The Guardian Trilogy: The Complete Collection - Guardian, Allegiant & Reborn

by Sara Mack

Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Prologue ~ James

  The connection between us is indescribable. Limitless. It is as if an invisible elastic band stretches between us, and I’m powerless to ignore its pull. The band holds a soft electric hum that sits in the back of my mind, reminding me of its presence and my duty. Reminding me of her. Reminding me of what I’ve lost.

  There are moments when I feel gentle tugs on the band. Instinctively, I know which are more important than others. Only once, since becoming her Guardian, have I felt an overwhelmingly strong pull, but I could sense she wasn’t in danger and focused all of my energy on resisting the urge to go to her. She asked me to stay away, and I trust her. I still need time. Time to convince my mind and my heart that I can no longer love her.

  I curse Garrett under my breath. Where did he go? His guidance is needed now, more so than ever. My feelings for her have yet to diminish. How much more time do I have before The Allegiant step in? Before they realize my poor Guardianship and take my memories and love for her by force? They have the power to eliminate her from my life, for eternity.

  I feel a gentle tug on the band again and close my eyes tightly. I have to stop loving her. I have no other choice.

  Chapter 1 ~ Emma

  There is only so much time you can spend alone before you start to go mad. Now, I understand why they put prisoners in solitary confinement. Solitude gives you plenty of time to dwell on things. The past. The present. The future. What you’ve done; what you didn’t do. What you would change if you could. My list of regrets grows daily. This afternoon I’ve added the following:

  I should have kept myself surrounded by my family and pushed back my move to school.

  I should have controlled my shocked reaction to my new neighbor telling me his name is Garrett, because he hasn’t talked to me since.

  And, I should have apologized to Dane before I left, regardless of his hatred towards me.

  I close my eyes to erase the memory of Dane’s anger. It’s useless. His expression haunts me. I try harder and his face morphs, changing into James. I feel the familiar squeeze around my heart whenever I think of them, and tears start to well behind my eyes.

  I miss James more than I can comprehend. Before his death we were inseparable. After his accident, he chose to become a Guardian instead of passing on, in order to stay in my life. He would visit me and stay throughout the night. His mentor, Garrett, eventually pulled him away to be trained, so that one day he could be assigned a Ward of his own. James’ absence led me to lean on a friend more than I should have. Dane took my mind off the sadness of losing James, stood up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself, and played a huge part in saving me from someone from my past. I was in denial about his feelings for me, and I was allowing him to get too close. James could see this, and it didn’t make him happy.

  When it came to me, Garrett knew how tortured James was by his limitations. He could see how my relationship with Dane was affecting James and determined the possibility of my releasing James when I die was fading. When my own Guardian was released from their duty, Garrett decided it would be best for James if he were assigned to me. As his Ward, I would be connected to him forever. But, unfortunately, there are rules, and Guardians are forbidden to love their Wards. It clouds their judgment too much, interferes with their purpose. So while James will be bound to me for my lifetime, he is no longer allowed to love me.

  It’s been a month since I’ve seen him, and my mind reels, wondering what he’s going through. James said he would be punished, his memories of us erased, if he could not learn to control his feelings. I told him to stay away, for as long as it takes to stop loving me, but our separation is haunting. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about him. Or last summer. Or my mistakes.

  I shake my head to clear it. I need a distraction. I roll over and pick up my phone to call my best friend Shel. I have to be careful, space out my calls to her, and monitor what I say. She would be the first person to recognize that I wasn’t doing well on my own, being as she knows me better than anyone else. What I wouldn’t give for her to drop everything and come stay with me like she did this past summer, after James died. But she’s at school too, in Ann Arbor, and she’s dating Matt now. I’m sure he is there visiting her every chance he gets.

  Shel picks up on the third ring. “Hey!”

  “Hey. What are you doing?”

  “Watching Matt rub my feet.”

  Speak of the devil. “Oh, okay. I’ll let you go.”

  “No, you don’t have to.”

