A Darkening of the Heart

by Margaret Thomson-Davis

  ‘You will become famous, Alexander. You will be sought after and welcomed and feted in every mansion and noble estate in the country.’

  He laughed.

  ‘How you always exaggerate, Susanna.’

  But secretly he hoped, indeed believed, that her words would come true. After all, he had a special talent for versifying. Many people in Edinburgh had paid him this compliment and no one would have agreed to print his verses or buy them, had this not been true. He was a very happy man.

  His father, although as delighted as the rest of the family, added to his congratulations, ‘but we’ll miss ye, son. Especially Ah’ll miss ye. Ye’ve been a guid help tae me.’

  Of course his father broadcast the good news to all and sundry and before Alexander had the opportunity to tell his friend, Robert, the news had already reached him. He appeared unexpectedly on the doorstep to personally offer his congratulations. Alexander invited him into the house, thinking how it showed the generosity of spirit of the man. After all, Robert wrote verses himself but here he was, to all intents and purposes perfectly genuine in his delight at his friend’s success and good fortune.

  Old Doctor Wallace was at the ale house seeing a patient but Alexander introduced Robert to his mother, then said, ‘You’ve met my sister, Robert.’

  ‘I have had that pleasure.’ Robert gave a polite little bow and Alexander marvelled, not for the first time, at Robert’s apparent good breeding and calm composure in polite company. He was, after all, a common farm worker.

  But no – Alexander mentally corrected himself – not common.

  9

  Susanna was in a flutter, and angry at herself at the same time. Everything had been proceeding very nicely and smoothly. Neil Guthrie was definitely paying court to her. She had seen him several times in Edinburgh. He had taken her to a play and also to a musical evening. They’d gone for walks in the countryside on the outskirts of Edinburgh. They’d even climbed the hill called Arthur’s Seat together. His letters were full of pretty compliments and promises. He’d be arriving for his eagerly awaited visit to Tarbolton very soon now, and she felt sure that during this visit, he would propose to her. He’d hinted at such in his last letter. Already she’d imagined herself married to him and the subject of his adoration and generosity. She’d thought of nothing else until now. Her mind had been one beautiful calm pool until now. She had been enjoying pleasant, dreamy anticipation of being with Neil again. Until now.

  Now, all at once, she was plunged into an acute turmoil at the mere sight of this man, Robert Burns. She couldn’t understand it. She thought he looked almost obscene in the small dark confines of the room. He was not a gentleman and did not belong in polite company. He was a man of the earth with brown skin, black brows and a heavy-looking, muscular body. He was too near to her.

  He was chatting amiably enough to her brother and her mother but she imagined he was casting dark, suggestive glances towards her. She was so agitated she hardly knew what he said when he spoke to her, or what she said to him.

  Alexander of course was in ecstasy about having a book of his poems published. His thin, colourless face was quite flushed with laughing and joking and eventually, much to Susanna’s relief, he invited Burns to accompany him to the ale house to celebrate. She was asked by Burns (impertinent man!) to join them, but she politely declined.

  After they left, she had to flop down on to the nearest chair. There she fanned herself energetically.

  ‘Whit’s up wi’ you?’ her mother asked. ‘Ah hope ye’re no’ comin’ doon wi’ anythin’ just when Neil’s due tae arrive at any time noo. It wid jist be like ye tae be sae awkward.’

  ‘No, no,’ Susanna snapped. ‘I’m perfectly all right and I’m greatly looking forward to Neil’s arrival.’

  ‘Ah didnae get a chance tae tell ye with aw the excitement aboot Alexander and then Rab Mossgiel arrivin’. But one o’ Lord Guthrie’s servants came wi’ a message sayin’ we’re tae go tae his place for our supper tomorrow. He’s expectin’ Neil to be there by then. He’d sent word tae Neil that his auld uncle was keeping’ poorly and felt he hadnae long for this world. Sly auld devil. He’s no’ that poorly but he knew that would bring Neil home tae him. He’s grown that fond o’ his nephew.’

  ‘Well, I declare! Oh splendid! I did expect him but not quite so soon. I shall wear my French outfit. When I wore it at the musical evening Neil said he felt proud to have me on his arm. He turns a pretty compliment.’

