“Why not make him a junior?”
“I don’t think Ben would have wanted that. I think he would have wanted our child to have his own name, to have it be significant, but uniquely his.”
***
“I can understand that,” Bernd said, smiling when she turned those beautiful green eyes on her. He had yet to tell her that he loved her. Now just didn’t seem like the time with her so close to delivering her baby. Then he often wondered if there would ever be a right time afterward. It seemed that she’d settled into their arrangement and unsettling it now seemed like a risk he didn’t want to take yet. He spent the next four weeks arguing with himself about whether or not to tell her before the baby came. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
Sarah looked up at him and smiled. “The baby’s been overactive all day,” she smiled, pressing a protective hand to her severely swollen belly. “I think he or she is definitely getting ready for a debut.”
“We should get you back home then,” Bernd said, his voice almost shaking with anxiousness. Sarah shook her head, turning to grab her knitting. Suddenly she let out a moan as a wave of pain flashed over her face. “Sarah?”
“I think this little one wants to be born here,” she chuckled. Bernd nearly fainted. She couldn’t have the baby here. He wasn’t prepared for that. He wanted to come see her and the baby when they’d been taken care of and were snuggly wrapped in bed. “Easy now big guy. We have everything here we need. Get lots of towels, and start some pots of water on the stove. You also might want to restock the wood cradle so we don’t run out overnight, just in case this takes a while.”
Bernd did as Sarah instructed, laying towels out over his bed and arranging the pillows so she could be comfortable. Then he sat back and watched her like a hawk. She paced around his house like a prowling feline as her contractions picked up. Eventually she stopped during them, unable to talk and do nothing except moan and sway her hips back and forth. Bernd had tried to send word to the doctor, but with no one else close by he couldn’t leave Sarah to go himself.
Afternoon turned quickly into evening as Sarah’s contractions started to tumble into each other. She’d done her best to tell him the things they’d need and eventually she’d crawled onto his bed, her hair now undone and braided long behind her back. “You have to check for the baby,” she said, hurriedly when her contraction passed. “Please Bernd.”
“Sarah,” he stuttered. “I can’t do this, it’s indecent.”
“It’s a baby!” she screamed, her body wracked by another contraction. Her back arched and she drew her knees up as a moan tore from her. Bernd’s hands were shaking as he lifted the hem of her dress to see a sweet, squalling baby lying on the towels he’d spread out earlier that day.
“He’s here, Sarah. You have a beautiful son.” Bernd, couldn’t barely contain his own joy as Sarah readjusted her body. Bernd secured the cord just as Sarah said, and once it stopped pulsing, cut it with a pair of sharp scissors. He quickly wrapped the baby in two thick towels and handed the baby to Sarah who looked like a goddess, holding her new baby. Overcome by the ordeal, Bernd sat down close to Sarah and pressed a kiss to her brow. “I love you Sarah Dickerson. I love you and your son.”
***
Sarah felt tears fall onto her cheeks as she cuddled her new baby. Bernd had been an amazing partner, helping her deliver her healthy, sweet-faced baby boy. At Bernd’s urging she’d named him Bernd Benjamin Dickerson. The doctor had come and given both her and baby Bernd clean bills of health. “You did an amazing job Mrs. Dickerson,” he said, smiling. “Congratulations on your little boy.”
“Thank you,” she said. “How’s the weather outside?”
“It’s cold and we got our first snow this morning, but other than that it’s splendid.”
“Maybe we’ll get out sometime this week,” she said, cuddling her baby, while he slept.
“Just be sure to bundle him up well,” the doctor advised before congratulating her again and heading out.
Having moved back to the hotel two days after delivering her son in Bernd’s home, Sarah felt her heart ache in a completely new way. Bernd hadn’t been by to see her and she missed him. To her it felt as if having her baby had created a rift between them that she didn’t know how to close. After a week, however, she bundled little Bernd up and hired a coach to take her to Bernd’s home.
When she arrived, she saw him working with the horses and smiled. He looked right there, working alongside beautiful animals that he worked hard to train and subdue. Come spring she was sure he’d have a foal on his hands and the thought thrilled her. Finding that she’d like to be around to see it, coupled with how much she missed him and the joy that rushed through her just seeing him, made Sarah realize that her heart had indeed moved on. Just as Ben had asked, she’d learned to love again.
“Bernd!” she called, waving her hand. He turned around as she was helped down from the buggy. He walked slowly toward her and she could see by the look in his eyes that something was wrong. “Are you alright? When you didn’t come to see us I thought perhaps I had angered you somehow.”
“You didn’t anger me,” Bernd said, taking a peek at the new baby. “He’s beautiful.”
“Yes he is,” she smiled. “Can we talk?”
“Sure,” he said, helping her to a seat on the porch. “I’ll be right back with some tea for you. I left it warming on the stove.” When he returned Sarah took a sip and sighed, a blissful smile crossing her face.
“What did you want to talk about?” Bernd said, his voice strained, pensive.
“You and me,” Sarah said, her green eyes challenging him with quiet censure. “The night Bernd was born you told me you loved me, you said you loved my son, yet you haven’t once come to see us since we went back to the hotel.”
