The Guardian Trilogy: The Complete Collection - Guardian, Allegiant & Reborn

by Sara Mack

  “Look at me, you two,” my mom says. “Smile. Put your arm around...okay good.”

  More flashes. I think she’s taking more pictures than necessary just in case my going to a dance never happens again.

  As we stand there posing as a real couple my body becomes hyperaware of his proximity. The pressure of his hand feels warm at the small of my back, and I try to ignore it. Whatever cologne he’s wearing isn’t helping matters, and I feel the distinct need to put some distance between us. My senses have turned against me. This is my friend, James. That’s it. That’s all. He hasn’t even told me I look nice! I make a mental note to berate Shel later for planting unwelcome thoughts in my head.

  After what feels like an eternity, we are allowed to leave. “Have fun!” my parents wave from the back porch as James helps me into his older model Jeep Wrangler. It’s cherry red with a black soft top, and he keeps it in pristine condition. Every time I ride in it I’m impressed with how new it looks.

  As we make our way to the high school, free of an audience, I apologize. “Sorry about all the pictures back there.”

  James shakes his head. “Don’t be. This is a big moment.”

  I roll my eyes. “How so? I’m pretty sure dances happen every day.”

  “No,” he smiles. “You look amazing.”

  Whoa. He actually complimented me. Maybe…? I push the thought aside and shrug off his words with sarcasm. “Are you saying I don’t look amazing every day?”

  “Basically,” he winks.

  And regular, non-complimentary, James returns. Jerk.

  I can’t come up with a witty comeback, so I stare out the window as he drives. My nervousness seems to have subsided somewhat since he seems to be acting like his normal self. It’s not that long of a ride to the school and we manage to fill the silence with everyday conversation. Soon we are headed into the gym decked out for our “Evening of Elegance.” Seriously, who comes up with these cheesy themes?

  Once inside, Shel finds us among the crowd. “Hey! You look awesome!” I say.

  “Where’s your man?” James asks, scanning the room for her date.

  “He went to the bathroom. I swear he’s got some sort of problem; he already went twice when he picked me up at my house!”

  I laugh. “He’s probably just nervous. Besides, I told you it was weird to come with Zach. You barely know him.”

  Shel shrugs and smiles. “I thought ‘why not?’ Even if I don’t have fun at least I got to buy a new dress.” She twirls in her most recent purchase, a graceful, floor-length gray and white sparkly number.

  “Ah, it’s all about the dress, is it?” James asks. He looks at me, kidding. “Is that why you agreed to come with me?”

  “Of course!” I smile sarcastically. “You know what a slave to fashion I am.”

  After some comments from the principal about the fundraising for tonight’s event and thanking all the staff and students for their hard work, as well as some overly spastic comments from our overly perky student council president, we are allowed to enjoy ourselves. Shel and I leave the boys so we can dance; this is the fun part that we have been waiting for. After a few fast songs, at the end of the forever classic “I Will Survive,” the music changes to something slow.

  “Aw man,” Shel whines as we leave the dance floor. “I guess I’ll have to dance with Zach.”

  “And you thought you wouldn’t have to?” I ask, surprised.

  “I don’t see you running to find James,” she accuses.

  “I told you! We’re just friends.”

  “Emma,” she says, stopping half way back to the table. “I’m just going to say it. You’re delusional.”

  “What? That’s a mean thing to say! I am not,” I defend myself.

  “Whatever,” she says in her snarky tone and rolls her eyes at me.

  I follow her over to the table where she grabs Zach for a dance. Across the room, I notice James hanging out with Matt and some other friends. Left alone, I decide to sit and wait until the music changes. I think to myself about Shel and how wrong she is about James being interested in me. Apparently he doesn’t want to dance or hang out with me. As I play with the decorations on the table, I admit to myself the thought makes me sad even though it shouldn’t. Eventually, a couple of friends make their way over and their arrival interrupts my confetti art.

