Amazon Princess

by Kate Karyus Quinn

  “Alabama’s mom was pissed, though, on account of her having sunk so much money into tumbling lessons over the years. But it’s like Mama said, ‘You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it do backflips across a stage unless it wants to.’ And ain’t that the truth.”

  Alaric’s eyes are closed. I run a finger along one of his sharp cheekbones, and he shudders. So he’s not passed out then. That’s a good sign. Okay, maybe I also wanted an excuse to touch him when he wasn’t looking at me with those disapproving eyes. But also, I’m a bit worried.

  The thing is, I’m not on the mats at the Little Miss Wisconsin Corn, Apples, and Potatoes Pageant. I’m in a time-out box on a secret island with a royal pain whose arm I just dislocated. And I just remembered something really important.

  “Um, Rick?”

  He’s dead pale now, his skin waxy, mouth shut tight against the pain. “Don’t call me Rick,” he breathes.

  “See… the thing is, Missy’s act wasn’t escaping from handcuffs. It was escaping from a straitjacket. I got confused on account of you just appearing like that and us being in such an intimate situation.”

  “I thought the idea was idiotic,” he tells me.

  “Well, that might be a bit judgmental, but I’m really sorry that I snapped your arm out for no reason.”

  He hisses through his teeth. Hard to say whether it’s from annoyance or pain. “Do you know, I came here with the hope of getting along with my fellow contestants. And of keeping things civilized. Regardless of how things work out, I wanted to avoid any uncomfortable scenes.”

  “Hunh.” I study him in the low light, wondering if he’s kidding. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know what a joke is. “Yeah, that seems pretty unrealistic. Nice and competition where there’s only one winner just don’t go together. Even when the whole contest is centered around being nice! I once competed in the Miss Congeniality Pageant sponsored by Kind CarKare and Lube. Us girls all started out—”

  “No,” Alaric snaps, cutting my story off. “Please, I cannot take one more pageant story. If this is your plan to wear down the competition, I must say it’s an evil yet brilliant strategy. Which was my point. I honestly wanted nothing to do with this competition, but my family convinced me it was my duty. With such mighty powers up for grabs, we can’t have some idiot off the street claiming them.” He looks down his nose at me. “No offense.”

  “Offense taken,” I inform him. “And I just decided, I really don’t like you.”

  “Right,” he nods. “Understandable. It’s for the best, though. This way I won’t have to pretend at remorse when I beat you.”

  “Beat me?” I cannot believe his nerve. “Turn around so I can pop that shoulder back in.”

  “Or finish me off?”

  “I’m fixing you up so that when this is done, you and I both know that I beat you fair and square.” I reach between us and grab hold of the chain connecting his wrists. With a squeeze of my fist, it crumbles.

  Alaric’s mouth hangs open. “You can do that, but you decided to take my arm off instead?”

  “Don’t be such a baby.” Grasping his hips, I try to rotate him so his back is to me. But those wide shoulders of his keep him wedged in place. “You want to help me a little here?”

  His good hand closes over mine. He’s got a big mitt to match the sizing of the rest of him. But not strong enough to budge me.

  “I got the strength of Zeus!” I grin at him while my hands slide toward his back shoulder. “Now just let me—”

  Alaric’s good arm comes around me, lifting me off my feet. “No. Don’t touch my arm again.”

  “I’m putting it back!”

  “I like it where it is!”

  We grapple. My arms around his. His arm that still works trying to pin me down.

  And then suddenly I feel the sun on my face.

  9

  The other contestants stare at us.

  Alaric and I release each other at the same moment, and we both stumble back without the box there holding us up.

  “Aw man, nice one!” Sora offers with a hand held high in the air for Alaric to slap. “Wish I’d thought to get stuck in a girl’s box.”

  Alaric ignores Sora’s hand. “Not this girl’s box.”

  Honestly. Is there no end to his rudeness? “My box is everything a girl’s box should be and more.”

