Lifelong Affair

by Carole Mortimer

  'Obviously you'll miss them.'

  'Obviously,' she agreed, more than ever wary of this seemingly pleasant conversation with a woman who seemed to dislike her intensely.

  'Still, you have Alex—and my mother.'

  'Yes,' Morgan was frowning now. Janet hadn't spoke to her this much since her wedding day, and they both knew how that conversation had ended!

  'My mother came round beautifully, didn't she ? ' said Janet with humour—only Morgan doubted the other woman was genuinely amused. The humour was hard, mocking, not friendly at all. 'But then you have her grandson,' she added softly.

  'Janet, don't think- '

  'This is the place to discuss this,' Janet finished dryly. 'Are you happy with my brother, Morgan?'

  Her gaze went instinctively to her husband, love lighting her eyes as she watched him charming her parents, looking up as if he sensed her gaze on him, giving her a warm smile before Courtney attracted his attention from his position of pride in his grandmother's arms.

  'Of course you are,' Janet answered her own question. 'And he and Courtney look so right together, don't they, almost like father and son.'

  'Janet-- '

  'But then maybe that's because they probably are,' Janet continued softly.

  Morgan's face was suddenly pale as the words sank in, her eyes huge with disbelief. 'Wh-what did you say?' Her mouth felt dry, her tongue cleaved to the roof of her mouth, she was sure that she couldn't have heard the other woman properly. What she was saying was insane!

  'You want me to say the words again?' the other woman scorned. 'I won't bother to say it, Morgan, I don't need to—just look at the two of them together. Look!' she ordered sharply as Morgan averted her face. 'The same wavy hair, the same grey eyes, the same high cheekbones, even the same determined chin,' she listed the similarity in features that was all too obvious now to even the most casual observer.

  And Morgan was far from being that! The similarities were all too obvious to her too—now that this vindictive woman had pointed them out! Except for the colour of his hair, that soft red down, at four months Courtney was almost a mirror image of Alex. But his son? No, she couldn't believe that, wouldn't believe it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  'I SHOULD, Morgan,' Janet drawled, guessing her thoughts. 'Because it's the truth.'

  'No. ..!' Morgan choked, so white now she was almost grey, her eyes like huge emeralds in her face, the black of her dress making her skin appear translucent.

  'Morgan?' Alex suddenly appeared at her side, looking down at her anxiously. 'Darling, what is it?' he frowned, clasping her hands in his.

  'She isn't feeling too well.' Janet was the one to answer hum. 'It's very warm in here, with the fire going and all these people. I'll take her upstairs and she can lie down for a while.'

  His arm went about Morgan's shoulders. 'I'll take her.'

  'No!' she wrenched away from him. 'I—No,' she moved away from him, looking at him as if she had never seen him before.

  'I'll take her,' Janet offered smoothly. 'You have your guests to take care of, Alex, you can't both desert them.'

  Alex seemed undecided, looking from his sister to Morgan with a puzzled frown.

  'Graham and Sheila are just leaving,' Janet urged him to stay.

  He glanced round. 'I'll have to go to them.' He looked down at Morgan. 'Will you be all right for a while? I'll come up to you as soon as everyone has gone.'

  'I—I'll be fine.' She just had to get out of here before she made a fool of herself and asked him straight out if what Janet had told her was the truth. 'I'll just go and lie down.' She turned and almost ran out of the room, not giving Alex a second look in her need to escape.

  It wasn't until she reached the bedroom she shared with Alex that she realised Janet had followed her. 'I'd rather be alone,' she halted the other woman at the door, her expression determined.

  Janet raised dark brows. 'Don't you want to know the rest of it, of Alex's affair with Glenna?'

  'I don't believe you '

  'Then why did you flinch away from Alex a few seconds ago?' the other woman taunted, and pushed the door open with ease, following Morgan into the room as she backed dazedly to the bed, sitting down abruptly. 'I told you there'd been another man, Morgan,' she continued in that mocking voice. 'Didn't you ever think of Alex? He was so convenient, and Glenna was so beautiful.'

  'No . . .' Morgan groaned, closing her eyes as if to block out this nightmare.

