by Skyla Madi
“You were basically unresponsive, Liv,” Brant says. “I had to carry you out of there.”
“I know that. I was there. It was just a headache.”
They look at each other again as if they are silently having a conversation about my life. They don’t get to decide what I do. Only I do. “Look.” I put a smile on my face although my head still feels a little fuzzy. “Let’s all go back into the carnival and eat some food. I need food. Feed me, Jake.” I smile devilishly and bite my bottom lip. “Feed me.”
He knows this isn’t fair, but he takes the bait anyway. “Fine, but afterward if you feel funny at all, you’re going to the hospital.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jake blushes and takes my hand before turning to Brant. “Thank you for looking after her. I’m lucky someone found her that cares for her. Can we treat you and your date to a dinner of carnival food as a thank you?”
Brant laughs and looks back at his car, and it’s empty. “Well, looks like she hightailed it out of here, so if you don’t mind me being the third wheel…”
Jake pats him on the shoulder. “Park the car and we’ll wait for you.”
The camaraderie between them is heartwarming, and for the next two hours we hit every food booth in the carnival, and our time together ends in laughter and friendship. Brant drove up to Seattle from Silver Lake because his date—who took a cab back to her parents’ house in town—grew up here and wanted to come back for the carnival.
I never knew Jake could be such a loving and warm person to someone he used to see as a threat, but he’s changed. I mean really, really changed. The scary person I met again months ago just isn’t there anymore.
Maybe—somehow—I managed to fix him after all.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Phoenix
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jake’s eyebrows rise. “Baby, just because I have tattoos doesn’t mean you need to mess up your perfect body and perfect skin…” He kisses my fingers one by one. “I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying…think about it.”
I’m already sitting in the chair at the tattoo parlor, ready to go.
“Jake, I’m doing this. Now help me figure out what I’m getting. What about a unicorn?”
He frowns and makes a gagging sound. “I wouldn’t be able to have sex with you staring at unicorn.” He pretends to shiver; he laughs as I smack his shoulder because it’s the only part of him I can quickly reach.
“A unicorn it is, then.”
“It’s a good thing I’m in love with you or else you’d be in so much trouble for your little fucking attitude,” he growls in my ear. “You have two hours before your appointment with Dr. Ross. You better choose something.”
The pictures and sketches on the wall are all amazing, but not for me. The black binders next to me have one-of-a-kind artwork, but none of that speaks to me either. Jake reaches his long arms for another book, letting my hand fall and brush against his inner thigh on purpose.
“Nice.” I snort. “Classy you are.”
He shrugs and pretends to be innocent. The next book he hands me is smaller than the rest and purple instead of black. The pages are thicker and the designs are darker and more eclectic. Jake points to a few as I pass them, but once I turn the next page over, the dark red and black lines of a palm-sized phoenix call to me.
“That’s the one.” My fingers hit the plastic over the page. “A phoenix gets reborn from ashes. It’s perfect.”
Jake’s brown eyes find mine and soften. “Have I mentioned how proud I am of you for coming this far? You’re pretty fucking remarkable, Olivia White.”
“Oh, my first and last name, you must mean business.”
His sexy laugh sends chills down my spine. “Oh, I think I’ve more than proven that I mean serious business when it comes to you.” He presses his lips on mine and gently parts them. The tattoo artist knocks on the door, and we quickly part; Jake rubs my lip gloss from his lips as the man enters the room and introduces himself.
“I’m Romero. Did you find one you like?” His long, dark braided beard ends at his chest. I show him the phoenix, and he nods. “That’s one of my brand-new ones, good choice. Shouldn’t take too long. You stayin’, man?”
Jake takes his phone from his pocket. “Are you okay if I run a few errands?”
“What errands could you possibly have in Silver Lake?”
“You’ll see.” He winks. “If you want me to stay, I will. It’s your first one, baby.”
I wave him off. “Go run your errands.”
