Love Without Borders

by Sammi Bennett

  Once the ESAG group was soundly beaten on the soccer field, the group boarded the van and headed back toward the city. On the way, they stopped at a boarding school that ESAG had helped with in smaller ways. They had helped build a dormitory and fix up some other buildings. The school also had wells with water pumps.

  This boarding school was not for children whose parents could afford to send them; this school was for children that had no parents, no place to live, and no school to attend. Without the ability to live at the school, many would be out on the streets.

  Val was impressed with the children at the school. They helped with cooking and cleaning, including washing their own laundry and cleaning their own dishes. This was all on top of a rigorous school schedule. The principal explained the importance of good role models to keep everyone studying diligently. The program seemed to be working. The top student in the entire country, based on countrywide exams given each year, attended and resided at the boarding school.

  Once back at the guesthouse, Val realized how dirty she had become. Even though she didn’t play in the soccer game, she was sweaty from the heat and covered in dirt from the roads. The pollution in Rwanda was worse than at home, so even the inside of her nose was coated in grime. When she took her turn in the shower, she noticed the water turned brown as she washed away the dark dirt that seemed to permeate everything wherever they went.

  At dinner, Val sat next to Jane and spoke with her about her past travels.

  “We’ve been to Rwanda several times,” said Jane. “It’s one of our favorite places. It does get dirty here with the red soil, but it’s nothing like other places. We visited more congested areas of Africa, and our snot turned black from all the air pollution. Good, old dirt is much better.” Val and Jane laughed at the image.

  “This is my first time to Rwanda and to Africa,” said Val. “I’m really enjoying it so far. Those children today were adorable. One girl was so taken with my skin, she was practically petting my arm.”

  “Yes, many of the children in the more rural communities haven’t seen very many white people,” said Jane. “We can be quite the entertainment.”

  “I see that. One girl was cracking up over my freckles. She pointed out that she didn’t have any but I had so many.”

  “The children are always one of my favorite things on these trips with Charles,” said Jane. “I taught elementary school for several years, and I just love meeting the kids here. They are so similar to kids in the US yet so different in a lot of ways.”

  “It seems that way to me, too,” said Val. “I can’t wait to see what the rest of the days hold for us.”

  She lay in bed that night thinking about all the sights, sounds, and smells of Rwanda. It was so different from home and her daily life. And yet, this was Adam’s daily life. This is what he was used to. Val wondered when she might see him. She fell asleep pondering how she felt about seeing him again.

  Chapter 22

  The next morning, the ESAG group was scheduled to visit two sites of the water project. Val watched the undulating countryside as they drove to the first location. The scenery alternated between expanses of fields and small villages with stores and internet cafes.

  They arrived at a village that was smaller than the one they visited the previous day. The homes were mostly built of mud brick, with a couple of concrete block homes with corrugated metal roofs. A few chickens and small goats roamed the dirt roads between the houses. The community didn’t appear to have a school, at least not one she could pick out, and there were fewer children that approached them. The children that did approach them were more timid, and their clothes looked more threadbare. They had no shoes, and their hair was the same close-cropped style as yesterday.

  Val and the others could see the wells and pumps in progress. There were a couple of men working on one pump when they arrived.

  This visit was much more exciting for the men of the group than yesterday’s community visit. Brian, Frank, Charles, and Jerry closely inspected the in-process wells and asked lots of questions about technical specifications and building procedures. Gogo translated for them when the questions involved the men of the village. Val listened to the conversations while she observed the village.

  After the men asked their questions, the group loaded the bus and ate their packed lunch on the way to the second village. In this village, another small community, people came out of their homes to greet the group. Luc explained where the wells and pumps would be located and which men in the village would be helping with the installation. The men had several questions here, too.

  Val noticed that almost no children came up to them in this second village. Gogo explained that the children that were not in school were busy getting water from the next town over. He explained that the boys went to school while the school-aged girls fetched water and helped out in the home. The women of the village were busy cooking and taking care of animals. The men worked in the fields or left for Kigali to find work.

  Val was fascinated with the way of life here. It was so much closer to the earth than her life back in DC. Most of the meals were cooked over open fire, even indoors, and the homes were made of mud bricks or concrete blocks with metal roofing. There was no electricity, no keeping time, and no internet access. Almost none of the things that she experienced daily. A couple of village members had cell phones, but there was little reception and they were dead most of the time from lack of electricity. They had to go to the next town to charge them and buy minutes when needed.

  Clearly, life in the rural villages of Rwanda was difficult. Working fields and tending to animals to provide for your family was not an easy task. Yet, Val wondered what it must be like to live this simpler life. She imagined concerns were fewer in number than in the first world, although those concerns tended to be more important and life impacting.

  Val thought about these things as they rode the van back toward the guesthouse. Once they entered the city of Kigali, the van took a short detour to the ESAG office. Val was surprised to see Adam board the van and take a seat in the front while they continued their journey to the guesthouse. She assumed she would see him at some point, but she wasn’t expecting him today.