  'Yes!' Janet hissed.

  'Why do you think Alex was so determined to keep Courtney in England? Why do you

  think he married you?' she added scornfully. 'You're beautiful enough, I grant you that. You even have a surface resemblance to Glenna. Why, in the dark I don't suppose '

  'Stop it! Stop it!' Morgan stood up fiercely, her hands clenched at her sides. 'I don't want to hear anymore.'

  'Well, that's too bad, because I intend telling you all of it. You see, Glenna was very unhappy here, and Alex was always kind to her. It was inevitable that Glenna would turn to him when Mark looked like becoming bored with her.'

  'It's a lie!' Her eyes sparkled like emeralds. 'Alex would never do such a thing where his own brother was involved!'

  Janet's mouth twisted contemptuously. 'Where sex is involved a man has no scruples, not even Alex.'

  Morgan turned away. She would not believe this! Janet hated her for some reason, wanted to hurt her. And yet Alex was the only one who had spoken kindly about Glenna, the only one who had really seemed to like her,

  'Think about it, Morgan,' the other woman encouraged softly. 'Just think about it.'

  She didn't want to think at all, but she could do nothing else after Janet had left. She knew it must be a lie, and yet the nagging doubt persisted. Alex had refused to let Courtney leave England, and while his reason that Courtney shouldn't become a tug-of-love child still seemed a valid enough one for them to marry, the fact that Courtney was his son was an even stronger one.

  And the thought of him imagining she was Glenna when they made love made her feel sick! They rarely talked when they made love, just enjoyed each other's bodies, and she suspected even that now. Maybe if they spoke he would realise she wasn't Glenna and not want her any more. Oh, it was all so insane, and yet it could be the truthl

  They had agreed on total honesty in their marriage, and so far Morgan had given Alex that, but this—this she couldn't talk to him about. Because she feared the answer! It would destroy her and the marriage to know she was merely a substitute for her sister.

  She was lying on the bed white-faced and dry-eyed when Alex came into the bedroom an hour later, and she looked up at him with searching eyes as he sat down beside her on the bed. She had come to love this man so much during the three months of their marriage, couldn't imagine a life without him, he had become so much a part of her in that short time. And yet he still gave away none of his own feelings, not even at their most intimate moments, and those inner feelings were what she needed at this moment to tell her that she was Morgan, his wife, and not a substitute for Glenna, his lover.

  'They've all gone,' he told her softly, smoothing back her hair. 'Docs your head hurt?' he frowned.

  'Head hurt?' Amazingly she could still talk, and quite normally too! She had felt sure she would never be able to talk to him normally again.

  His mouth quirked. 'You're lying here in the dark.'

  'Oh.' She hadn't even realised it was dark!

  'Everyone left early because of the snow.' He leant over and switched on the dimmed bedside lamp. 'It's coming down quite heavily now. And, of course, the party fell quite flat without its beautiful hostess.'

  She turned her head away. 'I'm sorry.'

  'Hey, I'm only teasing,' he said, gently turning her face towards him. 'Although everyone was concerned,' he frowned once again. 'Including me.'

  'I—It's just a sick headache. The excitement of Christmas and now the christening, I expect.'

  His brows drew together. 'Is that a
ll it is? Janet hasn't been putting her little daggers in again, has she?'

  'Janet?' Her voice was lightly brittle.

  'You suddenly stopped feeling well when she was talking to you,' Alex drawled.

  'Sick headaches are like that,' she told him. 'They come on suddenly.'

  'Hm,' he didn't sound convinced. T>o you feel well enough to see your parents? They're worried about you.'

  'Er—I'd rather not. I'd like to take a nap. Could you explain to them?' She looked at him appealingly, knowing she couldn't face anyone right now.

  'Of course,' he comforted. 'Shall I bring Courtney in to say goodnight to you?'

  'I have to put him to bed '

  'I'm sure your mother and I can manage for one night,' he said dryly. 'I realise it's over the month's trial, and that you've been doing very well with him, but are you sure it isn't caring for Courtney that's caused this headache? You've been up in the night to him several times lately.

