Tara Road

by Maeve Binchy

  She wished she could share his enthusiasm but to her it was back-breaking and unyielding and there were mountains of healthy sprouts and peas in the shops. Still, he battled on and he even gave the children little tubs where they could grow tomatoes and peppers. He was good with Annie and Brian, and seemed to understand the age difference between them well. Brian got a simple tomato plant which just had to be watered, Annie was encouraged to grow lettuce and basil. But mainly he didn't take part in their lives, he kept to himself on his side of the huge Russian vine fence.

  On the other side there was a swing, a garden seat and even a home-made barbecue pit. At the front of the house the area had been tarmacadamed by Barney's men, and what had been described as a patch-up job had blossomed well. People admired the coloured heathers that grew in the makeshift flower-bed.

  'I don't know where the heathers came from, honestly,' Ria said once.

  'You must have planted them, sweetheart. Little and all as I know about gardening I know that flowers don't appear by magic! And anyway don't you have to have special soil for heathers?'

  Colm was there as they spoke. 'That's me, I'm afraid. I bought a bag of the wrong kind of soil, you know ericacious, lime hating.' They didn't know but they nodded sagely. 'So I had to put it somewhere and I dumped it there. Hope it's all right.'

  'It's great.' Danny approved. 'And did you plant the heathers too?'

  'Someone gave me a present of them. You see, because I put in the menu that all vegetables are home grown, the customers think I have a great deal of land behind my place. They often give me plants instead of a tip.'

  'But we should pay you for those…' Ria began.

  'Nonsense, Ria. As I told you both I have a very good deal being able to use your garden and honestly the vegetables are a huge success. I have rows of courgettes planted this week, the trick is to come up with some clever recipes for them now.'

  'You're doing better these days?' Danny was interested.

  'Much better and we got a great review. That helped a lot.' Colm never complained even when times were slack. 'I was wondering if you'd consider a small greenhouse an eyesore? I'd disguise it well, you know, build it up against the back wall…'

  'Go ahead, Colm. Do you want a contribution?'

  'Only the right to use a bit of electricity for it, it won't take much.'

  'Oh, would that all business deals could be like this!' Danny said, shaking Colm's hand.

  Brian was seven in the summer of 1995. Danny and Ria had a barbecue for his friends. They only wanted sausages, Brian said. People didn't eat other things.

  'Not lovely lamb chops?' Danny said. He liked the idea of standing with an apron and chef's hat turning something a little more ambitious than sausages.

  'Ugh,' Brian said.

  'Or those lovely green peppers Colm grew, we could thread them all on a skewer and make kebabs.'

  'My friends don't like kebabs,' Brian said.

  'Your friends have never had kebabs,' Annie said. She was close to being twelve, only three months away from it. It was really hard having to deal with someone as infantile as Brian. Very strangely it seemed that her mother and father appeared as delighted with his babyish ramblings as they were with anything she said.

  The arrangements for his party were very tedious. Annie had suggested giving Brian two pounds of cooked sausages and letting all his friends heat them up. They'd never know the difference and all they cared about was lots of tomato ketchup.

  'No, it must be right. We had a great party for your seventh birthday, don't you remember?' her mother said.

  Annie didn't remember, all the birthdays had merged into one. But she knew tha' they must have made a fuss over it like over all celebrations. 'That's right, it was terrific,' she said grudgingly.

  'You are beautiful, Annie Lynch, you're an adorable girl.' Her mother hugged her until it hurt.

  'I'm awful, look at my desperate straight hair.'

  'And I spend my life saying look at my frizzy hair,' Ria said. 'It's a very annoying part of being a woman, we're never really satisfied with the way we look.'

  'Some people are.'

  'Oh all the film stars your gran goes on about, all these beauties, I expect they're happy with themselves, but nobody we know.'

  'I'd say that Rosemary is okay with the way she looks.'

  Rosemary Ryan had refused to be called Aunty by her friends' children, she said she was quite old enough already without any of that sort of thing, thank you. 'She's super-looking I know, but she's always on this diet or that diet so maybe in her heart she isn't totally satisfied either.'

