Tattoo Lust: A Tattoo Romance Collection

by Skyla Madi

  Jake notices my reservation and sits down on the sofa with worry in his soft brown eyes. “Are you sure about that? I don’t know much about her, Olivia. I wouldn’t bother with her, but it’s not up to me.”

  “There’s really only one other way to make up my mind—ask my mom about it.”

  He nods his head and leaves the room after kissing my forehead. He knows I should be alone for this, but it’s hard for him to leave and not take charge of making sure he’s there for me. I take the phone from my pocket and dial my mother’s number—the one that actually treats me like a daughter—and wait for her to answer. I hadn’t talked to her in a few weeks, so when she answers, the surprise in her voice startles both of us.

  “Livvie?” Her voice cracks. “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I answer straight away because I don’t want to waste any time. “We found Sabine.”

  She sucks in air through her teeth. “How was that? Are you okay?”

  She’s so silent that I have to check the phone screen to make sure the call didn’t drop. After a few long seconds, she sighs and chuckles. “I hardly knew your mother. After my mother divorced Michael when I was eleven, she kept me from him for a long time. It wasn’t until Sabine came into the picture a few years later and he married her that I met her.” Jake peeks his head back into the room to make sure I’m okay. I wave my hand at him to come in, and his lean body relaxes next to mine; he hands me a wine glass with a dark red substance inside.

  “Thought you might need this.” He kisses my fingers.

  I zone back into the phone conversation and take a drink of the wine in my hand. “What was she like?”

  “Your mother?” It pains her to say it out loud, but she knows there isn’t another way to talk about her. “She was…young. Twenty years younger than Michael. I hated her because Michael was finally fighting to be a part of my life, but when Sabine entered the situation, things changed.”

  I nearly choke on my wine. “You mean, when I came along.”

  “No, I was excited for you. I was sixteen and about to be a big sister—I was excited. Things changed when Sabine found out that you existed. Something shifted inside of her, and she became colder and more deflective. She always hated having me around, even if it was for just a weekend.”

  Licking the excess wine from my lips, I frown. “Did she ever love me?”

  “I’m sure there was a time that she did. I don’t know what to tell you to make things better, Livvie. You were raised by a nanny because she couldn’t bother. She never held you or changed your diapers. When you fell and broke your arm on your tenth birthday, she didn’t take you to the hospital. Jake’s mother had to do that because Sabine refused.”

  My eyes widen with disgust. “Jake’s mom did that?” He notices his name, and his ears perk up. “I thought she hated me.”

  “She may hate you now for taking her son away.” My mother laughs into the phone. “But she always treated you like one of her own when you were younger. Things got weird for a while, and no one knew where Sabine was, and that’s when Michael told everyone she disappeared.”

  I finish the glass and hand it back to Jake; he notices that I need more so he kisses my forehead and jumps up to retrieve it. “What do you think I should do?” I ask. “Do you think I should try and contact her?”

  My mother sucks in air through her teeth like she’s put her hand on a hot burner. “That’s up to you, Liv. No matter what, me and your dad are here for you, and so is Caitlyn. We’re your family, no matter who else comes into the picture. Think about it and do whatever your heart tells you to do.”

  “Life only gives you one mother.” I slap my hand over my mouth.

  She doesn’t seem surprised. “Life gives you whatever it thinks you need and can handle. You needed a mother, so life brought me to you. Sure, you had some tragic times before we got there, but can you honestly imagine it any other way?”

  “No.”

  I almost feel her smile through the phone. “That’s nice to hear. Trust yourself, Liv—you’re the only one that you can fully trust with every ounce of yourself. I’m not saying you can’t trust Jake, but he can’t make this decision for you.”

  When we hang up, I don’t feel any better than before I called her. When Jake comes back with more wine, his face twists in confusion when he looks down at me.

  “You okay, baby?” He hands me the glass, and my hands shake.

  I swig it all down and look up at him with tears in the corners of my eyes.

  “We’re going to Maryville.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Sabine

  The last thing I remember about my mother is her leaving me behind. It’s different…I shouldn’t say I remember, because I don’t. Just because these dreams are actually memories resurfacing doesn’t mean anything. The feelings that should be there in the memories just…aren’t.

  Jake notices I’m frustrated but gives me space. That’s really been my saving grace since the first day waking up in the hospital; the patience he tries so hard to have is endearing.

  Taking daily medicine hasn’t completely taken my headaches away, but they are few and far between. There are days where I feel more like myself—Olivia—than anything else. There are also days where I’m completely off-kilter and opposite of myself, which I assume is the person I once was—Lacey.

  My life is confusing.

  Even before my accident, my life was confusing.

  But Jake always made it better.

  His fingers haven’t left mine since we left Seattle; the copper stubble on his face has turned into a thicker, fuzzier patch of a shadowed beard. I like the way it feels on my fingertips; the coarse hair pricks against my skin when I touch his face.

