Forever Your Concierge

by Jessica Ingro

  To be honest, I was just so tired of everything. Sometimes I just wanted to go to sleep and stay that way. At least in my dreams nothing mattered and I was always happy.

  I giggled after I tripped while trying to extricate my feet from the overly complicated strappy heels I was wearing. Leaning against the wall, I gave Travis a lopsided smile.

  "You're drunk," Travis unnecessarily noted.

  "Nope." I popped the P which made me giggle again. "I'm feeling good. No great!" I swayed and pointed my finger towards the ceiling like Tony the Tiger in the cereal commercials. "And you aren't going to ruin it for me!" I moved my finger so it pointed at him.

  "I don't want to ruin it for you." He frowned at the statement like it wasn't what he meant to say. "I want you happy, sweetheart. I just don't think this is the way for that to happen."

  "Oh yeah? You got a better way then?" I stuck my hands on my hips and glared at him. Of course he was going to ruin my happy buzz.

  "It's been a while." His voice took on the rough, raspy quality that always made me shiver—only this time not in a good way. Stalking towards me in smooth, calculated moves, he was like a predator hunting his next prey.

  There was no mistaking what his words meant. The only problem was, I wasn't ready to make love with him. It had been weeks since he and I had been intimate, which was uncharacteristic for us, and probably one of the reasons we were drifting apart so easily. I had no drive to come together with him in that way. Maybe it was a side effect of holding back all my turbulent emotions. I wasn't sure. I just knew I couldn't go through with it.

  "Since what?" I opted to play dumb.

  "Since I've been inside you. I've missed you." His fingers trailed down my neck and over my collarbone. His lips skimmed my cheek and placed a soft kiss behind my ear. Instead of feeling hot and bothered like I normally would, I felt nothing.

  "I'm tired," I told him. It was a weak excuse and one that was so cliché it was sad.

  "You won't be when I'm making you feel good."

  "Maybe I don't want to feel good." I pushed his chest, putting some much needed space between us.

  "Maya," he sighed. It sounded like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. I shook my head and tried to make sense of everything, but my mind wasn't as sharp due to my drunken state. Why was he so aggrieved? It was just sex. Things were fine as long as he wasn't pushing me. So I drank a bit more than usual. I wasn't hurting anyone, so who cared?

  "I'm sorry, Travis," I spoke quietly as I slowly backed away from him. "I need more time."

  Turning on my heel, I raced for the bedroom and into the master bathroom. Locking the door, I slid onto the floor and cried silent tears. It was getting harder and harder not to fall apart.

  * * *

  With the bright sun that streamed through the windows on Christmas morning came a new sense of rebirth. I felt invigorated, both happier and lighter than I had been the previous few weeks. My only wish was that it would continue. I hated feeling like everything was shit. I hated being miserable. And I especially hated the distance that I knew was growing between Travis and myself. It wasn't something I wanted, but I was powerless to stop it.

  "Morning," Travis murmured, walking into the kitchen and going straight for the pot of coffee. I stood off to the side, stirring the scrambled eggs I was making for the two of us.

  "Morning," I echoed while watching him out of the corner of my eye. He looked delicious in a tight white undershirt and silk pajama bottoms. Maybe my libido was more awake than I had previously thought it was because I was practically salivating at the sight of him.

  "What time do we have to be over to Grant and Lizzie's today?" He leaned back against the counter, crossing his legs and arms, holding the mug to his lips.

  "I told her we'd be over around eleven. I figured it would give them plenty of time with Vivi and we wouldn't have to rush. Breakfast is almost ready." I gestured with the spatula towards the kitchen table where croissants, juice and bacon sat.

  Travis moved towards the table and sat, picking up the newspaper that laid next to his place setting. I plated the eggs and brought them over to the table. After setting them down, I spooned some for myself and dumped the rest onto Travis' plate.

