Carrier

by Vanessa Garden

  Steady, I told my heart, as I flicked my torch on and entered Laurie’s quarters.

  Emma yapped at me right away and in the dim light, her eyes glowed. She was curled up in a little basket, at the end of Laurie’s bed, which was neatly made up with all the corners folded.

  Relief coursed through my veins.

  She yelped as I cocooned her body in my arms, trying to be careful of her stump. I stroked her back and whispered soft words of comfort into her ears and she made low whimpers in the base of her throat and licked my face repeatedly.

  Then I heard something.

  Footsteps approached the donga and stopped just outside the door.

  Emma stiffened in my arms, the fur on her back bristling. With my heart hammering against my chest, I cut the torch and hid with Emma behind Laurie’s tallboy cabinet.

  A high-pitched growl tore out of Emma’s throat.

  I gently shushed her and watched for shadows on the opposite wall.

  Someone treaded up the donga steps and stooped their head to enter. Another followed, stooping their head also.

  There were two, their long heads shaped just like the two silhouettes at my window, and the two pale beings at the cave entrance.

  For a long time, possibly half a minute or so, I ceased to breathe.

  Whoever had entered remained still, not taking another step.

  When I could stand it no longer, I dared a peek from behind the tallboy. I wished that I hadn’t because I immediately felt faint.

  They were about seven foot tall and thin, their heads draped with pale hair that glinted in the electric blue light that streamed into the donga.

  Sapphire’s grandfather had been right all along.

  They had come.

  Chapter 20

  We will not harm you.

  The words had formed in my mind yet were not of my own creation. They were speaking inside my head.

  I pressed my back against the wall, clutching Emma who was howling and yapping, fighting to get out of my arms so that she could attack.

  We will not harm you.

  The words materialised in my head again. It was a horrible feeling, as though they had somehow wormed their way inside my brain and thoughts.

  Yes, we hear your thoughts, but do not be alarmed by this. We come in peace and seek only to bring you to Aticon in one piece.

  ‘I’m not going anywhere with you. This country is my home,’ I said, wondering if they could hear words spoken out loud like this, or if they even had ears underneath all that white hair.

  Aticon is not a destination. It is the name of our leader. He awaits you at our ship. If you do not come willingly, Aticon will feel obliged to use force on the small army we have detained. He does not wish to destroy any more human beings than he already has.

  ‘Has he hurt a boy named Patrick? He mustn’t hurt Patrick or Markus or Luke or Jonny or any of the other men.’ Emma whimpered in my arms when she saw the two long, thin creatures step forward and I soothed her by stroking her behind the ears over and over again with my forefinger and thumb.

  Come. You will learn about your humans when we reach the ship. Aticon is impatient.

  This is not fucking happening — this can’t be real, I said to myself.

  We hear your expletive and so does Aticon.

  I tried to turn off my brain, but it seemed it wouldn’t shut up now that it had an audience. I mentally swore as I pictured Mum and the others back at the house and desperately tried to think of something else so these creatures would not know they existed and go looking for them.

  Aticon has sent others to the home of which you now see in your mind. The occupants are being led to the ship as we speak.

  ‘Don’t hurt them,’ I said, my voice trembling. ‘Most of them are only little.’

  The young are visibly emotional, but the woman and the men appear in a stable condition.

  I shut my brain off by focusing on counting my breaths, continuing the practice as we left the barracks and travelled towards the iridescent blue horizon that grew brighter as we drew near. The whole time I wondered if this was all some kind of a dream. Maybe I was asleep back at the barracks, beneath the trees, about to wake up.

  After an hour or so, Emma suddenly relaxed in my arms and fall asleep. Maybe they’d wormed their way into her brain and soothed her to sleep.

  We have calmed her, it is true. We filled her mind with images of our kind. She is now indifferent to us and no longer frightened.

  ‘Get out of my head,’ I muttered.

  As you wish, Aticon’s human.

