Love Online

by Penelope Ward

  Even though we opened up to each other about life and our days, there was a limit to what we shared. I still didn’t know where she lived or any personal details like her last name. We’d agreed to keep it that way for the time being.

  She knew my name was Ryder. She knew my favorite food was pizza and my favorite band was Pink Floyd. She knew a lot of things about me, but she didn’t know what I looked like, where I worked, or my last name. Yet at the same time, it didn’t feel like that lack of information mattered. I was starting to feel like we knew each other intimately. And that made me think—who we are in this world has nothing to do with our names, our jobs, our social status, or all the labels we place on one another. It was possible to know someone without any of those things.

  I probably would never have thought that before meeting Eden. But she’d shown me that true relationships can be based on how two people connect, their shared ideals and tastes—their overall chemistry. And mine with Eden was off the charts.

  ***

  There was no doubt that working at a movie studio could be invigorating. Employees and crew members mingled with celebrities coming and going. It was a constant rush of energy. But I’d gotten so used to being around famous people, it didn’t faze me anymore.

  I’d held lots of different roles at my father’s company, McNamara Studios. Dad made me start at the ground and work up. In high school, I worked at the gate, granting talent and executives access to the lot and turning other people away. I also drove around in a golf cart and fetched food for cast and crew.

  Eventually, after graduating from college, I moved to the production side of things, assisting in making sure scripts were finalized, coordinating the filmmaking process, and keeping things on budget. I ended up getting my master’s degree in business from UCLA. My major was film production as an undergrad, but my father wanted me to garner the business knowledge that would be necessary to run the company someday.

  As of late, I’d been spending more time off the lot, shadowing Dad in his office downtown. On this particular day, he was raring to go as he sat me down during a work break.

  He kicked his feet up on his desk. “There’s a major shift happening, son. It’s requiring us to be more globally focused. And you’re gonna play a big role in this.”

  I reached for one of the starlight peppermints in the jar on his desk and removed the wrapper. “Okay. Explain.”

  “Well, it used to be you produced a good movie in Hollywood, it played around in New York or L.A., and that was good enough. It was all very one-dimensional. It’s not like that anymore. Everything’s gone digital. You know this. I don’t need to tell you. We have the world at our fingertips now. And that means being cognizant of the global market and all of the different platforms we have. Streaming is taking on a bigger role in how people view movies, but at the same time, it’s allowing us the potential for a much bigger audience.”

  “Okay…this isn’t really news. Explain my big role in all this.”

  “I want to have you traveling more, be our leader in the international marketplace. The person who leads this company into the future is going to need that kind of experience.”

  My brow furrowed. “You’re shipping me away?”

  “Only for small chunks of time. It’s going to be imperative that you have international experience if you’re going to be running this place.”

  “Where’s my first stop?”

  “I’m thinking India.”

  “India?” That was probably the last place I’d expected.

  “Yes. Bollywood ticket sales are astronomical. We need to pay attention to this. I’d like to set up a branch in Mumbai, and I’d like you to spearhead it. That’s going to mean you taking some trips out there. We have the potential and the budget to be better than Bollywood and reap the benefits of that hot market.”

  “Is this a done deal?”

  “I’ve already set up some meetings for you. You leave in two weeks.” He must have gotten a load of my face when he added, “You look like I just pissed in your Cheerios.”

  “It’s just…I wasn’t expecting this.”

  “I was hoping you’d be more excited.”

  “Maybe if it wasn’t halfway around the world.”

  Why aren’t I excited?

  I hated to admit it, but I knew India was something like twelve hours ahead. I was really enjoying the nightly routine I’d gotten into lately and didn’t want to disrupt it. But I couldn’t tell my father I wasn’t going to help him take over Bollywood because I’d miss my appointments with a cam girl.

  So, I’d suck it up and go.

  ***

  It didn’t take long for the prospect of this India trip to get me all worked up.

  I’d spent the afternoon on the phone with one of our contacts there to discuss the itinerary. It was going to be a lot of pressure in a completely foreign territory. I just wanted to forget about it for one night.

  Once I was tucked into bed that evening, I logged into Eden’s room and immediately threw down enough tokens for a private chat.

  Her face always lit up when she noticed me online. She’d stare into the camera and give me a look that showed she knew I had joined. And of course, that did things to me.

  “Hi, ScreenGod. I thought you’d never show.” She waved to her audience as she prepared to log out. “I’ll be back online soon, guys.”

  Eden couldn’t open the private room soon enough for me.

  When she finally appeared, she seemed concerned. “Hey, Ryder. Is everything okay?”

  “How could you tell something is off?”

  “I don’t know. I could hear that your breathing was a bit heavier just now. Are you stressed?”

  “I am actually, but I’m surprised you could pick up on it just from a couple of seconds of breathing.”

  “Well, it’s all I have to go on. Since I can’t see you with my eyes, I think I’m more in tune to my other senses. I’m more sensitive to other things—like the way you sound.”