  “Excuse me.” Prisha steps forward. “I do not think box is a good word to describe the beautiful flower that is the female genitalia.”

  “Oooh!” Sora’s eyes go wide. “Dude! I totally didn’t get that until now. I just meant her like box, not like her box.” He raises up the hand that Alaric refused. “C’mon, Prisha. Up top for the box.”

  Thunder rumbles all around us as Prisha shakes her head. I realize that things are once again getting out of control, and I really don’t want Athena to put us in time-out again.

  Except...Athena seems to have left the stage. The audience full of Amazon girls has cleared out as well. They must have been sent back to classes after there was nothing to see but a bunch of black boxes.

  “Oh my gods,” Rada says, taking in Alaric’s arm dangling limply by his side. “What happened to you?”

  Alaric looks at me. In full light, I can see how bad his color is. Yet he manages a sour smile. “Apparently, I was meant to be wearing a straitjacket.”

  Confused, Rada looks from him to me and then back again. I just shrug as if I don’t have any idea what he’s talking about.

  “Prisha!” She calls. “You’re a healer. Can you help Alaric?”

  “Ah, I see you’ve arrived,” someone says, and I look up to see another Alaric. Who then morphs into someone new…or, someone I’ve already met, but looks totally different now.

  I can’t say anything for at least a full minute. I am actually speechless, which has never happened to me before. But I’ve also never watched someone’s face go through extreme plastic surgery in half a second.

  At least I’m not the only one staring. Everyone is stunned.

  Alaric gestures with his good arm. “May I present my brother and incurable prat, Trevor.”

  “The wily bastard,” I add, giving him a hard glare so he knows I’m not happy with how he tricked me earlier.

  He takes a deep bow and then grasps my hand. Pressing a kiss onto my knuckles he flashes me the same naughty smile as earlier—just on a totally different face. “At your service.”

  “So you’re planning on winning this thing through trickery?” I fold my arms over my chest, pretending to be as judgmental as his brother, but the truth is, I admire his strategy.

  Trevor is handsome but slight and the top of his head just barely reaches Alaric’s shoulder. But the twinkle in his eye is still the type that makes me want to twinkle back. I haven’t decided yet if I want to strike up an alliance, but if I do, he might be a good choice. Just so long as I ditch him before he backstabs me too.

  “It’s my faerie blood. They say Puck himself was inserted into our bloodline and there are definitely some offspring that are more puckish than others.”

  I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. “So that means you’re gay too?”

  “Too?” Trevor’s eyes dance. “As in Alaric and me?”

  “And Constantine,” I say, glancing toward where the boy in question is stretching out after his confinement. A quick glance is all it takes to confirm that he’s still in an aroused state.

  Trevor laughs out loud. He glances over to where Prisha is running her hands up and down Alaric’s arm. “Hey, Ricky, I didn’t know you finally came out of the closet.”

  “Just stand still,” Prisha is saying. A warm, amber glow spreads out as she massages him. He leans his head into her shoulder. A low moan hums from his throat, it’s the same sound he made during our kiss.

  I frown. It’s not that I feel jealous exactly. It just seems unfair that he’s putty in her hands, while he was mister frosty with me. Except for that kiss.

&nbs
p; “How come you’re letting her fix your arm?” I can’t help but ask.

  “I’m a healer,” Prisha says, not even looking up at me cause she’s too busy petting his arm.

  “Oh, and I guess that makes me a breaker.”

  Rada stares at me. “Did you do that to him?”

  Malik, who I haven’t even officially met yet, curls his lip. “Dirty play to harm another contestant during a time-out.”

  Everyone else sorta nods in agreement. I wait for Alaric to explain how I was trying to help, but he’s too busy turning to putty in Prisha’s hands.

  It’s all I can do to keep my chin up. Even before the end of the world stuff, I was used to having people taking a swing at me. I’ve always been pretty good at swinging back. But this day has been a lot. At every turn it feels like I know less than everybody else.