  Val approached Adam as soon as they arrived.

  “Hi,” she said. “I was hoping I’d get to see you. Seemed a shame to be in the same town in Rwanda and not see you at all.” She tried to make her comments sound light.

  He gave her a tight smile. “Yes, I’m going to talk with the group about the projects going on and the ones coming up that need support. I’ll be joining you for dinner and your end-of-day recap meeting.” He walked into the guesthouse, and Val followed.

  “Adam, you can’t just leave the elephant in the room,” said Val quietly when she was standing next to him in the living room. “Are we just going to ignore what happened between us? I thought that time meant more to you. To us.”

  “I’m not ignoring it, Valentina. I am overwhelmed by my feelings for you,” he said under his breath with force. “But there is a time and a place. Right now, I need to focus on the group and the ESAG projects.”

  “Fine. I’ll be here until Friday if you want to find time to talk to me,” she said frostily. Inside, she was tearing apart. She wanted to see Adam on this trip to decide once and for all how she felt and what they should do about their relationship. She hadn’t expected him to be so cold toward her, even with the team around. Val went over and served herself a plate of food from the buffet set out for dinner.

  She sat between Charles and Jerry at the table. She started a conversation with Jerry about his possible career change. He told her how he had been in engineering for many years but was feeling a pull to give back more than money. He was thinking about either starting his own nonprofit or working for one. This trip was a way for him to learn more about on-the-ground projects and see how staff is involved.

  Jerry explained how he had done lots of research about working in international development and had
talked about it with Luc for much of the van rides today and yesterday. He said he was getting a real warts-and-all view of nonprofit work. Apparently, most nonprofits, especially international ones, preferred to use local people or highly qualified (read Masters degree or higher) foreigners. Despite the necessary educational requirements and high level of competition, the positions were not highly paid. Many people who worked in the field burned out or ended up at the US headquarters in order to advance in their career.

  Working at headquarters tended to be like any other company. They had an accounting and operations department and the jobs involved a lot of paper pushing. The business was different but not the job functions. That’s not what Jerry was looking for. He wanted hands-on work in a way that made a difference.

  “Honestly,” he said. “I’m half considering just volunteering for Habitat for Humanity on the weekends and staying put where I am.” He grinned. Jerry had a laid-back personality that seemed at odds with the other Type-A engineers Val had experienced. Usually, she thought, engineers liked to have everything precise and squared away.

  After dinner was over, the group gathered in the living room to hear Adam talk about the projects. He gave a similar presentation to the one that Val had heard more than a month ago in her office conference room. Had it really been just a month? She thought. He went into more detail now that the group had seen a couple of the project sites and had a better understanding of their work. Brian, Frank, Charles, and Jerry were active participants in the discussion, while Jane sat quietly to the side, looking out the window into the evening darkness.

  Val studied Adam as he spoke. He was just as she remembered, from his strong arms and shoulders to his light brown hair that was messed up just the right amount. He wore his favorite button-down work shirt and cargo pants. His trusty boots covered his feet. She remembered what he looked like under those clothes, and her cheeks reddened. She flashed to the feeling of his hands on her body, and she blushed even more. She looked down at her hands to keep from being too obvious, although no one was paying attention to her.

  She felt a familiar stirring in her belly, the flutter of excitement and arousal that came from being around Adam, but she also felt hesitation. After his chilly reception of her, she wondered if he still felt the same for her. Had he ever felt that way if he could brush her off so easily now?

  She tried to figure out how she felt about him. Val wasn’t sure that she could separate her feelings of excitement over a new relationship with an adventurous person from her real feelings of love. How much was infatuation? She thought about what the girls had said at brunch about their possible future. Would she give up her life in Virginia to be with Adam? Did her feelings for him outweigh her life back home? She wasn’t so sure.

  Adam finished his presentation by shaking everyone’s hand. As people retired to their rooms for the evening, Val followed Adam outside.

  “Is now the time, Adam?” she asked.

  “Now is a better time,” he said. “I don’t know what you want from me. I told you how I felt about long-distance relationships when we talked about this in your apartment. Yes, I have feelings for you. Yes, I would love to see where that could lead in a different context. But no, I am not willing to drag this out over two continents and over months and risk things ending badly.”

  “I get that,” she said. “But what if the long-distance part is short term? Is it worth it to try long-distance if we would be together in a year or so?” He looked at her intently.

  “What are you suggesting? That I move back to the States? I told you that I’m not prepared to do that. My career and this job in Rwanda have meant more to me than anything else. I feel like myself here. I can help people here. This is what I was meant to do.”

  “How long will the projects last? Will you want to take a break and work at the ESAG headquarters? Maybe you’ll want to go back to school. Or maybe I’ll decide that I want to move here. I’m suggesting that there are options.”

