The Unofficial Hobbit Handbook

by Peter Archer

  A light from the shadows shall spring.

  Renewed shall be blade that was broken.

  The crownless again shall be king.

  You can’t help feel that this is yet another example of hobbits and elves making things more difficult than they need to. If everyone knows Aragorn is the rightful king of Gondor, why not just say so? Surely it would make his claim to the throne stronger and make it harder for people such as Denethor to dispute the claim. Well, that’s elves and hobbits for you. Always mixing things up in riddle-speak.

  The Riddle of the Dead

  At a key moment in the War of the Ring, Aragorn and the Grey Company make a fateful decision: They will ride to the Stone of Erech and pass through the kingdom of the dead. At this point, the sons of Elrond bring a message from their father: “Bid Aragorn remember the words of the seer, and remember the paths of the dead.”

  Not terribly encouraging words, on the whole, but the Ranger remembers (because he’s wise in the lore of Middle-earth) the words spoken by Malbeth the Seer:

  Over the land there lies a long shadow,

  Westward reaching wings of darkness

  The Tower trembles; to the tombs of kings

  Doom approaches. The Dead awaken

  For the hour is come for the oathbreakers:

  At the Stone of Erech they shall stand again.

  “Dark ways, doubtless,” Gimli the dwarf remarks sourly, “but not darker than these staves are to me.” We can sympathize with the dwarf. After all, remember, dwarves like plain speech better than riddling talk, and these comments of the Seer are confusing at best. However, Aragorn, true heir of kings, understands them and takes them as an indication that at this dark hour he should ride the paths of the dead.

  The lesson here is when you don’t have any better road, follow the riddle. Because, awful as its advice may be, it’s probably better than the alternative.

  Riddles in the Dark

  The most famous riddling contest in history is unquestionably when Bilbo meets Gollum deep in the bowels of the Misty Mountains. Neither is entirely sure of the other; each has something to gain from the other. And Bilbo has little choice but to play the game out to the end. We can all learn something from his selection of riddles.

  What Has Roots as Nobody Sees

  Gollum’s first riddle describes something

  Taller than trees

  Up, up it goes

  And yet never grows.

  A logical choice, since that’s where he lives. What’s more surprising is that Bilbo gets it right so quickly. “Easy, ” he says. “Mountain, I suppose.” In fact, there’s nothing easy about it, since Bilbo comes from the gently rolling lands of the Shire, has never seen a mountain, and mistakes his first sight of the Misty Mountains for the Lonely Mountain, home of Smaug.

  Thirty White Horses

  Next Bilbo presents Gollum with his first riddle:

  Thirty white horses on a red hill,

  First they champ,

  Then they stamp,

  Then they stand still.

  Well, if Gollum (as he tells Bilbo) “only has six,” how does he know this chestnut’s answer is “teeth”? Perhaps he’s heard of other creatures who have more teeth than he does. Good advice for us, to be aware that riddles are meant to stir our minds and make us think outside our usual confines.

  Wind and Sun

  The next two riddles in the contest are about elemental forces, neither of which is especially liked by the contestant at whom it’s directed. Gollum asks Bilbo about something that

  Wingless flutters,

  Toothless bites,

  Mouthless mutters

  And it takes Bilbo a few minutes to think of the answer: “Wind. Wind, of course.” He answers with a riddle that calls up images Gollum finds distasteful—making the point that if you’re ever stuck in a tight place, find something that your opponent likes much worse.

  An Eye in a Blue Face

  Gollum is used to living underground, so Bilbo naturally thinks something along these lines will fool him:

  An eye in a blue face

  Saw an eye in a green face.

  “That eye is like to this eye”

  Said the first eye.

  The answer—sun on daisies—upsets Gollum not so much for what it is than for the memories it evokes. It recalls distant days by the River when he used to go fishing with his cousin, Deagol. And, naturally, it causes him to make a mistake with his next riddle:

  It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,

  Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.

  Well, the answer’s obvious, isn’t it? Dark.

  Fish and Eggs

  There’s nothing so obvious as that which you see every day. Bilbo thinks his riddle is dreadfully easy:

  A box without hinges, key, or lid,

  Yet golden treasure inside is hid

  However, it puzzles Gollum for a good long time. He finally hisses the answer: eggs. The creature’s reply is equally simple:

  Alive without breath, as cold as death,

  Never thirsty, ever drinking,

  All in mail, never clinking

  But the hobbit is stumped, and he frantically turns over in his mind all the awful creatures who could be “cold as death.” At the last second the answer—fish—comes to him. The lesson: It’s the obvious things that are the most difficult.

  Time, Time, Time

  What could be more puzzling than something that conquers everything. Gollum asks,

  This thing all things devours;

  Birds, beast, trees, flowers;

  Gnaws iron, bites steel;

  Grinds hard stones to meal.

  Of course, there’s only one answer: Time. So when you’re out of luck and out of everything else—you’re never out of time.

  What Has Bilbo Got in His Pocketses?

  At the beginning of The Lord of the Rings, the author (in this case, presumably Frodo) observes, “The Authorities, it is true differ whether this last question [What have I got in my pockets] was a mere ‘question’ and not a ‘riddle’ according to the strict rule of the Game,” but everyone agrees that Gollum, having agreed to the rules, was bound to answer. The biggest question, of course, was who the “authorities” were. After all, who really decides what’s a riddle and what isn’t? It turns out that riddling has some pretty specific rules.

  If You’re Going to Riddle, Know the Answers

  Both Bilbo and Gollum know the answers to all the riddles they ask. That’s better than the folks of Gondor, for example. Aragorn recites the words of Malbeth the Seer:

  Over the land there lies a long shadow

  Westward reaching wings of darkness.

  The Tower trembles to the tomb of kings

  Doom approaches; the Dead awaken.

  He really has no idea what it means. Still, he knows, the best thing a king can do sometimes is to ride forward without question. So if you encounter a riddle to which you don’t know the answer, trust in fate and ride forward blindly. Maybe things will work out all right after all.

  The Answer to a Riddle Should Make Sense

  Doubtless you’ve listened to riddles, puzzled over them, and when the answer was given, thought, Well, of course! Why didn’t I think of that?

  Some people, though, when riddling, keep the answers obscure or provide the answers in another language—Norwegian, or something.

  What’s the name of the horse I saw you with last night?

  Svensk!

  This goes beyond cheating; it’s just irritating, and if you do this sort of thing to a dragon or a goblin, it’ll probably be the last riddle you tell.

  Riddles Should Come at Appropriate Times, Or, Never Laugh at Live Dragons

  Asking riddles when you’re cold, lost, and sitting on the edge of a dark lake, far underground, next to a slimy creature who has expressed a desire to eat you may not seem like the best time for a guessing game, but at least such a game would gain you some time to come up with a plan. The same is t
rue when talking to a dragon. Dragons are fascinated by riddling talk, and you can keep them guessing as long as you keep your whereabouts concealed. However, when running down a narrow tunnel with an annoyed fire-breathing dragon behind you, it’s not the best time to throw riddles, insults, or anything else. Just concentrate on running fast. Really, really fast.

  Short Riddles Are Usually Harder to Solve Than Long Ones

  It’s notable that both Bilbo and Gollum ask short questions (in Bilbo’s case, the egg riddle, and for Gollum the fish riddle) that turn out to be dreadfully hard to figure out. That’s because short riddles give the guesser less to work with and more scope for confusion. Also remember that what’s obvious to you is usually not so clear for someone else. So the clue in constructing a successful riddle may lie in focusing on your everyday experiences rather than the strange or exotic.

  Other Famous Riddles

  If you’re stuck for a riddle, you might consider borrowing from riddles made famous by other great figures of history and legend. One of these is King Oedipus (better known, of course, for killing his father, marrying his mother, and giving us the Oedipus complex). As a young man, Oedipus confronted the Sphinx, the monster with the body of a lion and the head of a beautiful maiden. The Sphinx was accustomed to ask travelers a riddle; those who couldn’t answer correctly (which up to that point, had been everybody) she killed and devoured. In its traditional form, the riddle of the Sphinx goes:

  It goes first on four legs in the morning

  Then on two legs in the afternoon

  Last on three legs in the evening

  The answer, of course, is man, who crawls when a baby, walks on two legs in the prime of his life, and when he’s old has to make use of a stick. Oedipus guessed the answer correctly, whereupon the Sphinx, taking defeat very hard, killed itself, and Oedipus became king of Thebes.

  Alternate Versions

  Another version of the Riddle of the Sphinx (and one that pays a greater tribute to Oedipus’s ingenuity in coming up with the correct answer) runs like this:

  Two legs sat upon three legs

  With one leg in his lap;

  In comes four legs

  And runs away with one leg;

  Up jumps two legs,

  Catches up three legs,

  Throws it after four legs,

  And makes him bring one leg back.

  The answer is a man sits on a stool, his stick on his lap. A dog comes in and steals the stick, whereupon the man grabs the stool and throws it at the dog, forcing the animal to return the stick.

  Still another version of the Sphinx’s riddle is:

  Two sisters

  One gives birth to the other

  She gives birth to the first

  The answer is night and day.

  Heidrek the Wise

  In the Norse saga of King Heidrek the Wise, the god Odin, disguised as usual, shows up at Heidrek’s court to challenge the king to a riddling contest. Finally Odin asks:

  What lives on high fells?

  What falls in deep dales?

  What lives without breath?

  What is never silent?

  This riddle ponder,

  O prince Heidrek

  Heidrek, living up to his name, answers that “The raven lives ever on the high fells, the dew falls ever in the deep dells, the fish lives without breath, and the rushing waterfall is never silent.” After this bit of wordplay, Odin has to concede that Heidrek is, indeed, wise.

  Magic, Wizards, and Other Special Considerations

  For this is what your folk would call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the Enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel.”

  —Galadriel in JRR Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring

  Curiously, for anyone who visits Middle-earth for the first time, there doesn’t seem to be a great deal of magic on display. Gandalf, it’s true, employs fireworks (both as entertainment and as practical magic, when he’s lighting a fire in the middle of a snowstorm far up on a mountainside in the Misty Mountains), but for the most part there’s little magic readily available. Consider:

  When Glóin and Óin light a fire in The Hobbit, they use flint and steel, not magic.

  When Elrond reads the Moon Letters on the map of the Lonely Mountain possessed by Thorin, he uses ordinary skill (which, apparently, neither Thorin nor Gandalf possess, since they’re both astonished that the map has Moon Runes).

  Hobbits are not in possession of magic, save “the ordinary everyday sort” that allows them to escape the notice of most of the creatures of Middle-earth. Bilbo is quite astonished at Gandalf’s abilities to produce fire at a moment’s notice.

  The elves of Mirkwood are apparently unable to conjure sufficient magic to guard their gates against escaping hobbits or to at least detect invisible burglars in their midst. With such loose security protocols, you’d think they’d have long ago been invaded by goblins… or something worse.

  Even Smaug—as magical a creature as it’s possible to conceive—seems curiously lacking in magic. He relies on his fiery breath, his claws, and his great size to impose fear. The Lake-men, on the other hand, have the ability to speak with birds, which gives Bard the clue to the dragon’s critical weakness.

  When Guarding Against Magic

  Never Mind About Counterspells

  When Gandalf, challenged by the balrog in the depths of Moria, tries to put a counterspell on a door, the balrog replies with a counterspell that is so powerful it bursts the door and brings down the roof of the cavern. Gandalf assumes—mistakenly, it turns out—that the creature has buried itself and its supporting force of orcs. In fact, the logical conclusion of this episode is: Don’t bother with counterspells when you’re confronted with powerful magic. Just run. Fast. Away.

  Know What Sort of Magic You’re Dealing With

  Middle-earth displays various kinds of magic. Some of it’s benevolent (say, Gandalf’s fireworks, used to entertain hobbits); some of it’s weird but on the whole, good (Galadriel’s mirror, which freaks out Samwise but otherwise is okay); and some of it’s downright awful. For example, when the Fellowship is stranded in the Misty Mountains in the middle of a raging snowstorm, Boromir speculates that this may possibly be the work of Sauron.

  “His arm has grown indeed,” remarks Gimli, “ if he can draw snow down from the North to trouble us here three hundred leagues away.”

  “His arm has grown long,” replies Gandalf.

  Don’t Be Frightened By Magic

  Some magic is scary (such as that employed by the Dark Lord) and some of it is just strange. But some of it is, well, a bit out of the ordinary. For example, when the hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are staying with Tom Bombadil, they’re exposed to several different kinds of magic, all of it relatively good.

  There’s good magic when Tom chastises Old Man Willow and makes the troublesome tree release Merry and Pippin from its grip.

  There’s weird magic, when Tom makes clear that the Ring of Power has no power over him.

  There’s powerful magic, when Tom forces the barrow wight to release the four hobbits and breaks the spell of the barrow.

  The rule to be derived from such encounters is this: Magic comes in all shapes and sizes. Don’t be overly concerned by the form it takes. Just pay attention to what it does.

  How to Call on Magic

  It’s best to start by recalling Gildor’s words to Frodo: “Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.” Wizards are the beings of Middle-earth who have the right and the ability to use magic on a daily basis, although there are some others—elves, Dunedain, select dwarves—who take it upon themselves to try. The basic point here is, don’t use what you don’t understand. If you don’t know the words of a spell, don’t try to fake it. Elbereth knows what you’ll accidentally call up!

  Magic Is All Around Us

  Magic, as anyone in Midd
le-earth can tell you, isn’t usually a matter of spells and incantations. It’s more a matter of proper appreciation of what you have to work with. Take the Lady Galadriel: When she works “magic” for Sam and Frodo with her mirror, all she does is pour some water in a bowl, breathe on it, and tell them to look. That’s hardly an impressive display of incantational powers. (Of course, it works, and, as is usual in such situations, they see much more than they intend to.)

  The Proper Use of Palantiri

  “Seeing stones” or palantiri are among the most powerful magical artifacts left by the ancient elves and others. Fëanor created the seeing stones in the distant depths of time, and even wizards are somewhat frightened of them. The palantiri in existence during the War of the Ring were:

  THE SEEING STONE OF MORDOR. Controlled by Sauron, this stone could see the other stones and could control, to some extent, what those who looked into them saw.

  THE PALANTIR OF ORTHANC. Possessed by Saruman, this stone was originally used for good. But as the white wizard increasingly sank into madness and evil, this palantir came increasingly under the domination of Sauron. In the end, it was appropriated by Aragorn and, by supreme effort, wrenched to his will.