The Healing Season

by Catherine Evans

  Lachlan nodded and spent a lot of time studying the display and reading the information. ‘I knew some Aboriginal people up in Darwin. It’s a fascinating culture.’

  She would have loved to have asked him more about that but a crowd came into the museum before she could. They moved on to the gold mining displays to keep ahead of the other tourists. There were people standing close so she couldn’t ask him any questions there either.

  They weaved their way through the museum and the visitors, then wandered along the rest of the trail. Pym Street was an historic street with old shops, wide verandahs, hitching rails and bluestone gutters. It was like stepping back through time. They wandered slowly, pointing out the odd things that caught their interest. Sometimes she hadn’t noticed what Lachlan had seen, and other times they were looking at the same thing. It was light-hearted fun and there was a permanent smile etched to her face. She hadn’t expected to enjoy herself so much.

  They browsed the shops in the main town looking for somewhere to have lunch but were distracted by the curious mix of shops selling gifts, antiques, plants, garden items and food. All seemed to be busy with a bustling Sunday trade.

  ‘Dulili could be like this,’ Lachlan said when they were seated at a café after ordering.

  She looked around seeing the people, the smart shop fronts, the streets. ‘Dulili’s nothing like this.’

  ‘But it could be. Get shops and the crowds would come.’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Milthorpe’s on the drive between Orange and Blayney. It’s not far from either place. Why would anyone come to Dulili?’

  ‘If Dulili had something nowhere else did, they would. It’s only a short drive.’

  Her lips pulled together as she frowned thinking about how this could happen at home. ‘What do we have that nowhere else does? I’ve been trying to think of something.’

  He chuckled and shrugged. ‘Beats me.’

  She laughed. ‘I thought you were on to something.’

  ‘We have Paul’s photos.’

  ‘I can’t imagine they’d draw a crowd.’

  ‘You didn’t expect the locals to buy them either.’ It was a fair comment. She hadn’t expected that and yet they were the majority of sales.

  ‘Maybe something will add to them and draw people in.’ She hoped this would happen. She was out of ideas otherwise.

  ‘We’d need to open all weekend.’

  She looked at him, eyes open wide as a new idea struck her. ‘We could open a real gallery, manned by volunteers.’

  His chuckle started slowly but built quickly until he was laughing. She must have pulled a face because he began apologising. ‘I’m not laughing at you. It’s just I have such small ideas and you grow them huge, bigger than I ever expect.’

  ‘I don’t know that it would work. People need reward for what they do. At the moment people aren’t coming into town.’

  ‘But we live in hope.’

  They smiled at each other. That’s exactly what she was trying to do—find hope. Today was the first day in a long time that she felt a little carefree. She thought of saying something, thanking him but lunch appeared and interrupted the moment. But there was an idea forming. She’d have to let it germinate.

  Chapter 10

  Alicia was with Lachlan almost constantly. They worked together every day, had evening reading lessons a couple of times a week, and spent much of the weekend being tourists. When she wasn’t with him, it was like a part of her was missing. She’d turn to say something and sometimes no one was there.

  She’d been like that with Paul. They had been constantly together, and when they weren’t they’d emailed daily and sent messages constantly, as if they were together sharing whatever they were doing.

  Did that mean she liked being with people a lot, or had Lachlan somehow taken Paul’s place? Her heart fluttered and stalled. He could never take Paul’s place. Paul would always be within her and no one could replace that. But what did it mean?

  She hadn’t been like this at uni. She’d had a bunch of friends and they all hung out, or different groups of them had. She’d never hung around with just one person. Paul was her only constant companion … until Lachlan. And that left an odd feeling inside, so she pushed it from her mind.

  Lachlan never tried to replace Paul. He talked about Paul as if he wanted to know him. He’d made Paul real again, brought Paul back into her life, so that couldn’t mean he wanted to replace him, could it?

  ‘Do you want to do the caves, or keep napping?’ Lachlan’s voice broke into her reverie.