  We ate in silence for a long while. Long enough for me to begin squirming in my seat. Last night's tension was still lingering between us. I had presumed it wouldn't be after I wrapped myself tightly around Travis last night when he came to bed and then woke up this morning still in his arms. It was an intimacy we hadn't really indulged in since the "incident," but it turns out it is one I missed deeply.

  "I'm trying," I finally said into the silence.

  Travis set his fork down and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I know. That's what scares me. I feel you slipping away from me no matter how tightly I try to hold on."

  "I don't know what to say, Travis. Half the time, I don't know what to do. Can we please just make it through today and worry about everything else tomorrow? The snow is falling and the tree is filled with presents."

  He thought for a moment, before agreeing. "I can do that." He gave me an adorable little smirk, but then his face went serious again. "Just promise me no alcohol today."

  "Promise," I said quickly. It was an easy promise to make since I hadn't planned on drinking. I knew it was a sore subject with him, and I wanted today to be perfect.

  His smile lit up the room. He leaned over the table and gave me a deep, wet kiss. "Let's do presents," he whispered excitedly like a little boy on Christmas morning.

  "Lead the way." I smacked his ass and instead of doing as I said, he chased me around the room and into the living room. It felt good to be laughing with him again.

  * * *

  Grant and Elizabeth's house was alive with the sounds of Christmas music and little girl laughter when we walked through the front door. The house was covered in an abundance of decorations from the rugs on the floor all the way to the up to the giant star that topped the two-story tree in the foyer.

  Grant was the first to come out and join us. We set the presents down on a large table and removed our coats. He took them and went to hang them up. As Travis and I were about to go back for the presents a blur of a child came streaking through the room and crashed right into my legs.

  "Aunt Maya!" She shrieked and I had to take a step back with the impact of the crash. "Uncle Travis! Santa came!"

  "Did he?" She nodded her head seriously at his question. "I always knew he would since you're never on the naughty list right?"

  Travis had knelt down in front of her and it just about broke my heart to watch them together. He would make such a great father. I didn't want to ruin Christmas, so I pushed the feeling aside as quickly as it came to me.

  "Yep. I'm a good girl," she announced proudly before turning back to me. "Did you bring me presents?"

  I laughed and nodded, pointing to the boxes that were piled high on the table.

  "Yippee," she squealed and went for them.

  "Nuh huh," Grant admonished her as he came back into the room followed by Elizabeth. "You can wait, Genevieve. Go play with your toys in the other room."

  "But Daddy," she whined and gave him big doe eyes.

  "Listen to your father," Elizabeth told her daughter before turning to her husband. "And don't you give into her just because she bats her eyelashes at you."

  "I don't know what you mean," he said in mock denial.

  She elbowed him and came over to give me a hug. "Merry Christmas," she said into my ear, and I hugged her as tight as I could with her stomach between us.

  "Merry Christmas," I murmured back. "Where's your mom?"

  "Oh she's napping. She'll be up in a little while." Her brows creased with worry and she rubbed her stomach anxiously.

  "Hey, I'm sure she'll be all right. Your mom is a stubborn old broad and the strongest woman I know. She won't let her heart get the best of her, so don't let it get the best of you." I wrapped her up in another hug, taking my ti
me before breaking away.

  We carted the presents into the family room where a second giant tree decked out with lights and ornaments sat prominently. Before we could even get all the presents set down, Vivi was calculating her plan of attack. You could practically see the wheels turning in her little head. She was so much like Grant in that moment. It was a riot to witness.

  Even though the adults decided not to exchange gifts this year—donating money and gifts to the local children's hospital instead—we all had a blast watching a precocious Vivi rip through her presents like it was nobody's business. American Girl dolls, doll clothes, puzzles, games—you name it and she got it.

  It was adorable witnessing Christmas through a little kid's eyes. My sister lived across the country and didn't always make it home with her daughter for the holiday so this was new territory for me.

  "That's a gorgeous necklace," Elizabeth's voice broke me from thoughts of kids and Christmas. I was grateful since I couldn't trust my mind not to twist into something ugly.