  “Jeez. Because I can see you so clearly, I guess I forget I’m just a voice to you.”

  “That’s because a certain someone doesn’t want to show his face,” she teased.

  Eden probably thought I was afraid to show her what I looked like. It had nothing to do with that. There was just a certain comfort I felt in being able to interact with her like this. But it wasn’t fair; I knew that. We were beyond just cam girl and cam john at this point. If this was to continue, I’d need to show her my face, eventually.

  Eden reached for a fuzzy, fleece sweatshirt and threw it over her head. “It’s freezing in here. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “It’s not like you ask me to do anything with them anyway.” She winked, and it took me a few seconds to realize she was referring to her breasts.

  She had no idea all of the things I dreamed about doing to those beautiful tits. In my imagination, I’d already devoured and fucked them every which way. But I’d chosen to keep those thoughts to myself.

  “I appreciate that you don’t expect those things, by the way,” she said. “But if you ever wanted…you know you could ask me, right?”

  I swallowed. “I’m good, Eden.”

  My dick hardened in protest. Her words alone—”you know you could ask me, right?”—had given me an instant erection. My balls tightened. She has no idea.

  I changed the subject, choosing to focus on her frumpy clothes in an attempt to bring down my hard-on. “Is this the real Eden? Fuzzy sweats? I like it.”

  “You don’t know the half of it. I’m the antithesis of sexy when I’m off the clock. You can find me in jeans, Chucks, and a hoodie most of the time.” She laughed. “And I’m always cold—like, freezing no matter what temperature it is.”

  I’d love to be able to warm you up right now.

  I relaxed into my pillow and took in her face for a while.

  She tilted her head. “So…are you gonna tell me why you’re in a bad m
ood tonight?”

  “I’m not anymore. You always put me in a better mood.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  Letting out a deep breath, I said, “It’s looking like I’m gonna have to travel to India for work. And I’m not really looking forward to it.”

  I’d recently told Eden my full name and where I worked. I was no longer hiding anything from her. A part of me wanted her to come find me. The full disclosure wasn’t reciprocal, however. She still kept much of her life private.

  “India? Oh my God, really? I would love to visit India. Actually, I’d love to go anywhere other than here.”

  “Why can’t you?”

  She hesitated then said, “My life is just not conducive to travel.”

  “Why not? Money?”

  She ignored my question. “How long will you be gone?”

  “A few weeks.”

  “Oh.” Eden looked almost depressed.

  “Hey—you gonna miss me or something?”

  “Can you take me with you virtually?”

  “Well, India is, like, thirteen hours ahead of West Coast time. So, it’s likely that I’ll be working when you’re camming.”

  A worried look washed over her face. “We’ll have to figure something out. I don’t think I could go three weeks without talking to you.”

  Her words gave me pause. That’s exactly how it was for me, too. I felt like I couldn’t sleep at night without hearing her voice anymore.

  What is happening between us?

  She seemed to regret being so candid. “I shouldn’t have said that. Do you think it’s weird? In my line of business…I’m not supposed to be getting attached.”

  “What—do I think it’s weird that you’re bonding with a faceless voice?”

  “Yeah.” She laughed. “God…when you say it like that.”

  “No, I don’t think it’s weird. Maybe I should think it’s weird, but I don’t, because I feel the connection, too.”

  “I’ve grown so accustomed to talking to you. You’re my outlet. It’s what I look forward to at the end of each day. I feel like I can tell you things, and you won’t judge me.”

  Who the fuck am I to judge you? “I have no right to judge anyone.”

  “Is there a specific reason you’re saying that?” she asked.

  I let out a laugh. “Plenty of reasons.”

  “Well, I like that you’re not perfect. Makes me feel better about all the crazy shit I’ve done.” She winked.

  Pretty sure falling hard for a cam girl is the craziest thing I’ve ever done.

  Eden sighed. “This time always goes by too fast.”

  “You know my offer still stands if you want to stay longer. I’ll book you the whole night.”

  She almost looked like she was considering letting me do that. I could tell she didn’t want to leave me and go back to those strangers. That was weird to say, since I was virtually a stranger, too.

  Then she floored me when she said, “How about if we meet here in the private room after my shift ends at midnight? But I don’t want you to pay.”

  “What do you mean? I can’t let you do that.”

  “The camming site lets me override payment if I choose. I like your company, Ryder. I don’t feel right making you pay when it’s me who wants to talk to you. That makes me uncomfortable. So, I’m going to have to insist on not accepting payment for anything beyond the one private chat.”

  I let her words digest. This was a game changer. It was the first time I truly believed the feelings were reciprocal. She was asking me to come back after midnight because she wanted me there—not my money.

  “Whatever you prefer,” I said casually, even though inside I was freaking out a little—in a good way.

  She blew a breath up into her forehead, seeming tense, as if she’d been nervous to tell me what she wanted. “Okay…so, see you later?”

