To Be Your Girl (To Be Yours Book 1)

by Rae Kennedy

  “Yup,” I confirm.

  He chuckles at me when his phone rings.

  “This is Cade... Okay... Hang on let me check.” He puts his hand up to the receiver and looks at me. “Hey, do you mind going to the restaurant with me and hanging there for an hour or so?”

  Really? “Sure.”

  His smile is warm as he turns back to his phone. “Yeah, I can come in and cover. I’ll be there soon.”

  * * *

  In the kitchen, Cade is the BOSS. I sit on a stainless steel table in the corner, swinging my legs. The kitchen at La Mer is spotless—every surface shiny. All the line cooks move at a frenzied pace but skillfully around one another like a choreographed dance. Servers rush in and out, balancing trays, yelling for orders and calling out their positions to avoid collisions. The clanks of metal ring around the room like an orchestra.

  And Cade is there in his crisp white smock firmly commanding everyone—the Conductor. They all respond quickly with a “Yes, Chef,” or a “Right away, Chef.” He looks so professional in his neat white uniform, even with the sleeves rolled up and his tattoo-covered arms exposed. I watch his face as he supervises all of the dishes being made, sending plates back that don’t meet his standards. Every once in a while, I catch his eye and he smiles and nods over at me.

  He brings me a small plate with several different things on it—a scallop, some shrimp, some angel hair pasta tossed in a light creamy broth, and a little salad with large shaves of fresh parmesan. It is all delicious.

  He comes back over, a sexy smile on his lips.

  “Here, try this.” He holds up a small, cocoa-dusted ball to my lips. I open my mouth and he puts it right on my tongue. The chocolate is rich and dark. It melts almost instantly and disintegrates with tiny bubbles. I close my eyes and hum with delight.

  “It’s our specialty dark chocolate truffle with champagne.”

  “How come you never make these for me?”

  “Woman. I cook for you all the damn time!”

  I chuckle back at his wicked smile.

  He unbuttons his smock. “You about ready to go?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m just going to go put my things away. I’ll meet you out front.”

  As I walk out through the dining room, I hear his laugh. Adam.

  I glance to my right and see the familiar brown hair that curls just over his ears. Adam’s back and broad shoulders are barely visible behind a massive column. Why is he at La Mer? On a Thursday? I walk over to him and as he comes into view, so does the pretty girl sitting at the table with him. She has smooth tan skin, wide, dark eyes and black hair. I have never seen her before, but then I realize that I haven’t actually met any of Adam’s friends. I go up and stand next to him.

  “Hi.”

  He looks at me without an ounce of recognition on his face.

  “Adam, who is this?” the pretty girl asks.

  “Who am I? I’m his girlfriend.”

  She shoots him an accusing look.

  Adam’s face is smooth and his voice steady as he tells her, “I don’t have a girlfriend.” He turns to me. “I think you’re confused.”

  What the fuck? I suddenly can’t think straight. I feel lightheaded like the room is toppling over. I am confused. What’s happening? Why is he talking to me like he doesn’t know me? Why is he looking at me like I’m crazy?

  “What’s going on here, Adam?”

  “Yes. What is going on here?” Cade steps up behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back.

  I’m cold and sickness pools in my stomach. “Is this how you’re breaking up with me?”

  The pretty girl stands abruptly and throws her napkin at Adam. “I’m leaving.”

  After she clicks away, Adam turns on me. The sneer on his face is hideous.

  “Thanks for ruining my evening. She was a sure thing, too. Unlike you.”

  I feel tears wobbling in my eyes. Don’t do it. Don’t cry.

  “You better watch your fucking mouth,” Cade growls. I can feel the tension in his body and the heat radiating off him as he moves closer to me.

  Adam turns to him like he has just realized he is there. “Hey man, it’s not my fault your girl here is a lousy lay.”

  I don’t even see Cade move from behind me but his fist connects with Adam’s face. Adam immediately brings his hands over his nose as blood starts gushing between his fingers. Cade stands rigid at my side. He puts his hand on my waist and steers me toward the doors.

  CHAPTER 11

  Cade is driving fast. I am looking out the window, trying to concentrate on anything but the tears streaming down my face. The sky is heavy and gray.