  “Shel, I’m not going to talk to you while Matt rubs your feet. It’s weird. Just call me later.”

  She laughs. “Will do. Oh, wait a sec.” I hear her adjust the phone as she talks to Matt, their voices slightly muffled. She returns to me. “Good news! Matt’s able to come with me to visit you for your birthday.”

  I’m grateful that she can’t see me rolling my eyes. Not that I don’t want visitors; I do. But I was looking forward to having a girls-only birthday celebration. You know, a gallon of ice cream and a movie or two. The last thing I want to watch is Matt and Shel make goo-goo eyes at each other. “That’s great,” I say, trying to put some genuine enthusiasm into my response. It still sounds forced.

  “Emmmmma….” she draws out my name, sensing my irritation.

  “Call me back when you’re free,” I say, ignoring her whine and hanging up. I roll on to my back and stare at the ceiling. Now what? I play with my phone, scrolling through the pictures I have saved. Most are of James before his accident. A few are of Shel. And then there’s the last one. I stare at the picture of Dane that I snapped after we finished playing mini golf a few weeks ago, when he volunteered to help heal my heart. Little did I know that, merely days later, I would be hurting his.

  I sigh and toss my phone aside. Things really suck right now.

  On August 30th, the buzzer from the front door sounds in my apartment. I rush to answer. “Hello?”

  “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Emma! Happy birthday to you!”

  Only Shel would sing into an intercom. “I’ll be right there,” I laugh.

  I leave my apartment and head down the short hallway to the main entrance of my building. It’s actually an old house that’s been converted into four apartments for students at Western Michigan University. James and I had planned to live here together during our last year of school, but, well, you know.

  I throw open the door, anxious to see my friends. “Hi!”

  Shel steps forward and tosses her arms around me. “Happy birthday!”

  “We’ve already established that,” I say into her shoulder. “Where’s Matt?”

  “He’s coming. He’s getting your gift out of the car.”

  A moment later, I see Matt turn the corner of the sidewalk carrying a large box. It’s perfectly square and colorfully wrapped. “Hey Emma!”

  “Hey,” I smile as he approaches us. I hold the door open for him as Shel and I enter the hallway. They follow me to my apartment.

  “This is cute,” Shel says, glancing around my place as we enter. “Very nice. Better than my digs, that’s for sure.”

  “I can’t complain,” I say as I close the door behind Matt. Looking at the box in his hands I ask, “Why did you guys bring me a present? You didn’t need to do that.”

  “It’s your birthday,” Matt says. “Presents are mandatory.” He walks over and sets the box down on my small coffee table. “You should probably open it sooner rather than later.”

  “What’s the rush?” I ask, just as the box moves on its own. I eye the two of them suspiciously. “What’s in there?”

  “See for yourself,” Shel says with a self-satisfied grin.

  I approach the box cautiously. “It isn’t going to jump out at me, is it?”

  Matt smiles. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  I shoot him a questioning look. “Let me re-phrase. It’s not g
oing to bite me, is it?”

  He shrugs.

  I see the lid is wrapped separately from the rest of the box as I tentatively place my hands on either side. The box moves again as I grab the lid and jump back, much to Shel and Matt’s amusement. As soon as the cover is off, two little ears appear at the top of the box followed by two tiny white paws. A fuzzy gray head peeks over the edge, and my heart dissolves instantly. It’s a kitten. I let out an “awwww” as I step forward to scoop him out of the box. “Where’d you find him?”

  “Her,” Matt corrects me. “She was the last of a litter brought into my dad’s clinic about a week ago.” He smiles and reaches out to scratch behind her ears. “She’s three months old and very friendly. I made sure all of her shots were up to date.”

  “We thought you could use a friend out here,” Shel says as she steps forward, offering me the plastic bag I noticed her carrying. “Here are some supplies for the little booger.”

  I laugh. “Little booger?”

  “She’s been tromping all over my stuff for the last few days. I’ve been babysitting until we came out here.”