  She was supposed to be showing him Borenore Caves but she had gotten caught up in the picnic they were having. It was a gorgeous blue sky day, lunch was superb, and she’d been lying on a blanket beneath the huge gum tree, allowing her mind to drift. No one could blame her for having a cat nap on such a glorious day in a beautiful location.

  She murmured, loud enough so Lachlan peered over. Through her sunglasses, his eyes were weird colours but he was smiling gently, as if she amused him. She finally managed to muster enough energy to say, ‘I suppose I can get up. But if you don’t want me to nap, don’t feed me so well.’

  They’d stopped at the bakery in Orange for lunch supplies and over-catered. She’d been full of deliciousness when she lay down and, like a carpet snake, fell asleep. Now when she made an attempt to move, her previously full-to-bursting stomach didn’t stop her standing and packing up the blanket. The over-abundance of food must have been digested. Snakes knew what they were doing with all that lying around.

  Lachlan had the leftover food in his backpack already stowed. He didn’t look as if he’d been waiting anxiously for her to move. When she peered a little more closely, he had that imprinted, squished-cheek look of someone who’d only just woken up. She smothered a grin as she put on her boots and got her torch out ready for the caves.

  ‘Were you serious about the torch? I thought you were kidding,’ Lachlan said.

  She gave him a look because she wasn’t sure if he was being funny or if he really hadn’t brought a torch. He didn’t enlighten her, or pull out a torch, so she had to guess that he was serious. ‘These aren’t a tourist mecca, these are real outback caves. No artificial lighting.’ She’d told him that before but maybe he hadn’t believed her. Looks like she was sharing her torch.

  They went into the Arch Cave first. There was enough light to see for walking and moving but not really enough to look closely at the rock formations. A little sunlight penetrated from the entry and exit and through a couple of holes in the roof. She shone the torch along the rocks, showing up holes, bobbly rocks and cuttings.

  ‘Wow, stalactites and stalagmites.’ Lachlan was a great tourist. Even though the formations had been here for thousands of years and were only small, he sounded like he was making a brilliant new discovery. They walked slowly through the cave. If she went too fast, he’d grab her hand to keep the torch fixed on whatever he was examining.

  ‘I wish I’d brought a torch,’ he said as they made their way out of the Arch Cave.

  ‘You’ll just have to rely on me.’ She grinned, scrunching her nose because she knew not having a torch irked him. It was his own fault, he should have believed her.

  They made their way to the Tunnel Cave. It was darker inside. She kept the torch switched off until her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. Lachlan brushed against her, making her jump. Then tingles flooded her body. She’d known he was next to her, she could even see his outline. Why had his body pressing against hers left her so startled, with her heart thumping? He’d been grabbing her arm since they walked in. It must be the dark.

  He slid his hand against hers then loosely clasped it. Thankfully no shivers.

  ‘It’s dark. I don’t want to get lost.’ His voice had a touch of humour but also a touch of huskiness.

  ‘I won’t lose you.’ She took a few steps forwards, leaving her hand in his. When her eyes had fully adjusted she turned the torch light on to the walls.<
br />
  ‘Wow.’ Lachlan’s word echoed her exact thoughts. She hadn’t been here for years, and it wasn’t Jenolan Caves but it was impressive.

  The rock beneath the torch’s beam was thickly grooved, cut away by water movement over millions of years. It was like something you’d see in the sand at the ocean but it was deeper, rougher, more amazing.

  ‘It’s incredible to think that this is here, underground. Up top, you’d never believe it.’

  She grinned in the darkness, loving the way Lachlan expressed exactly what she was thinking. ‘The hidden secrets of Borenore.’ She made her voice a bit spooky and he chuckled.

  They kept moving through, hands still linked. The cool of the underground seeped into her. Lachlan’s warmth was exaggerated by the cool cave air. He heated her whole right side. She moved a little closer so his arm was flush against hers.

  ‘It’s cool, huh?’ he said.

  ‘Sure is.’

  He let go of her hand and for a moment she felt the loss of his warmth. Definitely just his warmth. Then his hand brushed her far shoulder and he tucked her up against him, his arm slung casually across her back. ‘Warmer?’

  A shudder rippled through her. ‘Not yet but I’m warming up.’ Her breath caught so the words were not much more than a squeak. He’d caught her unawares. They’d never snuggled together. It wasn’t appropriate, especially in the dark.

  Warm? Now she was too warm.

  Walking on, she tried to let the cave take over her thoughts but Lachlan’s body snug against hers was distracting.

  ‘It’s pretty old, right?’

  ‘Ancient,’ she said, extra glad for a new topic. ‘But I forget how old. I think Mount Canobolas was an active volcano and laid most of the volcanic soil above the caves and that’s not been active for millions of years. So the caves must have been formed after that. It’s pretty hard to imagine how long ago that is.’

  ‘Yeah. The first twenty something years of my life seemed like an eternity. I can’t imagine millions of years. Decades is enough.’

  He often said little bits like that, almost as if he was comfortable with her knowing that he’d grown up hard. She didn’t know how hard, and the darkness made her a little braver than she usually would be. ‘How did you manage to grow up so nice if it was so tough?’

  She forgot when she asked the question that time takes much longer in darkness. A few seconds turned into minutes. Minutes to hours. She seemed to wait hours before he said anything but his arm never left her shoulder and they stood companionably, watching the cave walls as she scanned them with the torch.

  ‘I made a conscious decision to change my life.’ He sounded so serious, almost as if he was going to say so much more. Then he chuckled as he turned so he was facing her. Her arm tingled in the cool air stirred by his movement.

  ‘Are you saying I’m nice, Alicia Pearce?’ His tone was light but there was that huskiness again. Maybe it was just the semi-darkness playing tricks with her hearing, or because he changed what he was going to say—if he had been going to say something else.

  She aimed for a light-hearted response. ‘You don’t think I bring just anyone into dark caves, do you?’ When those words were hanging in the cool underground air, they weren’t light-hearted at all but laced with suggestion. Unintended suggestion.

  With his arm resting on her shoulder, he reached his other arm around her and turned off the torch she was holding, leaving his fingers lightly wrapped around her wrist. ‘You didn’t answer my question,’ he said.

  Oh, my heavens. There was so much depth to those words. So much need. Want.

  She bit her lips. It was so dark she couldn’t see the outline of him, just an extra dark shadow in front of her. One deep breath sucked in slowly did a little to calm her racing heart. ‘Yes, Lachlan Muirhead, I think you’re nice.’

  Both of his hands clenched. Her shoulder hurt under the tension from his fingers and her wrist was caught tight. He groaned, a sound not of physical pain but of something like annoyance. ‘I’m not.’

  She waited, wondering why he was telling her this. When he obviously wasn’t going to say anything more, but he had relaxed his grip on her as though he was about to step away, she asked softly, ‘Why aren’t you nice?’

  ***

  Lachlan didn’t want to tell her. He shouldn’t have turned the conversation in this direction. But he had, so now he needed to explain. He needed to tell her his truths. He’d backed away so many times, he needed to come clean and see what happened. He had no idea how Alicia would react to his secrets—one thing he knew was that she never reacted how he expected.

  ‘I’m not Lachlan Muirhead,’ he said, his voice was barely above a whisper. The words clawed at his throat as he pushed them out.

  ‘Who are you?’ Her question showed no fear or concern for what he might be hiding.

  That was a good question. He was Lachlan Muirhead now. He’d taken that name and made it his. It was protection and a new start. It had a piece of his past but also hid his past.

  ‘I invented that surname. I’m not on the run or anything bad. I wanted to start fresh. I took the name of a suburb and changed my last name.’ He had hoped admission might make him lighter but if anything, he felt more heavily weighed down, as he tried to work out what she’d want to know and how much he should tell her.

  ‘Does that matter?’ Not what he expected but this was Alicia.

  ‘I don’t want to lie to you and I felt like I was. My past is something I don’t want to be linked to, won’t go back to, and want to put behind me.’