  “That’s a big leap,” he said. “How can we know from two weeks together and a few trips over the course of a year if you want to move here? That’s a lot of responsibility on me, too. You don’t know anyone here. You probably wouldn’t have a job here. You’d be without friends and family.”

  He continued. “I have no idea when I will go back to the States. Yes, those are possibilities, but I can’t commit to any of them right now. All I know is that I am happy here, and I’m going to be here until that changes.”

  “So that’s it? Our two weeks in DC was just a fling, and now we’re two people in two different places.”

  “If you want to think of it that way, fine. I do have feelings for you, Valentina, but those feelings aren’t enough to make me give up this life I built. If we find ourselves in the same country in the future, I’d love to take a chance on us, but I think we’re too far apart now to try to make this work.”

  “I see,” she said, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. “Well, I guess I’m glad we got to talk and that I could hear this from you in person. I had hoped that I mattered to you more than that. I wanted to hear you say that we could make it work.”

  Val walked inside the guesthouse and headed to her room. She made it almost down the hallway before the tears flowed. Val walked to the window of her room and looked out, hoping to see Adam looking back for her, but he wasn’t. She could see him standing in the middle of the paved driveway area next to the vans. He looked up at the sky for a moment, and then he walked out of the gate into the road. Val watched a moto pull up and Adam get on the back. Then he was gone, the taillights of the moto fading in the night.

  Val turned back to her bed. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with her sleeve. Their discussion had finally answered the questions about the future of their relationship. Val wanted to be first in someone’s life. She wanted to be the top priority and if that made other things difficult, they could work out those details. She knew now that she wasn’t Adam’s first priority. She didn’t want to have to talk him into a relationship with her—she wanted him to want her over all else. She came after his work and his life in Rwanda, and that wasn’t where she wanted to be. She turned out the light and climbed under the mosquito net into her bed.

  Despite the tears after Adam’s immediate rejection of her and their relationship, Val felt a growing sense of peace. She turned over in bed and closed her eyes, dropping off to sleep as she thought of the person that would put her first—Jared.

  Chapter 23

  The next day, they were scheduled to visit a school. Val packed the soccer balls and air pump she brought for them in her backpack. She was excited to see the children’s faces when she gave them her gift. Based on how kind and curious the children had been so far, she was sure they would be thrilled.

  After a two-hour ride, the van pulled up near a concrete block building with small openings for windows. There were a couple of small goats roaming outside but no children. The group got out, and Luc went to meet with the school administrators. The group went from class to class meeting the teachers and students. After visiting all the classes, the students were released for lunch. The ESAG group helped pass out the lunch of rice and beans, which Val realized was a diet staple for the students.

  ESAG had been one of the nonprofits involved with building the school. It partnered with another group that helped get each schoolchild sponsored so that donors paid for school fees, clothing, health care, and food each month. Another nonprofit helped outfit the school with supplies and books and pay teacher salaries. ESAG continued to be involved in maintenance and other projects, like the well and latrines near the school.

  Val loved handing out the lunches. She got to meet the students face to face and see their excitement about these strange visitors. Apparently, someone had told the students that there would be a soccer game with the visitors after lunch, and they were eager to beat these incoming strangers.

  While the students ate, the group used one of the empty classroom
s to eat their boxed lunches. Once everyone had eaten, the group used the air pump to inflate the soccer balls and headed to the field. The students were all there already. The field was a large patch of dirt with metal goals missing their nets. The teams were selected, and their opponents looked like stiff competition. Taller than their peers and with determined looks, these students were not going to let the group win out of kindness.

  The ESAG group was as ready as they would ever be to face the kids. The children all loved the new soccer balls, and the new ones not in use for the big game were quickly taken by other students to be used later.

  The game started innocently enough, but it was clear that the students were much better soccer players. They were fast and didn’t seem to tire or sweat like the ESAG players. The ESAG players were able to score a couple of goals, but it was after hard work and lots of sweating. The school team made scoring goals look effortless. It made Val wonder if they let the ESAG team score just to be polite.

  In the end, the ESAG team was soundly beaten, 10-2. After the first game, the ESAG team was too tired to take on a rematch, so the children quickly drew up new teams and started a game amongst themselves. The group rested on the sidelines with the other students and watched the new game begin.

  After an afternoon of games, they all were tired and sweaty but happy to have played a game that amused so many children. Those soccer balls would be well used and loved in the weeks to come.

  The trip was half over. Val felt like time was flying by. The trip was already half over. For something she was so nervous about, this trip was passing at light speed. Val was glad she was keeping a journal. She never wanted to forget the people here and the things she was experiencing. This trip would provide her with memories of adventures for quite a while.

  After coffee and breakfast the next morning, the group was scheduled to visit the brand new trade school in one of the larger communities. As the van drove out of Kigali, it stopped and picked up Adam from the ESAG office. He sat near the front, several rows in front of Val. He saw her when he boarded but didn’t make a move in her direction. Val watched him sit down and then deliberately stare out the window.