  'No, she's very pleased with the way she looks, you can see it the way she looks at herself in mirrors.'

  'What?'

  'She sort of smiles at herself, Mam. You must see it, not only in mirrors, but in pictures, anywhere there's glass.'

  Ria laughed. 'Aren't you a funny little article, Annie, the things you see.'

  Annie didn't like being patted on the head. 'It's true, isn't it, Dad?'

  'Totally true, Princess,' said Danny.

  'You didn't hear what was said,' they both accused him.

  'Yes I did, Annie said Rosemary smiles at her reflection in mirrors and indeed she does, always has. Years ago in the old agency she was at it.'

  Annie looked pleased, Ria felt put out. It was such a criticism of her friend and she had never been aware of it. 'Well, she's so good-looking she's entitled to admire herself,' she said eventually.

  'Good-looking? I think she's like a bird of prey,' Annie said. 'A handsome bird of prey, though,' Danny corrected her. 'Mam looks much better,' Annie said.

  'That goes without saying,' Danny said, kissing each of them on the tops of their heads.

  It was a very sunny day on Brian's birthday. The preparations went on all morning. Nora Johnson was there fussing, Gertie had come to ask could she help. She looked as if she hadn't slept for a month.

  'Only if you stay for the party properly, if you go home and get the children,' Ria said.

  'No, not today.' She was so strained it almost hurt to look at her.

  "What's wrong, Gertie?'

  'Nothing.' The word was like a scream.

  'Where are the children?'

  'With my mother.'

  'Who's running the launderette?'

  'A sixteen-year-old schoolgirl who wants a holiday job. Have you finished the interrogation, Ria? Can I get on with helping you?'

  'Ah hey that's not fair, it's not an interrogation.' Ria looked upset.

  'No, sorry.'

  'It's just you don't look too well. Why do you want to help here?'

  'Why do you think?'

  'Gertie, I don't know. Truly I don't.'

  'Then you're as thick as two short planks, Ria. I need the money.'

  Ria's face paled. 'You're my friend, for God's sake. If you want some money ask me, don't come round expecting me to be inspired. How much do you want?' She reached for her handbag.

  'I won't take money from you, Ria.'

  'Am I going mad, didn't you just ask for it?'

  'Yes, but I won't take it as charity.'

  'Well, all right. Pay it back to me some time.'

  'I won't be able to do that.'

  'So, it doesn't matter then.'

  'It does. I want to earn it, I want to scrub and clean. I'll start with the oven, then I'll do all the kitchen surfaces and the bathrooms. I need the tenner.'

  Ria sat down with the shock of it all. 'You must have ten pounds. You must have that much, Gertie. You run a business, for God's sake.'

  'I have to keep the float in the shop, he knows that. I told him I'd be back with ten pounds before lunch, he won't go near the shop.'

  'Jesus Christ, Gertie, take the ten pounds. Do you think I'm going to watch you for two hours earning this.'

  'I won't take it.'

  'Well, get out then.'

  'What?'

  'You heard me. You're my friend, I'm not going to pay you five pounds an
hour for sloshing about in my kitchen, and putting a brush down my lavatories today. I'm sorry but that's it.' Ria's eyes were blazing.

  Gertie had tears in her eyes. 'Oh Ria, don't be full of principle, have a little understanding instead.'

  'I have plenty of understanding… why don't you have a little dignity?'

  'I'm trying to, you're taking it away from me.' Gertie looked as if a puff of wind would blow her over. 'You're very upset.'

  'Of course I am upset. Now will you please take the ten-pound note and if you try to give it back to me or lift one hand towards any cleaning whatsoever I'll ram the bloody money down your throat.'

  'You have no reason to be upset with me or with anyone, Ria. You have a charmed life. I don't envy you it, you deserve it and you work hard for it, and you're nice to everybody but everything's going right for you. You might just think about how hard it might be when everything's going wrong.'

  Ria swallowed. 'It's my son's seventh birthday, the sun is shining, of course I'm happy. I'm not happy every day, nobody is. Listen, you are my friend. You and I know everything about each other.'