  The French outfit she had in mind was an open robe in champagne-coloured taffeta with matching flounced petticoat. There were ribbon bows on the stomacher and elbow-length sleeves, finished with soft ruffles. She’d wear a matching ruffle round her neck and pearls above it and pearls in her hair too.

  She would astonish and delight Neil with the beautiful picture she’d make. Neil didn’t like the mountainous hair styles and wigs and terribly ornate hair decorations he’d seen women wearing in some cities. He said he believed such excesses would soon pass. Meantime he preferred natural hair and so that is what she’d have. Fortunately her hair was long and had a natural curl. All she needed to do was give it a dusting of white powder.

  She wondered if there would be other lords and ladies at the supper but sadly doubted it. Lord Guthrie didn’t do much entertaining at home, preferring – as most people did – to socialise in taverns and ale houses. But then, most people had no choice. Their houses were so ill-suited for company. Lord Guthrie had plenty of space in his mansion and enough servants to attend to any size of gathering. He had no excuse. Except perhaps, she grudgingly admitted to herself, ill health. Even her mother couldn’t deny his health had been getting somewhat worse of late. Thoughts of the supper and meeting Neil again banished all thoughts of Alexander’s poetry from her mind.

  But next day, when entering the Guthrie house, she was somewhat taken aback when Neil greeted Alexander first and complimented him on his achievement.

  ‘I am,’ he said, offering Alexander his soft hand, ‘very proud of you, sir.’

  Susanna wanted him to have greeted her first, to have had no eyes for anyone else, or even compliments for anyone else but her. He eventually did pay her a pretty compliment on her appearance, however, and she had to be content with that. It occurred to her, observing the others round the supper table, that Neil and Alexander were not unlike one another. They were both gentlemen, of course, with an easy, confident manner. They were both about the same height and slim with lean, pale faces and long-fingered hands. They both had grey-green eyes, only Neil’s were paler and rather cooler perhaps? And Neil’s mouth was thinner – not so full-lipped as Alexander’s. She was glad that her brother seemed to have become more used to Neil and to be accepting him with good grace (good humour even), as a potential member of the family.

  This state of affairs was confirmed that very evening when Neil made the opportunity of speaking to her privately in the library room. Once in the room he shut the door, then turned towards her. She guessed what was coming and felt a flutter of excitement. Neil, however, appeared as cool and controlled as ever.

  ‘Miss Wallace,’ he said. ‘Would you do me the honour of agreeing to become my wife?’

  She could have danced all round the room with excitement. She was going to be mistress of this large mansion and huge estate. Cheeks pink and hot, she smiled happily at him.

  ‘Yes, I will indeed, Sir.’

  ‘Very well.’ He took her hand and raised it briefly to his lips before leading her from the room. ‘Let us go and announce the news of our engagement.’

  It had been a very polite, formal kind of proposal, not the passionate, romantic one of her dreams, but it was a proposal. She was going to be the lady of the Guthrie mansion. The evening became a celebration not only of Neil’s homecoming to the Guthrie estate and Alexander’s poetry, but of the official engagement of Susanna Wallace and Neil Guthrie.

  Glasses were raised and even Alexander raised a ‘hurrah’ along with his father and o
ld Guthrie. Charlotte, Susanna noticed, did not join in but kept her eyes lowered and said very little for most of the evening. Surely she had not had any serious expectations of romance with her cousin, Susanna thought. She was such a plain girl, and so dull. She could not even play an instrument or sing. It was Susanna who entertained the company, small though it was, with a song or two. Charlotte had clapped politely enough but she looked very unhappy. Susanna began to feel sorry for her. She must be feeling very insecure, apart from anything else. If anything happened to her grandfather, Neil would inherit the estate. Old Lord Guthrie had now made this quite plain. Poor Charlotte would be wondering what would happen to her then. Would she become homeless after her cousin and his wife moved in? Susanna was tempted to give the girl a few words of comfort and reassurance. She wanted to tell her that she had no need to worry. She would be welcome to remain where she was for as long as she wished.