  Before this talk with Janet Morgan would have been warmed by his concern for her, now she wasn't so sure it wasn't just for his son's welfare, that he wanted the very best for him. She was allowing Janet's unbelievable statement to cloud her behaviour in spite of herself, and she was unable to stop her next snapped comment. 'Other mothers do it. I'm not made of porcelain, Alex!' Her mouth was tight.

  He looked surprised by her outburst; her temperament had been far from argumentative since they had been married. 'I know that, darling,' he said slowly. 'I just didn't want you to wear yourself out with him, make yourself ill.'

  T have a headache, Alex,' she told him impatiently. 'I'm not exactly ill!'

  'All right, Morgan.' His tone was gentle, his hand even more so as he touched her cheek. 'I'll bring Courtney in to see you and then you can get some sleep.'

  But she couldn't sleep at all. Thoughts kept crowding her mind, images of herself and Alex as they made love, the terrible agony of wondering if it wasn't her he saw at all but Glenna.

  Somehow the idea that Alex was the man involved made her doubt her sister's ability to have an affair less. Alex was so attractive, devastatingly so, and when he made love he cared nothing for his own pleasure until he was sure she had reached the peak of her own fulfilment. He was a completely unselfish lover, and to a woman in an unhappy marriage that could be a strong temptation.

  She refused any dinner, taking a shower and getting into bed, desperately trying to get to sleep before Alex came to bed too. She wasn't sure she could bear his hands on her tonight, the joy she had felt this afternoon at the thought of making love with him had completely gone now.

  She was still awake as he came quietly into their bedroom after taking his shower, and she heard him moving softly about the room preparing for bed. She was dreading the moment he got into bed beside her, and felt herself stiffen as his thigh brushed against the back of hers as he slid in next to her.

  'Morgan?' He touched her shoulder lightly.

  She closed her eyes at the sensation of longing that washed over her at the feel of his hand on her flesh, sensing his puzzlement as he realised a silky nightgown covered her body; she hadn't hidden her nakedness from him since their wedding night.

  'Morgan?' His voice sharpened as he rolled her over to face him. 'Arc you cold, darling?' he asked softly as he looked into her opened eyes.

  Cold? She was/rosen, her emotions numb! 'A little,' she said huskily.

  He pulled her into his arms, her face against his chest as his lips moved across her shoulder. 'Let me warm you,' he murmured throatily.

  'Not tonight, Alex,' she pushed against him, her

  eyes dark with pain as he kx>ked down at her. 'I still

  have a headache, and I—I '

  'It's all right, Morgan,' he soothed teasingly. 'I'm not going to hold one headache against you, not after three months. I'll just hold you tonight, hmm?'

  She couldn't even bear that! 'I'm feeling hot now, Alex,' she said evasively. 'I think I'll just lie over my

  side of the bed. Maybe I'm coming down with another cold.'

  'Maybe.' He released her slowly, reluctantly. 'Are you sure you aren't upset about something?'

  'Of course not,' she answered sharply. 'I can't be in the mood for sex every night, Alex!'

  'No,' he bit out, lying on his back, his head turned towards her. 'I think we're getting to the truth of it now, aren't we, Morgan? I accept that perhaps you aren't feeling well, but that's never stopped us in the past. Tonight you won't even let me hold you, and now you say it's because you aren't in the mood. Which is it, Morgan, feeling ill, or not in the mood?' he derided harshly.

  Her mouth set angrily. 'Not in the mood!'

  'That's what I thought,' he snapped, turning his back on her. 'Goodnight!'

  She hadn't wanted to argue with him, and she lay miserably on her side of the bed, knowing by the even tenor of his breathing that Alex had soon fallen asleep. She couldn't stand to be apart from him any more, she needed his warmth, and she edged over the bed until she was curved into the back of him, her arm about his waist as her head rested on his back. She gave a deep sigh of pleasure and curled more comfortably against him, asleep within seconds.

  She was alone when she woke up, despite the earliness of the hour, dressing quickly before going into Courtney's room next door to take him down for his morning feed. The nursery was empty.

  Courtney was in the breakfast-room with Alex, neither of her parents being awake yet. A blush stole into her cheeks as she looked at her husband; she was wary of his mood this morning.