  “We should’ve called before driving up here.” Jake’s voice rumbles through my brain as I look outside at the passing scenery—which isn’t much to even look at. The dried-up ground passing us by looks like it’s been burned and forgotten. “Don’t you think we should’ve called first?”

  I laugh. “Are you nervous about meeting my mother? Have you met your mother? How bad could this one be compared to her?”

  “Fair enough.” He laughs with me and follows the GPS line toward the address we mustered up online for Sabine. She’s changed her name, but the connections that Jake still has were able to figure out exactly where she is.

  It’s a strange feeling, though—trying to find someone who doesn’t want to be found. It’s an even stranger feeling trying to find someone who abandoned you as a child…literally. I guess I take comfort in the fact it wasn’t on the side of the road or in the middle of the woods.

  On the long drive, Jake and I have been through every possible scenario including the ones where Sabine clearly doesn’t want to be found and screams at me that I’m a waste of space and to leave her alone. I don’t much care for that one, but I can’t be naïve in thinking that she’ll welcome me with open arms. I don’t think I’m even looking for that, honestly. I think I’m more looking for closure on a life I can’t remember so I can start living a life that was meant for me with a clear conscience.

  “Bug, you forget that I have actually met your mother.” Jake turns the car and parks on the side of the street. “I knew her when she was around. Not well—she pretty much kept to herself and didn’t care about our side of the street, but I still knew her from coming around you.”

  We’re parked on the side of a wealthy suburban street with children playing outside of a few houses and people stopping to take a peek at us intruding on their picture-perfect neighborhood. “Do you remember what she was really like, though?”

  “I already told you, she was cold and quiet. She hardly ever spoke two words to me, and I never saw her even do anything motherly. Your dad was always the one at softball games, parades, and talent shows, baby.” I don’t want to believe that, but it hurts Jake to tell me the truth so I have to be diplomatic about it. He waves at an older man who stops walking his dog to
glare at us because he knows we don’t belong here. “We’re here. It’s that house over there…you ready?”

  Three small children play around the plush green lawn of the mini-mansion he points to: two boys and a girl. They look like they’re all under the age of ten; the boys both have dark hair like me, but the little girl has golden blonde curls.

  Before I think about it, I step from the car, and Jake has to rush to keep up with me as I barge onto their front lawn. The oldest boy puts his siblings behind him and crosses his arms over his chest. He’s not afraid to defend his siblings; I find that admirable.

  “Who are you?” he demands.

  “My name is Olivia.” I smile and try to diffuse the tension. “I’m looking for Sabine Christensen. Does she live here?”

  The boy narrows his eyes at me. “I don’t know you, and I don’t know a Sabine.”

  “Mommy’s name is Sabine, Jeffrey,” the little girl says. “Daddy’s name is George.”

  The older boy frowns at her. “She’s stranger. Don’t tell her our names, you idiot!”

  “Don’t call her an idiot.” Jake tugs at my shirt to warn me to back down. “That’s not a nice way to talk to your sister.”

  The boy snorts. “You can’t boss me around. I’m telling my mom.”

  “Jeffrey!” A woman rushes from the front door of the house and places the kids behind her in defense. It takes a few seconds for me to be able to look directly at her, but when I do, it’s like looking directly into a mirror. She has the same thick, Hershey bar-colored hair and long, thin nose as me. She’s a little taller than me, but even Jake squeezes the back of my shirt because he realizes he’s looking at me in thirty years. “Who the hell are you?” She glares. “I’ve already called the police.”

  “I’m Olivia White.”

  She looks confused at my name. “Keep away from my children.” Before she can usher them inside, I grab her hand, and she hisses at me. “You need to leave. You shouldn’t be here!”

  Jake steps up to my side. “Exactly why shouldn’t she be here?”

  Sabine knows she’s been caught, and it takes her a few seconds to figure out what she’s going to do. After whispering to her children and ordering them to go inside, we watch the three of them reluctantly stomp back into the house.

  Jeffrey looks back at me and waits until his siblings go inside. “You’re my sister, aren’t you?”

  Sabine frowns. “Your sister is inside. Now go.”

  “I hear you and Dad arguing about her all the time.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I first heard you last year on New Year’s Eve.”

  “That’s when I had my accident.” I look at Jeffrey, and he smiles. “What did they argue about?”

  “Dad wanted to see if we could help you, and Mom said no.”

  Sabine grabs him by the arm and marches him inside. When she returns, all three children start peering from the living room windows.

  “You had the opportunity to help me after my accident but said no?”

  Her chest heaves up and down as the weight of what she’s done presses down on her more with each second that passes by. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. I left you a long time ago, and as far as I’m concerned, you’re no longer mine.”

  A chill runs down my spine, but it’s too late to turn back now. “What are their names? My siblings.”

  She doesn’t rush to answer me. “Jeffrey, Steven, and…Lacey.”

  Ouch. Right through my chest.

  “Lacey? You named another child after the one you left behind?” My throat is dry, but I can’t stop myself from raising my voice. “How can you be a mother to these children and not to your first one?”