  “Can we sit with you?” Olivia asks.

  “Of course,” I smile. “You guys having fun?”

  “We were except now our dates have disappeared. Where’s yours?” Taylor asks me.

  I nod over my shoulder. “Over there somewhere.”

  “Ours are probably too,” Olivia sighs then frowns. “I don’t get it. What’s the point of coming to a dance if you’re not going to dance?”

  “The hope that they’ll get lucky on the way home,” Taylor laughs.

  We all smirk and exchange knowing glances. Somehow the topic of our biology test comes up, so the conversation turns to a speculative debate about which essay option will be the easiest. In the middle of the discussion, Shel and Zach return to the table.

  “What’d I miss?” Shel asks.

  “A riveting discussion about the biology test.”

  “That’s boring. C’mon!” she grabs my arm and tows me to the dance floor.

  I spend half of the night dancing with Shel, Olivia, and Taylor. Olivia and Taylor’s dates eventually reappear, but the girls are so mad at their abandonment that they mostly hang out with Shel and me, and take turns dancing with Zach during the slow songs. Shel doesn’t mind sharing.

  “It’s your turn,” Shel says to me.

  “My turn for what?”

  “To dance with my date.”

  I laugh nervously. “I don’t want to dance with your date.”

  “Why not? He’s enjoying it and it saves me. Besides, you haven’t danced with anyone tonight other than me.”

  “It’s okay, really.”

  “No, it’s not okay. I’m starting to get a little pissed at your friend,” her snarky tone returns.

  I know that tone and reassure her. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. I’m having fun. Really!”

  She makes a face. “I’m going to get Zach.”

  “No, don’t!”

  “You are going to dance at the prom with a boy,” she states defiantly.

  “Ugh. You’re impossible.”

  Shel leaves me in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by couples. I feel uncomfortable and out of place. After a minute, Zach appears from the sea of well-dressed horny teenagers.

  “I’m sorry,” I say as he puts his hands around my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders.

  “It’s not a problem,” he smiles. “This night is turning out to be pretty good for me.”

  “I bet.” We laugh.

  “James isn’t going to be mad, is he?” he asks.

  “For dancing with me? Doubtful.”

  “He looks a little upset,” Zach nods over my shoulder.

  As we turn I catch a glimpse of James standing to the side of the dance floor. Yeah, his eyes are burning a hole straight through us. Great.

  We spend the rest of the song in silence looking everywhere but at each other. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. Shel is going to get it for putting me in this situation.

  “Thanks,” I say to Zach when the song ends.

  “No problem.”

  We’re headed back to the table when Olivia passes us and swoops up Zach. I find Shel. “You are in so much trouble!”

  Something grabs Shel’s attention behind me for a moment. She refocuses on my eyes, whispers “Not now,” and turns away.

  “Hey! I need to…”

  I’m cut off by someone grabbing me from behind by my waist, encircling it with a strong arm, and pulling me tight against a body.

  “Will you dance with me?” James whispers in my ear.

  It takes a moment for me to respond. This is unexpected and in response my heart flutters. “S-sure.”
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  He lets me go, so I can turn around, and then takes my hand. I look up at him and he’s staring at me intently with his brilliant blue eyes.

  When we reach the dance floor, I turn to face him and start to put my hands on his shoulders, but he grabs me tight around my waist, pressing me to him. I have no choice but to reach up and wrap my arms around his neck. Even though I’m wearing heels, he’s still taller than me.

  “Is this okay?” he asks softly as we start to move in a slow circle.

  I turn my head to look at him, our faces only inches apart. I can’t find any words.

  “You look confused,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips.

  I nod.

  “About this?” he guesses, amused.

  I let out a sigh. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “See that girl over there?” he nods in the direction behind me.

  I crane my neck to the right to see who he’s talking about, but he’s holding me so tightly I can’t move my head much. All I see is the edge of the mirrored wall behind the dance floor and some random people at tables. I don’t want to look like an idiot, so I nod yes.