  However, by this time it was very late and her father and mother – especially her mother – had begun to feel ‘the worse for wear’, as her mother said, and needed to be quickly transported back home to bed.

  Some other time, Susanna thought, I must remember to have a talk with Charlotte.

  Lying in bed that night, Susanna couldn’t sleep. Her mind kept going over the momentous evening. She kept thinking, ‘I’m going to escape this awful stinking house. I really am. I’m going to live in a beautiful big house with lovely gardens where I can stroll at my leisure.’ Only occasionally did Neil come into the picture. It suddenly occurred to her with a little start of unease, that she hardly knew the man – not in any depth. He had been gentlemanly company in Edinburgh, escorted her to most interesting places, and paid her some pretty compliments, but that was all. No, that was not all, she tried to reassure herself. She knew (although it was her grandmother who had told her, not Neil) that his father had made money in shipping and had various monetary interests abroad. What these were exactly, her grandmother hadn’t been too sure. Anyway, both Neil’s parents were now dead and he had no brothers or sisters. Old Guthrie in fact, and of course Charlotte, were his only living relatives, apart from a great aunt on his mother’s side who lived up north in Aberdeen.

  Like Alexander, he’d had most of his education abroad after being attended to by a private tutor at home in his childish years. Like Alexander, he was a sophisticated and worldly-wise man. She liked that, and he had such gentlemanly restraint. He had certainly not taken advantage of her youth or innocence. He had never even kissed her on the lips. Unexpectedly, Robert Burns returned to her mind and she felt herself blush. She knew about him, all right. He had a very bad reputation with women. Already the church had shamed him on the cutty stool and on more than one occasion had severely reprimanded him. He had done more than kiss girls. She felt her cheeks flame at the very idea (damn his eyes!).

  She tossed and turned in bed, appalled at herself at the intrusion of shameful thoughts into her mind. What would it feel like, for instance, to be kissed on the lips by such a man. Her whole body flamed and pulsed at the mere idea. She could have wept at the shame of it and eventually had to rise and fumble for a candle, light it at the dying embers of the fire and go and purloin some of her mother’s sleeping potion.

  Damn his wicked, suggestive, sarcastic eyes!

  Next day, Neil came to call and they had a long talk in which they made practical plans for the future. Neil, it appeared, was a very practical man. Charlotte, he said, would go to Aberdeen to live with their relation there. When Susanna protested that there was no need for Charlotte to move from the Guthrie estate, Neil had assured her that Charlotte was more than happy to do so. The day after that, she and Neil went out riding. She wore a cream outfit and a hat with a long, curled feather. Neil too looked most elegant and she felt proud to be seen with him. Especially while they were riding along a bridle path and they passed the big, plodding figure of Robert Burns. He was in his work clothes, which Susanna thought showed him in his true colours. He was a coarse peasant in corduroy breeches, dark blue stockings, gaiters, a long tailed coat and broad blue bonnet.

  He made to smile and raise a hand in greeting (the impertinence of the man!), but she kept her back straight and her head held high.

  As he moved on, she caught a glimpse of his face and was taken aback at the black fury she saw in it. Of course, neighbours had spoken about Burns in terms of suspicion about what he’d been reading on the subject of religion and some even avoided him, as a heretical and dangerous companion.

  Susanna determined to have another word with Alexander about the suitability of having such a man as a friend.

  At one point, Neil said that as soon as his uncle died – and his death shouldn’t be far off by the look of him – the marriage would take place and they would immediately move into the Guthrie mansion. It occurred to Susanna that this sounded rather cold and unfeeling. After all, the old Lord was family to Neil. But no doubt it would just be Neil’s way of talking. He was definitely a very practical man and liked to plan everything in advance. After they were married she could be very well looked after, she was sure. He was a gentleman and she would be proud to be his wife.

  And after all, Lord Guthrie was very old. It occurred to her then that her grandparents were very old too and she felt a pang of fear and distress. She loved her grandmother and grandfather and couldn’t bear the thought of losing them. Come what may, she’d return to Edinburgh at the earliest possible date to see them again and treasure whatever time she had left with them. She’d plead with Alexander to take her with him on his next visit. Apart from the pleasure of being reunited with her grandparents, she could then share in all the excitement of Alexander’s book and the appreciation of it by all the quality of the town.

