Wanderlust

by Roni Loren

  The blinds in her front window flickered with blue television light. Good, she was home. He knocked on the door lightly and rocked back and forth on his heels while he waited for her to answer. But no one came.

  “Aubrey?” he said, knocking again. “It’s Lex. Are you in there?”

  He heard a shuffle behind the door then a hoarse voice. “Lex, this isn’t a good time.”

  He frowned. “Come on, babe. Don’t make me talk through the door. Let me in. I promise I won’t bite. Of course, I won’t mind if you do, again.”

  There was a pause and then the lock turned over. She cracked the door open and peered out, her expression flat. “Please don’t announce things that my neighbor can hear. We can talk tomorrow, okay?”

  She started to close the door, but his hand shot out and stopped it.

  “Hold on a sec,” he said, scanning her face. “What’s going on? This isn’t about this morning, is it?”

  She sighed. “No, this morning was . . . fine.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Fine? If that’s your reaction to fine, I’d love to see what you do when it’s great.”

  Her mouth hinted at a smile, but didn’t quite accomplish it. His heart clenched at the hollowness behind her eyes.

  “A lot has happened since this morning.” She stared at him for a moment and then stepped back, letting the door open wider. “I guess you may as well come in. You need to know anyway. Your name is involved.”

  He frowned and stepped into her living room. Even though it was only eight, she looked ready for bed in pink striped pajama bottoms and a white cotton camisole, her face scrubbed clean. An open photo album and her laptop cluttered her coffee table along with a king-size bag of gummy bears and a Yoo-hoo. He sat on the couch as she flicked on a lamp.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  She sank into the corner of the couch and gathered her knees to her chest, looking more girlish than he had ever seen her. “Besides my heartless slaughter of all things made of sugar?”

  The little joke heartened him, but the strain around her eyes didn’t lift.

  She grabbed her remote control off her side table and aimed it at the television. “Watch for yourself.”

  A replay of the six o’clock news began. She fast-forwarded until she found what she wanted. The female anchor began to speak.

  “Current mayoral frontrunner Emile Bordelon, who is running on a platform of family values and is well-known for his outspoken stance on the city’s loose alcohol regulations and public intoxication laws, may get to use his daughter as an example if he wins office. Aubrey Bordelon, his only surviving daughter, was seen at Sway Sunday night with Lex Logan, notorious playboy lead singer of rock band Wanderlust. An anonymous source reported that Aubrey was clearly intoxicated and had to be helped out of the bar after falling.”

  Lex groaned as a grainy cell phone picture of Aubrey on the floor of the bar flashed across the screen. His teeth clenched. “That dickhead. Anonymous my ass.”

  “Earlier in the night, Ms. Bordelon reportedly attended a Families Against Drunk Driving benefit honoring the life of her sister, Ashley, who was killed in a drunk driving accident in 2000. Aubrey, who was behind the wheel the night of that accident, spent thirty days in a juvenile rehabilitation program to deal with her alcohol issues. Now, ten years later, it appears as if she’s fallen off her path. In addition to this incident at Sway, Aubrey is also rumored to be the woman receiving a lap dance from Mr. Logan in this YouTube video taken at Candies, a strip club downtown. The video has received thousands of hits in a matter of days.”

  Aubrey snorted. “That’s not because of me.”

  They showed a clip of Lex’s lap dance with his body blurred from the neck down.

  “What the hell? Being shirtless isn’t allowed on the news? They make it look like I was dancing naked or something.”

  “His opponent, Mayor Cavanaugh, stated that the incident was regrettable and suggested that the senator’s intense attack campaign may have distracted him from seeing the issues in his own family. A statement from Senator Bordelon is expected by our ten o’clock broadcast. Stay tuned.”

  Aubrey lowered the volume with a tired look on her face.

  “This is completely ridiculous,” Lex said, shaking his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  She leaned her head against the cushions. “It doesn’t matter. One grain of truth can be blown into epic proportions in politics, especially when your dad is such a hardass in his stance on things.”

  He frowned. “You had to go to rehab at sixteen? How L.A. of you.”

  She gave a humorless laugh. “That kept me out of juvenile detention. My father pulled strings to get the judge to require treatment instead of punishment for my crime. Kiddie rehab and then a strict all-girls Catholic school for my senior year. I’m glad I didn’t have to go to jail, but it was still scary. The night of the accident was only the second time I had ever been drunk in my life, and suddenly I was inpatient with all these teenagers who had serious addictions.”

  “I’m sure that’s exactly what you needed right when you were dealing with your sister’s death.”

  She shrugged. “Definitely not a contender for the highlight reel of my life. I’ve never felt more alone. I had killed my best friend. My parents couldn’t bear to talk to me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without Grayson. He was the only one who didn’t look at me like I was a stranger after the accident. The only one who didn’t blame me. I guess that’s how we ended up dating. He made me feel normal.”

  Lex bit his tongue. He didn’t like her ex. Something about him rubbed him the wrong way. But now was not the time to criticize the guy. “I’m glad someone was there for you.”