  It pained me to have to let her go back to those vultures. “Yeah. Alright. See you then.”

  ***

  I couldn’t watch the public show anymore. I didn’t want to see Eden taking her clothes off for those assholes, and I couldn’t deal with some of the disrespectful things guys said to her. If I’d known where some of them were located, I would’ve tried to hunt them down.

  So instead, I took a hot shower, watched an episode of Stranger Things, and chilled until it was time for our private chat.

  A couple of minutes before midnight, I logged into her room to catch the tail end of her shift so she could connect me to the private room.

  She granted me access without my having to pay. Eden looked tired as she waved. “Hey.”

  “Fancy meeting you here.”

  “I know.” She sighed. “I thought this night would never end.”

  “I’m still floored you would want to come back on with me after a long shift.”

  “Well, I don’t have to put on an act around you, so it doesn’t feel like a continuation of work.”

  “Your refusal to let me pay sort of blew me away. I guess this was the first night I really believed you liked talking to me as much as I like talking to you.”

  “I love talking to you,” she said as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head and lay down on her mattress.

  The white Christmas lights were still on, and all of her props were strewn about.

  “I’m not gonna keep you up too long,” she said. “I just wanted to hear your voice before bed.”

  On camera, she was always so giving of herself, but the person she showed me now was vulnerable, needy—maybe even a little lonely. I wondered how long it had been since someone offered to do something for her.

  “What can I do for you, Eden?”

  “What do you mean?”

  My voice was more of a whisper. “Tell me what you need.”

  She seemed to ponder that, then said, “Tell me a bedtime story.”

  A story.

  Hmm…

  Okay.

  She curled into her pillow and stared into the camera, blinking, waiting. In moments like this, it was always hard to believe she couldn’t see me.

  I thought about what kind of story to tell, then decided to wing it.

  “Once upon a time, there was a little boy. He lived a very charmed life. He grew up in a huge mansion in California. His father worked all the time. His dad was never around, so he was a mama’s boy. His mother tried her best to teach him values despite the excesses surrounding him. She sang songs to him sometimes and showered him in love. He was a lucky kid, took things for granted. And his life continued like this uninterrupted for many years.”

  I took a deep breath in and continued. “When he was in his twenties, he met a girl and fell in love—or so he thought. Everything in his life was perfect until his mother found out she had cancer. She fought for a good year before she died. Losing her crushed him. Then shortly after that, he fucked things up with his girlfriend, and she left him.” Closing my eyes, I paused. “In a short amount of time, he lost the only two women who had ever loved him. This boy—now a man—who’d been lucky enough to never deal with tragedy until that point, was left devastated and lost for the first time in his life. For two years, nothing and no one could break him out of this perpetual state of emptiness. Everything in his life seemed superficial, from the women he slept with to the shallow, Hollywood types showing up at the many lavish parties he threw. It was a meaningless existence. But that all changed one night when he clicked on a photo of a girl playing the violin.”

  She lifted her head from the pillow as if to listen more closely to my story.

  “And there she was, one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. She was singing. When he heard her voice, it brought back so many of the feelings and emotions he thought were dead. And he felt things he’d never experienced before. Even though he didn’t fully understand why, night by night this girl replaced the emptiness in his life. A beautiful distraction. And for the first time in a long time…he was happy again.”

 
Holy shit.

  Eden had tears in her eyes. She placed her hand up against the camera as if to touch me. I placed my hand on the computer screen as if to touch her back. It was an incredible moment, one that made me ask something I hoped I wouldn’t regret.

  I forced the words out. “Do you want me to turn my camera on, Eden?”

  She put her hand down and seemed taken aback. “Really? You want to?”

  “Only if you want to see me. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  She licked her lips, seeming a little freaked out. “I do. I really do. But I’m scared.”

  I laughed nervously. “Not as scared as I am.”

  “Not because I care what you look like,” she was quick to clarify. “I’m just so used to things the way they are, and I feel like seeing you will take it to a different level. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, just something I’ll have to get used to.”

  “Yeah.” Okay. Bringing it up was a bad idea. “I mean…I don’t have to.”

  “No! I really want you to.” She’d said it fast, probably before she could change her mind.

  “You sure?”

  Expelling a shaky breath, she nodded repeatedly. “Yes.”

  I sat frozen for a bit. Think this through, Ryder. There was no coming back from this.

  Okay. I’m gonna do it.

  Taking a deep breath, I placed my fingers on the mouse and clicked the camera icon.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  * * *

  EDEN

  Needing a few seconds to prepare, I closed my eyes the moment I knew he was about to turn on the camera.

  I don’t know why I was so afraid to see him. Maybe I was worried his looks would somehow change the way I viewed him. I hated that I’d even had that thought. I didn’t want to be unattracted to him physically because I was so very drawn to him in every other way. Shouldn’t those be the ways that mattered? I was scared I would somehow feel differently about him, and he deserved better than to be judged on his physical appearance.

  “You can open your eyes,” he said.

  My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest.