by Julia Blake
‘Really?’ he looked at me with interest, his kiss brushed across my forehead, tender and amused. ‘Then you joined the group, became a friend, and it seemed impossible to change that, though god knows, I wanted too. As the years went by, I began to despair you’d ever consider me as anything other than a friend.’
‘It was the same for me,’ I retorted. ‘I wanted you so badly, yet you treated me like a silly little sister, someone to indulge and tease, not someone you wanted to strip naked and carry off to bed, and what was the meaning of those other women then?’ He squirmed sheepishly.
‘I was trying to make you jealous.’
‘Well, that part of your plan worked.’ I sighed, shook my head.
‘I even smoked one cigarette a day, even though I’d given up, because sometimes you’d come and sit on the steps with me,’ he paused, grinned wryly. ‘Isn’t that pathetic?’
‘Very,’ I agreed casually, shrieked as he rolled me over and pinned me to the bed, his mouth nipping at my neck and shoulders.
‘What happened, Eve?’ he asked. ‘That last day on the island, you and Luke, did you have sex with him? It’s alright, you can tell me. I’ll understand if you did, I just want there to be no more secrets between us.’
‘Nothing happened,’ I replied. ‘For a moment I thought I could go through with it, was so hurt and confused by your constant rejection of me, I’d almost decided to sleep with him as a way of getting back at you. But, when it came to the crunch, I couldn’t do it. I stopped him, told him I was in love with someone else and he was actually very nice about it. He asked me to go to New Zealand with him for a holiday, separate rooms and everything, gave me a friendly hug to show there was no hard feelings, and that’s when you came in.’
‘I thought... I assumed...’ Scott paused and cupped my face in his hands. ‘I was certain I’d lost you to him, was wild with despair and frustration and didn’t handle the situation very well. I couldn’t bear the thought of you going away with him, of another man touching you, being with you, that’s why I over reacted on the beach. When you jumped into the lake and swam away from me, I thought I’d lost you forever.’
‘I came to your room,’ I interrupted. His face stilled, he stared at me.
‘You did, when?’
‘When I got back to the Hall, I came to your room. I wanted to see you, talk to you; find out once and for all if there was any chance for us. But you weren’t there; your bed hadn’t been slept in. I panicked maybe you’d drowned in the lake, decided to go to Annaliese, tell her everything, ask for her advice, and that’s when I saw her and Luke, and...’
‘And thought it was me,’ he finished, sighed and shook his head. ‘Do you think we’ll ever find out why she did it?’
‘I don’t know, perhaps it was just a desperate one off fling, I mean, after all, if Robert’s gay, then maybe...’ my voice trailed away and I raised an eyebrow at Scott.
‘Yes, how about that?’ he murmured.
‘Robert and Ferdie,’ I wrinkled my nose. ‘That’s gonna take some getting used too,’ he nodded in agreement, rolled onto his back taking me with him so I sprawled over his chest, feeling his arms tighten around me.
‘So, where were you?’ I asked casually. ‘When I came to your room and you weren’t there, where were you?’
‘Out looking for you,’ he replied. ‘I came back to the Hall to see if you’d come home, but your room was empty. Annaliese came to her door; I asked if she’d seen you and she said she hadn’t. I remember she seemed distracted, concerned about something, practically ordered me out to look for you, following me to the top of the stairs,’ He paused, brow creased in memory.
‘As I came downstairs, Luke walked in and I tackled him, demanding to know if he’d seen you. He vowed he hadn’t, not since the island, and I believed him. He offered to come with me, but Annaliese called to him, asked him to stay, said she had something to talk to him about, so he went upstairs. I went out to the car, got my torch and began to search the woods for you.’
‘We must have missed each other by moments,’ I murmured. ‘I went to the gatehouse, I was angry, upset, was going to find Luke and tell him I would go on holiday with him. Not that I think I would have gone through with it, but the mood I was in that night I wanted to punish you, to show you even if you didn’t want me, there were plenty of other men who did. When I got to the gatehouse, Luke had already left. Caro and I argued, she called me a whore, slapped me round the face and ordered me to stay away from her precious son.’
