Safeword (The Decadence Club Book 3)

by Alyssa Clark

  I was tempted to stay there, I didn’t like sharing. I’d known Liz for a year before I gave her any sort of insight to my crazy. I’d only known Michael a few months. So far the only answer I got for why he was giving me a second chance was simply because he wanted it.

  But giving him what he wanted was sure to give me what I wanted, right?

  I took a breath before I stepped out of the foyer and into the main part of the apartment. It was a giant open space with windows everywhere. I could see a glitzy kitchen with stainless steel appliances and what looked like granite that was polished to shine, even in the low lights. There was a simple dining table tucked in the corner just off the kitchen that barely drew my attention as I scoped out the rest of the place.

  The living room sported a large television that was hung over an unlit fireplace; the TV was tuned to a news channel. There was a soft blue sectional that looked as if it would be the best place to crash after a long day of work. From what I could tell Michael had been intent on doing just that before I got here. I’d figured he would go back there, but he ambled over to the kitchen.

  I watched him pull two bottles of water from the fridge, and he turned to stand in front of the island. “Come sit, let’s talk.” He set one of the bottles of water on the granite where he expected me to be.

  I wasn’t going to argue with him, I followed direction and eased onto one of the little stools that were placed on the opposite side of the island. I took up the offered bottle and fidgeted with it. I tried to consider the best course of action from there. He wasn’t angry, as far as I could tell. I twisted the bottle open and took a sip, using the motion to decide what to ask. “What did you want to talk about?” Maybe it would be better if I let him lead.

  Michael released a breath and leaned forward, resting both of his hands against the countertop. “That last article, does that mean this is over?”

  I blinked at him after a long moment. “I finished that particular series. But my boss wants me to come up with more ideas. You know, start a string of articles under the same premise,” I relaxed as I spoke. This was an easier topic, talking about work, than what I expected him to talk about. “So that particular subject is done. I’m not really interested in writing more about it or continuing a membership at the club.”

  He nodded as I spoke, watching me with an expression I didn’t quite get. “That’s not what I meant,” he interjected when I finished. “What I meant is,” he gestured between us, “is this over?”

  Oh. I totally misunderstood. “I thought you were mad at me,” I started to ramble. “I didn’t expect you to even want to see me.” I started to put a hand in my hair only to stop when I remembered I’d pulled it back, “I-I don’t know? Do you still want me?”

  “Why else would I respond to you?” His brows went up as he eyed me. “Why else would I invite you here?

  I shrugged, and without thinking, I told him the truth. “To rip me a new one for not telling you the truth. To tell me what an awful person I was for using you and how I would never find any sort of person that would even consider having sex with me, much less anything else.” I took a breath to continue, in the same deadpanned tone I was using before.

  Michael lifted a hand, his brows drew together and a grimace on his face. “I don’t want to hear any more.” Ge shook his head at me. “Is that really the way you think?” The look he was giving me was hard to read like he was hoping my answer was no, or that I was making some sort of joke.

  I shrugged again, helplessly. I looked down at the bottle I held between my hands and rolled it before I began to pick at the label. It wasn’t a brand I recognized and was probably expensive. Which was crazy seeing how it was just water. “This is the way I’ve been for as long as I can remember,” I said honestly. “I doubt I could be any other way.”

  “So, you’re telling me that you’ve always been this way?” A glance told me he looked like he didn’t believe me. “People aren’t born with an abysmal view of themselves. You have a family, don’t you?” There was something akin to pity in his voice, and when I looked up at him again, I saw it in his eyes.

  It made my stomach twist up, and I frowned at him. “I don’t imagine as a kid. Honestly, I don’t know. I was picked on a lot.” I felt my face grow heated with the remembered words, being called fat and made fun of because of my red hair. My hair had been a starker shade of red when I was younger. Fortunately, it had gotten darker with age. Pippi was a nickname that irked me, and I made sure to never wear my hair in braids because of it. “I prefer not to think about it. I’m an adult, and I’ve moved passed it,” I looked down at my hands clenched around the bottle now, the plastic gave a little. “I’d rather not talk about this either.”

  He hummed a little. “Alright. Let me be direct then.” He moved around the island to stand closer to me. I kept my focus on my hands, but I was aware of the short distance between us. “What do you want from me?”

  My breath caught in my throat, I lost focus on the bottle of water. What did I want? “C-can…” I swallowed hard, trying to piece together something. “Can we just go back to the way it was before?” I couldn’t verbalize what I wanted, so I let go of my bottle so I could wave my hands. Hopefully, he’d get the gist. “Can we just ignore the whole… you being angry at me and let’s go back to the good times?”

  The distance dwindled between us, one of his hands dropped onto the countertop. I felt caged in. It forced me to look up at him. His eyes had turned molten, and I could see that despite my floundering I’d said something right.