  "Thanks." I picked up the platinum necklace with a black and white diamond encrusted double hearts pendant. Engraved on the back was one word—Forever. "Travis got it for me. It's pretty great, right?"

  "He's pretty great. He thinks he's being sneaky, but he keeps watching you." Elizabeth laughed.

  I looked across the pile of toys to where Grant and Travis sat opposite E and me. He was in fact watching me with hooded eyes that made my insides clench. I squeezed my thighs together saying a silent thank you to Santa for bringing my libido with him this morning. Travis noticed and winked at me. I bit my lip and shook my head at him. He was so bad.

  "I'm going to get the hors d’oeuvres and some more coffee for everyone," Elizabeth announced. She slowly pushed herself up from the couch and waddled out of the room, leaving room for Vivi to jump up on the couch with her baby doll and cuddle into my side.

  "What's your baby's name?" I asked her.

  "Suzie," she answered and pressed a little bottle to the plastic mouth. "She goes poopy."

  "Oh my," I muttered a few minutes later when she pulled a soiled diaper off her baby's bum. "Well, isn't that something else?"

  "It's gross right?" Elizabeth added as she passed by me with a tray of goodies she then set on the coffee table.

  "That's an understatement." I turned my attention back to Vivi, who was now trying to shove the poopy diaper into my hand. "No, that's okay, sweetie. Maybe you should keep it."

  "What are you going to do when you have kids? That isn't the half of it." Thankfully, Elizabeth kept her head down as she set up the dishes on the table. I didn't want her to see the hurt that crossed my face at her words. I knew they were innocent words, but they reminded me of what I didn't have. What I might not be able to have.

  "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Travis answered her, so I didn't have to. He gave me a meaningful look, and I desperately wished he were sitting next to me right then. I could use some comfort, even if it were just a small touch of his hand or a light brush from his lips. It was the first time since the miscarriage that I craved the affection that would soothe me, instead of wanting to push it away. That had to mean something. Maybe we had turned a corner.

  Elizabeth walked over to Grant and handed him a cup of coffee. "There's Jameson whiskey in there for you," she told him. He took the coffee from her hand and set it on the table between his and Travis' chairs before pulling her between his legs.

  "Thank you." He pressed a soft kiss to her belly and began to idly rub it. Elizabeth had a dreamy expression on her face as she looked down at him.

  "Maya got me a bottle of Macallan 1939 for Christmas," Travis boasted to Grant.

  Grant let out a low whistle, still rubbing her belly while talking to Travis. "That's some good scotch right there. Pricey too. How'd it taste?"

  "I only had a little swig. It was woody and rich. So damn smooth going down. I'm saving it for a special occasion."

  "You should have brought it here," Grant teased. "Aren't I special enough?"

  "No, you sorry shit," Travis joked back.

  I barely heard their banter as my heart shattered into a million pieces. Like a piece of glass hit with a sledgehammer, Grant's continued attention to Elizabeth and his unborn child wrecked me. Each kiss and stroke on her belly was like a dagger to my already bleeding heart.

  When he leaned forward and murmured to her belly, something inside me snapped, and I lost the Zen I was experiencing earlier. It was too much stimuli for my tortured soul and too many reminders of what I was missing.

  When Travis looked wistfully at them, my face twisted in pain and I clenched my fists. Turning away quickly, I fought the urge to scream and cry.

  "Maya?" Elizabeth's voice brought me out of my head, and I turned to her, keeping my face as blank as I possibly could. Hiding was become second nature for me.

  "Yes?" My voice was cool even to my own ears and Elizabeth winced.

  "I was asking if you wanted more coffee, but you seemed a million miles away," she spoke slowly like she was expecting me to snap her head off.

  "Actually, I'd take a glass of the Jameson you put in Grant's coffee if you have more." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Travis' face compress and disappointment cloud his features.

  "Sure, honey. If that's what you want."

  I told her it was and avoided Travis' gaze while she poured me a glass. Taking it from her, I took a fortified sip and felt it spread warmth through my veins. This was what I needed—my limbs felt loose and relaxed, and my heart felt warm and numb instead of cold and hurt. When the glass was empty, I found my feet taking me back to the wet bar for more.