‘She did what?’ Scott stared at me in shock; then a smile tugged at his mouth. ‘And how did you respond to that?’
‘Told her I was going to go and shag her son’s brains out right there and then,’ he gave a low laugh and shook his head. ‘I wasn’t going too, of course,’ I continued. ‘She’d made me so angry I wanted to hurt her. So, I came back to the Hall, found Annaliese and Luke, assumed it was you and ran away, although, come to think of it, I do remember seeing a light in the woods. At the time didn’t think anything of it, but I guess that must have been you.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed wryly. ‘That was me.’ We lay silently for a few moments, reflecting on the whim of fate and meticulous timing which had led to the events of that fateful night. Then, as if both deciding at that exact moment it was in the past, we should waste no more time on it, turned to each other, mouths meeting, hands caressing. I felt the riptide of desire rise, running my hands over his perfect body.
‘Eve,’ he murmured into my hair. ‘Is it time to seduce me yet?’
‘Oh yes,’ I whispered, pressing kisses onto his neck and chest.
Next moment, we froze as a knock came at the door. ‘Eve?’ it was Mimi’s voice, low and anxious. We looked at each other in consternation. Pressing my finger to his lips, I slithered from the bed and hurriedly pulled on the robe lying across the foot of it. Belting it tightly, I opened the door a crack, peered blearily at her as though she’d woken me from a deep sleep.
‘Oh Eve, darling, I’m sorry if I woke you, I was concerned about you, about how you were dealing with the shock.’
‘I’m fine, Mimi,’ I reassured her. ‘Thank you, but I’m fine. I just want to get some sleep, I’ll think about it in the morning.’
‘Of course,’ she murmured, paused, smiled almost knowingly. ‘Good night, Eve,’ she raised her voice slightly. ‘Good night, Scott.’
‘Good night, Mimi,’ his voice was dryly amused. I stared at her in astonishment and she patted me on the arm.
‘I’m so pleased,’ she said. ‘For both of you, and know Annaliese would have been thrilled. I believe it’s what she always wanted.’ She turned and hurried away down the hall, leaving me to close and lock the door, leaning on it in surprise, meeting Scott’s amused expression.
‘How on earth do you think she ...?’ I began, stopped when I saw our clothes lying in a pile on the hearthrug, realised they would have been in her direct line of vision.
Later, after Scott had been thoroughly and completely seduced, we lay once again in each others arms. It was late, the fire had dwindled to glowing embers and we were sleepy. ‘I find it very hard to show emotion,’ he suddenly said. I opened my eyes, straining to read his expression in the dark. ‘There are things about me, Eve, things that happened in my past I need to tell you about, things you need to know...’
‘No, there isn’t,’ I reassured him. ‘I already know.’
‘Oh,’ he was silent for a moment, considering what I’d said. ‘Ruth?’ he finally asked, and I nodded in the darkness.
‘Yes, she told me in Jamaica, just before the accident.’
‘Then, you understand ...?’
‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘I understand.’ There was another long silence, I wondered if he’d gone to sleep, felt my own eyelids grow heavy; was letting myself slide under the blanket of unconsciousnes
s when he spoke again.
‘It will always be you, Eve. I think I’m the kind of man for whom there can only ever be one woman, so, if that’s a problem for you, you’d better say something now.’
‘It’s not a problem,’ I reassured him. There was another long pause. I waited, hoping and praying he’d finally be able to say the words I needed to hear.
‘I suppose, maybe, we should, perhaps, get married?’ his voice was casual, almost offhand in the darkness, yet I felt the tension of his skin, could hear the racing of his heart beneath my ear, felt the trembling of his hands as they held me.
‘Oh, I think so,’ I replied, as casually as him. ‘After all, someone needs to make an honest man of you.’ He relaxed, arms tightening possessively around me, then, his voice came again, words low and sweet, like honey.
‘I love you, Eve.’
‘I know,’ I whispered back. ‘I love you too.’
