Tattoo Lust: A Tattoo Romance Collection

by Skyla Madi

  This all sounds like blame to me.

  They blame me for loving Jake and trying to be happy.

  They blame me for all the chaos.

  They even blame me for their choice in taking me in and keeping me safe.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Are you looking for a thank you? I’m not going to thank you for lying to me for a year! You made me feel crazy and forced me to see Dr. Ross when everything was true! I’ve been squirming in my own skin, trying to find my real place in the world, and you people have known about it all along!”

  “I’m not going to apologize for keeping you safe, dammit!” My father—what do I even call him now?—raises his voice. “We did what we had to do to take you away from all of that and give you a better, more fulfilling life. We aren’t sorry for that.”

  The air in the room grows even more tense. Three of us are frothing at the mouths and Caitlyn sits next to her father with tears in her eyes. I feel sorry for her for being dragged into this, but she sort of comes with the package since she lied to me too.

  “I want the whole, true story,” I demand. “Now.”

  “Michael Cervase got into some bad business deals and started getting death threats,” my mom says. “Before the accident, he came to us and asked us to take you away so you wouldn’t get hurt. You found out and ran to Jake, who tried to hide you and keep you safe on his own. But Jake has a temper problem, as you probably are well aware of now. He wouldn’t let us take you, so we had to take you by force. Then he called the people looking for your father and told them where he’d be. They cut his brake lines to his car after you returned home, but he didn’t know. He was taking you out for dinner to calm you down and talk about things, but the brakes went out and the accident happened before he got the chance.”

  My mother comes up next to me and almost puts her hand on my shoulder but decides against it. “So we had our chance when you woke up in the hospital and didn’t know where or who you were.”

  Caitlyn wipes her eyes. “I left Jake a note, though, so it’s not like he didn’t know you were gone.”

  The rage building inside of me intensifies everything. The fact that they are sitting here defending themselves is pissing me off. I can’t be mad at them for trying to help me. At the same time, though, they kept my life a secret from me, and if Jake hadn’t found me, who knows when—or if—they would even have told me the truth.

  And the fact that they blame everything on him pisses me off more.

  “You don’t know Jake like you did before.” My mom sits down on the sofa next to Caitlyn. “You didn’t know what he was capable of then, and you sure as hell don’t know now.”

  I try to defend Jake’s innocence. “Jake would never hurt me. I know he sure as hell didn’t cause this to happen.”

  “But would he hurt someone for you?” My father raises his eyebrow. “Sam Collins ended up in the hospital with a broken jaw and broken arm—any idea how that happened?”

  “Sam said he was jumped, but then he told me he thought Jake was behind it because Sam played a joke on you.” Caitlyn smacks her lips. “Why would Jake do something like that other than having a serious anger problem?”

  My eyes burn through her skull. “Sam tried to attack me at work, Caitlyn. Whatever happened to him, he had coming.” My mom’s head shakes. “What?”

  “You still think Jake can do no wrong.”

  “Jake is the only person who believed me!” The swelling in my chest deepens, and I have to calm down before my heart explodes. Where do I go from here? How can I just keep on going like nothing has happened? I left Jake, and now—judging from the looks on the faces of the only family I know—they want me to leave them too.

  “We took you in because you’re my sister and I love you.” My phone buzzes in my pocket, and right about now is when Jake should be pounding on the door, demanding that I speak to him. I ignore the vibrations and listen to her. “Since the day you were born, our father doted on you and loved you more. Of course, we’re nearly twenty years apart and have different mothers, but that never stopped me from wanting to be part of your life. Michael, though, he didn’t want me anywhere near you. I broke free from his grasp to marry your dad—uh, David—and Michael didn’t like it. David wasn’t wealthy and didn’t benefit our family any financially, so he wrote me off and never spoke to me again until he needed my help taking you in.”

  “I don’t trust you.” I glare at her. “All three of you are liars.”