  ‘I don’t belong to anybody,’ I snapped.

  I waited for an answer, but none came. It felt good to have my headspace to myself again.

  An hour or so later we passed over a hill, and a near-blinding light hit me square in the eyes and had me whipping my head away.

  Your eyes will adjust.

  I blinked and gradually faced the thing that was blinding me.

  Before me, taking up the length of the horizon, was a massive ship all lit up with an electric blue light — like something out of my dad’s sci-fi mags. Groups of other beings, appearing like ants in the distance, moved about its perimeter.

  A loud hiss filled the air and a large panel of the ship came down, slowly, transforming into a ramp as it set down upon the earth.

  The two beings at my sides led me towards this ramp, where out stepped an even taller blond-haired being, with his hair drawn back in a ponytail. He wore a blue uniform as opposed to the dull grey of the others.

  Welcome, Lena. I am Aticon.

  He inclined his head and regarded me with cool, flat blue eyes. Something about his smooth, line-free face made me think he was younger than the beings that had brought me to the ship, though no less frightening. His eyes travelled from my face down to my toes and back up. You have fully matured, physically, but you are not as tall as the one who birthed you. I had not expected you to be so diminutive.

  I glared at him, anger pulsing through my veins while fear fluttered at my heart.

  He closed his eyes and let out a long, ragged sigh as though in pain.

  Control your emotions, Lena, for I cannot be responsible if I react in an abominable manner as a result.

  ‘You can feel our emotions too?’ I asked, my heart pummelling my ribcage.

  He blinked, his eyes boring down into mine, making me tremble in my sneakers.

  Only I can process your emotions. We of Aticona do not feel emotions. Our responses and actions are measured thoughtfully by the careful analysis of our brains. When I first accompanied our former leader to this planet, I saw you.

  I started to shake my head but then stopped.

  ‘I remember.’ The words came out a whisper as I recalled the time I’d first seen them as a child with extra clarity. Mum had been wrong. It wasn’t my imagination or Dad’s sci-fi mags.

  He inclined his head, once.

  You were crying and shouting because your mother would not allow you to go beyond the perimeter of your home. I thought it was the most curious thing I had ever seen and demanded that my father link me to you.

  I frowned and stepped back, not liking the sound of being ‘linked’ to anyone.

  If we so wish, our kind are able to link ourselves to another being’s mind — preferably a human mind — in order to experience the phenomenon of emotion. It involves the insertion of a small processing chip inside the brain. My former leader operated on you and left nothing more than a tiny mark at the base of your skull. You may notice a scar there.

  My fingers automatically sought the small lump. I’d always known it was there, and yet, I’d never asked Mum how I got it. Because you always knew, I told myself.

  A surge of anger shot through my veins.

  ‘So that is why you came here and killed everyone? To experience sadness and crying?’

  Aticon’s expression remained passive.

  We came to earth to find a cure for a disease that was affecting our ki
nd — our males, to be specific. We infected your countrymen with our disease so that we could take blood samples and create an antidote. Our ship was not far from your home, and when we passed you and I saw you throw yourself on the dirt and pound the earth with your small fists, I demanded to be linked to you. My former leader agreed.

  He thought learning to discipline human emotion would be a valuable lesson in my leadership training and would be a great asset for when I would one day lead Aticona in his absence.

  ‘You killed all of our women and girls…’ I paused and regarded him, my breath caught in my throat, but he showed no telling signs of experiencing the same anger and sadness I was feeling. He was harnessing his emotions behind a cool, expressionless mask — the training must have worked.

  Yes. But most of our males died before we produced the antidote. Your countrymen were strong and did not die at the hands of the disease as our males did. They merely became Carriers and passed it onto your females, something we did not intend. Aticonans are peaceful beings.

  Rage burned inside of me. He acted as though wiping out Australia’s population was a minor error. He may as well have said, ‘Oops, sorry.’