  “I’m trying to make her jealous.”

  I turn to face him. “What?”

  Before I realize what is happening, his lips are on mine. I completely tense up. All kinds of thoughts race through my head – What the hell? Who is this other girl? Wait. James is kissing me?! Suddenly, my mind registers the actual kiss. Soft, sweet, and…over.

  “Did it work?” I ask quietly.

  “Did what work?”

  “Does she look jealous?”

  “Who?”

  “The girl!”

  James laughs. “It’s hard to tell. She looks like she might be angry. Maybe I should kiss her again.”

  “Wait…what?” I’m so confused! I take a step back from him. “Would you just stop it? Tell me what’s going on!”

  He laughs and turns me around by my shoulders to face the wall behind us. It’s the mirrored wall behind the dance floor and I stare at our reflections. “You,” he says, his breath warm on my ear. “I was talking about you. You’re the girl.”

  Oh. Oh.

  His hands circle my waist, and he turns me around. My stomach flips beneath his touch as I rest my hands on his arms, noting for the first time how toned they feel through the thin sleeves of his tuxedo shirt. All that time on the ice must pay off.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he asks quietly as we start to move again.

  Questions race through my mind, and I can’t pick just one. “I’m thinking I have a lot of questions.”

  “Fire away.”

  “Are you going to tell me the truth?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because I’m not feeling a whole lot of honesty right now. You’ve barely spoken to me all night!”

  James releases a defeated sigh. “I know. I’m sorry. My nerves got the best of me.”

  “Nerves?” I ask.

  “It’s not every day that you decide to tell your best friend that you have feelings for her.”

  I swallow.

  “I should have done this sooner. Much sooner,” he shakes his head. “Like years ago.”

  “Years?” I squeak.

  He gives me an incredulous look. “Really? How is it possible that you could not know how I feel about you by now?”

  I pause to think as we continue to move in a circle. “You’re my best friend.”

  “So? I can’t be anything else?”

  “You’ve always been in my life. I never considered anything else. And you never said anything!”

  He frowns. “It never once crossed your mind that I might have feelings for you other than friendship? You’ve never thought of me in any other way?”

  I bite my lip, embarrassed.

  “What?”

  A blush creeps over my cheeks. “Tonight. Getting ready. It crossed my mind.”

  His expression lights up like Times Square. “Really?”

  “Really,” I smile.

  He looks relieved. I think I am too, but inside I feel strange. I’m excited and worried at the same time. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend before. I’ve always known he’s a great guy, but I literally noticed how cute he was only hours ago. Is it possible I knew how he felt all along but wouldn’t allow myself to process it because we were friends?

  As he pulls me close, I decide to dwell on that thought later. I tuck my head beneath his chin and allow myself to relax into him. His body feels strong and warm against mine, and I admit it feels really good to be where I am right now.

  Eventually the song ends and another fast song starts. We separate and look at each other. It’s a little awkward, like we’ve been caught doing something we shouldn’t have or like we’re seeing each other for the first time. Thankfully Shel is by my side in seconds, pulling me away to dance with her again. I wave to James as I’m towed away. He smiles and waves back.

  “Tell me!” Shel demands as we dance out of his line of sight.

  “You knew about this all along!” I accuse her over the music.

  “Knew what? That he was going to kiss you? No,” she says matter-of-factly. “Heck, I didn’t know if you two had been together all along anyway and were just keeping it a secret.”

  I lean into her ear, “You saw that?”

  “Heck yes! I think everyone saw that.”

  I am horrified. My first kiss with James and it was on public display?

  “So what’s going on?” she asks impatiently.

  “He said he has feelings for me.”

  “Well, duh. I think everyone knew that but you.”

  My face twists in confusion.

  “You never listen to me! How long have I been telling you this?” She spins around. “Like I said earlier, you’re delusional!”