  What a stir the book would cause in the capital city and in all the noble estates for miles around. Susanna dreamed of basking in her brother’s fame and reflected glory.

  First of all, though, she had to plead with her mother to allow her another visit to Edinburgh.

  ‘You should be thinkin’ an’ plannin’ for yer wedding, no’ stravaigin’ awa’ tae Edinburgh. Think o’ aw the sewin’ ye have tae dae,’ her mother scolded.

  ‘It’s all planned already, mother. I’ve started my sewing too and I can continue it at Grandmother’s house. They’re too old to travel to my wedding and I feel it’s important to see them while they’re still in the land of the living. Oh, please, Mother. Come with us, why don’t you? Father too. We could all go. Grandmother and Grandfather would be so delighted.’

  ‘Dinnae be daft. Yer faither cannae leave aw his ill folk an’ Ah’m no’ fit tae set foot in a carriage. The thought o’ bein’ rattled aboot for hours in one o’ them contraptions makes me feel as if Ah’m dyin’ already. No, no. Ah’m no’ a well woman. It’s as much as Ah can dae tae keep on ma feet in the hoose,’ she sighed. ‘You go if ye must. Ye’ll no’ gie me a minute’s peace if ye dinnae. An’ the auld folks’ll be glad tae see ye, Ah suppose.’

  Susanna was delighted.

  ‘But here,’ her mother suddenly added, ‘whit aboot yer man? He’s stayin’ wi’ his uncle. What’ll he say aboot ye stayin’ awa’ in Edinburgh before yer weddin’?’

  ‘As long as I’m happy, Mother, that’s all Neil cares about. He’ll understand why I need to spend some time with Grandmother and Grandfather. He’s a very understanding man.’

  And I’m a very lucky girl, she thought to herself. First the visit to the capital city to look forward to. Then the excitement of her wedding and her wonderful new life as the lady of the manor.

  Oh, how lucky she was!

  10

  Bonnie Jean Armour was his jewel. She was six years younger than him, the eldest daughter of Mauchline’s stone-mason and the oldest in a family of eleven. She was a lovely girl with brown curls peeping out from under her bonnet and calm, thoughtful eyes. Underneath the calm exterior, however, there was a passion that continued to surprise and delight Robert. She loved him and was not afraid to show i
t and allow him to physically demonstrate his love for her. The courtship was not easy, because of her father’s bitter opposition, but ‘love will find a way’. One of the ways they made contact was verbally by way of Jean’s bedroom window. A window at the rear of the Whitefoord Arms looked on to Jean’s bedroom with only a very narrow lane intervening. The courtship, both verbally and otherwise, made steady progress until, as a result, Jean found out she was pregnant. She well understood that Robert and his family were in desperate financial straits but something needed to be done. Jean was his responsibility.

  Eventually Robert came up with the idea of going to Jamaica to make some money. A friend had promised to use his influence with his brother in Jamaica to get Robert a job as a book-keeper there. Many young men in the past had solved their problems by going to the West Indies.

  At the same time Robert was mulling over advice given by other friends to get his poems into ‘guid black print’. He had for some time now been circulating epistles, epitaphs, elegies, songs and poems among friends and acquaintances.

  Now he was in such a desperate predicament that necessity forced him to think of himself as anything other than a farmer. Meantime, for Jean’s protection, he wrote a paper in which he and Jean accepted each other as man and wife, making them legally, though irregularly, per verba de presenti – man and wife; for by Scots law a promise to marry, sealed by anticipatory consummation, constituted a true and valid marriage. This way she could stay respectably with her father until her lover could improve his situation enough to support her and their child.

  His depressing worries with the farm had been making him suffer a recurrence of dull headaches, joint pains and palpitations of the heart. Now that Jean was his wife, however, Robert felt euphoric. He overflowed with gratitude. He was a lucky man. He only needed to look at Jean for his heart to lighten and his blood-warm through his veins, banishing every ache and pain.