  Control your anger, Lena, or one of your people will feel my wrath. I cannot and do not wish to physically harm you. Your emotions are valuable and sometimes pleasurable to me and I have no desire to destroy our link. It is one of your people who will suffer if you anger me.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I reluctantly did as I was told, counting from one to ten, over and over again until my breathing regulated somewhat.

  ‘Where are the men, the ones you captured today?’

  Those infected are being treated. Those not infected are resting.

  ‘I want to see a boy named Patrick.’

  As you wish, Lena. I do enjoy the more pleasing emotions you experience whenever you allow your mind to focus on this Patrick. Because of this, he is in no danger of being terminated, I promise you.

  My skin crawled to know that Aticon had been a third party to mine and Patrick’s private moments, and that he had gotten his jollies out of it.

  I waited for Aticon to react to my thoughts, but he remained expressionless.

  A shot rang out from behind me and I gasped and spun around.

  ‘Lena, duck!’

  I dropped to the ground at Luke’s command, my head twisting against the cold earth to see Luke and Jonny rushing at Aticon and his fellow beings, their machine guns spewing bullets that pinged against the ship and tore holes in the ground. Dust rose to cloud my vision. Emma squeezed her way from under my belly and hobbled into the bushes.

  I wanted to shout at Luke and Jonny to stop, because I had a gut feeling that, even though the aliens appeared to carry no weapons, this would not end well.

  The shots abruptly stopped and when the dust settled, I opened my eyes, my heart hammering.

  Aticon and the other aliens stood in exactly the same position. A clear, pink fluid oozed out of Aticon’s arm and from one of the other being’s legs, but their expressionless faces revealed no signs of pain.

  Luke and Jonny stood several metres apart, eyes wide with terror, chests heaving with breath, their machine guns pointing to the ground.

  Don’t hurt them, I mentally pleaded with Aticon. Aticon regarded me with pale, lifeless eyes.

  Luke and Jonny slowly raised their rifles, pointing them at each other, their wild, terrified eyes locked together. I was about to call out to them, to scream, ‘What are you doing?’ when a chill crept up my spine, causing the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

  Aticon continued to regard me with dead eyes until he shivered, ever so slightly, and a flicker of emotion darkened his pupils.

  Out the corner of my eyes, I could see a growing stain form at the front of Jonny’s trousers. He was trembling from head to toe, as was Luke.

  Stop this, stop this now, I mentally screamed at Aticon, whose eyes were now focused on Luke and Jonny.

  The shrill screams of children met my ears and I spun around to see my mother, Mattie and Streak with Petra and Sammy in their arms, followed by Patrick’s brothers. They were flanked by more of Aticon’s grey soldiers.

  ‘Daddy!’ screamed, Petra. Sammy started to sob and buried his face into Mattie’s thick neck.

  Luke’s hands shook and his face trembled, but he didn’t take his eyes, or his gun, off Jonny.

  I ran to Aticon and pounded at his chest with my fists.

  ‘Stop this! Stop this now! Make them put their guns down!’

  Aticon inhaled through his nose and closed his eyes, and when he opened them they were ablaze with anger. He shoved me aside with such strength that I flew to the ground several metres away, landing just as the machine guns went off.

  Mum covered the faces of as many of Patrick’s brothers as she could; however James and Thomas stood, wide-eyed with horror.

  Streak and Mattie held Petra and Sammy tight, their bodies offering a wall against the view of their father’s jerking body as it was flung to the ground from the force of the bullets.

  When the shooting stopped, I scrambled to my feet and ran over to Luke first, scrunching my eyes at the four holes in his chest and neck.

  Tears blurred my vision as the children ran over and threw themselves at his motionless body.

  ‘Daddy, wake up!’ Petra screamed over and over again at her father, who stared unblinking at the night sky. Sammy closed his eyes and rested his cheek to his father’s chest, as though Luke might be sleeping. Now the children had no parents.

  This is not happening.

