Just Because of You

by Gianna Gabriela

  “That’s interesting,” she says, her little finger coming up to her chin as she stands there.

  “What’s interesting?” I ask, feeling like a six-year old is about to tell me that I have the worst first name she’s ever heard.

  “My dad named me after someone named Amari. It was the love of his life. I didn’t think it was such a common name.” It’s not.

  28

  AMARI

  With those words shaking everything under me, Ari just shrugs and walks into a stall.

  With my mouth still hanging open, I stand there still trying to process what this six year old just said. With just a few simple words, she’s turned my world on its head, like her father has.

  I do something I shouldn’t, I wait for her to come out of the bathroom because I want to hear more. Because I’m afraid if I don’t learn more from her, I’ll hunt Christian down and ask him. I want to make sure I heard her clearly before I let my heart take over. I know I shouldn’t ask this little girl, this student, any questions, but I can’t help it. Not when she revealed something so unexpected.

  “You’re still here?” She asks, coming out of the stall and heading straight for the sink. She stands next to me and starts washing her hands.

  “Yeah… I just wanted to learn a little bit more about this person you were named after.”

  “Amari,” she says, reminding me of the name she’d said earlier. “Like you,” she adds, like I would’ve already forgotten. This isn’t something that I can erase from my mind.

  “You said your dad named you after her?” I ask again and Ari gives me this impatient look. Like she’s confused as to why I didn’t understand her the first time around.

  “Yeah. I talked to him about it on Thursday and he started telling me about his life before I was born. He said he fell in love with this girl named Amari but that he had been a wild child before her.”

  “He said that?” I press.

  “Yeah… he said when he found out my mother was pregnant with me, he knew he had to give her up. But he loved her so much that when he knew I was a girl, he knew he had to name me after her. Because he loved the two of us the most. So, Amari and Ari. See, it’s like I’m a part of her. The part my daddy got to keep.”

  I swallow back the tears that want to spill, afraid if I do, I’ll scare her. “Did he say what happened with this person?” I ask, my voice losing its strength as emotions start to overtake me.

  “He said he’s trying to get her back and that he still loves her. That he messed up but that he wanted the best for her and he didn’t think he was that, which is crazy because my daddy is the bestest father in the whole wide world,” she finishes with a smile.

  “I don’t doubt that,” I tell her and a tear slips my eye.

  “Don’t cry, Ms. Santana,” she says as she finishes washing her hands.

  I wipe away the tear. “I’m sorry. That was just such a moving story,” I tell her.

  Ari grabs a piece of paper towel from the counter, dries her hands then takes a few steps toward me. “Is your dad here?” she asks, taking hold of my hand.

  “No. He and my mom don’t live here anymore,” I tell her, trying to contain my emotions, I’m so consumed with feelings I don’t know where to put them. He named his daughter after me. He told her he still loved me. He wanted to raise his family with me. He’s trying to get me back. All these realizations and thoughts surprise, scare, and excite me.

  “I have an idea,” she replies and then she’s walking out of the bathroom, leaving me behind once again except this time, I’m left behind with a million emotions I hadn’t bargained for.

  It takes me a whole ten minutes to put myself back together. I had to reapply the little bit of makeup I put on because it was all messed up and nothing else could fix it. I knew I shouldn’t have worn makeup, but I didn’t expect that I’d be crying tonight.

  There are a lot of things I didn’t expect.

  I clear my throat one last time and then walk out of the bathroom. Right as I walk out, I almost run into Emely. “Ouch,” she says.

  “I didn’t even touch you,” I tell her.

  “Sorry, force of habit,” she shrugs.

  “Were you searching for me?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I finished the call and you weren’t in the gym or your office. I thought you’d ditched me.”

  “I can’t leave this party… I’m the principal.”

  “Right right. So I decided to check the bathroom again.”

  “How was the call?” I ask, trying to distract myself.

  She makes a sour face. “I have to fly out tomorrow. I have to go back to Mexico because the client is being difficult and they need someone to manage him.”

  “What are you a client-crisis-responder?”

  “I guess. Enough about work, how come you were still in the bathroom?” she asks. “Were you still crying?” she adds.

  I nod. “I was but not for what you think…”

  “What happened?” she asks, curiosity painted on her face as her eyes look at me expectantly.

  “I’ll tell you when we get home. I’d rather not open up the floodgates again. It took me a long time to not look like I got run over, so let’s just talk about it later.” I need to get back to the party and show face, talking to Emely about my conversation with Ari would just rile me up all over again.

  I need to calm down.

  29

  AMARI

  “Ms. Santana,” a voice I’ve come to recognize calls my name.

  I turn around to find Christian and Ari standing right next to each other and in front of me.

  Trying to avoid looking at him in the eyes, I bring my attention to his daughter. The child he named after me.

  “Yes, Ari?” I tell her, lowering myself so I’m face to face with her. Even though I’m not looking at him, I can feel him. The air crackles with so much tension that I can’t be the only one feeling it. But I’m not about to try and figure out if it’s affecting him by looking him in the eyes. That’s always been a dangerous thing.