“Take good care of my girl.” Jake kisses my forehead and leaves the room as Romeo salutes him. He’s gone the entire time it takes to put the bird on my shoulder—where I finally decided I wanted it—and when he steps back into the room, he examines Romero’s work and smiles.
“That’s really fucking amazing,” he compliments the artist. “Maybe I’ll stop in before we leave town and get a new one. Thanks, man.”
Romero nods and pats my other shoulder. “I’ll meet you up front and get you a few things, okay?”
Jake helps me up from the chair and wraps his arms around my waist. “We only have twenty minutes to get to Dr. Ross’ office. You ready?”
“I’m ready. I’m glad I did this before we went there. I already feel more in control of my life.”
He lightly kisses my lips. “I’m glad you decided to keep going by Olivia…I think it’s sexy. I also think that tattoo is sexy. It’s turning me on.”
“Jake,” I warn him. “You just said we have twenty minutes to make it to Dr. Ross. We can’t—”
The fire in his eyes reaches for me and consumes whatever defense I have.
“What if Romero comes back in?” His body pushes me against the wall next to the door. Spreading my legs apart, he unzips his jeans and puts me gently on my feet. His fingers find the clasp of my jeans and unhooks them, roughly pulling them from my legs and onto the floor.
He turns me to face the wall, and a package crinkles behind me. With one hand, he grips my hair; he wraps it around his hand and pulls, making my head tip backward. A satisfied grunt comes from his throat as he kisses the side of my neck and spreads my legs with his, pushing himself inside of me.
My moans echo in the room; it’s a wonder no one comes rushing in to see what we’re doing in here. With each deep thrust Jake pushes inside of me, the world melts more around us.
“Jesus, Olivia.” He breathes heavily and starts to thrust into me so hard that the wall starts to shake. It’s not until he carries me to the chair and sits down with my back against his chest that my eyes can focus again. My body bounces against him, and he clutches my sides, pushing me up and down to his pleasure. Jake cries out into my naked shoulder and wraps his arms around me for a few minutes to catch his breath and let his heart rate slow down.
My throat is dry; I half-expect puffs of smoke to come out when I speak. “We’re definitely going to be late for my appointment.”
***
Dr. Ross sits in his chair and waits for me to enter the room. The disappointment he feels is apparent as he continuously checks the clock on the wall. “You’re late.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” My fingers smooth over my hair one more time; Jake and I paid for my tattoo and raced across town just to still be fifteen minutes late. “This won’t take long.”
“I hear your dreams were true after all. Are you here to ask if I knew?”
The familiar squeaky brown leather sofa is probably the only thing I’ll miss about coming to this place. Dr. Ross doesn’t have his signature yellow notepad this time; I guess that’s something I’ll miss too.
“Did you know?”
He shakes his head. “I’m afraid I didn’t. Although, if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you.”
“I know that. I wouldn’t blame you if you kept it from me. I know you were just doing your job. Which is why I’m here.”
“You want to try being hypnotized again.”
&
nbsp; My cheeks flush. “Is that okay?”
Dr. Ross smiles and pushes his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Tell me everything first and then we’ll see what we can do. What exactly did you find out, Olivia?”
I take a deep breath and tell Dr. Ross the entire story from beginning to end. I start with moving to the house across from Jake when I was nine and end with getting my phoenix tattoo—I leave out the sex with Jake part. By time I’m finished, it’s been over an hour, and Dr. Ross sits on the edge of his seat like he’s watching an intense movie.
“Good Lord.” His hands cover his mouth slightly. “How are you dealing with everything? Let’s talk about that.”
“I’m just taking one day at a time. Jake’s been a big help, and he’s been really patient with me.”
He shakes his head. “You truly are a remarkable young woman.”
“Can we try hypnosis now? Jake’s waiting for me, and it’s a long drive back to Seattle.”
Once he’s set up and puts me into a sleep, it’s hard to focus on a single memory since I’ve been storing so many in my brain. What was once empty is now starting to fill.