  Suddenly nervous, I ask, “What do I do?”

  Shel leans in toward me on one of her dance moves and laughs. “Enjoy it!”

  I try to concentrate on dancing with Shel, but my attention keeps wandering back to James. I catch his eye from across the room, and he gives me an amazing smile that makes my heart beat double time. I can’t help myself and grin back. I think about all the years we’ve known each other and what this could mean.

  Suddenly, my subconscious propels me forward in time, to about two weeks ago. It picks up a memory of our argument, at the moment where I yelled, “What does that mean?”

  James pins me with hard eyes. “I’m trying to tell you nothing happened and you won’t accept it!” He’s pissed.

  I’m so angry with him right now. It’s an unfamiliar emotion around James; we hardly ever fight. I’m a terrible fighter; instead of yelling I usually end up crying, but on this particular day I was on a roll. Aggressively I snap, “You expect me to believe that?”

  “Yes!” He looks at me exasperated. “When have I ever lied to you?”

  I give him a wary look that questions his statement.

  “So now you think I lie to you?”

  I don’t answer. Instead, I continue to glare at him with my arms crossed.

  “Fine!” He heads for the door then turns around, changing his mind. “Might I remind you of all I gave up for you? For us?”

  Not this again. I let out an irritated huff. “Listen, you know why you came here!”

  “Whatever.” He makes it to the door this time. He leaves, slamming it behind him.

  The door slam sounds so real that it startles me awake. My eyes instantly blur with fresh tears. I should never have let him leave.

  Chapter 3

  When my parents returned home with my things, I unpacked all the essentials – clothes, laptop, iPod – and left one box sealed up tight. My mother thought it would be best to pack all my pictures and other personal memory-type stuff separately. I love her for that.

  Days later, I stare at the blinking cursor on my laptop screen. What else is there to say about the law and how it pertains to S corpo
rations? This assignment is about as dry and boring as they come. But I continue to plug away at it. I only have a few remaining course assignments. It really doesn’t bother me. The work keeps my hands and my mind busy when I’m awake; my memory, dreams, and tears keep me occupied while I’m asleep.

  I hear the back door open and close, and voices start to carry up the stairs. Thinking it is my brother and Kate, I hit save on my laptop and start to make my way down the stairs so I can pretend to be social. About two steps down I overhear my mother say “It’s so good to see you,” her tone suggesting that company has stopped by, not family.

  “You too, Marlene,” I hear the voice of James’ father.

  My stomach instantly turns into knots. I’m not ready for this. My pulse starts to pound behind my ears.

  “Eric, Carol,” my Dad greets James’ parents as their voices grow louder. “What can we do for you?”

  “Is Emma here?” Mrs. Davis asks, her tone a bit harsh.

  My mother responds cautiously. “She’s upstairs. Would you like me to get her?”

  I know that I cannot go downstairs. My heart is racing, and I can feel my face starting to get hot.

  “Oh no, no,” James’ dad says nervously. “We’ve just been…” he hesitates as he searches for the right words, “concerned about her since the service.”

  “The service was beautiful,” my mother says. I can picture her extending her hand, offering the Davis’ a seat. “So many people were there. Your son was very loved.”

  Mrs. Davis unexpectedly snaps, “We know.”

  I can feel the electricity in the room change even though I’m on the landing.

  Mrs. Davis’ voice is livid. “Your daughter nearly ruined our son’s memorial!” she hisses.

  “Carol! You said you wouldn’t do this,” Eric pleads with his wife.

  An image of my parents regarding each other nervously pops into my head. “You do know she is devastated, right?” my mother asks, flustered. I can visualize her wide, incredulous eyes.

  “Of course she is. We all are.” Mr. Davis’ tone insinuates that he is trying to diffuse the situation and apologize for his wife’s demeanor.

  “What my wife is trying to say is that if Emma could have prevented her outburst, she most certainly would have,” my dad explains.