Love Online

by Penelope Ward

  “Hang on,” I yelled over before walking to the closet to grab him a snack. Still so on edge, I fumbled with the box before opening the packaging and bringing the Roll-Up to his room.

  When I came back, Ryder was still standing there, looking so tall and handsome with his hands in his pockets. I didn’t know what to do with him. His presence was overpowering. It was so surreal to have him here in my little kitchen.

  “How could I not have seen through it?” he said. “How could I not know that you’re struggling? Am I that blind?” He looked down at his feet and swore under his breath. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to use that term.” He looked distraught.

  I smiled. “It’s okay. Ollie and I aren’t sensitive.”

  He reached his hand out for mine.

  I took it and looped my fingers through his. “I never feel like I’m struggling when I’m spending time with you. You’ve been my escape. You say you should’ve sensed something, but you couldn’t have seen through anything because I’m so happy when I’m around you—albeit virtually.” I squeezed his hand. “And I’m really sorry for worrying you when I was MIA. I just lost it when he got hurt and really fell into a depression.”

  “What caused his injury?”

  I braced as I recalled it. “I’d fallen asleep on the couch. He didn’t want to wake me. He knows I keep some of our food that I buy in bulk down in the basement. He tried to get his own snack and fell down the stairs. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

  “I’m just glad you’re both okay. My mind was all over the place thinking someone hurt you or you’d gone missing. All kinds of crazy shit went through my head.”

  “I’m a mess, but I’m alive and okay.” I squeezed his hand, yearning for more. “God, I can’t believe you’re here. You’re real.”

  As we stared at each other, I kept thinking he was going to kiss me, but he held back. Then he asked the strangest question.

  “Do you like chicken pot pie?”

  What? I chuckled. “I haven’t had it in years, but yeah. I do. Why?”

  “Because it’s what I know how to cook, and I’m making it for you tonight while you relax with a glass of wine.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. Please let me cook for you and Ollie.”

  “I didn’t know you could cook.”

  “I really can’t.”

  “Then why make chicken pot pie?”

  “My mother. It was all she ever knew how to cook. We always had a chef, so she rarely spent time in the kitchen. But when she did, she’d make that. One day when I was a little kid, I asked her to let me help her. And to this day, it’s all I know how to make.”

  “That’s so sweet.”

  “Do you think Ollie will like it?”

  “He’ll eat anything. Literally. He loves food.”

  “Okay. Good. So…you can freak out about all the stresses of life tomorrow. You can also freak out about what my being here means tomorrow. Tonight, it’s chicken pot pie.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  * * *

  RYDER

  Eden gave me directions to the nearest supermarket. It felt completely surreal to be here, picking out the ingredients to make her the only thing I could cook. My mind wasn’t even focusing on what I needed to buy; it was too busy trying to absorb everything.

  I looked out through the sliding glass doors of the market to the mountains in the distance. I was in freaking Utah, about to cook for Eden and her brother. I am here with Eden. What a difference a day makes.

  My feelings could best be described as a mix of anxiety and relief. Relief that there was no sinister reason she was hiding her life from me. And anxiety because in a sense, she was right about everything. Eden had a ton of responsibility—too much for one twenty-four-year-old girl. And that was something I had to consider. There was no room for games. I had to tread lightly.

  I pushed the cart around in a daze. This was the first time in a long time that I’d had no clue what the next hours would bring. But I wasn’t ready to get back on a plane to California. My father was gonna have my head for taking time off from work when things were busy. But I just didn’t care.

  I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed my dad’s cell.

  He picked up after a few rings. “Son, where have you been? They told me you were taking a couple of days off, but no one seems to know where the hell you are.”

  I was glad to see Lorena had kept my secret. Not that I’d doubted she would. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was up to. I decided to tell my father a version of the truth.

  Leaning into my cart, I moved it along slowly while I talked. “Yeah. I know. I didn’t exactly tell anyone.”

  “So, where are you? I need you here.”

  “Uh…I’m gonna be gone for probably about a week.”

  “A week? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. I’m in Utah, actually.”

  “Utah? What the hell is in Utah?”

  “I’m in St. George visiting a friend.”

  “A friend?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who?”

  I hesitated. “Her name is Eden.”

  My father blew a breath into the phone. “With the secretive way you’ve been acting, I thought you were going to tell me his name was Ed.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “No. Still hetero as far as I know—not that there’s anything wrong with the opposite. But I like women…a lot.”

  Especially this woman.

  “Where did you meet this person that you’re all the way in Utah?”

  How exactly do I explain?

  “Online,” I said.

  Well, that’s technically true.

  “I don’t need to tell you to be careful. You’re a smart guy. I’m sure you know there are a lot of opportunistic people out there who would love a piece of—”

  “Dad, I know. She didn’t even know what I did for a living when we first met. It’s not about that, okay? When I told her your name once, she had never heard of you. I’m just enjoying her company right now. I’ll let you know when I’m coming back.”

  “It better not be more than a week. I need you here.”