  “Wait right there.” David holds up his hand in protest. “You’re being cruel, and that’s not fair. We didn’t have to take you and run. We didn’t have to make sure you were safe. We did that because you’re our family and that’s what family does.”

  “I can’t trust any of you. I’m leaving.” I turn to go back to the front door. “For a year you’ve been lying to me. I’m glad Jake found me, or else I would’ve never known where I really belong.”

  “And where is that?” David calls after me.

  “Anywhere but here.” I jerk open the front door to step outside. I hit something hard, and the cinnamon scent washes over me.

  Jake.

  “You’re just in time.” I push him out of my way. “I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, Jake. Go home.”

  He takes my arm and swings me around to face him. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to throw a fucking tantrum and run away. You don’t get to tell me you love me and then fucking throw me away like a piece of trash on the street.”

  “Yeah? How about the secret you’ve been keeping from me? How could you do that to me? How could you be the one that takes everything from me?” My hair blows in the wind and whips across my cheeks. “How about a life you should have but can’t because you can’t remember it? My memories were stolen from me, Jake! I can’t even be scared or mad at you properly because it’s like it happened to someone else!”

  Jake’s voice gets low. “Are you afraid of me, Olivia? Do you think I did it intentionally to hurt you?”

  “No.” My breath is quick and hard to catch. “No, I don’t, and that makes everything worse.”

  Caitlyn bounces outside and shuts the door behind her. Jake seethes so badly that I can nearly see steam coming from his feet. She notices his anger but still stands her ground no matter how scary he’s being.

  “Olivia, please. I know you don’t think you can trust anyone right now, but…” She looks back at Jake and slightly nods. “Trust yourself. You have to trust yourself.”

  “Trust myself?”

  “She’s right.” Jake clears his throat and steps next to her. “We should go before the cops show up from all the screaming you just did.”

  I snort. “I have more to give if you’d like some.”

  Jake blushes all the way down his tattooed collarbone. “No fucking thank you.”

  They have to give me some room to breathe. I close my eyes and tilt back my head, letting whatever I want flow through my brain like rainbow ribbons of light. I have to be smart about this and trust myself…because that’s really the only person I can rely on to get me through this.

  “I just heard from one of my friends,” Caitlyn says. “Sam was behind the attack on you; he was the one who told the junkie there was money in the house. He’s out to get you, Livvie. Ever since you turned him down, he…hasn’t been the same.”

  Jake’s fists clench together tightly. “How can he do anything with broken bones?”

  My eyes snap to him. “How did you know about that? Do you have something to do with that?”

  Jake doesn’t answer; his eyes are glued to the ground, and he’s ashamed of himself.

  “Were you followed?” Caitlyn turns to Jake. “Do you think anyone followed you?”

  He shakes his head, and the tousled copper blonde curls fall to the side. “No, I don’t think so.”

  Caitlyn frowns. “You better get her out of town, just in case. Have one of your brothers poke around to make sure it’s
safe to come back.”

  Jake listens to her plan, and they act like I’m not still standing here with my eyes closed.

  Shutting the world out.

  Trusting myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tattered hearts and blue skies

  I thought that when I finally found out the truth…I would be happy.

  Sadly, nothing’s what it seems.

  Wanting so badly for my life to turn into some sort of weird and fabricated fairy tale was a stupid mistake…but it was a mistake I’m glad I made. I’ll never be unsure of my feelings for Jake no matter how hard I try to push them deep into my mind. Still, the protective bubble he’s put around me needs to break soon so I can breathe and interact with other people besides him.

  Okay…so what we’ve been doing the last two weeks isn’t exactly interacting.

  I’ve basically been ignoring him and making him sad.

  His brown eyes darken as he looks across the kitchen table at me. Jake’s been doing a fantastic job of letting me have my space, but I know it’s getting harder for him each day he has to endure it. If I’m being completely honest, I’m having a hard time keeping my hands to myself. I want Jake more than anyone, and saying that the feeling of needing to feel his heartbeat next to mine is growing…is a serious understatement.