***
“What are we doing here, Mom?”
Sabine puts her finger to her lips and shushes me. She told me we were going shopping for school supplies, but instead she’s dragged me by my hair into an old office building that smells like moldy cheese. She pushes me down into a cold metal chair and points her skinny finger in my face.
“Stay fucking put. Don’t move. Understand me, Lacey?”
I nod. “Yes, Mom.”
“If you move one fucking muscle, you’ll regret it.”
“Yes, Mom.”
She straightens her blouse. “Good. I’ll be right back.”
She’s gone for hours. No one comes into the building, and no one leaves. I’m alone, and there’s nothing I can do but stare at the white walls and walk around the empty offices. When darkness starts to fall outside, I search the rest of the building for her.
She’s not here.
She left me.
I wait another hour and realize she’s really gone.
The air outside is warm, and it makes me thirsty as I start to walk in the dark along streets I’ve never been to before. I don’t know where I am; I don’t know where she left me. A few car lights pass me by so quickly that water splashes on me from small puddles created by the light rain earlier today.
“You lost, little girl?” a woman screeches from somewhere in front of me.
I think I’m imagining things.
“Hey, you there!”
My legs start to pound against the pavement, and I run as fast as I can. There’s woods around me now, and strange sounds come from the trees. I walk forever; my feet hurt when I reach a diner on the side of the road.
Starlight Drive-In, the sign says.
The door is hard to push open, but I manage to get it far enough to fall inside. Several chairs scoot across the floor after I hit the hard floor; several pairs of hands reach for me and lift me into the air like their savior. It’s hard to focus on who says what, but they shove a straw in my mouth and the cold water trickles down my throat, reviving me enough to shift my eyes around.
The waitress wears a pink dress and white apron.
The truck driver’s hat is green and says, “Truckers do it better.”
The man in the suit has hair like Dad.
Dad.
“I need to call my dad.”
The waitress—her nametag says Bev—sits down across from me. “Sweetheart, you just fell into our door at one a.m. What’s your name, baby?”
Her southern accent is nice and welcoming.
“Lacey.”
“What are you doin’ out here this late at night, Lacey?”
I don’t want to tell on Mom; she’ll get in trouble.
“I ran away from home.”
“And now you wanna call your dad to come get you?”
I drink more water and drum my fingers on the table. “Yes, please.”
“Do you know his number?”
I nod. “I know it. Do you have a phone I can use?”
Bev gestures toward the bar, and a white table phone sits on the end. All eyes are on me as I scoot from the booth and reach it, dial Dad’s number, and he doesn’t answer. I call him four times before he picks up and snarls. “Who the fuck is this?”
“Daddy.” I start to cry. “Can you come and get me?”
“Lacey? Sweetheart, where are you? I thought you were with Mom?”
If I tell him what happened…
…I can’t lie my way out of this one.
“She took me to a building and left me there. I walked a long time and ended up at this diner. I don’t know where I am. I’m scared, Daddy.”
Michael inhales and exhales slowly. “Is there an adult around?”
“The waitress, her name is Bev.”
“Very good, darling. Put Miss Bev on the phone and you sit down and order whatever you’d like, all right? I’m on my way to get you.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
“Lacey?”
“Yes?”
“Be a brave girl for me, okay? This is the last time your mother will ever hurt you, I promise. I’m sorry I let you down. I’ll always protect you from now on. You can count on me.”
I wave Bev over and hand her the phone; I go back to the booth and open the menu, looking at my choice just like Dad said. When she hangs up the phone and returns to me, there’s sadness on her face, and I know Dad told her everything.
“How about some chocolate chip pancakes, whipped cream, warm maple syrup, and a sundae? Your daddy will be a few hours.”
The truck driver and man in the suit go back to their own booths but keep a close eye on me as Bev tousles my hair and runs off to get my goodies. My stomach is so full that I can’t finish the sundae, and I feel myself starting to drift to sleep.