  I snuggle my new little friend. She’s so soft and has big copper-colored eyes. “Thanks you guys. She’s awesome.”

  Shel smiles at me. “You’re welcome.”

  “You can have pets here, right?” Matt asks.

  I nod as the kitten squirms against my arms. I crouch down to set her on the floor and watch her as she starts to explore the living area.

  “Let’s get this stuff set up before she has an accident,” Shel nods toward the bag. We head to the kitchen, and I pull out two small bowls that can be used for food and water.

  “So, what’s the plan for tonight?” Matt asks, plopping down on the loveseat. He nearly sinks to the floor. “Whoa! What’s up with this couch?” he laughs.

  I look over my shoulder. “Oh, sorry. It’s old. It’s been hanging out in my parent’s basement.” I fill one bowl with water and place it on the floor next to the wall while Shel fills the other with cat food. “For now, it does what I need it to do.”

  Matt readjusts himself to sit on the edge.

  “Where do you want the litter box?” Shel asks.

  “Probably the bathroom? So it’s out of sight?”

  Shel nods and heads down my tiny hallway. She pauses at my bedroom and then finds the bathroom on the right. I look into the bag and find the last of the kitten’s supplies, two little red mouse-shaped toys. I walk into the living room and toss them on to the floor. The kitten comes running. Kneeling down, I grab one by the tail and dangle it in front of her as she bats at it. Her playfulness makes me smile. The realization hits me, yet again, that I have amazing people in my life. The kitten is just what I needed. I look up at Matt. “Thank you. Like, sincerely. You don’t know how much I’ve needed something to take my mind off things.”

  He smiles. “Shel thought you might be a little stressed out.”

  I nod as I hold the toy just out of the kittens reach. She jumps to grab it and snares it in her claws, making me laugh. “She would know.”

  “So,” Shel says, reappearing behind me. “What’s for dinner?”

  “There’s a great Thai place close to here,” I suggest. “We could go there.”

  “Do they have carryout?” she asks.

  I look at her confused. “Yeah, but I figured you guys wouldn’t want to stay here all night.”

  “Where’s the menu?” She turns toward the kitchen.

  “On the fridge.”

  She walks over, grabs it, and then picks up her phone. “You don’t mind going to grab dinner, do you hun?” she asks Matt.

  “Nope,” he answers.

  I think Matt would do anything Shel asked of him – walk over hot coals, jump off a bridge, eat glass. You name it. Of course he doesn’t mind. Shel starts to peruse the menu. “Good. Emma and I need some girl time.”

  “If we needed ‘girl time’ why did you drag him here with you? I feel bad.”

  I glance at the door Matt just left through. It’s been about twenty minutes since we placed our order.

  “I needed his help with the cat,” Shel says as she sets her glass on the coffee table. “And, believe it or not, he wanted to see you.”

  “Does he do everything you ask of him?”

  She considers my question and then nods. “Just about.”

  “How do I get one of those?” I muse wistfully.

  Shel snorts. “You had one of those, remember?”

  I look at her with wide eyes. Did I say that out loud? She turns her body to face me on the couch and crosses her legs. She tosses her long brown hair over her shoulder, revealing bright red highlights underneath, and trains her chocolate brown eyes on my green ones. She cocks an eyebrow. “You haven’t been honest with me.”

  I scrunch up my nose. “About what?”

  “You know.”

  “Um, no. I don’t know.”

  “Dane.”

  I groan. After James was assigned as my Guardian, the depression I felt after his accident threatened to return. I didn’t want my friends and family to worry about me. I tried to maintain a sense of normalcy and ended up alienating one of the best people that has ever come into my life. Dane will never forgive me after what happened between us, as well he shouldn’t. “I told you everything. It’s my birthday. Do we have to discuss this?”

  “Yes, because I’m here and I can see your face. You can’t lie to me in person.”

  This is true. It’s much easier for me to lie over the phone. “What do you think I’m lying about?”