  “You want me?” His voice was a low growl that managed to make me quake with something other than fear.

  I didn’t question his doubt, I was too distracted by just how close he was. “Yes.” I could barely hear myself over the sudden thundering of my heart in my ears.

  “You want me to fuck you?” His leaned down over me, and I looked down from those eyes to his lips.

  “Yes.” It came out in a groan. I was so prepared to go without sex that I hadn’t realized just how much I’d been craving it before.

  I thought for a hot second he was going to kiss me. Oh God, please kiss me. Throw me up on the counter and take me. Please!

  Like he heard the voice in my head, Michael smirked a little bit and pulled away. “We want similar things,” he said easily. “But I have some … prerequisites before anything else happens between us. Question is, will you still want me after I make them?”

  I would have fallen forward if I hadn’t hung onto the lip of the counter. I had moved with Michael as he moved away, I’d been so intent on getting what I wanted I wasn’t prepared to be denied. “W-what?” I stuttered, now shocked to attention. “What do you want?”

  “Who was the first person to fuck you?” The lust seemed to drift right out of him, the expression that he showed me nothing but business. Not at all like he was asking me such a personal question.

  I stared at him. “What?” I was hoping I hadn’t heard him right.

  “I can’t figure you out,” he said frankly. “So, if you want me to fuck you, you’re going to answer my questions, or you can leave.” He gestured back towards the elevator that I’d come up in., “You can save face by not giving me this chance to know you. Or you can give me what I want.” He leaned back close to me, brushing my knees with his knuckles. “Question is, just how bad do you want me to fuck you?”

  I bit my lip then closed my eyes. I didn’t want to share with him. I didn’t want to expose myself like that. But did I really want to leave?

  “Timmy Watson,” I said after a length. I didn’t think about him often, only when it seemed like it had to come off my chest. Or someone had to pressure the information out of me.

  Michael sat onto the stool next to me, he looked less like he wanted to seduce me. It was more like he was settling in to listen to me. “When?” A simple question.

  Shame was hot on my cheeks again, I looked away from him. “I was a junior, and he was a senior in high scho
ol.” I looked around, wanting something to distract myself from his judgment.

  “So,” he tapped on the countertop, “you don’t want to tell me about it. Was the sex bad?”

  His attention was so rampant that I was afraid of what to say. So, I shrugged. “I don’t really remember, it was more about the fact that it was my first time. He was so popular and cute that I thought that it meant that he wanted me.” I quieted and started to see the similarities in what I was currently doing versus the past.

  “Let me guess,” I could feel his eyes on my face, “after that, he didn’t talk to you at all, did he?” His voice was soft like he was being extra careful with his question.

  My throat tightened up, and I didn’t think I could give him a verbal answer. So, I nodded. My eyes stung, and I couldn't figure out why at first. This was years ago. Why was I still hung on up it?

  “Have I done anything to you to make you think I would treat you the same?” His hands came to cup my cheeks, gently forcing my head so that I had to look at him. “I’m not a punk kid.” Michael’s voice stayed in that same gentle tone. “I didn’t take you out with the intention to humiliate you in any fashion. The only humiliation I want you to feel is the fact that I have you out at a restaurant and all you can think about is how hard I fucked you beforehand.”

  He slid off the stool, and one hand went back into my hair, knocking the band loose so he could grip it tightly. “I want you to be mine.” His voice had gone gruff, and his eyes felt like they were burning into me. “I’m not done with you, yet. Do you understand?”

  I started to nod again, but his hand curled into a fist. The movement was restricted in a way that didn’t frighten me, not after everything else I’ve let him do to me. “Yes, sir,” I breathed.

  “If you withhold information like this from me again,” he tsk’d lightly under his breath as he drew closer, “then I won’t reconsider. There won’t be any second chances after this. Do you understand?”

  Michael hovered close, holding me in place by my hair. He was close enough to kiss me, putting me to the point that his lips were my main focus again. “Yes, sir,” I breathed, wishing for all that I was worth that he would just close that distance between us. I just wanted him to kiss me.

  “Good.” His lips ghosted lightly against mine, a shadow of the kiss. “Now tell me,” his voice had gotten rougher, “do you remember if that boy was any good?”

  “No.” I reached a hand forward to touch him, thinking if I had a hold on him he wouldn’t be able to skirt back. “Nowhere near as good as you.” I didn’t remember how good he was. I couldn’t remember getting off. The only thing that I remembered was the high of the hottest guy in school wanting me then the pain of the utter joke of it. “He doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Damn right he doesn’t.” Michael caught my lips then, devouring and making every insecurity I’d had up to this moment melt away. His tongue thrust into my mouth and sought dominance that I was so eager for him to have. He tugged me off the stool and pressed me against the length of him, my hands knotted in his shirt like he was a lifeline.