Next morning, I was awoken by hot urgent hands, building me up, arousing me, forcing me into an ever tightening spiral of desire which exploded in a hasty and passionate coupling before I’d even opened my eyes. ‘Just thought I’d let you know,’ he gasped, when we could both talk again. ‘I intend to wake you like this every morning now for the rest of our lives.’
‘Oh good,’ I panted. ‘I’ll cancel my gym subscription.’
We showered together, touching and caressing in wonder at the novelty of us, loving and holding beneath the hot foaming water, both reluctant to leave the sanctuary of my room, instinctively fearing the reality of the outside world. I dressed myself in clothes I hadn’t worn in a year, realising as I pulled my belt two notches tighter, how much weight I’d lost. Laughed at Scott’s consternation, when he found he had nothing to put on, his clothes from the previous evening being ripped and stained from our savage reunion in front of the fire. Finally, he pulled on my pink robe and with me acting as point man, we hastily rushed along the hall and darted into his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind us, breathless with shared laughter, sudden realisation dawning his bed lay behind us, pristine and untouched.
By the time we eventually made it downstairs, the breakfast room was empty of all but Robert finishing his coffee and reading the paper. We entered together, completely and utterly a couple. He looked at us with surprise, which quickly spread into understanding and delight.
‘Well,’ he exclaimed, dropping the paper to the table with a thump. ‘It’s about time, Annaliese would be so happy, she told me it was her secret wish you two would...’ he paused and blushed slightly. ‘Get together,’ he finished lamely. I laughed with delight at his mild embarrassment, wiggling out of my chair to rush over and kiss him on the cheek, before sliding back into my place beside Scott, my hand seeking his under the table.
‘I have an unfinished piece of business to attend to,’ Robert announced cryptically, draining his cup and rising to his feet. ‘So, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone and see you both later.’
We tried to eat breakfast, managing coffee, a corner of toast, fruit, our eyes and hands constantly sought each other and I felt giddy with the joy of it. ‘What do you want to do today?’ Scott enquired as we finally pushed away our plates, both admitting we could eat no more.
‘I suppose I’d better go and rescue my car from the high street where I left it,’ I replied reluctantly. ‘It’s a hire car and I need to get it back today, plus it’s got all my worldly goods locked in the boot.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ said Scott instantly. ‘It’s a lovely day; a walk through the woods would be very... pleasant.’ I blushed at his obvious meaning.
‘I’ll run and get the keys,’ I murmured, hurried to get my bag from my room.
When I came back downstairs, I discovered Robert and Caro in deep discussion by the front door. Her face was set and grim and the normally mild mannered Robert seemed to be stressing something to her. She looked up at him, expression mutinous, then, finally, seemed to capitulate and nodded a sharp single nod of agreement. I stopped on the stairs, wondering when it would end. Even now, with Annaliese dead, her bombshell dropped, it still seemed this Hall and the people within it were riddled with secrets.
Robert hurried off into the library. Caro was left alone on the step, her face impassive. She glanced up, saw me. Something passed over her expression, guilt, a pang of something that could possibly have been regret?
‘Eve,’ she said, her voice rough with the Irish brogue which became so much more pronounced under stress. ‘Come with me please, I need to talk to you.’
‘What about?’ I bridled at her imperious tone.
‘What do you want to talk to Eve about, Caro?’ Scott leant against the door of the breakfast room, his stance casual, his tone even, but I could see the tension in the set of his shoulders, the firmness of his jaw, knew he was concerned for me.
‘That’s none of your business, Scott,’ she snapped, turned back to me as if dismissing him.
‘Ah, but I’m afraid that’s where you’re wrong Caro. As Eve and I are now engaged to be married, anything that concerns her also concerns me.’
‘Engaged?’ Caro’s voice faltered and she glanced from him to me, as though expecting us to deny it. When neither of us did, she sighed and nodded, an unexpected smile crossing her face. ‘Well, congratulations, I suppose,’ she stated flatly. ‘Annaliese would have been pleased. I know it’s what she always hoped for. Very well then, come too, if you must.’