  “Darling,” Trevor slips an arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. I slip away and give him a glare that lets him know I still haven’t forgiven him. He just smiles back and then turns to the other contestants.

  “Let’s not stone Brandee Jean quite yet. As Alaric’s brother I can tell you all that he is the type of person who has a real knack for making one want to punch him. If he invaded her box—”

  “Nice!” Sora laughs.

  Without even looking in Sora’s direction Trevor holds out a hand and Sora immediately high fives it. “If he invaded, then perhaps Brandee Jean was simply defending herself. You may not all realize this, but Zeus gave her super strength. She could have crushed him to bits. But she didn’t. And that shows great restraint.”

  I side eye Trevor, not sure why he’s sticking up for me. Also, I can’t help but notice he’s got himself a silver tongue to go with those laughing eyes. Between that and his general lack of trustworthiness, he’s exactly the type of guy I tend to fall for.

  “Darling,” he says again. “Healers are witches. They learn how to use their powers to fix people.”

  “Like magic doctors?” I ask.

  “That’s it exactly.” He’s not mean like Alaric, but there’s something in his voice that tells me he’s making fun of me deep down. Honestly, I prefer Alaric’s more straight-forward rudeness if I have to choose. “And,” Trevor continues, “Faerie, or the fae, does not make one part of the LGBTQ community. Think of it more like…Tinkerbell.”

  “Still sounds gay,” Constantine chimes in.

  Alaric glances up at Trevor and then me. Trevor grins. “I like this one.”

  Alaric raises his eyebrows, looking the very definition of haughty. “She’s remarkably ill-informed about everything, it seems, except the trivial details of provincial beauty pageants.”

  “Excuse you.” I give him the hands-on-hips move now that I’m free to do it properly. I can almost see the internal struggle going on as he tries to keep his eyes on mine. But he loses the battle. His gaze goes down the length of my body and then back up again. When our eyes meet again, his jaw stiffens and he looks away.

  “Thank you, Prisha,” he says softly. “I believe you may have also solved the twinge from an old rugby injury as well.”

  She smiles up at him. “Well sure, it’s no problem.”

  “You don’t think healing the competition is a problem?” Sophia comes striding over and then conveniently stops right in front of me, effectively blocking me out of the group conversation. “I’m guessing you’ll be second out. Right after this one.” She flicks a finger over her shoulder, indicating me.

  “I’m up for some betting!” Malik strides forward. “I’ve heard the Amazons are fearsome oddsmakers.”

  Rada nods. “It’s true. Amazons love the art of the gamble.”

  “Perfect,” Sophia practically purrs. “Now who wants to bet on Prisha going out early?”

  Malik shakes his head. “I would never underestimate a witch. I’ll put my money on Prisha lasting until round five at least.” He reaches into his back pocket. “What amount are we betting?”

  He and Sophia haggle over money for a moment. A few of the other contestants put in bets on each other as well.

  “What about Ms. Plastic Crown?” Sophia asks with a smile, raising her voice for everyone to hear. “Care to back her lasting past day one?”

  Malik throws an apologetic glance my way. “Um…no.”

  Sophia gestures to the rest of the contestants. “Anyone? It’s not where I’d put my money. But there’s always someone who likes the longshot.”

  No one answers. They all sort of shuffle their feet and glance at me sideways.

  My throat goes thick with tears but I don’t let them sparkle in my eyes. Instead I hold my chin up high the way Mama taught me. “For your information this crown is made of a high-level polymer compound. It could survive a bomb. And so could I.”

  I whirl around and prepare to exit the stage. But instead walk right into Athena.

  “Contestants, due to your less than stellar behavior, the welcoming ceremony has been cancelled,” she announces, skipping the niceties.

  Athena nods at Alaric. “Glad you were finally able to join us. Going forward please be aware that tardiness is not tolerated at Amazon Academy.” She levels a harsher gaze on Trevor. “The next time you speak to me with another’s face, I will rip it off. Understood?”

