by E. C. Land
Chaz
Something’s going on with Jamie. I can feel it. The way she seemed nervous this morning doesn’t sit well with me. I’d never say I was an emotional person because I’m not. However, when it comes to Jamie, she’s my world. At the sweet age of sixteen she became the light to my dark world.
Growing up in the house that I did wasn’t easy. My parents never wanted anything to do with me. I was the screw up that destroyed their precious lives. Every day they reminded me of the fact with each smack on the head or the verbal abuse they threw my way. I learned early on to stay out of their way the best I could.
If not for my best friends and I forming the band I don’t know what I’d have done back then. They were the only thing keeping me going until that day in class when a little pixie of a girl walked in. She’d demanded my attention even when I tried not to give it to her.
Now life has gotten easier, though the dark cloud of my past still lingers over my head every once in a while, when the parents who didn’t want me come around. They demand I give them money for what they claim to need at the time. Though I never give in they continue to do this.
Why is it people always think they’re entitled to things that aren’t theirs?
Shaking my head, I need to get those thoughts out of my head before I let them pull me into a place I don’t want to be.
“Yo man what are you doing in here?” Hunter asks from the doorway to the storage room where we keep some of the extra instruments.
“Taking stock of what we need to order. Why what’s up?” Putting the clipboard down I face him head-on.
“Nothing, Jamie coming in later?” Now he has my attention. He knows Jamie always comes into work with us when the shop is open.
“What’s going on man?” I ask.
“I was just wondering that’s all.” Lifting his hands up Hunter furrows his brow.
“Dude tell me what the hell it is you want to say,” demanding, I step closer to him.
Sighing Hunter looks to the floor, “I saw her on the way here coming out of a doctor’s office.”
“Yeah so I know she had a doctor’s appointment.” Shrugging I go back to what I’m doing.
“So, you knew she was going to the prego office? And didn’t say anything to us,” Hunter’s words surprise me.
Spinning back to him I know my eyes are wide, “You just say what I think you did?”
“That I saw your girl coming out of the prego office, yeah I did. I guess from the look on your face you didn’t know she was going there,” he says.
“Naw but you can rest assured I’ll find out what’s going on when she gets here. It’s probably just about her birth control meds,” I state matter of fact. But in my gut, I know it’s more than that.
“Yeah man it’s probably just that. Either way you two are solid so it’s not like it’d be a big deal, right?” Hunter asks concern filling his voice.
“Jamie and I are as solid as they come. If she’s pregnant nothing would change the way I feel about her. Hell, I plan on asking her to marry me when we hit twenty. I’d do it today, but her grandma asked me to wait that long at least.” I laugh at the memory of talking to her grandma about wanting to marry Jamie.
“Boy got no problem with you wanting to marry my beautiful girl but wait till you hit twenty. Make sure you both have grown to where you wanna be first,” she’d said patting my leg as I sat next to her telling her of my intentions. Though I didn’t need her permission, I knew Jamie would want her blessing, since I couldn’t ask her father.
To this day my pixie still has a hard time talking about her parents.
“Well either way you know the three of us have your back,” Hunter says coming towards me to pat my back.
“Appreciate it man. Now help me finish this shit up and maybe we can work on that song some before the kids get here for their lessons.” Tossing the clipboard against his chest I don’t bother making sure he catches it. Turning back to the boxes in front of me I begin calling out what each is so he can mark it down.
By the time we finish it’s past lunchtime and I’m starving. I thought Jamie would be here by now or at least let me know she was here if she’d come in already.
Walking out of the storage room I don’t let the little voice in the back of my head trying to rear its ugly head. She is my world and I refuse to let any doubt in.
As we enter the main room of the music shop where Jamie usually works at the front desk, I don’t see her there but I watch as she comes through the entrance. Her smile not in place like it usually is. And tears fill her eyes as she finally looks up from the floor.
“I’m just gonna go in the other room,” Hunter says as he backs out of the room as I nod to acknowledge him.
Unable to move, frozen in place I wait.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“I’m pregnant,” she says immediately, tears flowing freely now.
Those tears are my undoing. Instantly I’m across the room holding her to me. “When did you find out?”
“This morning,” she murmurs into my chest as she burrows herself further into me.
“That why you were acting weird, you could’ve told me,” I tell her between kisses to the top of her head.
“I’m sorry I just didn’t think you would have been happy about it.” Pulling back some she stares up at me. It’s crazy to me how small she is against me.
“Why wouldn’t I have been happy Pixie? You know you’re my world. This baby doesn’t change that, not one bit. Now tell me what the doctor said and when is your next appointment?” I demand. I refuse to let my girl go through this alone. Not any aspect. I’ll be there not just for her but for our kid as well.
And I won’t ever let my past become my future.
Chapter Four
Jamie
I should have known Chaz wouldn’t let me keep anything from him. Or at least something like this but that doesn’t mean he has any idea about the other part of what’s going on. And after speaking with Doctor Taylors I’m sure I’ll need to tell him.