The man in the suit takes off his jacket and wraps it around me; I lie down in the booth and sleep until the bell on the door rings and I feel Dad’s arms around me. He thanks everyone and cradles me in his arms. Bev whispers a goodbye to me and tells Dad she’ll pray for him. He thanks her and takes me back out into the dark early morning and places me in the backseat of his car.
“Hey Lacey Bug,” I hear Jake whisper.
“Jake?” I yawn and find his shoulder, snuggling into it. He wraps a blanket around us and leans his head back onto the headrest, returning Dad’s gaze in the rearview mirror.
“Let’s go home, kids,” Dad says and pulls the car onto the dark roads.
Jake holds my hand under the blanket. “What are you doing here?” I whisper.
“Your dad called my mom and asked her if I could come with him. He thought you might need me right now.”
I smile. “I always need you, Jake. You’re my best friend.”
“I love you, Lacey. You should go to sleep. We can talk about everything tomorrow.”
I kiss his cheek, and his arm rests on my shoulders.
“I’ll never need anyone more than you, Lacey Bug.”
***
Dr. Ross makes me promise to come back and spend more sessions with them when I can. I don’t have the heart to tell him Jake and I plan to move away from Seattle someday.
Jake waits for me in the car; he’s talking on the phone but hangs up when he sees me emerge from the doctor’s office with a pale face and wet eyes.
“What happened?” he asks when I get into the car. “Olivia, what—”
“You never told me how you and Michael came to get me when my mom left me in the middle of nowhere.”
Jake’s face pales. “I didn’t want you to know. I’d hoped that memory wouldn’t come back.”
“You can’t do that. You can’t pick and choose what you want me to remember, Jake. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t want any more surprises, okay?”
“Okay, Bug.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Let’s go home. We ha
ve a long drive. You can make it up to me.”
“I’ll never stop trying, baby.” He smirks and starts the car, heading for Seattle. “You don’t want to visit your parents or Caitlyn while you’re here?”
“They’ve already moved back to Seattle for now. I think they’re moving to the East Coast.”
He knows I want to leave Silver Lake and never look back.
And I don’t.
The red phoenix that glitters on my shoulder made me feel better for the first few days that things started to settle down, but honestly, nothing has really been settled. Just because I know that I’m not crazy to think I’m living someone else’s life doesn’t make anything clearer.
I know I’m Olivia White.
That much I know for sure.
Whatever that means, of course. Honestly, I don’t even have a straightforward answer to what it means. Who knows exactly who they are, really? Even Jake struggles with trying to be someone he thinks he needs to be sometimes, and it’s hard to see him hide himself to try and be the man he thinks I want him to be. I just want him to be Jake—the intense and sensitive man that holds the key to everything I am or ever will be. There isn’t a minute since I realized I fell in love with him that I didn’t want to spend every waking minute with him no matter how much he annoys the shit out of me sometimes.
Most of the house has been packed up or sold off—thanks to Caitlyn’s help as she stayed here with us before they left for South Carolina—but we’ve yet to decide where we’re moving to after the dust settles. For now, we’re in limbo, and it’s not a foreign feeling to me to not know whether I’m coming or going.
“Good morning, baby.” Jake kisses my forehead. “Noah just called me.”
The coffee tastes fantastic on my tongue. “Did he find Sabine?”
“He found her.” He sighs and takes my hand into his, leading me into the living room. “If you want to contact her, I’ll take you to meet her. If you don’t, that’s fine too. That choice is yours and yours only. No one can sway you on that decision.”
“I don’t want to meet her. She didn’t want me then, and I doubt she wants me now. It’s not going to change anything, either. Not really,” I answer almost immediately. I’ve given it some thought since Michael told me her name and the truth about her, and deep down I know I can’t trust anything he says, but something just…fits. Not to mention she abandoned me in the middle of nowhere without a second thought.
