“What do you have planned for today?” she asked with fake enthusiasm.
“Errands,” he said in a short tone as he pulled to the curb to let her out.
She didn’t hear from Adam all morning until he texted her before lunch saying he wouldn’t be able to meet her for lunch. Val was shocked. He had a whole day to finish up last-minute things and he couldn’t spare the time for lunch?
As much as they had struggled to see a way through the distance, she thought they had ended on the same note. She thought that they agreed about wanting to work it out. Canceling lunch felt like a slap in the face. Perhaps Val had only thought they were on the same page about the relationship. Maybe Adam was feeling more pessimistic than she had gathered.
When Adam arrived to pick her up at the end of the day, he was quiet during their ride. Val tried to make small talk about his day, but after receiving one-word answers to her questions, she stopped trying.
They arrived home, and Adam retreated to the couch with his laptop. Val went to the bedroom to change out of her work clothes. A run was just what she needed. She put on her running capris, favorite t-shirt, and bright shoes.
“I’m going out for a run,” she told Adam.
“Great,” he replied with all the enthusiasm of a funeral. She closed the door behind her and used those three miles to try to clear her head.
During her run, she turned the situation over and over in her head. Was she reading too much into Adam’s behavior? He said that he wanted to continue on with Val but didn’t know how. Not knowing how and admitting to the difficulties of a long-distance relationship was miles away from not wanting to see each other any longer. Other couples surely have overcome distance in their relationships—why couldn’t they become a success story?
She tried to think of other ways to close the distance. She thought she could be patient between visits, between calls. If this relationship were so important to him, would he be able to wait?
She came back to the apartment sweaty and agitated. The run had done nothing to solve the problem or present any new ideas. In fact, just the opposite. The time in her head had allowed her to inflate the fact that he was being distant and silent. Was he doubting the relationship? Was she not worth the effort?
Adam was still ensconced on the couch, tapping away at his laptop. Valentina closed the door forcefully and faced him.
“What is the deal?” she asked. “First, no lunch. Now, you’re hardly looking at or speaking to me. What the hell?”
“What do you want from me, Valentina?” he asked, shutting his laptop and pushing it aside. “I don’t see a way out of this. Even if we do long-distance, what possible future can we have? Maybe we just chalk it up to a fun time and move on with our lives.”
“Just a fun time? That’s all this was to you? I have had flings before and I have nothing against them, but you and I both know this is different. You cannot look into my eyes and tell me that you see me as a fling.”
He barely glanced up at her. “No, I thought this would be more than a fling. But what future is there? I’m headed back to Africa and you have a life here. We cannot sustain a relationship seeing each other twice a year with some random emails in between. And even if we do that, what happens then? Are you willing to give up your life to move to Rwanda for us to be married? Have a family in a third-world country?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth. I have no idea what the future holds. I do have a life here, but you said yourself that you don’t know what you’ll be doing in the future. What if you came back in a couple of years? Isn’t what we have worth trying to keep going for a couple of years?”
He shook his head. “I can’t commit to that. I might come back; I might not. Rwanda fills a place in me that nothing else has. I want to be there as long as I need to be. Only when it isn’t part of my soul any longer can I see myself coming back to the States, but when is that? Two years, two decades?”
“So, that’s it? Just like that. We each find someone that makes us happy, happier than we’ve been in a long while, and it’s just a fling. No way to keep it going, just pfffft, done,” Valentina practically shouted. She was growing madder by the moment. Not only was this relationship being taken away from her when she had hardly realized how much she wanted it, but his lack of desire to try was undercutting her confidence.
“Yes, I guess it is. This has been wonderful. It will not be easy to move on, but perhaps it’s for the best. For both of us.” He sighed. “Maybe it’s like a Band-Aid. It will be painful to rip off, but doing it quickly is better than dragging it out. This way, we can both move on.”
“I think you are full of shit. This only highlights how you truly felt about me. If I’m not worth even trying to hold onto, how could you have ever cared about me?” she shouted.
He leaped off the couch and put his face very close to hers. “Do not tell me how I feel. I am constantly surprised by how strongly I feel for you. In such a short time, you have managed to become firmly planted in my heart. More than I am willing to admit. Do not question that,” Adam growled.
Valentina crushed her lips to his. He grabbed onto her arms, and they began tearing the clothes off of each other. He pulled off her sweaty shirt and kept kissing her. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her into the bedroom and threw her on the bed. He stripped off her pants and panties. He whipped off his shirt and unbuttoned his pants before falling on top of her again. He kissed her as if he couldn’t get enough, as though she were air to a drowning man, food to a starving person.
Valentina pulled at his pants until they were most of the way off, and he kicked them off the rest of the way. Their frantic movements said that neither of them wanted slow or gentle. This was them claiming each other. No one could keep them apart. Adam plunged into her in one thrust. She called out his name. She met each of his hard pushes with her hips, moving faster and harder with him. She scratched his back with her nails, and he yelled in pleasure.
He held onto her hips as he continued to drive into her. She panted and moved as he pleasured her. She could take this, take this and more. She loved all the parts of him, rough, gentle, easy, hard; it was all hers. They both climaxed at the same moment, Valentina shouting with joy as she broke apart into waves of light. He shuddered and moaned as his orgasm took over.
He collapsed on top of her, sweaty from their efforts. She held him. Neither spoke a word. How could they deny what they felt? Deny what this was?
He lifted his head and looked out over the clothes scattered across the floor.
“That is not where I thought this evening would go,” he said lightly. He eased off of her and picked up his clothes. “I’ll go get us something to eat.” He put on his pants and shirt and went to the living room to find his shoes. Valentina lay in the bed watching him leave. When the door closed behind him, she let her pent up tears fall. As much as she felt for him, could she convince him that they had a shot?
Adam came back a short time later with Thai food from the place around the corner. They didn’t talk much as they ate. After they finished, Valentina cleaned up the remnants of their dinner while Adam returned to his laptop on the couch. Valentina read in the bedroom. When she got too tired to keep reading, she readied for bed and lay down on her side of the mattress.
She fell asleep but not deeply. She woke when Adam came to bed a while later. He got under the covers silently and fell asleep facing the wall. Despite it being a queen-sized bed, Valentina felt like there was a mile of distance between them.
Chapter 14
Friday dawned and Adam and Valentina hadn’t closed the gap between them during the night. She would be leaving work at lunch today to take Adam to the airport for his flight. During the 20-minute ride to her office, Valentina was practically sick to her stomach. She couldn’t believe this was how it was going to end. This must be what it felt like to lose something precious.
She had always wondered if she would find someone to love. Would
it feel like it was described in the books? Would it be so passionate, so all encompassing? Or was that dramatic embellishment for the sake of a story? Maybe real-life love was different, calmer, less intense. Maybe you just picked the best choice at the time and didn’t chase after fairy tales.
It struck her that she could love Adam. She had hardly any time with him, but she could easily see her heart falling for him completely. This could be her storybook ending.
With a chaste kiss, Valentina headed into her office building. The hours of the morning passed with terrible slowness. She spent half the time looking out the window at the passing cars, not seeing them, and the other half of the time lamely trying to work.
Steve stopped by during the morning and poked his head into Valentina’s office.
“You ok?” he asked.
“What?” Val was startled by his appearance. Her mind had been miles away.
“You look like someone died. Are you all right?” Steve asked. Valentina had no idea what to say. She didn’t have any answers and she wasn’t one to go on about personal problems at work.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “Thanks for asking though.” Val gave Steve a little smile but her heart wasn’t in it. Inside, she was torn into little pieces.
“Ok. Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m happy to listen,” Steve said. He walked off looking at Val with a puzzled glance. Maybe she was more transparent than she realized. She could usually keep it together pretty well when she was upset, but today was like nothing she had ever felt.
After what seemed like years, it was time for Valentina to leave. She went downstairs to wait for Adam outside of her office building. He pulled up in her SUV, and she got in the passenger side. She smiled a tiny smile to gauge his mood, but he didn’t respond.
They pulled up to the airport. The gorgeous swooping lines of the terminal usually made her happy, but today her heart was breaking.
In the departures drop-off area, Adam stopped the car and got out to retrieve his bags from the back seat. Valentina followed and walked around the car to where he stood. He hardly looked at her. She felt like her heart had shattered into a thousand shards and was left behind on the dirty pavement.
She put her arms around his shoulders and leaned up on tiptoe. She could barely reach his face, but he leaned down to her. Then
she kissed him. Kissed him with all the emotion left inside her. Kissed him with all the hope that she was trying to hang onto. With all the possibility she saw in their future. He was hers, her fairytale ending.
He kissed her back, letting her hot mouth lead the kiss. She could feel him give into the kiss, as if he tried to resist at first but couldn’t stop his feelings. A single tear slid down his cheek.
Seeing his tear, Valentina started to cry. Tears leaked out and down her cheeks as she looked at him.
“I’m not giving up,” she whispered. “I know you think we have no future, but I refuse to believe this is the end. You’ve changed my life, and it can’t go back to how it was before. I don’t want it to.” With those words, she kissed him one last time and turned to get into the driver’s seat of the car.
He reached out to her suddenly and pulled her harshly against his body, plundering her mouth with his tongue. As abruptly as he grabbed her, he released her. He turned quickly and walked into the sliding doors of the airport. Without even a glance back, he was gone.
Val woodenly got back into her car and drove home. She couldn’t remember any of the turns or roads, but somehow, she arrived safely in her apartment parking lot.
She couldn’t believe he was gone. She walked in the door and headed straight for bed. She lay down on the bed on top of the covers, in her clothes with her shoes still on, and stared at the window. She didn’t have any tears left. She knew they would come again, but for now, she was numb.
Her phone buzzed in the purse on the floor. It was a text from Bri.
How are you hanging in there after dropping off Adam? Bri texted.
Not great.
Do I need to come over with ice cream or alcohol?