  I couldn’t commit to anything because I had no clue how I was going to feel one moment to the next. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  “Son…just watch yourself.”

  “Thanks for your concern. I’ll be back soon,” I said before hanging up.

  ***

  Flanked by two cactus trees, Eden’s house was one level and small. Inside it was cozy and warm—the total opposite of the huge, over-the-top mansions I was used to in L.A. This was the type of house that made you feel like you were home the moment you stepped into it. Well, maybe it was the people, not the house. I was used to stepping into echoey silence.

  When I walked in the door, Ollie was sitting in the kitchen with his sister.

  “Ryder’s back,” he said.

  I put the paper bag down on the counter. “You smell me again or something?”

  “No, it’s your heavy foot. I could hear it. I bet you have giant feet.”

  That made me laugh. “Ah…so you sayin’ I’m like Bigfoot?”

  “Yeah.” He giggled.

  Eden smiled over at us as she unloaded the dishwasher. She looked down. “Come to think of it, Ryder does have big feet. You’re very perceptive, Ollie.” She winked at me, and I definitely felt it below the belt.

  Fuck.

  “You know what that means,” Ollie said.

  Eden and I both froze and turned to him at the same time.

  Her brow lifted. “What exactly is that supposed to mean, Ollie?”

  “It means he has really big socks, too.”

  The two of us collectively sighed.

  “So…so far, I have big feet and I smell,” I joked. “Way to keep making a good first impression.”

  “My sister told me you were coming back for dinner, so I was sort of expect
ing you anyway. It wasn’t just your big feet.”

  “Ah, okay.” I sat down across from him at the table and took some time to observe him. Ollie kept his eyes mostly closed. I had so many questions, ones that weren’t exactly appropriate to ask. Like, could he see me at all, or was he totally blind?

  Eden wiped down a plate. “Ollie, Ryder works in Hollywood with all of the movie stars.”

  Damn, that got his attention. The kid whipped his head in my direction. “Do you know Gilbert Gottfried?”

  “No, actually, I don’t.”

  “He was the voice of the parrot in Aladdin and the duck in the AFLAC commercial.” Ollie mimicked the duck, “Aflac!”

  “Sounds to me like he’s pretty good at playing birds, then.”

  “He’s so much more than a bird. He’s really funny.”

  Eden looked over at me. “Ollie got in trouble for listening to one of his standup acts on the iPad that wasn’t very age appropriate.”

  “Uh-oh.” I laughed.

  “Yeah. He’s so funny, though. It was worth getting in trouble.”

  This kid definitely had a mischievous side. He reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger, always trying to get into things I wasn’t supposed to.

  Eden explained, “Because Ollie can’t see, he’s drawn to really strong voices, and I guess Gilbert fits the bill.”

  “I thought I knew all the cool people, too. But apparently not,” I said.

  Ollie shrugged. “Guess not.”

  My gaze wandered over to Eden, who was now leaning against the counter, crossing her arms. Our eyes locked, and it hit me that it was probably a good thing Ollie couldn’t see me, because it was inevitable that I would get a hard-on for his sister at some point tonight.

  I could get hard just looking at her. I couldn’t remember ever having this kind of physical need for anyone before. The past several weeks had been like one long episode of foreplay. Now that I was near her, I couldn’t help being so physically turned on, even though she wasn’t doing anything specific to incite that. She didn’t have to do anything except exist.

  My brain was telling my dick to slow the fuck down, that we had to back up several miles now that we knew what was really happening here. But he wasn’t quite getting the message.

  I snapped myself out of my gawking. “Alright. Are you ready for me to take over the kitchen? Chicken pot pie-making is serious business. You need to steer clear, because I’m gonna need all this counter space.”

  Eden smiled. “Well, it’s not every day we have someone cooking for us, so we will gladly steer clear. Right, Ollie?”

  “Yeah, no one’s cooked for us since Ethan.”

  Ethan?

  Who the fuck is Ethan?

  “Oh yeah?” Looking over at Eden, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Who’s Ethan?”

  Ollie laughed. “I bet you thought I said ‘Eden’ at first, right? Ethan sounds like Eden.”

  “Yeah…sure does,” I said, still curious as to who the heck Ethan was.

  “Ethan stopped coming around a long time ago,” he said.

  “Ethan is my ex-boyfriend,” Eden admitted.

  “I see.” Not wanting to ask in front of Ollie, I didn’t pry about what had happened to Ethan. If she wanted to tell me, she would. But right now, wherever Ethan was, I was glad he was gone.

  I’d picked up a bottle of white while I was out. I remembered she’d once told me she loved pinot grigio. I poured Eden a glass so she could relax while I cooked.

  Eden and Ollie sat at the table while I prepared the ingredients. I even made the crust from scratch, because that’s how my mother taught me to do it. It took a little bit of time, but I always thought it was worth it.

  We made small talk as I cooked. Eden and I stole glances at each other as Ollie told us stories from school.

  About two hours later, we finally sat down to dinner, and when I say Ollie devoured half the entire pie, that’s no exaggeration.

  “Someone liked the pie,” Eden teased.