  “Remember how you were crying earlier?” she asks and I’m hit with embarrassment.

  “I wasn—” I start but pause, realizing I don’t want to lie or make her out to seem like a liar.

  “I saw you crying when I came into the bathroom. And then, when I was telling you the story, I could see you wanted to cry again,” she adds. Kids never miss a thing.

  I close my eyes and open them back up then nod. “You’re right. I was crying. I’m sorry.”

  “No need to apologize.”

  I smile at her so she sees it’s all good. “I’m getting better though,” I tell her.

  “I thought you should dance with my dad?” she says and I cough to the point I find myself chocking.

  Feet shuffle, and seconds later, Christian’s hand is extended toward me as he hands me a cup of water.

  “Thank you,” I say after I take a sip and control my coughing.

  “My dad is such a gentleman,” Ari says looking back at him. “We agreed that if I saw someone I thought he should dance with, that he would. So, I think he should dance with you,” Ari says, smiling at me.

  I take another gulp of the water, and realizing that’s not enough, I drink the whole thing. “It’s your day. You should be the one to dance with him,” I tell her, trying to reason with her.

  I wait for Christian to say something. To tell her he doesn’t want to dance with me. That he’d rather dance with anyone else. But instead all he says is. “I’d love to dance with you,” and those words are my undoing because all of a sudden I find my hand in Ari’s. I raise my eyes and meet Christian’s and sparks fly when Ari’s hand connects his and mine to each other. She lets go and all I have left is my hand in his. Christian’s hands feel different than they used to, rougher. Stronger.

  “See, my dad would love to dance with you. Will you dance with him?” she asks, looking up at the two of us.

  I nod. Realizing there’s no way out, but
even if there was, I don’t want to take it. Not when my heart flutters at the feel of Christian’s hand holding on to my own. He grips tightly, silently reassuring me he won’t let go this time. Funny, I wanted nothing more than to escape him, but now I want nothing more than to get lost in him.

  “Only for one dance,” I tell her, but it’s more for me. More than one dance and things can get dangerous. More than one dance, and I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing him right at this school dance in front of everyone.

  “One dance for now,” Ari says with that devious smile Christian’s always had.

  Christian lowers himself and kisses his daughter’s forehead. “Don’t go too far,” he tells her.

  “I won’t, Daddy. I’m just going to go talk to a few of my friends,” she says, pointing behind her to a group of fifth graders who are giggling as they look in our direction. “I bet you they’ll think the two of you are dating,” she adds and the coughing fit starts again. “Gotta go,” she says when her friends signal for her to come over.

  “Do you need more water?” Christian asks, his left hand coming right below my chin as he turns me to face him.

  I slowly bring my eyes up to his. I shake my head to answer his question when I can’t formulate any words.

  “Are you sure?” he asks when my coughing continues and his eyes feel like they’re looking into my soul.

  I finally stop coughing. “I’m good,” I tell him. Without releasing my hand, he pulls me over to the dance floor. Like in every cheesy movie, the DJ somehow decides that this party doesn’t need the kind of music that makes you jump up and down but rather the one that slows everything down. Making it all happen in slow motion.

  Christian smiles at me and the floor beneath me shakes with impact. “Are you ready?” he asks, closing the distance between us. “I’ve missed this,” he whispers in my ear, sending shocks of electricity through my entire body.

  “Missed dancing with me?” I ask, my voice belonging to a less confident girl. One who’s warring against her emotions.

  “Missed having your hand in my own,” he adds as he brings our hands to his lips and kisses mine. “Missed the way your eyes get bigger when you’re nervous,” he adds, placing my hand on his chest. “The way my heart rate increases when you’re near.” I feel the beating of his heart beneath my hand. Even with the sound of the music, the yelling and shouting of the little girls and their fathers around us, I can feel his heart beating. Erratically. Rushed. Like it’s riding a rollercoaster. I’m right there with him.

  “I missed this too,” I tell him, surprising myself with my honesty.

  “Missed what exactly?” he presses, our feet moving to the music.

  “Missed you. Us,” I tell him candidly.

  “If you give me a chance, you don’t have to miss us anymore.”

  If I gave him a chance… what? He could win me over again? Does he even have to? I’m already his, always have been. Even though I’ve wanted nothing more than to be released from the hold he’s had on me, I’ve never been freed and that’s partly because I don’t want to be. “I’ll give you a chance,” I tell him, hoping he doesn’t make me regret my words.

  As if he’s listening to my thoughts, he makes me a promise. “You won’t regret it, Amari.” His assurance brings a little bit of peace, but still the doubt creeps in. He’s made promises to me before that he’s broken, what makes me so sure he’ll keep this one?

