by Beth Mikell
“Maybe we should hear him out,” Laura offered and wisely noted Hex’s earnest expression of remorse and his altered appearance of near death—hollow and empty. Compassion filled her.
“Please?” Hex asked meeting her gaze.
A muscle twitched in Sean’s cheek as he ground his teeth together, “You’ve got two minutes because it’s doubtful you have anything we want to hear.”
“Sean--” Laura began.
Hex interrupted her, “No, he’s right. I am so sorry for everything I have done—more than I can say. I know that doesn’t make up for anything. Nothing makes up for being an ass to the one woman I needed most in my life and pissed away without care,” he said drawing a deep breath of crow, “but I’d like to see Savannah. I need to see her. Please? Please tell me where she is.”
Before Sean moved to protest, Laura prevented him and spoke first, “I would like to hear you out…but I have one question for you and I’d like an honest answer.”
Hex waited, holding his breath, shoulders slumping in his depression.
“Do you love her?”
He exhaled his pain and with it…his answer.
Chapter Fifteen
A nuclear bomb may be the toughest weapon of mass destruction, but no one considered the decimation of a woman’s broken heart. ~ Beth Mikell
Six months later…September-ish.
Savannah threw her car keys down on the side table beside the door along with her purse--several shopping bags in hand. She kicked off her black ballerina flats at the door, made her way inside, passing a pile of Louis Vuitton luggage beside the stairs.
As she rounded the corner, Katie was bent over a photo album. “Hey I’m home,” she announced, placing her bags on the kitchen counter.
Hex’s sister looked up and gave her a smile. “How are you and Jamie?”
Savannah nodded and smoothed a hand down over her rounded stomach, “We are good. We only gained a pound last month,” she said having gone to the baby MD for a monthly check up, receiving a clean bill of health for herself and…Jamie. Yeah…a boy and she couldn’t be happier. Well…she could, but she wouldn’t go there. Crying was limited to once a day and early morning captured a mega dose— now wasn’t the time.
She leaned up against the counter eyeing her, “I saw your bags. Are you all packed?”
Katie flipped her dark hair over her shoulder and batted her baby blues, “Yes, but I really wish I could stay. Fall semester begins next week and might as get my final year over with, but I hate leaving,” she said propping her chin on her folded hands.
Savannah rolled her eyes, “You’ll be back in a few more months after the baby arrives.”
“Humph, I know, but it sure has been a nice few weeks here in Los Angeles. We’ve had the best time, haven’t we?”
She shook her head, “You’re just saying that because we have awesome shopping available rather than your hometown strip malls.”
The younger woman grimaced, “Please…don’t remind me. At least I shipped enough stuff home to hold me over until Jamie arrives.”
“Well, in honor of your trip home, I picked up something for you.” Savannah reached for one of the bags she set on the counter and pulled out a gift.
Katie laughed, “Oh, you spoil me,” she said opening the package. Two picture frames emerged one of Savannah and Katie standing under the Hollywood sign and the other taken by Katie of Savannah covered in cream-colored paint after a few hours decorating the nursery upstairs. “S…they are great. I love them. Thank you.” She placed the pictures down and wrapped an arm around both women. “I’m going to miss you, but I expect calls and regular updates—texting isn’t negotiable.”
She saluted with two fingers off her forehead, “Yes ma’am.”
Savannah and Katie walked to the front door where a taxi waited to take the younger woman to the airport. “S...I…I don’t mean to bring this up now, but…”
Savannah raised a brow, smoothing hand over her stomach, “What? Missing Rodeo drive already? It will still be here unless an earthquake sinks us all into the ocean.”
Katie smiled, “No.” She bit her lip. “Hex.”
Her heart flipped hard within her chest and her stomach clenched. “I think your timing is genetic. Say it.” Damn, it hurt to breathe as she waited.
“Have you thought about…contacting him? Telling him about Jamie?”
Savannah exhaled, “Not yet. Don’t get me wrong, Katie, I want too, but I don’t want your brother coming back only for the baby. I'm not a tried and true fairytale kind of woman, but I love him and I'm holding out for everything.”
Katie nodded, “I can understand. Yet, I think he would benefit from a call from you.”
She wasn't going to ask about him--she bit her lip…absolutely not. “How is he?” Dammit, she asked.
The younger woman rolled her eyes, “Besides stubborn? Not good.”
Savannah shouldn’t be happy, but she was…a little. Not that he suffered, but at least he hadn’t moved on. “Honestly, how much would really change if Hexon knew? I want his trust and I’m not sure anyone can fix that.”
Katie reached up and smoothed a comforting hand over Savannah’s shoulder, “S…I know it’s hard, but I know he loves you.” She gushed on as Savannah made to protest. “Sometimes…the one that hurt you is the only one that can patch you back up.”
Wise words, Savannah mused, but still…she couldn’t. “I’ll think about it?” She smiled sadly.
Goodbyes were hard and a few tears even leaped in response, but Katie left. It had been a wonderful month since Hex's sister came to visit and lent a hand on decorating the nursery and endless hours of shopping and fun. However, in the quiet of the house, the realization of loneliness hit her. A tear fell…then another. Damn.
“Jamie, you were supposed to stop mamma from crying,” she whispered to her son, rubbing her stomach. But, to no avail…the tears still coursed down her cheek.
She missed him. Hexon.
Without him was like missing a part of herself. No matter how strong she appeared in the light of day or in tough meetings at the Merrick LA office, nothing, upon nothing changed her love for the most stubborn, hardheaded mule as one Hexon James Montgomery. She never asked about him--not even to know if he moved on. If the answer had been yes and he'd moved on--engaged…or expecting another child--or something else catastrophic, Savannah knew she would suffer a mental break. He already handed her heart in a million pieces, she couldn’t handle it ground to dust by news of his happiness. It was better to stay in her fantasy of him wasting away pining for her, but…perhaps that was just as foolish. Because what had he done? Thought the absolute worst of her and shamed her love with the lowest form of jerk known to man. His distrust destroyed her hope and with it, the love she held so strong in her heart.
Even after six months, the pain still felt as raw as the moment he accused her of being…just like Jessica…
She paused at the doorway of his bedroom that fateful night six months ago after he accused her of an abortion with Sean and Laura waiting in the hallway ready to whisk her away from Montgomery sci-fi of horror. Tears burned in the back of her eyes…but she held onto them--barely. She wouldn’t cry…no, not yet. She wouldn’t let him know how much he hurt her.
Hex’s face averted and his obvious anger humming throughout the room. “Even as I have watched you throw your ridiculous tantrum, I have waited to see if spontaneous combustion will occur. And I mean you, Hexon, because I can’t believe any of this is real. The only thing I ever asked of you was…take a day at a time with me,” she whispered and a damn tear escaped. Shit! “You said you would, but I can clearly see now…how mistaken I was. I hope you’re happy--you have only yourself to thank now,” she said and left.
All through the drive to the Merrick house, she cried softly in the backseat, uncaring if anyone heard. Never in her life had pain seeped so far out of the depths of her soul and rained out her eyes. Her tears hadn’t washed away the hurt,
the anguish, the despair at walking away from her distrusting biker god.
She had been so willing to try—to love—to dream—to experience life with him. All he had to do was trust, if only a little. Yet, his own pain was too deep, but that would never excuse the hatred, which oozed from his voice or the disappointment threading his eyes when he stared at her. Oh God…even now the moment burned fresh in her memory. He stripped her of inner dignity until her heart bled out. Would it ever stop hurting when she breathed?
But, she had a plan. Didn't she?
She would have Jamie…and afterwards she would march right up to Montgomery sci-fi and show him how wrong he was to believe the worst of her. Yet, could she? Did she want to hurt him and make him suffer as much as she hurt? Her love for him outweighed the retaliation factor. Maybe she would finally allow Katie or Jagger to tell him. There were just no positive answers.
Savannah turned the corner intending to change out of her black Capri pants and white off the shoulder maternity top, but the phone rang. Clearing her throat of her tears, she answered it.