I’m hopeful at least I won’t have to. In fact, I think I may keep that to myself for as long as I can. My sister and grandma don’t need to know and neither does Chaz. I want to enjoy being able to carry my baby without scaring anyone.
Besides if all goes well, I’ll be able to raise this child right next to Chaz.
Giving him a smile, “Well, I go back in a month but as of right now I’m seven weeks along.” Reaching in my bag I grab the image from the ultrasound they’d done before I left. Pointing at the little blob on the right side, “He or she will be here before we know it,” I whisper.
Keeping my gaze on Chaz I smiled to myself as he lifts the picture from my hand to get a better look. “I’m gonna be a dad,” he murmurs more to himself than anything.
“Yea Mr. Broody, we’re gonna be parents and kick ass at that,” I joke.
“Damn right Pixie this kid is gonna have the best parents, I swear on my life I’ll always be there for them. They won’t be hurt,” he declares pulling me flush against his body. Leaning down he takes my mouth in a heartfelt kiss.
“Dude knock that shit off, we got work to get done,” Lex calls out from behind me, interrupting our moment.
“Shut the hell up man, my Pixie just gave me awesome news and I’ll fuckin’ kiss the hell out of her all I want right now. You’re lucky I don’t leave y’all asses here to fend for yourselves,” Chaz grumbles as he pulls me into him.
“Figures with the way you two go at each other all the time it was gonna happen sooner or later. Shit I lost fifty bucks on y’all after our high school graduation.” Lex laughs as he comes over to us. “Congrats Jay.”
“Wait a minute what are you talking about losing fifty bucks on us?” I ask looking from Chaz to Lex only to find the rest of the guys standing with him.
“Well you see we figured one of us would be right eventually when it comes to you two,” Tanner laughs pushing Lex out o
f the way.
“Then who won the bet?” Crossing my arms over my chest I move into my stance that tells them I’m not playing. I mean really can they be more annoying placing a bet on when Chaz would knock me up.
“That would be me,” Chaz gloats as he surrounds me in his arms.
“Seriously?” I ask tilting my head to the side to see him.
“Yep, I know your grandma wanted us to wait until we were twenty but figured she wouldn’t say shit if you were pregnant,” giving me his shit-eating grin. “Hey least we got a hundred and fifty bucks to put towards getting what Thumper needs.”
“Thumper?” He did not just say that.
“Yea Thumper, figured we have sex like rabbits might as well stick with the theme.” I swear if my face could turn a brighter red it would right now.
“Damn man you just made her turn as red as a radish.” Lex jokes.
“Alright, alright how about we get back to work?” Hunter suggests.
“Sounds good to me, I need to finish the filing from yesterday and we also have an order coming in this afternoon. Oh, I forgot to mention that new bar opening up in town is gonna have spots on Friday and Saturday nights for live music,” I state while moving towards my desk.
“I know exactly what you’re talking about. I saw the owner of the bar the other day, she’s fuckin’ hot as hell. She’s got that badass rocker chick vibe. Think I heard her say her name was Kenny,” Tanner says.
“Yeah her name’s Kenny, she was going around passing out flyers for a grand opening.” Reaching for the flyer I show it to them.
“Holy shit, this would be awesome to check out,” Lex yells out jumping around. I swear if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was constantly high on some shit. But Lex is always like this because of his ADHD.
“Damn right we should talk to this chick,” Hunter joins in.
“Well then let’s give her a call later after we finish getting shit done around here. Maybe invite her down to listen to us play.” Chaz suggests.
Looking on at the four guys I can’t help the smile. They have worked so hard getting to where they are. I mean in all honesty they could go as far as getting a real record deal and going big but that’s not them. They want to keep it about the music, not the money.
Through the rest of the afternoon as the guys work together, I finish what I need to get done then start looking into all things baby. The more I research the more anxious I become, however long I do have Doctor Taylors and Meyers say I should be okay. At least I hope so.
Closing my eyes, I send a silent prayer up to whoever that I can make it through this pregnancy and without anyone finding out about my other problem. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.
Though I don’t know if I ever will be.
What’s that saying about denial?
Denial is the worst form of a lie, for it’s a lie you tell yourself to hide from the truth.
A truth I definitely want to hide from. Because at the end of the day I won’t know what will happen. Or if I will ever even be able to meet my child.
Chapter Five
Jamie
God my body hurts, it seems to get worse with every day. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep this a secret. I’ve made it five months I only need to make it two and a half more.
Chaz has been so supportive of the pregnancy. I feel like a horrible person for not sharing my dreadful secret with him. The one that could potentially leave him a single father. I don’t want that to happen though, but with each passing day I’m sure that’s what it will come down to.
I’ve spoken with both my doctors about all of it and they both agree that if I can make it as close to term as possible, I could have a c-section done. At that point they can run a blood test to see if my baby and I are a match. If so, we’d be able to talk about options. However, if it’s gonna hurt my baby, I won’t allow it. I’ll die before ever hurting her.
Chaz and I decided not to find out what we’re having but I dream at night the baby’s a little girl with her daddy’s dark eyes and my hair. However, I don’t want to truly know for sure. It would be too hard to contain my sadness at leaving my baby. Harder than it already is.