  She looks nervously around at her neighbors and joyfully waves them off to let them know she’s okay and I’m just some crazy person on her front lawn. “I think you need to get back into your car and drive back to wherever you came from.” Her eyes find mine, and they are cold and as unloving as they can be. “I don’t want any trouble from you or your deceitful father, you understand me? I’m someone else’s mother now.”

  My lips are on fire. “You’re not a mother. Don’t even say that. A mother doesn’t take her child hours away to abandon her. A mother doesn’t skip town and never look back. A mother…” I take a step forward and let the anger take over my body. “…doesn’t disappear.”

  She laughs.

  Laughs.

  Jake holds the back of my shirt so I don’t pounce on her. “You left me in that abandoned office building, alone and scared. What kind of monster does something like that?” I wipe the excess spit off my mouth that escapes when I’m spewing my hate for her right in her damn face.

  “I knew your father would save you like he always did.”

  “Why didn’t you just run away from home like a normal person?” My voice echoes in the air. “Why did you have to drag me hours away just to abandon me? Do you get off on being cruel?”

  Sabine pales. “You were such a clingy little thing. You’d never let me go anywhere or do anything alone. You wouldn’t let me leave, so I took you with me and waited until you slept and didn’t know where we were to leave you. It’s not like anything bad happened to you.”

  Rage fills my entire body. “Not like anything—what? You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

  “Lower your voice. I don’t want my neighbors knowing about you. I’m better off if you didn’t exist to these people, okay?”

  “Look, she’s only just found out about you and didn’t hesitate in wanting to meet you to complete a part of her life she’s lost.” Jake closes in on her, and his tall body is intimidating. I know the look in her eyes when he towers over her; his aura suffocates you in the worst and best of ways. “But you’re fucked in the head if you think I’m going to let you speak to her like that anymore. You’ll speak to her with respect.”

  “What is it that you want from me?” She looks at me, trying to ignore him standing over her. “I haven’t seen you in over ten years.”

  First question.

  “Why did you leave?”

  She answers instantly. “I was young when I married your father and then we had you shortly after. I never got the chance to be a young wife or finish living life before you came along. I never wanted you. He forced me to have you. I fell in love with George, my husband now, and you know the rest.”

  Second question.

  “You didn’t want to be a mother then, but now you do?”

  “I love my children, all three of them.” Her cold stare freezes my heart. “This conversation keeps going around in circles. You’re here thinking I’ll hug you and we’ll be mother and daughter, and that’s not happening.”

  Jake tugs on the back of my shirt. “Baby, you’re not going to get any closure here. Maybe we should just go.” He nods toward the street, where two police cars pull up and the officers make their way toward us. “I’m not going to call your mother and tell her you were arrested.”

  “At least she’ll care more than my real mother.” I glare at Sabine. “You could have taken me with you.”

  “I didn’t want to.”

  Stop doing this to yourself, Olivia.

  “But you could have.”

  The officers stay back and listen when she holds out her hands for them to back off. “I didn’t want to take you with me. I didn’t want you. I never wanted you.”

  I didn’t want you.

  I never wanted you.

  My hand rises to slap her across her face, but Jake stops me just in time. He mumbles something to the officers about us leaving and wraps his arms around me in a reverse bear hug so I can’t move.

  “I hate you.” I spit fire at her. “I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you with everything I have left inside of me. I’m glad my father didn’t tell me about you before now.”

  She shrugs and walks back into her house like it’s no big deal. Jake places me in the car and goes back to speak to the officers, who eventually get back in their cars an
d leave. When he climbs back in next to me, he starts the car and drives out of Maryville without saying a word. Once we find a small diner on the outside of the city, he pulls in and turns off the car in silence.

  “How can someone be like that?” I hold my head in my hands. “How can you just throw someone away like a piece of trash?”

  His hand finds mine, and he takes it. “I don’t know, baby. I couldn’t imagine anyone not wanting to even be around you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, that’s for sure.”

  I want to smile, but I can’t. “I mean, what kind of a monster does something like that? I know I should be something other than angry, but I guess not remembering her helps with that. I don’t know what I was expecting, coming here.”

  He kisses my fingers, and a wave of relief washes over me. “You were thinking that you wanted to know your mother and see what she’s like. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He brushes the fabric of my shirt off of my shoulder and smiles at the red phoenix staring back at him. “This is the person you are. You’ve risen from the ashes of tragedy. Don’t let Sabine ruin that for you.”

  Then it hits me.

  None of this matters.

  Michael and Sabine don’t matter.

  What they’ve done to me doesn’t matter.

  Jake matters.

  What we have matters.

  “I love you, Jake.” He takes my chin in between his thumb and index finger, parting my lips with his and letting me taste his cinnamon tongue.

  “I love you, Bug, more than anything.” He breathes into my lips. “You’re the only person I’ll ever need in my life. You mean something to me, and that’s the best feeling in the world, meaning something to someone, right?”

  I blush and chuckle. “Are you trying to fish for a compliment?”