  She rubbed her hands over her face. Even taut with stress, she was beautiful. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laying this on you. My boss gave me an earful today about letting my personal life interfere with work. She was pretty pissed that you had to help me out of a bar. She sent me home today to get myself together. I think she’s going to pull me off the story.”

  A dart of panic raced through his veins, surprising him. Wasn’t that exactly what he had wanted from the start? “That’s not necessary. And you don’t need to apologize for talking to me. I did demand that you let me in.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. You basically forced it out of me.”

  Aubrey’s cell phone buzzed loudly against the table. She grabbed it and frowned at the caller ID. “My father. I have to take this.”

  She took a breath and then answered it. Lex couldn’t hear what was being said on her father’s end, but he watched as Aubrey’s face changed from dread to disbelief to anger as the conversation stretched on, her father doing most of the talking. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re kidding, right?”

  Her dad squawked louder on the other end, but Lex still couldn’t decipher the words.

  She shook her head. “Dad, I’m not an alcoholic. I was never an alcoholic. I was at the strip club on assignment. Can’t you give me the benefit of the doubt?”

  She paused, listening to her father’s reply, her face hardening. “I’m sorry it reflects badly on your campaign, but I’m not the one running for office.”

  She rose to her feet and started pacing. Lex could hear yelling through the phone now. She raised her voice in response. “You know what, Dad? That’s fine. You go on television, wash your hands of me. Disown me for all I care. I don’t take any money from you anyway. I’m not apologizing publicly. I did nothing wrong this time.”

  If her father replied, she didn’t wait for it. She launched the phone against the wall, causing the case to fly off and skitter across the floor. Angry tears pooled at the bottom of her lids as she collapsed on the sofa. After a moment, her gaze landed on Lex and widened as if she had forgotten he was sitting there. She swiped her tears away with
the heels of her hands.

  “I’m sorry. Look, can you just go? It’s not a good time.” Her tone was sharp, but he could tell that she was fighting to stay glued together.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  More tears replaced the ones she had brushed away, and the fight seemed to drain from her. “God, this is so stupid. I don’t do this.”

  “Do what?” he asked gently.

  She huffed in frustration. “Cry. Let things get to me like this.”

  “You’re human, babe. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” He scooted to her side of the couch. When she didn’t protest, he curled his arms around her and gathered her into his lap. She didn’t say anything, just laid her cheek against the crook of his neck, filling his nose with her Ivory soap scent. He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head. Guilt settled in his stomach. This was his fault. In his selfish attempt to bring out her wild side, he had blown down the house of cards around her.

  “You’re not leaving, are you?” she asked, her voice small and tired, but her body curling deeper into his hold.

  “No. I’m hardheaded like that.”

  With that, she seemed to surrender to him. He held her in his lap, caressing and soothing, enjoying the weight of her against him, until he felt her body relax and her breathing slow. She was asleep by the time the late-night news came on. Aubrey’s father put on an Oscar-worthy performance, throwing his daughter under the bus in his statement: Aubrey is an adult, and even as her parents, we can’t control her actions. She has problems but won’t accept our help. We will always be there for her when she’s ready to do the right thing.

  Lex wanted to punch the guy’s self-righteous face. He shifted his arms underneath Aubrey and stood, moving slowly so he wouldn’t wake her. Her eyelids fluttered but didn’t open. After easing down her hallway, being careful not to bang her legs against the narrow space, he placed her on the bed and tucked her sheets around her. The edge of her mattress sagged as he sat next to her. He knew he should leave. His presence in her life had already messed up enough things for her. He brushed her hair off her face and watched her sleep for a few minutes, her sad expression mercifully replaced by the peace of slumber.

  He glanced at the alarm clock, realizing ten minutes had passed, and reluctantly rose. When he clicked off her bedside lamp and turned to go, the rustle of covers stopped him.

  He turned around, and Aubrey lifted herself onto her elbow, her expression sleep-soft. “Don’t leave.”

  There was nothing he wanted to do more than stay. To feel the warmth of her against him. But even he wasn’t enough of an asshole to take advantage of her when she was this vulnerable. “You need to get some sleep.”

  “So I’ll sleep. But that doesn’t mean you can’t sleep next to me.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I think I’ve done you enough damage since I’ve been here. Maybe we should quit before I make it worse. I mean, what if someone sees my rental outside?” He forced every word out, not wanting to say them, not wanting to end it this soon.

  She nodded. “After tonight, I really don’t care what people think. But, you’re probably right. This is stupid. We’re working together. You’re leaving soon. I’m now in the middle of some ridiculous scandal. This isn’t worth the trouble.”

  She had agreed with him, but a flash of hurt hit him in the gut, twisting his insides. She was saying he wasn’t worth the trouble. His jaw tightened. “Yeah, you’re right, not worth it.”

  She sighed and climbed out of bed. “Come on, I’ll let you out.”

  She walked through the hallway next to him, but not touching him, and escorted him out the door.

  ***

  Aubrey leaned her back against her closed front door and sank to the floor.