“Sarah,” Bernd sighed, swiping a hand over his face. “I can’t…I don’t know the first thing about being a husband, let alone a father. I don’t have anything to offer you, either of you.”
“And what was I asking for?” Sarah demanded, standing up to pace the porch, little Bernd in her arms. “Nine months ago if you, or anyone had asked me if I would find love after losing my husband I would have given you an adamant no. I wouldn’t have believed it possible, ever. God opened a door for me to come here, to make a friend. Then he saw fit to make room in my heart for you. To experience all the joy and wonder of falling in love again. I don’t want to throw all that away just because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared, Sarah,” Bernd said, realizing for the first time that he was indeed afraid. He was afraid of hurting her, doing something terribly wrong that would harm her baby.
“Then you’re prideful,” Sarah said, her voice full of hurt. “You’d turn us away because you can’t get past your own ego. I don’t like comparing you to my late husband because I think it an unfair practice. You are completely different in so many ways, but I can tell you that he never would have turned a woman away, a woman he professed to love; just to save face. I’ll be leaving at the end of the week to travel back to Virginia. There is nothing to keep me in Texas anymore, especially with annexation likely to happen in the next year or so.”
***
Bernd watched her go and felt as if his heart would fall straight from his chest. Still, he couldn’t get his feet to move or his voice to call her back. The ache in his heart couldn’t subdue his own pride and that only made things worse.
The next three days were miserable, as they had been since Sarah had left his house after having Bernd. He’d stayed away because he’d truly thought himself unworthy of such an amazing woman. Who was he that a woman like Sarah Dickerson should fall in love with him? He wasn’t worthy to converse with her, let alone have her in his life permanently. The thought of her leaving Texas for good burned in his gut like acid and Bernd found himself saddling Jeb, the faster of his two cart horses, and heading to town. He made it to the inn in good time, only to find that Sarah had alre
ady left for the station to meet the wagon train.
Turning his horse around, Bernd wove his way through the streets, avoiding buggies, wagons, and pedestrians on his way. When he neared the station, Bernd slid off Jeb’s back and hurried toward the platform, not even stopping to tie Jeb to a post. “Sarah!” he called, “Sarah Dickerson!”
“You don’t have to yell,” she said, stepping onto the platform, little Bernd nestled against her shoulder. “I can hear you just fine.”
Bernd breathed a sigh of relief as he took in the sight of the woman who’d taken him by surprise and completely undone his guarded heart. “I’m sorry,” Bernd said, stumbling. “I’m sorry that I let you think for one minute that I didn’t care about you. I don’t do well with emotions, especially inside myself. That’s not an excuse, I’m just saying so you’d know. I never saw myself as the marrying type. I figured that if marriage had been for me it would have come much sooner in my life. I didn’t stop to think that perhaps God was saving me for a woman who’d need me. I wouldn’t blame you for leaving, Sarah, but I’m be much obliged if you’d reconsider.”
“Have you changed your mind then, on not having anything to offer me?”
“I don’t see it as much, not when I think about you and that sweet baby. I think of all the things I’d like to give you and what I have just doesn’t seem like much. However, I’d be willing to give you everything I have, everything I ever will have, if you’d stay.”
“I need that said in clearer terms, Mr. Blindow.”
“If you’ll have me, Sarah Dickerson, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and Bernd. Finding a way to provide you with the life I think you deserve and living the life God has blessed us with.”
“Are you asking me to marry you then?” Sarah asked, a grin growing on her face. Bernd smiled too and dropping to one knee held his arms open.
“I’m begging you to stay and fill in all the gaps I never even knew I had in my life, until I found you.”
“Alright,” Sarah smiled. “Then I guess for starters we had better get some adoption papers made so this little man can be Bernd Benjamin Dickerson-Blindow. After all, his name should match that of his parents.”
The adoption papers took less than two weeks to go through once Sarah and Bernd were married. Sarah had to provide Ben’s death certificate and a part of her heart hurt for the man she’d loved who would never see his son on this side of heaven. Still, she knew she’d always remember him when she looked at her son and that would always put a smile on her face.
THE END.
Finding my Cowboy
Mail Order Bride
CHRISTIAN MICHAEL
Chapter 1 – An Ad in the Paper
The school bell rang loudly, releasing the children from their afternoon class. They came pouring out of the schoolhouse, pushing each other and laughing. There was a rush by the door as they all clamored past, each headed to their homes.
Jessie looked out the window, then shook her head as she turned back to the dough she was kneading.
It’s just habit. Soon enough you will stop checking for him.
This was the time of day John always came home. At least, it was the time of day he always had come home… before the accident. Jessie tried not to think of the void she felt ever since her husband had passed. But no matter what she did, there didn’t seem to be anything that could cheer her up.
Except for you, Little One.
She placed her flour covered hand on her apron over her stomach. Jessie was pregnant with her first child, which was the only thing that kept her sane in her grief. All she could think about day and night was John, and how awful it was she lost him.