  Today is no different.

  He’s been acting cheekier and more exuberant the past few days. I’ve wondered why we’ve been living in this rented condo for two weeks—forcing me to quit my job at the YMCA and leave everything I actually remember behind—when one of his brothers is supposed to be making it safe for us to head back to Seattle so I can visit Michael in federal prison.

  Jake sighs loudly and shakes my thoughts. “Okay, I’m done with this shit.” His hands find the table, and he places them palms down. “I’m tired of you ignoring me and acting like I’m not here. I love you, Olivia, and you love me. We need to talk about this.”

  My eyes narrow at him. He’s chosen to start walking around without a shirt on, and it pissed me off at first, but now it’s getting too hard to resist the deep, dark lines of the tattoos that tell my story.

  I groan. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

  He licks his lips. “How do you feel about me after knowing what I did?”

  “Why did you cut his brakes? Were you trying to kill him?”

  It’s clear that Jake doesn’t even know the answer to this question himself. “I wasn’t thinking, baby. You didn’t come back in an hour, and I thought he’d forced you on a plane somewhere. I thought you were gone, and I didn’t know where…”

  “I believe you.” The words startle both of us. “Jake, I believe you, okay? It’s weird to know you’d do something like that—even for me—but I don’t fear you.”

  “Baby…” His voice lowers, and he snakes his body around the table to sit dangerously close to me. “I know you’re confused and hurt, but I can’t take this anymore. I need you to keep talking to me…I need you.”

  He wants me to kiss him, but I’m not there yet.

  Instead, my fingers find my mockingbird tattoo on his arm and gently run over the black ink. His skin trembles when I touch him, and I kind of like it that he’s having trouble containing himself over a three-second touch. I let my fingers fall down his arm and stop, gazing at the artwork laden on his skin that I hadn’t noticed before.

  “What’s this one?” I blush as Jake finds my fingers with his and tangles them together. I don’t pull away because it doesn’t feel right to pull away. “Is this one for me, too?”

  He nods. “I got this the day after you told me I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s also the day after I lost you, but that doesn’t matter anymore.”

  I examine the ink around his arm; the tattered form of a heart haunts me as my fingers run over his smooth skin. It makes me sad to look at it, like there’s so much emotion and sadness wrapped up in one little harmless tattoo.

  “It’s a broken heart.” I find his bright brown eyes. “That doesn’t sound like a good memory, Jake.”

  Jake’s laugh is so hearty that it makes my head feel fuzzy. Something about his broken heart tattoo and his laugh pops my mind into another place. He snaps his fingers in front of my face. His eyebrows furrow in intrigue; it takes a few seconds for the clouds to clear from my vision for me to fully see his face. I don’t care what anyone says anymore: I’m Olivia White…not Lacey Cervase.

  Olivia White wants Jake more than she can stand it.

  Somehow before either of us realize it, our lips are locked together, and we don’t have a care in the world. I settle my body on his lap as he leans back in his chair, moaning into my mouth when I nick his bottom lip with my teeth.

  The moment his hands find the small of my back and touch the bare flesh, the frustration built up inside of Jake unleashes with a fury. He grips the back of my hair and tugs backward, making my chin tip toward the ceiling so his lips can suction against the soft flesh of my neck. He trails his mouth back up toward my lips and opens his eyes so he can look at me.

  “I need you.” He kisses my jawline. “I need you to survive.”

  I bite my bottom lip as he trails his mouth down my neck again and pushes the collar of my yellow blouse aside. He kisses my collarbone, not daring to go past the fabric of the thin material covering my torso in fear that he won’t be able to control himself.

  I don’t want him to control himself.

  I want it all; I want everything he has inside of me.

  “It’s not fair to you if we fuck.” His cinnamon breath reaches my nose and hovers inches from my face. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything when you’re like this.”