  “Not the kind of pie I’m used to, but really good,” he said.

  “Well, I’m very glad you liked it,” I said.

  Eden licked her lips. “It was really delicious, Ryder.

  Those lips look delicious.

  “Well, it’s a good thing you like it, because like I said, it’s all I know how to make.”

  Ollie stole my attention from Eden’s lips when he said, “Wanna come hang out in my room?”

  I paused, caught off guard by the request. But there was only one answer. “Oh yeah, sure.”

  “There’s not a lot in there to see, but I can show you my iPad.”

  “Yeah. That sounds cool.”

  Eden tried to intervene. “Ollie, Ryder’s probably tired from his trip.”

  “No. I’m good.” I smiled. No way was I about to disappoint this kid.

  She smiled back and mouthed, “Thank you.”

  I winked at her.

  Ollie got up from his chair and led me to his bedroom. To say I felt like a fish out of water was an understatement. Not only did I have no real experience with kids, but I was terrified I’d say something fucking stupid without thinking, like I had when I used the term blind with Eden earlier.

  Exhaling, I sat down on his mattress, which was on the floor. He sat on the other side of it.

  “You seem nervous,” he finally said.

  “You think so? How can you tell?”

  “Your breathing.”

  That reminded me of how Eden used to be able to sense the same thing back when she could only hear my voice. I chuckled because she’d probably thought about her brother when she said it.

  Ollie’s features were definitely darker than Eden’s. His skin was tanned, and his hair was almost black. He had big brown eyes to her green. But they had different fathers, so that made sense.

  He reached for his device and clicked on the YouTube icon, which actually sounded out the word YouTube in a robotic woman’s voice as he pressed it. It must have been a special app that allowed him to hear what he was selecting.

  “What do you like to listen to?” I asked.

  “Comedy shows, mostly. Some podcasts.”

  “Nice.”

  He turned his body toward me. “So, who are you?”

  His question amused me. He’d sat through an entire dinner with me, and he was only now asking this. But the truth was, no one had explained shit to him, other than to say I was Eden’s friend.

  “Who am I? That’s a fair question.”

  “Like, where did you come from? How do you know my sister?”

  I gave him the same line I gave my dad. “We met online.”

  “That’s kind of creepy.”

  Touché.

  “Yeah. The Internet is really only for adults, and even then, sometimes you have to be careful. But if you’re lucky, you can meet some great people you never would have met otherwise.”

  “You came all the way here just to see her?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

  “Why?”

  At his age, I suppose it made no sense. “I think she’s very…nice. I wanted to meet her in person.”

  He looked almost troubled when he said, “You’re not gonna take her away, are you?”

  Shit. “Of course not.”

  “Because if she went away, I wouldn’t have anyone to take care of me.”

  Damn. I could only imagine how scary it was for him to imagine that. She was all he had.

  “I haven’t known you very long, Ollie, but I can tell you with a hundred-percent certainty that your sister isn’t going anywhere.”

  “How do you know? My mom died. How do you know nothing bad will happen to Eden?”

  Fuck.

  How am I supposed to respond to this?

  “Okay, nothing is guaranteed in life. I know. But she would never willingly leave you. I promise you that.”

  I thought I had it bad when I lost my mother. It must have been scary to have lost your mother at
such a young age and then to not be able to see on top of that. As he looked in my general direction, but not at me, I was really curious about whether he could see me even a little.

  I hoped I wouldn’t offend him when I asked, “Can you see anything at all?”

  “I can see with my eyes like you see with your butt.”

  Once I processed his answer, I laughed. “I think I get it. Good analogy.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It means…good example.”

  “I can’t see anything.”

  “Gotcha.” Some awkward silence passed until I rubbed my hands together and asked, “So how are the kids at school? They treat you okay?”

  He smiled. “The kids at school are pretty nice. They’re all blind, too, so it’s not like they can make fun of me or anything.”

  The mere thought of anyone messing with him angered me. “Why do you say that? Do other kids make fun of you?”

  “Not really.”

  “Good.”

  “The only thing people really tease me about is my last name.”

  “Your last name? Why? What is it?”

  He flashed a wicked grin. “Guess.”

  “Um…I’m gonna need at least a little clue.”

  “Can I touch you?” he asked.

  His question made me pause. “Yeah.”

  He then reached for me and started to feel around my face and my shirt.

  “You’re wearing it. My last name.”

  “I am?”

  Ollie snickered. “Yeah.”

  I wracked my brain. Colón...like cologne, maybe? I figured that was a good guess since his father was from Costa Rica.

  “Colón?”

  “No.”

  Then I remembered the father wasn’t even in the picture, so why would Ollie have his last name? Duh.

  “You’re gonna make me totally guess, aren’t you?”

  “Yup.” He giggled.

  I’m wearing it.

  “Pants?”

  “Nope.”

  “Shirt?”

  “No.”

  “Watch?”

  He shook his head. “Uh-uh.”

  Boxers?

  I snapped my fingers. “Boxer?”

  He laughed. “No.”