“Hey S! Ready for game time?” Jagger asked with excitement brimming through the phone line.
“Hey yourself. Why are you calling now? I thought you had someplace to be.”
He gave a ragged sigh, “Yeah, I so get that a lot,” he said dryly. “But, I have excellent news. I finally bit the big one and changed my major from business to graphic design.”
She didn’t hold back her happiness, “Really? Oh, Jay that’s wonderful. How did that go over with the family?” she asked, but wisely didn’t inquire after Hex.
“Oh they pitched a glorified bitch-fit,” he said and smiled when he heard her quick in drawn breath. “Nah, I’m messing with you. They accepted without a word of complaint. And believe me…I’m happier for it too.”
“Sooo…you’re out of class because…?”
“Whoa! What are you the truancy police? Duh, no class on Friday with my new schedule, genius. Thought you might enjoy a round of internet gaming. I am thoroughly ready to take you down.”
She walked over to living room and punched the ON button for the TV and Xbox. “Sure, I’ve got a few hours to kill. Your sister just left by the way.”
“Yeah, she texted me before she got on the plane so I knew you were probably moping around like a sissy and thought I’d entertain you for a few hours.”
“You’re a trooper. I’m touched. I’m hardly in need of babysitter.”
He laughed, “Well, at least not yet anyway! Just wait until Jamie comes and tell me that again!”
“Always one to overstate the obvious, huh?”
“Nah, I’m just working on your mind so I beat the hell out of you in our game. Call it, psychological warfare!”
Savannah settled on the sofa and propped her feet up on the coffee table, game controller in hand. She reached for her Bluetooth hands-free, “Call me back on my cell and let’s get down to business.”
~~~
Hex stood a day and half later outside the Merrick house in Los Angeles armed with the gate code, but he stared hard at the glorious white, mod house gleaming from the beyond. His princess was here…all he had to do was go in. Instead, he paced back and forth, his heart pounding so hard he wanted to puke. How would he apologize? Begging? Something written in blood? Sell his soul? He would do anything! He pushed a frustrated hand through his dark, overlong hair, thinking he should have gotten a haircut. To make matters worse, he had learned the depth of his stupidity. The night he blew a fuse over Savannah and accused her of an abortion, Laura explained that the good doctor helped them change a flat tire! Yep, he was some kind of idiot! A freaking flat tire ended his sanity and lost his princess.
With a deep breath…he punched the code in…the gates opened and he trekked up the winding driveway to the front door. Should he ring the doorbell? Or would she slam it in his face? Rightly so, but with his decision made, he opened the door…
“Jay, you took my kill shot!”
He chuckled on the other end of the phone line, “Whatever! I can’t help it if your reflexes are less than agile. You may want to work on that.”
“Yeah, yeah…zip it! Look, I’m tired and hungry…so I’m hanging up now.” “Sure, I get it. Sore loser syndrome and all.”
“Please! We’ll have a rematch and I’ll whip your ass! Oh, before I go…if you speak to Katie remind her to call me after she arrives home. I told her, but she always forgets, the hussy.” Jagger made his infamous ‘uh huh’ sound, “Will do. Take care, S. Talk to ya later.”
She threw the game controller, Bluetooth hands-free down on the table and stretched, rubbing her belly, and her stomach growled. Lunch needed by far and she went towards the kitchen and opened the fridge.
Her dark eyes fell over the stocked shelves with ravenous interest. “Okay, Jamie, what’ll it be kiddo? Chips? Nah…you’re right, too greasy. Hmmm, leftover Chinese? Yeah, heartburn city and then some. Sandwich and mango? You read your mama's mind. Okay, okay and a glass of milk, but next time I get to pick almond milk and so what if it has more calories than we need, right? I mean we are already the size of a large whale…what’s a few more?” She rubbed her belly. “Not you, Jamie. I mean me. You’re perfect.” Tears stung her eyes.
The phone rang, interrupting her intent to eat and possible meltdown. She blinked the emotion from her eyes, “"Hold that thought.”