  He looked back at her with cool grey eyes, finishing his coffee before standing up. 'How are you feeling this morning?" he asked distantly.

  'Better, thank you.' Her own manner was as cool.

  He nodded. 'Courtney has been fed. You were sleeping so deeply when he woke I didn't like to disturb you.'

  'Thank you,' she said once again, picking up the baby. 'I'll give him his bath now.

  'Have some breakfast first,' he instructed.

  Her mouth tightened at his autocratic attitude. 'I don't want any,' she told him curtly.

  'You had no dinner last night either.' He looked at her sternly. 'We wouldn't want you to be really ill, now would we?' he added tauntingly.

  Her flush was one of anger this time. She couldn't believe that the closeness she and Alex had built up over three months of marriage could be destroyed by just one small argument because she didn't want to make love. Was that all their marriage consisted of, physical gratification?

  'I said I'm not hungry,' she bit out tautly. 'Excuse me,' and she swept out of the room.

  'Morgan!' Alex's voice stopped her part way up the stairs.

  She turned slowly. 'Yes?

  'Take it easy today, hmm?' His tone was gentle, a question in his puzzled eyes.

  Her anger faded as quickly as it had risen; she was filled with confusion now, loving this man in spite of what Janet had told her. 'I—Yes.' She made her way quickly to the nursery, refusing to think, intending to keep herself occupied so that she didn't have the time to brood.

  If her parents wondered at her burst of energy they didn't say anything. The three of them were enjoying this last day of their vacation. Her parents were taking the midday flight back to California the next day. It was going to be difficult to part from her parents after their three-week stay, and she knew they weren't looking forward to parting from their new grandson; both of them were falling under Courtney's undoubted charm.

  'Morgan and I will probably bring him over during the summer,' Alex told them that evening once Courtney had been put to bed, and the love and heartache in their faces at parting from him was enough to move even the hardest heart.

  Nevertheless, Morgan was surprised by this information; Alex hadn't mentioned it to her before.

  'A surprise for you,' he told her indulgently at her raised eyebrows. 'I thought we could get away for a month in July.

  His mood had been pleasant since his arrival home from the office just after six.
He had come into their bedroom where she was changing for dinner, kissing her warmly on the mouth, the argument last night and the coldness of this morning forgotten as he kissed her with complete thoroughness.

  'Do we have time ' he broke off as Courtney let out a loud wail from next door. 'We don't have rime,' he grimaced. 'I think our son wants you.'

  She had left him then to go to Courtney, glad that she didn't have to pointedly evade going to bed with him; she knew she couldn't have let him make love to her. Not thinking today might have put off the pain, but it hadn't changed the fact that having Alex make love to her and imagine she was Glenna made her want to run away and hide. In a way she had done exactly that, spending the time until dinner in the nursery, only coming down when the others had come in to say goodnight to the baby, her parents' presence meaning she didn't have to be alone with Alex. Now he had dropped this bombshell.

  'That would be lovely.' She gave him a strained smile.

  'I thought so,' he nodded, watching her closely. 'As long as Sharon and Court think they can stand to have the three of us around for all that timer he teased her parents.

  He and her parents, much to her surprise, had become firm friends during this visit, and her father's reply was predictable.

  'Stay two months if you want, son,' he said warmly. 'Sharon and I would be glad to have you.'

  'A month is all I can spare this time,' Alex said regretfully. 'But maybe next time we can stay longer.'

  Next time.It reminded Morgan only too forcibly that her marriage to Alex was a permanent thing, and that it was a normal marriage through her own choosing, her own demand. Alex had told her she could opt out of that any time she wanted to, and yet to do that would end what marriage they had, end the only closeness they had.

  'Any time you can get away,' her mother invited enthusiastically. 'We can't tell you what a wonderful time we've had here with you, how lovely it's been to see you all. When Morgan told us she was getting married, and to Mark's brother—well, we------- '

  'Were naturally concerned,' Alex finished softly. 'I can understand that. I hope that seeing us together you're convinced that we're married because we want to be, that I'm not a wife-beater,' he smiled.