  Conversation went on around me and Elizabeth's mother, Gail, joined us. I was oblivious to it all as I lost myself in the whiskey. How I ever thought I could live in the real world instead of in my head where the booze made everything okay, I didn't know.

  "Dinner will be ready in about half an hour," Grant said once he returned from the kitchen where the chef he hired for the day was cooking away. It was one of Elizabeth's presents and I had to admit it was a pretty damn good gift to give her. It allowed her to spend the day with everyone instead of being sequestered to the kitchen.

  "I'm going to go to the ladies room," I semi-slurred as I stood from my spot on the couch. Ignoring the looks from everyone in the room, I turned on my heel and left the room.

  After doing my business, I slowly made my way into the kitchen where a sexy, older man was wearing a white chef's coat and a similarly dressed young brunette was helping him. The sexual tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife and somewhere in my hazy mind, I acknowledged that it would be pretty hot to see the two of them together.

  "Miss?" The man addressed me when he finally moved his eyes from the girl's ass and realized I was standing in the doorway watching them.

  "Hello," I greeted him. "Don't mind me, I just came to get a fresh bottle of wine." The Jameson was getting low and I figured I could sneak a glass of wine in before dinner without anyone knowing. Once I started, I hated to stop.

  "Allow me." He went over to the wine fridge and peered inside. "Might I suggest a red to go with the duck I'm making for dinner?"

  "Sounds good to me." I propped myself on a stool at the counter and watched as he poured me a glass of the wine he selected. Thankfully, he wasn't stingy with the liquid. "I'm Maya."

  "Pasqual, and this is Maria."

  "Hi," she said timidly.

  "Everything smells delicious." I decided to make small talk as I discreetly downed the glass of wine. Picking up an olive in a dish on the counter, I popped it in my mouth.

  "What are you doing?" Travis barked from the doorway. He stormed over to where I sat and dragged me up by my arm before I could finish refilling my glass.

  "I'm just getting to know Pasqual and Maria." I jerked my arm from his hold and glared at him. "What's your problem?"

  "My problem?" He repeated me in a low, pissed off tone. "My problem is tha
t you promised, Maya."

  He grabbed my arm again and pulled me towards the dining room where we wouldn't be overheard. "You fucking promised you wouldn't drink today. What is it going to take to get through to you?"

  I yanked my arm back again and took a step away from him. "Why can't you let me be me?"

  "What the hell happened in there to make you drink today? You promised." He pointed towards the family room where Elizabeth and her darling fucking family were holding court.

  "Yeah, well, promises are meant to be broken," I spat not caring that our hostilities were escalating.

  "That's bullshit and you know it."

  "I want to leave. Now."

  "God!" He exclaimed and gripped his hair in frustration. "Please, just talk to me already."

  Travis didn't usually lose it with me. It was a sight I wasn't used to, especially lately when he repeatedly tried to cajole me, not berate me. At the annoyance he was showing, I cracked and spilled out the reason I wasn't going to be able to hack it like I said I would. "I can't do it, all right!" I shouted.

  "Do what?" His brows drew together in confusion.

  "I can't sit here and watch her okay? I hate her for having what I want. Is that what you wanted to hear?" I was still shouting and Travis shot nervous eyes to the doorway that led to the family room.

  "Will you lower your voice so the whole damn house doesn't hear you?" He admonished me.

  "Fuck you," I hissed.

  "Oh that's just great. Let's hear what hateful and spiteful things you'll come up with tonight. Your daily ritual of getting drunk and pushing me away is something I look forward to, you know," he deadpanned.

  "Whatever, Travis. I'll call a fucking cab if that's what it's going to take to get away from here."

  He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "This isn't like you. The Maya I know would never be jealous of something her friend had and she wouldn't say cruel things to me."

  "Well, this is the Maya that's standing here," I snapped at him.

  "I know, which is why I have to do this." He stood up straighter and started to walk away.