  ‘Fair enough, but unless I misunderstood, you said you changed your name. So I can’t see the lie. I met you after the change. So this is who you are now.’ She made it seem sensible, logical, normal. Could it really be that easy?

  For her, it probably was. He had become Lachlan Muirhead and that’s who she knew. She didn’t need to know his past. He was glad she felt that way.

  ‘Thanks. My past was rough and not something I like to think about. I’m through it and it’s a long way behind me.’

  He sighed and the ragged sound was so loud in the silent cave. Alicia moved closer until her body touched his. Not just in one place but the front of her body was pressed against his, then she wrapped her free arm around his waist and held on. He’d never expected this.

  He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think of anything beyond the press of her against him.

  Her hand moved on his back. He wasn’t sure if he should focus on the movement or the warmth of her body. Then she spoke and he focused on the words.

  ‘I know you had a rough childhood so it’s not surprising that you wanted to move away from those memories and start again. I think it’s good that you can. That you can move here for a fresh start with a new identity, to see who you can become.’

  She astounded him. Continuously.

  He breathed a little more freely. His body relaxed marginally.

  She kept talking. ‘I’ve had to work out who I am lately. It’s not easy and I didn’t have to create all of me. I just had to work out parts. You’ve had to create everything, start from scratch. That’s a much harder task and I admire you for doing it.’

  Her generous acceptance held him spellbound.

  ‘I care about who you are now, Lach.’

  For her to care about who he was now, she had to know who he’d left behind. He couldn’t pretend that his past didn’t matter. She’d faced her past, making him feel the need to face his own. He’d borrow some of her courage if he didn’t have enough of his own.

  He loosened his hold on her when he realised he was grasping her as tightly as she was holding him. He didn’t let her go. He wanted her tucked against him where her eyes couldn’t see into his soul. He’d never be able to tell her the truth if she saw too deeply.

  ‘I don’t know my dad. The woman who birthed me didn’t want me but kept me anyway.’ She sucked in a sharp breath but he kept telling his story in as few words as he c
ould manage. ‘I got carted around wherever she went, or left with people she knew until she remembered to get me again. She drank, smoked, did drugs, screwed around, everything you don’t want your mother to do.’ Alicia’s arms tightened but she didn’t say a word. He liked that she let him speak freely, it gave him confidence that she’d accept his words. ‘I kept out of the way mostly. Slept when I could, ate when I could, went to school if I could.’

  Alicia’s head rested against his chest and he wondered if she could hear the pounding of his heart as he spoke. Admitting this was more difficult than he expected. He felt like he’d ripped scabs off sores deep inside him and he wasn’t sure they’d ever heal.

  ‘When I was fifteen, I got a job and left her. But I carried her name and she could find me. It took her a year but she did. She didn’t want me, just the money I earned. She took it and left. I didn’t want her to ever find me again. I changed my name. Left Darwin.’

  Her hands soothed him, sliding along his spine in a rhythm that seemed to know how to loosen the words, ease the hurts, and help him to speak.

  ‘I stayed in the Territory but she haunted me. She never found me again, she can’t really but in the Territory I was worried she would stumble across me somewhere. Dulili is so far from her. It was a chance to start over. To find a life, and a place to call home.’

  Did he sound heartless and ungrateful? Were you supposed to love the woman who birthed you? He had no love for her. When he was a kid he was angry but now he felt nothing. She’d had an impact on his early life, she wasn’t playing any role in his adult life. He was worried Alicia might think him heartless now he’d shared his story. He wasn’t going to ask her though, he was too worried about her answer. Sweat coated him, even in this cool air. His armpits were damp, his hands clammy but it was his chest that was cold. He moved so his fingers could rub against his left pectoral muscle.

  His shirt was wet.

  Then he heard a sound, a sniffle. He closed his hand on the back of Alicia’s head, cradling her against his chest. He’d made her cry, and he felt awful. She had so much sorrow of her own, he hadn’t wanted to burden her with more.