  Both Alaric and Trevor nod. Though Trevor’s eyes—damn him—are still dancing with mischief. I really can’t decide if I should hate him or throw myself into his corner.

  “Now, as I was saying,” Athena continues. “I am severely disappointed. As this is the first day, I am willing to allow some slight irregularities, but going forward I will expect the same decorum from all of you that the Academy students display. To that end, you will attend classes. You will not simply show up to class, but participate and be graded with the same rigor as any other student. Finally, should anyone tamper with my students, I will discover it and you will be sorry. That is all. You are dismissed.”

  Athena strides off the stage to be replaced by her assistant, Taylor. Someone has given her another clipboard and after glancing my way, she hugs it tighter. “I’m here to give out your dorm assignments. As we do not have facilities for the boys”—she wrinkles her nose—“males, you will be housed in a tent on the beach.”

  “Beach?” Malik asks. “And a tent? Surely you can do better than this. Won’t the girls have an unfair advantage, with better sleeping quarters?”

  “I think everyone here is perfectly fine with the girls having an unfair advantage,” Taylor sniffs.

  “No,” Sophia says, stepping forward. “After I win this thing—” From behind me Zahara snorts loudly, but Sophia ignores her. “I will not have some thin-skinned little boy saying I only won because I slept better at night.” She stomps her foot. “I demand equal housing for the boys.”

  I look around to find the female contestants nodding along, with various degrees of enthusiasm.

  “They will have pallets and blankets,” Taylor argues. “And since boys are not fussy about bathrooms, they’ll have the whole ocean to do their business in.”

  “Hey, that’s my home,” Sora protests. I have no idea what he means but Rada leans in and whispers, “He’s a merman.”

  “I don’t wee where I swim,” Sora continues, “I agree with the vampire. We need fair accommodations.”

  “And food,” Alaric adds, stepping forward. “We’ll eat what the girls eat, where the girls eat.”

  Taylor frowns, looking seriously put out. “We set up a spit for you on the beach and we were going to supply you with all the rabbits you could roast. But…” she pauses to sigh heavily, “I can ask Athena about granting you cafeteria privileges as well. All right? Are you happy now?”

  “That seems more than fair,” Trevor says, shining an ingratiating smile in Taylor’s direction.

  She blushes and looks away. “Fine. Now that’s settled...” Taylor starts going off about all the campus rules, but it’s so boring I zone out almost immediately.

  Anyway, I’ve got more import
ant things on my mind. Leaning into Rada, I whisper, “If Sora’s a merman why does he have legs?”

  “He shifts into mer-form when he wants. It’s not useful unless he’s actually in the water.”

  I give her a nudge. “So, if his bottom half is fish what does that mean for his—”

  Taylor’s voice gets louder as she turns her scowl in my direction. “Finally, there will be no fraternization between the girls and boys.”

  “Frat what?” Sora asks. “There’s a frat party?”

  “She means sex,” Zahara informs him. “Athena has prohibited any sexual activity between the males and females. Because, you know, that will totally work.”

  Rada puts her hands on her hips. “I think we can all keep our libidos under control.”

  Sora’s eyes go wide. “Dude, that’s racist! Malik is from Libido!”

  “Libuya,” Malik cuts it. “I’m from the African country of Libuya.”

  “Right, right,” Sora nods like he thinks they’re on the same page. “So you’re cool with that chick telling us to keep you under control?”

  “Okay, boys,” Taylor continues, “After I get the girls sorted, you’ll have to come with me so that we can make some last-minute adjustments to your sleeping arrangements.”

  She rolls her eyes, as if they were being super high-maintenance by just asking for a roof over their heads. “Girls,” she says, clicking her heels together and turning to us. “Let’s get you settled in. Zahara, you’re with Prisha; please collect your welcome package at the table.” She glances down. “Sophia…” I pray to all the gods that I’m not stuck with that horrible girl. “You’re the odd one out so you get a single.”