  'We don't know everything about each other,' Gertie said quietly. 'We're not schoolgirls any more, we are women in our mid-thirties, grown-ups. I thought that if I did the work somehow we'd be quits. I'm sorry. And I'm also sorry for upsetting you on Brian's birthday.' She turned to leave.

  'If you don't take the ten pounds you'll have really upset me.'

  'Sure. Thank you, Ria.'

  'No, not coldly. With a bit of a hug anyway.' There was a stiff little hug. Gertie's thin body was like a board. 'You know what would be the best? If you were to come back later with the kids. Would you do that?'

  'No thank you. But not because of sulking or anything. Just no.'

  'Sure. Right.'

  'Thanks again, Ria.'

  'You're full of dignity, you always have been.'

  'You deserve all you have, and even more. Enjoy the day.' She was gone.

  Nora Johnson came into the kitchen from the garden. 'I've been tying the balloons to the front gate so that they'll know where the party is and I see Lady Ryan coming down the road wearing a designer outfit. Coming to help no doubt. Where's Gertie got to? She said she was going to clean some of those old baking tins for the sausages.'

  'She had to go home, Mam.'

  'Well honestly, talk about helpful friends when you need them! If you hadn't Hilary and myself you'd be lost.'

  'Haven't I always said it, Mam?'

  'And will Annie help to entertain them when they get here?'

  'No, I don't think a dozen seven-year-old boys is Annie's idea of a good summer afternoon, she'll keep her distance. Danny has a whole lot of games planned for them.'

  'He's not off about His Master's Business then, is he?' Nora sniffed.

  'No, Mam, he's not.'

  'You look a bit pale, are you all right?'

  'Never better.'

  Ria escaped in relief to greet Rosemary who had come to count the numbers. She had bought a great amount of individually wrapped chocolate ice creams which were at home in her freezer. 'I’ll come back in an hour so you don't have to bother putting them into the freezer. Was there a problem with Gertie?'

  'Why do you ask?' Ria wanted to know.

  'She ran past me on the road crying and she didn't see me, she genuinely didn't.'

  'Oh nothing more than the usual problem she has.' Ria looked grim.

  'Roll on the divorce referendum,' Rosemary said.

  'You don't think that's going to make the slightest difference in Gertie's way of thinking, do you?' Ria asked. 'I mean, if there was divorce introduced into this country tomorrow morning you don't think she'd leave Jack. Abandon him? Give up on him, like everyone else has? Of course she wouldn't.'

  'Well, what's the point of having it on the statute-books at all if people are going to react like that?' Rosemary wondered.

  'Search me.' Ria was at a loss. 'The two families we know who should avail themselves of it won't go near it. You don't think Barney McCarthy is going to disturb his nice comfortable little situation if divorce is introduced, do you?'

  'No I don't indeed, but I didn't know that you would see things so clearly.' Rosemary laughed almost admiringly—sometimes Ria could be very surprising—and went back to Number 32 to change into something more suitable for a children's party.

  The party guests had begun to arrive. Very soon they were punching each other good-naturedly. All of them. There didn't seem to be any reason for this, no real aggression or gangs or hostility, that was the way boys behaved. Annie's friends were much gentler, she said to her mother as they separated one pair of warring boys before they crashed into Colm's vegetable garden, locked into their fight.

  'Where is Annie by the way?'

  'In her room, I think. There's no point in dragging her down to join them. She's too old for them and not old enough to find them funny. She'll come when she hears there's birthday cake.'

  'Or sausages. Two to one she gets the smell of sausages and she's down like a greyhound out of a trap,' said Nora sagely.

  Annie was not in her room as it happened, she had gone out the back gate and was walking up the lane that ran parallel to Tara Road. She had seen a small thin ginger kitten there the other day. It might not belong to anyone. It had looked frightened, not as if it were used to being petted. Perhaps it was abandoned and she might keep it. They would say no of course, as people said no to everything. If she could get it into her room for a few days without anyone noticing, give it a litter tray and some food, then they wouldn't have the heart to turn it out. Today would be a good day to smuggle it in, nobody would notice. There was so much fuss about Brian and all his brain-dead friends, shouting and pushing and shoving around the garden. You could bring a giraffe upstairs today and no one would notice. Annie tried to remember which was the back gate where she had seen the little kitten. It wasn't as far up the road as Rosemary's. It was hard to identify them from the back.