She grabbed the cordless phone off the kitchen counter, still holding the mango in her hand. "Tony? God, do you even know what a weekend is?"
"Sorry, but the promotional sign fell and nearly whacked an old man."
Flipping the mango up in the air, she caught it, "One word: maintenance. Shocking, I know...right? Who would've thought?"
"This is sarcasm right?"
"Oh you're good. Call Jim and get the sign back up or I can come and do it. I'm sure pregnant lady on a ladder will go over real good with boss man. Oh, run damage control for the old man...offer a free hotel package or something. Call legal if he threatens to sue and call me back," she told him ending her call and turned to find Hex standing in the kitchen doorway.
“Oh God…” she whispered, dropping the mango. He looked…tired, worn and haggard, she nearly fainted. “You—” she began only to fail as Hexon moved to pick up mango and without a word, grabbed a knife, calmly and efficiently prepared it for her. He took hold of plate out the sink strainer, laid out the readied mango and pushed it towards her. His quiet manner was beyond ludicrous.
The fight versus flight seeped into Savannah and flight won.
She moved to leave the kitchen, but Hex was quicker, gently spinning her around to face him.
“Why didn’t you tell me,” he croaked his voice barely a whisper of his pain, his eyes mirroring his anguish.
Chapter Sixteen
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds…[it] is never shaken. ~ William Shakespeare, excerpt from Sonnet 116
Savannah pffted, her dark eyes flashed hot with anger, “Why? Or do you mean when? As I recall, you were busy accusing me of being a murderer. Tell me—when in God’s name would you have listened?” Then the realization hit her that someone snitched, “Shit-fire-and-brimstone, I’ve been setup. I’m going to kill Merrick or the narc squad!” she bit out acidly.
Hex winced, “God, Savannah…I know I am jackass…and I deserve every punishment you can think of, but please, princess…”
Savannah pulled away from him, “Don’t call me that! And yes, you are a jackass! There’s the jackass exit so do us both a favor and…leave dammit. If you need a sign to point the way, Tony is gaining some practical experience as we speak, I'm sure I can have him erect one. I’ll call you when the baby is born and we can set up visitation.”
She spun on her heels and left the kitchen, marching up the stairs not waiting to see if he took her hint and beat feet. The only thing tripping through her heart...he was here! Oh my god…he was here! Her love was here! While hope bloomed, fear settled deep in
her heart, deflating her happiness. She just couldn’t walk another road of pain and hardship no matter how much she loved him. She wasn’t ready. She entered her bedroom and sat on the bed, hanging her head. Tears burned…they always burned--a level of fire so fierce they scalded her heart.
Hex followed her, watching her from the doorway--pain wormed deeper into his heart. He strode softly over to her and reached for the hand covering her face.
Savannah flinched, “I said leave Hexon.” Pain glittered in her eyes defying the cool tone of her voice.
A soft smile touched his lips and he shook his head, “You don’t mean that.”
“And what would you know of it?” Her tears were seconds from falling and a sob tore out of her throat making her a liar.
“I know more than you damn well give me credit for. I know you are not the woman I thought you to be. You are more than I deserve.” He dragged a hand through his hair and he bent down before her. “I didn’t know, Savannah.”
She frowned, “What are you talking—“
He reached up to cover her lips with one finger, “Shh, you will just say shit you'll regret later, so do us both a favor and listen for now. Please?” His eyes begged.
She closed her eyes, barely able to withstand the beauty of his face so close to hers.
Hex continued, “First of all, I died many slow deaths after you left and I tried to act like it didn't matter, but it did. No, more accurately--you mattered to me more than anyone I've ever known. I was an ass and I deserved to lose you, Savannah. I was buried so far under self-pity I didn't know where the hell up was from down and it took me six months to dig my way out of the shit pile. I'm so sorry," he whispered reaching up to caress her cheek. "I finally humbled myself and contacted Sean with intent to apologize to you, but he said you didn’t want to see me. In fact, Sean said you requested to be pulled off all future projects and sent to another galaxy…far, far, far away...from me. “