  I crawled over to Jonny and with shaking hands, slipped out of my hooded jacket to cover the part of his skull that had been blasted away. He too stared up at the sky, the shock still visible in his wide green eyes. Using my thumbs, I gently closed his lids. This wasn’t right — Jonny, who was happier in a zucchini patch, dying like this, his body riddled with Luke’s bullets.

  How could you kill a man in front of his own children? I mentally accused Aticon, tears streaming down my cheeks.

  As I instructed earlier, you must learn to harness your anger, Lena. Your friends would be alive if you had been able to control it. Remember, we are linked — your anger is my anger. Do not anger yourself in such a way again or you will destroy many others.

  It was hard to control the rage that grew inside of me, hard not to lash out, hard not to snatch Jonny’s machine gun from the ground and point it at Aticon’s pale, impassive head. As it was, I couldn’t even bear to look at him.

  ‘Why don’t you just control my anger for me?’ I said, ice in my voice, trying hard to swallow down the bitterness that wanted to leap out of my throat. ‘You made these men kill each other, so why not just make me calm, with your mind?’

  Because I cannot manipulate your mind, Lena, like I can others. We are linked. I receive your thoughts and feelings, but I do not control them. The processing chip blocks the path to the part of your brain I would normally be able to control if you were any other human. And though I have had years to practise harnessing the emotions you feed me, I cannot be held responsible for your complete lack of control and powerful outbursts such as the one you unleashed moments ago. Beware of your power, Lena. I can feel your sadness at the loss of your human friends. Do not anger me again or we shall have to endure more of the same.’

  Forcing myself to meet his eyes, I was struck by the tears that streamed down his smooth, pale face. Another wave of anger rose inside of me. Aticon did not deserve to mourn Luke and Jonny when he was the one who had destroyed them.

  Enough, Lena. Have you not learnt your lesson?

  I swallowed down my rage and took several deep breaths before nodding my head.

  Mum ran to my side and wrapped her arms around me and I clung to her like I used to when I was little, all the while watching with a sick fascination as Aticon closed his eyes and groaned softly.

  This is what I crave, Lena. This feeling of warmth that is so foreign to my kind. Humans
call it love. Feed me more of this emotion and together we shall all live in peace.

  His thoughts made me feel dirty and protective of my mother’s love. It was not his to experience. I drew away from her and stared back at him, awaiting his thoughts.

  I want more, he ordered.

  I started counting, one…two…three…to numb my brain to any emotion so that Aticon could not feel, and he surprised me inclining his head in a nod.

  Very good, Lena. You are learning to harness your emotions already. Perhaps you are stronger than I first thought.

  Mum and I knelt beside Petra and Sammy, who had each burrowed into tight balls against Mattie and Streak’s chests.

  ‘Daddy’s dead,’ said Petra, stifling a sob between great, shuddering breaths. She squeezed Sammy’s hand. ‘But he’s gone to be with Mummy, so everything’s okay.’

  ‘He’s building a house for us,’ said Sammy in a whisper, clutching at his teddy, Peter. ‘Mummy and Daddy will come and get us when it’s ready.’

  ‘It’s a fairy house. Dad told us that fairies build their houses out of their fallen eyelashes, so it takes a long time,’ added Petra.

  I shuffled in closer and opened my arms and they both rested their heads against my shoulders, Streak, Mattie and I forming a triangle around the kids.

  ‘You know what? While they are building the house, I promised your Daddy that I’d look after you two,’ I whispered into their soft, curly hair.

  ‘Take us away from the scary men, now. We want to go home before they kill us too,’ said Petra.

  ‘We’re going to take you back home right now. We’ll go back to the house and go to sleep and wake up feeling better in the morning,’ I said.

  Aticon watched us with blank eyes before nodding his head slightly.

  Two of the guards flanking him, he returned to the ship.

  What’s happening? I asked Aticon with my mind, so the children could not overhear our conversation.

  You will soon see that there is no home for you and the young to return to and that you must all come with us back to Aticona.