There had been a fire. It had been silly, really. Some boys were playing with matches in the neighbor’s barn, and when the straw lit up, they panicked. Sure, John had gone in after them, but they were the ones that made it out, and he wasn’t.
Jessie had wrestled with her grief, spending days at a time feeling like she had nothing in this world, until she discovered she was pregnant.
John would have been so happy. So proud… but you will make me proud, won’t you?
Although Jessie spent most of her days as busy as she could be, she couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t enough. She wanted this child to be happy, and the thought of raising a baby all on her own in this world terrified her. She had a lot of friends in this little Missouri town, but there wasn’t anyone here that could be a father to her child.
They had all known John. They had known how much she loved him, and how he had loved her. They were always together from the time he let the children out of school to when he had to return to teach class the next day.
No man in town would dare to ask me out… let alone marry me. They wouldn’t feel right about it, and neither would I. But what am I going to do? I can’t do this alone. You need a father, and I need to provide that for you.
Jessie formed the loaves and put them in their pans, then covered them with a damp towel to rise. She sat down in her chair with a sigh, and daydreamed as she looked out the window. There had to be a way to find a man to marry. A good man that would love her and her child both.
But the town she lived in was small, and the marriage potential was as slim as the chance of seeing a giraffe walking down the street.
If only I met a man off the stage coach like Lizbeth had. Or suppose the son of one of the old shopkeepers moved back here like Betty Sue’s husband did. If only my life was as easy as Mary Jo’s!
It was hard for Jessie to not feel jealous over her friends. She would often run into them as she was out in the town, usually with their husbands. They hadn’t done anything to acquire their husbands. Their husbands had all been practically gift wrapped for them.
Jessie scoffed as she saw at that moment Mary Jo and her husband walk by her window, hand in hand and chatting away.
A tear formed in her eye which she angrily brushed away. Then she suddenly sat up.
Wait a minute! Mary Jo’s husband! She met him through an ad in the paper! Look at them, she looked out the window as the two of them disappeared around the corner, happy as can be. Those two are the happiest couple I know, and they met through one of those mail order bride ads.
I could do that…
Without waiting to give it any more thought, Jessie hurriedly tied her bonnet on and threw a shawl over her shoulders. She was getting tired of wearing black, but she didn’t feel right putting on any of her cheerful colors. Not yet anyway.
She quickly closed the door behind her, and headed to the post office as quickly as she could.
Chapter 2 – Letters
Jessie Stokes bent eagerly over the piece of paper on the table. She held in her trembling hand a pen freshly dipped in ink, and next to the letter sat the ad she had clipped out of the paper.
She tried not to think too hard as she sat there, staring at the piece of paper on the table. She sighed and sat back, then picked up the ad to read it again.
It read:
Looking for a mail order bride.
My name is Toby Matthews, and I am looking for a bride to come live with me in my house. I live in California, and would be happy to pay for your trip out here if you don’t live close by.
I want a lady that knows how to act like a lady. A wife that can cook and clean, and have dinner ready on the table when I come in from the fields.
I will be good to you, and treat you with the respect a lady deserves. I look forward to hearing from you.
Jessie didn’t know what to say in reply. He seemed like the perfect man for her. Quiet, wanting a woman that could do exactly what she knew how to do, and respectful. She imagined herself going out west, and being met by a man that could sweep her off her feet.
A man that could understand her situation, and offer her the love and support she needed to make it through. A man that could raise her child as his own, and a man she and her child could be a family with.
Finally, Jessie put her pen t
o the paper, and just wrote. She didn’t want to try to sound too fancy, but she didn’t want to sound incapable, either. She wanted to convey to this man exactly the situation she was in, and the hopes she had for a future with him.
Jessie kept the note brief and nervously skimmed over the words she had formed:
Dear Mr. Matthews,
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jessie Stokes and I am a widow. I am with child, but that fact won’t get in the way of what I want to do. I have only just found out, so I won’t have the baby for some months yet.
I would love to come out west and meet you, and perhaps have the honor of becoming your bride.
Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.
Cordially,
Jessie Stokes
Jessie rolled her eyes after she had finished reading her note, and stuffed it in an envelope. Feeling like a school girl with a crush, she found a small picture of herself she had kept in her bedroom, and placed that in the envelope as well.
I suppose he will want to know what I look like, she thought as she licked the envelope and sealed it. She then headed back to the post office. There were butterflies in her stomach as she watched the postmaster stamp the envelope and drop it in the bag of mail that was to go out on the stagecoach the next day.
“Can you tell me how long that will take to reach California territory?” She asked the man.
“Oh… let’s see here. If Ol’ Bill takes it right, there it’ll be there inside of a week.” The postmaster raised his bushy eyebrows at her, looking at her inquisitively, “Is there something important out there?”
Jessie blushed and shook her head.
“I was just wonderin’ is all. Thank you.”
She smiled at him and hurried out of the post office. Once out on the street, she was met by Lizbeth Cloone.
“Hey you! I was looking for you,” she looped her arm through Jessie’s and fell into stride next to her. “I haven’t seen you in a while and I wanted to check up on you. You know Mark and I would love to have you over for dinner one of these days. Say… what are you doing out here anyway?”
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