No. I just need some time.
Are you all right?
Valentina didn’t want to get into a recount of the fight she and Adam had and the conclusion that he didn’t want to keep trying at their relationship. She was sure she’d tell Bri all about it eventually, but she didn’t have the energy right now.
I’ll be fine. I just want to sleep it off today.
Ok. I’ll check back with you later. Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow.
Maybe.
Valentina put down her phone and gazed out the window. The trees in her view were budding and blooming. Everything was bright spring green or yellow with pollen. If you looked, you could see the pollen drifting through the air, coating everything with its yellow mess. She was just so tired. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.
Chapter 15
When Valentina woke up, her chest was tight and she could feel her emotions like a ball in her stomach. She began to sob. Not sad tears running gently down her cheeks. No, Valentina started to full-on ugly cry with heaving sobs, tears coursing down her face, snot dripping from her nose, and almost no chance to catch her breath. She sobbed for Adam, for their relationship, and for the fact that he didn’t want to try to keep her despite the distance.
She didn’t know how long she cried, but eventually, she subsided into sniffling. She blew her nose several times and looked down at herself. She had fallen asleep in her clothes and shoes on top of her bed. She could tell it was morning from the soft light coming in through the window and the growling in her stomach.
Some women lost weight when they got upset. Something about being too sad or depressed to eat. Valentina didn’t know what that was like. She stress ate, and she usually put on a couple of pounds until she got her emotions under control. This was no different. She got off the bed and headed to the kitchen. She desperately wanted a bagel. A bagel covered in butter along with a gallon of coffee. Then maybe a shower. Pajamas and a day spent under the covers sounded like the perfect plan for the day.
Once she ate and showered, she put her pajamas back on and settled herself on the couch for a long stay of doing nothing. She was surprised when her doorbell rang. She unenthusiastically heaved herself up from the sofa and lumbered over to the door. She opened it a crack and peeked out to see Bri’s face. Bri gave her a sad smile and asked to come inside.
Valentina looked down at her sloppy pink pajamas and pawed at her messy hair. She felt exhausted and puffy from crying. She loved her best friend, but Val didn’t really want to be cheered up or fussed over. She wanted to lay on the couch until she grew roots.
“Whoa,” said Bri. “You look rough.”
“No shit,” said Valentina. She turned and walked away from the door, leaving it open for Bri to walk through.
“Ok, this is clearly about more than being sad that Adam left last night,” said Bri. “What’s going on?”
Valentina started to tear up again, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “What’s going on is that he doesn’t want to try a long-distance relationship. We spent a lovely week together getting quite close and now poof, done. All over. We’re just supposed to go back to how we were before we met.”
“Ouch. That is bad. I’m guessing you thought a long-distance thing would have worked?”
“Yes,” Valentina answered. “Maybe. I don’t know, but I do know that I feel very strongly about him. I wasn’t ready to give that up, not ready to give up on us, but apparently, he’s tried the long-distance thing before and it has ended badly. He thinks that we should cut to the chase and end it now, not drag out the hurt over time.”
“I see,” said Bri. “You said you feel strongly for him. Are you in love with Adam?”
“Maybe,” said Valentina in a small voice. “I could be. He said he felt strongly for me, too. We hardly had any time together to see what it could have turned into. So, how do two people who feel so much for each other not want to try to
make something work?”
“Oh, honey,” said Bri, reaching out and enveloping Valentina into a hug. “I have no idea. I have no idea how you could bridge the distance, but I sure as heck understand wanting to keep the option on the table.”
Valentina didn’t say anything. She just sat there with Bri’s arms around her, enjoying the warmth of her best friend. Bri was always there for her. She knew just what to say, just what to do.
After a few minutes, Bri released Valentina. “Shall we watch some crappy TV? I can order some food and we can catch up on something important like Real Housewives or Property Brothers.”
Val nodded her head and cuddled up next to her best friend. Bri stayed all afternoon and into the evening, and Valentina didn’t realize how late it was until Bri mentioned dinner.
“Don’t you have plans tonight with Fritz?” asked Valentina. “It’s getting late.”
“Ummm, no,” said Bri. “We’re sort of taking a break.”
“A break? What does that mean?”
“A break as in broken up,” said Bri. “You seemed busy with Adam, so I didn’t mention it, but Fritz and I were not working out.”
“Oh, Bri, I’m sorry. Sorry that it didn’t work out and sorry I was so preoccupied that I didn’t ask you about it.”
“No problem. We weren’t that serious. It just means I’ve got to go back to start and try again.” Bri didn’t look that thrilled about the idea, but Val knew she wasn’t giving up on this idea of settling down and having a family. She guessed that Bri was just frustrated that she couldn’t seem to find a nice guy to be happy with.
A smile crept onto Valentina’s face. “I could call up Jared for you. I’m sure a nice guy like him is just waiting for a chance to settle down with someone like you.”
“What?! No way. I may want to settle down, get married, and have babies, but no way am I taking your guy.” Bri said.
Love Without Borders Page 10
