff, and I’m almost at my limit, because let me tell you, just standing next to you is hard work sometimes, so you can only imagine how hard it is to have flirting from your sexy mouth thrown in to the mix. What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to sit on the back of your bike, with my body pressed as close to yours as you’re telling me I now have to do, and my arms wrapped around you? I’m going to need a medal for this.” And the words just fell out of my mouth. Nervousness always made me ramble, and God how I was rambling now. He’d think I was a neurotic basket case by the end of today.

  Full points to him – he processed everything I’d just said, hit me with a smile, and said, “I take it you’re ready to get on the bike now.”

  I nodded and a moment later he was on the bike, ready for me. I put my helmet on, got on, and positioned myself close behind him. The dress hadn’t been too much of an issue because it wasn’t a tight one, but I did spend a little bit of time making sure it was secured under my ass and legs. The last thing I wanted was for it to fly up and reveal everything during the ride.

  I’d placed my hands on his waist to hold on, but he took hold of them and pulled them right around him so they met in the middle. I figured that when he joined them with a firm squeeze, it meant I should keep them there, so I did.

  Then he took off, and an exhilaration I’d never experienced flowed through me. I’d often wondered what it would be like riding on a motorcycle, and the reality of it was a hundred times better than anything I ever imagined. And that was just while we were still amongst traffic in Brisbane. When we finally made it out of the traffic and onto the highway where Griff could go faster, it was even more amazing.

  We headed out on the highway towards Toowoomba, and rode for about an hour and a half before he found a picnic area away from the road a little to pull into. I was confused as to why he was pulling over, but I figured he must have his reasons.

  He cut the engine and pulled his helmet off, so I removed mine, too. Placing his hand on my leg, he said, “Hop off, sweetheart, and stretch your legs.”

  Now this was something I could get used to. Griff’s hand on my leg, him calling me sweetheart, and the gentle tone of his voice. Especially that tone of his voice. It hit all my sweet spots.

  I did as he said, and as soon as I was standing, I realised why he’d pulled over. Watching as his powerful body moved off the bike, I said, “You stopped to let me stretch.”

  His eyes found mine and he nodded. “Yeah, figured you might appreciate that.”

  “Thank you.”

  I took the opportunity to stretch and walk around for a few minutes before turning back to him. He was leaning against his bike, watching me in a way that clearly told me how much he wanted me. I loved that look on his face, but I didn’t know what to do with it. I wanted him just as much – wanted the chance to get to know his deepes
t thoughts and feelings, his heartache, his biggest regrets, his happiest memories, and the way his body would feel moving against mine. But, damn it, our wants weren’t on the table…only our denials.

  Frustration overcame me, and I stalked to where he waited. “Don’t do that,” I said with a little more force than I’d meant to.

  “Do what?” he asked, not moving from his spot.

  God, he was so cool and calm. And that frustrated me even more. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not fair, because I want you, and I can’t have you, and when you look at me like that, it turns me on. And what the hell can I do with that if you’re not interested enough to consider a relationship with me? Jesus, at this point, I’m gonna have to go home and take care of myself with BOB, and seriously, dude, that’s nowhere near as fun as having a man take care of me.” I took a moment to get my breathing under control. My frustration had worked itself out into my words and the breaths that were coming hard and fast now.

  He moved fast and a second later stood so close to me that I could hear his breaths. His cool demeanour had vanished. A man clearly as affected as I was now stared down at me. “Just being in the same room as you turns me on, Sophia. I met you, what…four days ago, and you’re not like any other woman I’ve known or been with, and as much as I try, I can’t get you out of my mind. When you tell me you’re gonna need a fucking sex toy to take care of you, it makes me want to throw caution to the wind and make sure you’re taken care of, but I refuse to do that to you. You deserve so much more than a man like me.”

  “From what I know of you, I deserve a man just like you,’ I said softly.

  His nostrils flared and he shook his head. “No, you don’t. If you knew what really lived in me, you would run the other way.”

  I’d never heard him speak this way. It was like disgust and regret had weaved their way into his voice. I couldn’t understand why he would think I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. “We’ve all got secrets and demons that take up residence in us. If we never show them to anyone, how will we know who would choose to accept us regardless of them?”