When I’d asked Chaz what he’d thought about names he informed me that since I had to go through the hardship of carrying as well as the delivery of our baby I got to pick. Long as it didn’t suck or wasn’t some wimpy name like Frank or Vernon.
So, I’d figured if the baby was a boy, we could name him Chance, similar to Chaz. Now if we had a girl, I picked Melody. The perfect name for a child who will grow up around the world of rock and roll and will probably learn the lyrics to Def Leppard before she can even sing the ABC’s.
Shaking my head, I go into the shop to get a few things straight around my desk before going home to take a nap. As I open the front door I can hear screaming in the back of the building.
What in the world? Heading in the direction I realize who the voices belong to. Furrowing my brows, I wonder why my sister is screaming at Tanner? I mean I know they’ve never been able to get along not since Alexis caught Tanner in a clench with the head cheerleader.
Since then she usually avoids anything that has to do with the guys. Whatever’s brought her here must be important for her to stop by.
“I swear to God Tanner if you don’t shut the hell up I’m going to punch you.” I have to cover my ears as I walk into the room to keep Alexis’ shrills from bursting my eardrums.
“Venus, it’s not nice to threaten to punch someone. Maybe I should put you over my knee,” Tanner says, giving my sister a grin.
“I don’t think so asshole,” Alexis huffs. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know this room is swirling in tension.
“Umm, am I interrupting something here?” I ask gaining both of their attention.
“Finally, where the hell were you?” Alexis asks crossing her arms over her chest, giving me that stare our own mother used on us.
Yeah, not gonna work on me. She’s been pissed at me since the day I told her about the baby. Only because she’s concerned for me. We’d barely talked since that day and I know that’s my fault because I refuse to allow her or my grandmother to say anything about my past.
And the guilt keeps piling on because they’re two more people who don’t know everything going on right now.
“What’s with the attitude Alexis?” I ask, swallowing back the guilt.
“Maybe it’s due to the fact I come here to see you and end up having to see this douchebag,” she snaps.
“Venus the next time you call me names I’m gonna make sure your ass gets reacquainted with my hand,” Tanner grumbles as he steps closer to her.
“Whatever Tanner I just wanted to see my sister; can you go away now?” Alexis says dismissively.
“And here I thought this whole time you were here to spend time with your husband,” Tanner remarks cynically.
Oh shit, did he just say what I think he said?
Alexis is married to Tanner, when?
“That was a huge drunken mistake on my part a long time ago,” Alexis says whipping her head around to face him again.
“Then why haven’t you divorced me yet?” Tanner grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. For being only nineteen Tanner and the rest of the guys in the band with Chaz are not only great with music and business partners in this place but also built.
“Whatever I’m not doing this right now, Jamie can you just meet me for dinner tonight?” Alexis asks.
“Yeah sure,” I mumble, glancing between the two of them. Seems Alexis and I have both been keeping secrets from each other.
My question, however is, how long has she been holding hers?
“Great six at Vino’s work for you?” she says.
“Okay I’ll be there.” Nodding I follow her out of the backroom, questions swarming around in my head. As much as I really want to interrogate my sister I can’t without feeling guilty for keeping my secret.
Inw
ardly shaking my head, I wrap my arms around myself resting them over my small bump. You’d have thought I might have had a bigger stomach by now, but my belly merely looks as if I’ve stuffed a small pillow in my shirt. The guilt feels to be weighing me down even more than it already was.
This just isn’t fair. Knowing that if I don’t make it through having my baby, I’ll be leaving everyone I care about behind.
“How’s my Pixie and baby doing?” Chaz asks drawing me out of my depressing thoughts as he wraps his arms around us. I should just confess to him right now what’s going on. However, I stop myself. He doesn’t need to be weighed down by the fact that my cancer is back and this time there’s a big chance I won’t make it.
Doctor Meyers tried to convince me earlier today to tell my family and Chaz, so I’d have a support system in not only the pregnancy but through both. I’d told him I couldn’t with the odds against me.
The fact of the matter is I don’t want them feeling anything other than joy over the baby coming. Besides, there's still a chance I’ll make it. If I make it through the birth and our child tests as a match, then everything will be okay. I’ll tell them then not before.
Tilting my head up, I give him a smile hoping it hides the sadness that I’m feeling. “Yeah we’re both doing just fine. I’m gonna have dinner with Alexis tonight. Did you know that Tanner and my sister were married?” I ask him.
A guilty look crosses over his face at my question. “Yeah I knew, I didn’t realize they were still married,” he mutters.
“How come no one ever told me this?” I ask too upset at never knowing this.
“Pixie it was a long time ago, the guys only know because we dragged it out of him,” he says calmly.
“Well I wish someone would have told me I had Tanner for a brother-in-law. I mean I love the guy but he’s a manwhore. All while he’s still married to my sister. It kinda pisses me off. Actually, no it does more than kinda piss me off. I’m livid not with just him though,” I babble.