  Unexpectedly, as the song is about to end, Christian’s lips find my own and I’m lost in another song altogether, except this one isn’t being played by the DJ. No, this song comes directly from two hearts that are finally beating together and creating the perfect melody. I’m lost in the familiarity and strangeness of his lips, of his touch. I’m drunk on a mixture of the Christian I knew and loved and the new version of him, which is a mystery I’m giving myself the chance to discover.

  “I knew it was you,” a voice says and we pull apart immediately like teenagers who were just caught doing something they shouldn’t. When we look down, we find Ari looking back up at us.

  “You knew it was who, what?” Christian asks, not at all phased by the fact that his daughter, and probably the entire elementary school faculty and staff, as well as dads and daughters, just saw us kiss.

  Ari smiles knowingly. “When you told me the story about the Amari you loved, the girl that got away, I knew it was her.”

  Christian looks at me and then at his apparently wicked smart daughter. “So, you set this up?” he asks, his hand finding mine naturally, like we’d been doing it for years. Like we never stopped.

  “You were taking too long to get her back. I had to do what I could to make it happen,” she adds and I stand there with a smile on my face as I appreciate the genius child in front of me.

  Christian kneels down in front of her. “Thanks for the help, kid. I knew you were smart.”

  “I’m your daughter after all,” she tells him.

  “This is true,” he tells her, kissing the top of her head once again and my heart is full of appreciation and love.

  “Amari… I mean, Ms. Santana,” Ari corrects herself and I stop myself from laughing. “My dad loves you. Do you love him?”

  As if I’m in an interrogation room, Ari and Christian look back at me waiting for my answer like the fate of the world depends on it. “I do… I love him. I never stopped,” I admit to the two of them.

  “He named me after you, so clearly he never stopped loving you either.”

  Clearly.

  “I never could stop,” Christian adds.

  A new song starts playing and the eyes I noticed looking at us a few second ago finally start looking away. “We can figure out the whole Ms. Santana, Amari, Mom thing later, but can I steal my daddy for this song? It’s my favorite.”

  I nod. Stunned by her words. Her honesty. The way she makes things that seemed so complicated be so simple. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back,” she adds and then he’s letting go of my hand and walking with her to where a dance circle has appeared in front of the makeshift stage.

  I stand there, my mind foggy about everything that’s taken place.

  “You didn’t want to talk earlier, but we’re definitely talking now,” Emely says, coming out of nowhere. Of course she saw everything. My best friend doesn’t miss much.

  EPILOGUE

  A little over a year later

  PART I

  AMARI

  The doorbell rings and I leave the kitchen and head to the door. “Hi,” I greet Christian’s mom.

  “Hey sweetie,” she gives me a kiss on the cheek. “How’s it all coming together?”

  “Thanksgiving is a big responsibility!” I tell her. Last year, we got to do Thanksgiving at her house and everything went so well. This time around, we offered to do it at our place. Yes, ours. Because Christian, Ari, and I now live together. We moved into my old childhood home. It took a lot of begging to get Christian to put his house on the market, but mine was bigger and we would need the space.

  “Don’t I know it. I’m glad I get to pass it on to you,” she laughs. “I brought some wine.”

  I take the bottle from her. “We’ll be needing that for sure,” I tell her.

  “So where are Christian and Ari?” Ms. Cole asks as we start making our way to the kitchen.

  Oh yes. Those two. “I kicked them out of the house while I finished getting things ready. They’re picking up my mom and dad at the airport.”

  “Oh! Yes. Christian mentioned they were coming.”

  “Did he tell you he was the one who invited them?” I ask.

  She smiles. “Your parents were really kind to him when you left.” Apparently, while I was gone, Christian met my parents. He did some work at this very house, on the back deck. They invited him in for a snack and they got to talking. They even met Ari and had them both over for dinner every so often. When my parents called Christian out on asking too many questions about me, he told them what was going on. Everythin
g that went on with us.

  I was again mad at Christian for a little bit. I was even furious with my parents, but that didn’t last. My parents didn’t know about Christian back in high school because I kept him from them for fear of what they’d say when they met him. They wanted to let my choices be my choices, but I guess they understood why I wasn’t coming back home more than I thought. They said the reason they didn’t sell the house was that they hoped I’d come back. They hoped Christian and I made our way back to each other.

  To say I was surprised is an understatement. I guess that’s how Christian kept tabs on me after all.

  “Yeah, Christian told me all about it. My parents did too when they found out we were back together.”

  “How did they find out you guys were back together?” she asks.

  I give her a knowing look. “Your son.”

  “That’s my boy,” she replies proudly.

  Ms. Cole takes a seat at the kitchen table. “So, big news tonight, huh?” she asks as I check on the turkey in the oven for the millionth time today. I really want to make sure everything’s perfect.

  “Yes ma’am. I can’t wait to surprise them both,” I tell her. I figured having our families in the same place at the same time will make for the best time to break the news to everyone, including Ari and Christian. Let’s just hope I don’t burn the turkey.

  CHRISTIAN

  “Thank you so much for picking us up,” Amari’s mom says as she gets in the car.