  Lex walking away had left her with a hollow, sick feeling inside. She had hoped that he wouldn’t be able to leave so easily, that he’d feel the magnetic pull the same as she did. But that was a ridiculous thought. As if their brief time together meant anything to him. She was just another girl in another city. And he was simply a convenient distraction for her right now. She tapped the back of her head against the door. So if he was a convenience, why did her chest ache at the thought of never curling into his arms again? Was she just desperate for someone—anyone—who wasn’t ready to write her off and check her into rehab? Ugh.

  She hoisted herself off the floor and stomped to the kitchen, no longer tired and ready to get over her pity party. She rummaged around her tiny pantry, digging through cans and boxes until her hand landed on a bag of chocolate chips. Jackpot. There should’ve been a label on the bag that read Open in case of emergency. She tossed the bag on her counter, along with canisters of flour and sugar. Fifteen minutes later, she parked the pan of cookie dough in the oven to bake.

  Cookies would fix everything.

  As she waited for the cookies to bake, she grabbed a damp rag to clean the mess she’d created. The counter looked like the location of a Pillsbury Doughboy orgy, and the pile of dishes she’d created teetered in the sink. But while she was rinsing out the last of the measuring cups, her house phone rang, startling her from her busy work. She frowned and glanced at the clock on her wall.

  Who the hell would be calling her at this hour? The only person who knew she was awake was Lex, and he didn’t have her home number. Caller ID read Private. She dried off her hands and grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

  The voice was barely a whisper. “Aubrey, this is Lena, from next door.”

  Aubrey strained to hear the elderly neighbor who shared her duplex.

  “I think,” Lena whispered, “I think someone is watching the house.”

  Aubrey’s heart sped up, her spine straightening. Would reporters really stake out her house? Surely, her scandal couldn’t be that interesting. “What? What do you mean?”

  The woman’s voice trembled a bit. “There’s a car parked across the street. It’s been there for a while, and there’s a man in it. I pulled out my gun in case he tries to break in, but I wanted to let you know so that you don’t go outside.”

  “Hang on, Ms. Lena, let me take a look.” Aubrey walked to the front of the house, keeping the portable phone to her ear, and peeked through her blinds. She let go of the breath she was holding. “It’s okay. I know him. He’s not trying to break in.”

  “You know him?” The old woman huffed. “Well, you better go tell him to stop lurking around. What kind of man does that? That’s a good way to get shot, right there.”

  “I’m so sorry he frightened you,” she said. “I’ll go fuss at him right now.”

  “You do that. He needs a good talking-to, scaring an old woman half to death. I’m already more than halfway there. I don’t need no extra help.”

  Aubrey smiled. Lena had so much spunk she would probably outlive the whole neighborhood. “I’ll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know. Good night.”

  After pulling the pan of cookies out of the oven and setting it on the counter to cool, Aubrey toed on her flip-flops. She stepped onto her porch and gave a little wave to Lena, who was eyeballing her through a crack in the curtains on the other side of the duplex. Aubrey took a steadying breath and then crossed the street to rap on the car window.

  Lex jumped like he’d touched a live wire. He rolled down the window. “Jesus, you scared the shit of me.”

  She crossed her arms. “And you almost got yourself shot by my take-no-prisoners neighbor. What are you doing out here?”

  He looked forward, staring out at the dark street instead of her. “Honestly? Convincing myself not to knock on your door and take back what I said.”

  A little surge of hope went through her. “Which part?”

  He looked down at his hands still gripping the steering wheel. “The part about wanting to end this tonight. The part where I agreed that this wasn’t worth the trouble.”

 
He turned and met her eyes.

  She pressed her lips together, trying to read him and keep her own reactions in check at the same time. “You were right, though. You’re going to be gone in a few days. What’s the point?”

  He reached through the window and hooked his finger in the waistband of her pajama pants, pulling her closer. His hand caressed the small of her back. “The point is that it could still be a great few days.”

  His touch and his words had her logic and resolve melting. He wasn’t making false promises. A few days of fun, of forgetting their worries together—that’s what he was suggesting. She sensed the risk in that, knew that earlier tonight when he had held her against him, she’d let herself imagine more than a sexual fling with him. But those kinds of thoughts were dangerous, not to mention asinine. There weren’t enough chocolate chip cookies in the world to help her if she let herself fall for a guy like Lex Logan.

  She took a deep breath. On the other hand, the sex had been ridiculously good, the best she’d ever experienced. That was hard to turn down. And with everything going on around her, she could use that kind of sweep-you-away escape. But could she manage to relax, enjoy, and not muddy things up with emotions? Could she be that girl?

  Well, she was about to find out. She put her hands on the top of the car and bent down, meeting his eyes. “So do you want to sleep over or not?”

  He grinned. “Definitely. And I promise I won’t make any moves on you. I still think you need rest, so we’ll just sleep.”

  She rolled her eyes and stepped back so that he could get out of the car. “Uh-huh. Said the spider to the fly.”

  He climbed out and encircled her waist in possessive hug. “No, I’m serious. I can have self-control—mostly. But in the morning, once you’re rested, all bets are off.”

  She laughed, loving the feel of his solid body pressed against hers, his arms wrapped around her. He made her feel small and delicate in comparison, safe. A sigh escaped her lips. “Come on, I have a treat for you.”

  “Wait, didn’t we just agree to no treat tonight?”