  “Like what?”

  He grips the back of my head to keep me steady because he can feel me pulling away from him. “Confused, angry, and pissed at me.”

  His lips linger over me for a few seconds to let me think.

  All I can think about are the blue skies above us through the skylight as he tips my neck further to the ceiling.

  Blue skies and the tattered heart on Jake’s sleeve.

  The heart I left behind.

  I’m getting what I want for once.

  He slides his hands around my waist and squeezes; I lean forward to let him bury his face in between the softness of my breasts as he unbuttons my blouse and lets it fall off of me onto the floor. His hands slide around each breast; there’s nothing I can do but tip my head backward where he wants it and moan loudly into the air once his lips start suctioning around each nipple and he tugs lightly with his lips.

  His sexy chuckle finds me in the abyss of pleasure. “I take it you don’t care how I feel about taking advantage of you?”

  Licking my lips, I close my eyes and grip the back of his head. “No talking.” I blow a long breath out. “I want this.”

  He rips off my leggings and shakes the torn garment onto the floor, and I’m left with nothing but a pair of silk panties, sitting on his lap beneath his aggressive touch. I like it that he’s a little scared to be with me because I’m feeling the exact same way—although I’d never admit it to him. There’s a few moments I come in and out of pleasure waves and he’s taken off his pants and tight, black boxer briefs with one swoop of his arm. I giggle and it’s like gas to his engine; he revs beneath me and vibrates my skin as his legs tremble.

  “Jesus, Olivia.” His hands find each side of my ass, and he roughly grips the flesh between his fingers. He slides his fingers around the bottom of my thighs and raises me in the air, and everything kicks into slow motion. I look down and the sparkle in his eye sends a wave of ease over my body, so when he pushes inside of me I can enjoy every bit of him and not worry about a damn thing.

  And I don’t.

  Not as his tall body cradles me, wraps my legs around his torso, and I ride him in the chair.

  Not as he picks me up and bends me over the kitchen counter.

  Not as he parts my legs with his tongue and runs it over e
very inch of space I have between my thighs.

  And definitely not as he stands behind me, gripping me and wrapping his arms around me like ribbons of sexual warmth and pleasure.

  The bedroom I’ve been staying in is dark; I can still see the look in his eyes before he reaches ecstasy. It’s the clearest I’ve ever seen him. He buries himself in my hair and slows his hips into a rhythmic motion. Something comes over me, and suddenly it’s like I’m hungry for everything I can get my hands on…and I want it all.

  My legs wrap around his body, and he follows my moves, lying on his back and letting me slide on top of him. I know I’ve slept with Jake, but to me…it’s my first time with anyone.

  He’s not exactly small, either.

  Somehow I know what to do and where to place my legs; he sits up and catches me, running his hands up my sides and breathing so hard that it makes easing back onto him much more tantalizing. I feel him getting close so I start moving up and down until he reaches for my neck and pulls me down to kiss his lips. As we both cry out at the same time, the room gets a little blurry, and it’s a few minutes before either of us can speak.

  Jake brushes the hair from my face and kisses my lips again. He’s weak, but he’s waited so long for this that in his mind he’s ready to go again. I drink him in and hardly care that I’m sweaty and naked on top of a man I’m supposed to love and barely know.

  Olivia! Stop ruining it for yourself!

  “I love you so fucking much.” He tips his head back. “That was literally everything I thought it would be and more.”

  My smile hurts my cheeks. “I’m glad I could help you out.”

  He swiftly rolls over and tucks me underneath him, pulling out of me and not giving a damn that we didn’t use a condom and he never bothered asking me about birth control. Luckily, I’m just bad at remembering things from my past and not my present, and I’ve never missed a pill…even now that we’ve been living miles away from home for two weeks.

  “Look at that,” he mutters, looking toward the window across from the bed. “We’ve been in here for hours…it’s already nightfall.”