  Annie Lynch stood in the lane in her blue check summer dress squinting into the afternoon sun, pushing her straight blonde hair out of her eyes. Perhaps she could peep through the keyholes of these wooden doors. Some of them were quite rickety and it was easy to see through the cracks anyway. One of the back gates was a smart painted wooden door you couldn't see through at all. Annie stood back a little. This must be Number 32 where Rosemary Ryan lived.

  She had a very posh garden upstairs on the roof but there was a garden with an ornamental pool and a summerhouse at the back. This might well be where the poor kitten had wandered in to have a look at the fish in the pond.

  Annie knelt down and looked in the keyhole. No sign of a cat. But there were people there in the summerhouse. They seemed to be fighting over something. She looked more carefully. It was Rosemary Ryan struggling with a man. Annie's heart leapt into her throat. Was she being attacked? Should Annie rattle at the gate and shout, or would the attacker come out and hurt her as well? Rosemary Ryan had her skirt right up around her waist, and the man was pushing at her. With an even greater shock than the first one Annie realised what they were doing. But this wasn't the way it was done. Not what she and Kitty Sullivan had giggled about in school. Not what people almost did at the cinema and on television. That was different. They kissed each other and lay down, it was all gentle. It wasn't like this, all this shoving and grunting. Rosemary Ryan couldn't be making love with someone. This isn't the way it was meant to be. The whole thing wasn't possible!

  Annie pulled back from the keyhole, her heart racing. She tried to make sense of the situation. To be honest, nobody could see them unless they were actually looking through the keyhole of the back gate. The summerhouse faced away from the main house and towards the back wall.

  Annie couldn't see who the man was; he had his back to her. All she had seen was Rosemary's face. All screwed up and angry, upset.

  Not dreamy like it was in the movies. Maybe she had got it totally wrong, this mightn't be wh
at they were doing at all. Annie looked once more.

  Rosemary's arms were around the man's neck, her eyes were closed, she wasn't pushing him away, she was pulling him towards her. 'That's it, yes, yes, that's it!' she was crying out.

  Annie straightened up in horror. She couldn't believe what she had seen. She started to run down the lane. When passing Number 16 she could hear the noise coming from Brian's party. But she didn't stop. She didn't want to go in knowing what she knew now. She couldn't bear them all expecting her to be normal. Things would never be the same again and she could never tell anybody. On she ran, tears blinding her eyes until, just as she was getting to the main road and back to normality, she fell, one of those unexpected falls where the earth just jumped up to meet you with a thud.

  It winded her totally and she had trouble in getting her breath. When she struggled to stand she saw she had grazed both knees which were bleeding as well as her arm. She leaned against the wall of the end house and sobbed as if her heart would break.

  Colm heard the noise and came out. 'Annie, what happened?' No reply, just heaving shoulders. 'Annie, I'll run and get your mother.'

  'No. Please don't. Please, Colm.'

  Colm wasn't like other grown-ups, he didn't always automatically know what was best for you. 'Okay, but look at you… you've had a horrible fall, let me see.' He held her arm gently. 'No, it's only the skin, what about your knees? Don't you look at them, I'll examine them without touching, and I'll report to you.'

  Annie stood there while he knelt down and studied them. Eventually he said, 'Lots of blood but I don't think you need a stitch. Let me walk you home, Annie.'

  She shook her head. 'No. Brian's having a party, I don't want to go home.'

  Colm took this on board. 'If you like you could come into my house, into the bathroom and wash your poor knees. I'll be in the restaurant out of your way but there if you need me, and you could come in and out and I'll give you a nice lemonade or whatever you like.' He smiled at her.

  It worked. 'Yes, I'd like that, Colm.'

  Together they went in, and he showed her the bathroom.