She turned and stomped from the Hall, not even glancing back to see if we were following her. We exchanged startled looks. Scott shrugged, then stepped forward and held out his hand. I ran lightly down the last few steps and took it.
She led us to a formal knot garden at the back of the house, seated herself on one of the ornate wooden benches which ringed a pool and its gently burbling fountain. Hesitantly, we sat on the next bench. I felt a sudden fear grip me, an intense reluctance to stay, as if I knew what she was going to tell me, knew and didn’t want to hear. Sensing my disquiet, Scott’s hand tightened.
‘Annaliese wasn’t your mother.’
There was no preparing the way, no softening of the blow, Caro launched it at me like a grenade, leaving me gaping and shocked.
‘But...’ I stuttered. ‘Last night, on the video, she admitted she was.’
‘No, she didn’t,’ stressed Caro impatiently. ‘Think about what she really said.’
‘She agreed it was her name on my birth certificate,’ I said slowly, trying to remember her exact words. ‘And she talked of me as a baby. Are you telling me she lied? That she didn’t know me as a baby, that her name wasn’t Anna Louise Kennedy?’
‘No, she didn’t lie, she did know you as a baby and her name was Anna Louise Kennedy, but she wasn’t your mother.’
‘Then I don’t understand...’ I began helplessly.
‘She wasn’t your mother,’ she continued. ‘I am.’
Chapter Eleven
Judas
It was a shock. But I wasn’t surprised. Before she’d said it I’d known, known what she was going to say. Maybe on some subconscious level had been unable to accept Annaliese as my mother because I’d known it wasn’t true. So now I surveyed Caro steadily, feeling Scott stiffen beside me, his hand squeezing mine.
‘I see,’ was all I said and she blinked, as if surprised at my lack of reaction, ran a hand through her close cropped hair. Hair that frizzed in the rain the way mine did.
‘I need to tell you,’ she said. ‘It’s what she wanted, no more lies. For over forty years she’s protected me, looked after me. Now it’s my turn to protect her, protect her name at any rate. We were born in the same small village in County Cork, where we lived next door to each other in a pair of farmhands cottages at the end of a long narrow track. I’m two years younger than Annaliese, so for all of my life she’s always been there. Neither of u
s had mothers, mine had died delivering me and both Annaliese’s parents were killed in a car crash, but that’s where any similarities between our lives ended.’
She paused, her eyes unseeing, obviously casting her mind back over the years and events between the young girl she’d been then and the bitter woman she was now. Beside me Scott sat, silently watchful. His grip never loosened and I felt a sudden clutch of thankfulness in my heart that no matter what happened now, I’d always have him, against almost insurmountable odds we’d found each other and I knew nothing would ever keep us apart again.
‘Annaliese was raised by her grandmother, an English woman, she’d moved to Ireland to be close to her only family and when her daughter and son-in-law were killed she’d stayed to raise Annaliese. She was a remarkable woman, a poet, a wonderful human being; it’s from her Annaliese inherited her talent and her strength. My father, on the other hand, was a hard, intolerant and bigoted man. Deeply religious, he made my life a living hell. Were it not for Annaliese and her grandmother living next door, I’m not sure I would have survived my childhood,’ she paused, took a deep breath, and continued.
‘You’ve no idea what life was like for me, how bleak and ugly. A small Irish village in the eighties was not much more advanced than one in the previous century. I grew up in fear of eternal damnation, in complete ignorance of what real life could be like. I envied Annaliese, envied her for her grandmother and her beautiful, happy life, I even envied her vocation, her absolute certainty of what her future was to be.’
‘Her vocation?’ I interrupted, my voice husky.
‘Yes, Annaliese wanted to be a bride of Christ, a nun,’ clarified Caro, and smiled wryly at my start of surprise. ‘It’s true, it’s all she ever dreamt and talked about. She was saving every penny she could to have a dowry to take with her when she entered the nunnery.’
‘A nun?’ I murmured, trying to reconcile the idea of outgoing vivacious Annaliese locked away behind the walls of a convent, and yet, somehow, it would have suited her, a life of quiet spiritual contemplation.