  Shel crosses her arms to match her legs and narrows her eyes at me. “Matt told me something about the fight you had with Dane. A major detail that you neglected to mention to me.”

  I stare at her confused.

  “It’s a major detail,” she presses.

  I rack my brain. I thought I told her everything about the fight. About how Dane wanted to know if I could ever love him. How he said he would wait for me until I was over James. About how I told him no, because it would be unfair to make him wait indefinitely. About how he stormed off after Matt interrupted our argument.

  “I’m going to ask you a question,” Shel says. “And I want the truth.”

  I look at her, perplexed.

  “Did you almost sleep with Dane?”

  Oh shit. I can feel the blood drain from my face, yet it feels hot at the same time. I can tell from her expression that she knows it’s true.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks, her eyes wide.

  “Because it was a mistake,” I whisper. Did Matt and Dane really have this conversation about me? I know they’re good friends, but come on! I start to feel my face flush deeper at the realization that Matt knows about this too.

  Shel throws her arms in the air. “Do you realize how bad I fought with Matt over this? I told him Dane had to be lying because you would have told me. What the hell Emma?” She pouts.

  I can’t look at her. “I…it shouldn’t….”

  “Did he pressure you?” she asks, suddenly concerned.

  My head snaps up. “No! It wasn’t like that.” I push myself off the couch and head toward the kitchen. My mouth feels dry all of a sudden.

  “Well, then. When?”

  “After dinner at Louie’s; when he left and I was mad.” I open the cabinet and grab a glass. I fill it under the sink faucet and take a big gulp.

  “No wonder,” Shel murmurs.

  I turn around to face her and lean against the sink to stare into the living room. “No wonder what?”

  “I couldn’t understand how one fight could make you two so angry with each other.”

  Unfolding her legs, she pats the cushion next to her. I walk toward her slowly, side stepping my new buddy who’s chasing her tail. I take a seat, and Shel wraps her arm around my shoulders. “I wish you would have told me sooner. We could have talked about it. You’ve got to stop keeping all this stuff in.”

  I nod as I stare at m
y glass.

  “And I’m sorry I lit into you when I found out about the fight. That was wrong of me.”

  I give her a small smile. “No apology needed. I deserved it.”

  She grimaces. “I don’t know about that.”

  I set my glass on the table next to Shel’s. “Do you think Dane will ever speak to me again?”

  She gives me a sympathetic look.

  “How bad is it?” I ask.

  “I haven’t talked to him.”

  “But Matt has?”

  She sighs. “I asked him if he would talk to Dane, to see if things could be worked out. I knew you were feeling bad and thought maybe, after some time, you could at least be friends again.”

  “And?” I cringe.

  “Matt’s unsure if that can happen. He said Dane’s got a lot going on right now and any contact from you would probably be a bad idea. He said he needs time to sort things out.”

  I frown, but nod in understanding. What did I expect?

  “It’s only been two weeks,” Shel reassures me. “Things will get better. There’s nothing that a little time can’t heal.”

  I’m not so sure about that. She wasn’t there; she didn’t see the look on Dane’s face. It was as if I had reached into his chest and pulled out his beating heart with my bare hands.

  We hear a knock on the door, and Shel jumps up to open it. I turn to see Matt walk backward through the doorway carrying two bags of take out, both balanced in his arms and tucked under his chin. “Some guy let me in at the front door,” he says as he turns to us. He walks over, puts the bags down on the counter, and smiles. “Who’s hungry?”

  I give him a weary glance and slowly rise to get some plates. He looks suspiciously at me and then at Shel. “Oh, I took the liberty of picking up one of these,” he adds, opening the second plastic bag dramatically. It’s a small chocolate cake. It doesn’t bring the reaction he was hoping for, and he looks at me confused.

  “Thanks,” I say and stop to give him a one-armed hug. I hang on a little longer than necessary and he notices. His eyes dart to Shel accusingly.

  “Aw, hell. You told her we knew, didn’t you?”