  Finally. I was getting what I needed.

  He ripped his mouth from mine, and I couldn’t help the whine that I released, it didn’t matter that he jerked my head back and went for my throat. I moaned, regretting that there was so much clothing between us.

  “Please,” I groaned.

  Michael tugged at my hair, pulling just hard enough for it to hurt. “What do I want to hear?” It was a growled demand that made everything in me clench up.

  “Fuck me,” I pleaded. “Please.”

  They were the right words, but he jerked away from me. I couldn’t help the protested noises that I made. He kept a firm grip on my hair, directing me to turn around. He pressed me through his apartment hand full of my hair like a leash. I stumbled, but he caught me with a hand around my waist.

  I was still directed forward while he kicked open the door to a sparsely decorated bedroom. The main focal point of the room, the only thing I cared about, was a large bed. I didn’t get a look at the rest of it because he moved me to the bed then leaned me across the end of it. He tore down my jeans and panties and before I had the opportunity to adjust to the shock of cool air on my ass, he gave me a smack so hard it pulled a shriek from me. My cheeks burned hot, not the ones on my face.

  He hit me again, and I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. My hands dug into the bedding, and I tried my best to quiet myself, but there was this need to let it out. I didn’t keep count of how many times he struck me. I just knew he spread out the licks and made my ass burn. Everything clenched and I could feel the dampness between my thighs.

  This wasn’t enough. It was a cruel tease of what I really wanted. It licked fire in places I didn’t understand, and I had shame burning my face up.

  Michael’s hand was back in my hair, and he turned my face to the side. I felt his lips against my ear before he spoke, “You need to tell me you’re sorry.”

  “I’m sorry,” I choked out. I wasn’t going to refrain from giving him what he wanted.

  “Say you’re mine,” he demanded.

  “I’m yours!” There were no tears choking me there, just wonton want. I said it, I meant it. “I’m yours.”

  “Now…” his voice growled and managed to touch everything on its way from my ear to my lady parts. I clenched my thighs together, waiting for him to give me a break. “This is the only warning I’m going to give you. If you don’t learn to trust me,” he was suddenly a little rougher, “I’m going to wreck this ass, do you understand me?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Tell me what you want.”

  “Fuck me please,” I begged.

  He released me, and I nearly cried at the lack of contact. I turned to see him whip the shirt up and over his head, forgoing undoing any buttons. It treated me to a view of his form, and he didn’t notice my gaze until he got to his belt. He paused for only a moment before he continued getting undress, shucking his slacks to the floor. He stood before me in just a pair of boxer briefs, his excitement tenting the material, so there was no doubt about how he was affected.

  “You don’t get to just watch,” he cupped his hardened cock with his hand, “take the rest of your clothes.”

  I kicked off my shoes first then wiggled my jeans and panties the rest of the way off my legs. There was nothing sexy about the way I undressed. I didn’t try, not in the heat of the moment. There was a time and a place to work on the dynamics of being sexy while undressing, this wasn’t it. I copied his move of taking off my shirt and damn near got tangled in my t-shirt.

  Michael didn’t give me the opportunity to be flustered. As soon as my shirt was out of the way he was on me. Kissing me and groping me just like I wanted. The only scrap of clothing left was my bra. I reached behind me to release the hooks and had my arms free of the straps in a few heartbeats, all so I could touch him and feel all of him against me.

  That’s when he shoved me away and back onto the bed. He was panting a little, I more so than him. “Get in the middle,” he directed. “Up towards the headboard.”

  I rolled over quickly and crawled up the huge bed. It was huge compared to my twin bed at home. I hesitated to roll onto my back, my butt still smarted. But if I still had my ass up in the air, there was a good chance that he might feel the need to hit it again. So, despite the sting, I settled on the plush comforter and looked at him for more direction.

  He didn’t give it readily. Instead, it looked as if he were just satisfied in looking at me. His gaze was so intense it was enough to make me feel a little self-conscious. I shifted enough so that my clasped thighs covered the view of the swatch of hair between them. I couldn’t help but cross one arm across my breasts and splay my hand over my tummy. I was so bare.

  He made a noise, and his eyes narrowed. “Don’t cover yourself up.” He pressed his underwear off his hips and let them fall to the floor, his cock bouncing just a little but otherwise standing
stiffly away from him. “I like looking at you.” He grasped his erection as he spoke, giving it a light stroke. “But if you’re not going to let me see you, I might just have to entertain myself in other ways.” Then his stance relaxed. It was like he was satisfied with just touching himself.

  I sat forward and immediately let go of my breasts. “Please don’t.”

  “You may not think it,” he let go of his dick and started onto the bed, prowling towards me, “but you are gorgeous. I don’t want to see you here covered at all. Eventually,” he murmured as he drew closer to me, “you will see what I do.”