  What the fuck just happened? Adam had only ever looked at me with adoration. Today he’d looked at me like I was nothing. I grab my purse and search frantically through it for something to wipe my wet face. Nothing. Fucking perfect. Somehow staring into my purse, not finding even a receipt with which to dry my tears, makes me feel completely defeated. That’s it. I start to break down. My body shudders with sobs. Then Cade’s hand is in front of me, with a napkin.

  “I’m sorry...” Sob. “...I’m such a mess.” I feel so stupid.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re the last person in this situation who needs to apologize.”

  “Maybe he’s right. I’m awful in bed.” I begin bawling into my hands even harder.

  “Look at me,” Cade says. I keep my head down. “Fuck!”

  He slams on the breaks, takes my chin in his hand and turns me toward him. His light blue eyes dig right into mine, his face close.

  “Trust me. It’s not you.”

  I stare into his face. He does not falter for one second.

  “Believe me?”

  I give a slight nod and he releases my chin. He drives forward, looking at me while still trying to keep an eye on the road.

  He looks pained. “Haley?”

  I hiccup in response.

  “So you did actually sleep with him?”

  I make eye contact with him for just a second and nod, then look away quickly. I can’t stand the disappointment on his face. I feel so ashamed. The sobs are now wracking my entire body. I am full-on ugly crying in front of Cade. I want to die. He puts his hand lightly on my shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. He is trying to figure out how to calm me down without any success.

  After a few minutes, my shaking subsides and I am able to catch my breath.

  “Was the sex really that bad?”

  Why is he asking this?

  I don’t want to talk about it. But I am able to answer shakily between cries.

  “I don’t know. I mean, it didn’t hurt.”

  “It didn’t hurt? Fuck.” He hits the steering wheel with his palm. “It should be so much more than that.” The muscles tick under his jaw. “I swear to fucking God, if it was any other restaurant I would go back there and beat the living shit out of him.”

  I shake my head at him. “He’s not worth it.”

  He really isn’t.

  “You’re right.” But his knuckles are still white as he grips the wheel.

  * * *

  When we get home, I feel like a zombie. I miss the hook when I go to hang up my coat and it falls to the floor. This makes me cry again. Cade hurries in behind me. He hangs up my coat then wraps his arms around me. My hands are balled up under my chin, my head against his chest, getting his shirt wet. I lean into him. I feel like I might collapse but he holds me up.

  We stand there in that embrace for a long time. No words, just an understanding that he is going to hold me as long as I need him to. He’s warm and his arms are solid. He rests his chin on my head and I take a big calming breath, inhaling his scent as I do. He smells like fresh laundry. My cries disintegrate into the occasional hiccup and he walks me to my bedroom.

  I immediately crawl on my bed and coil into a ball. I am surprised when I feel the bed dip behind me under Cade’s weight. He curls around me and we lay cuddled on top of the covers for
over an hour.

  I watch the sky outside my window go from a hazy slate to a deep midnight blue. My eyelids are swollen and sore. My actual eyeballs ache. Is that possible? I close them and then all I am aware of is the soft velvety blanket under my skin and Cade’s body heat against me—his slow breathing on my neck and his hands clasped over mine, holding tight to my chest.

  “You should probably get changed and go to sleep,” he whispers.

  Suddenly I am freezing as he moves to get off the bed. I sit up and watch him walk toward the door. He is leaving. I feel my chest lurch forward, my body begging to be near his again. I feel more tears fill my eyes. I can’t find my breath. Or words. All I want is to plead with him to stay.

  When he reaches the door, he turns to look at me, his beautiful blue eyes so calm until he sees my face.

  “You change and get ready for bed. I’ll be right back. Promise.”

  He thinks I am still crying over Adam. I’m not. Adam made me feel like a total idiot. But in this moment, I don’t even miss him. It is the thought of Cade leaving that frightens me. I want him to stay. To be with me.

  I change and pee and brush my teeth. I think about keeping my sweats on, but they always get bunched up to my knees and make me too hot if I sleep in them, so I slide them off and get under the covers in just my underwear and sleep tank. It is cold between the sheets.

  Cade comes in a few minutes later in short white boxer briefs, his chiseled chest gloriously bare. He turns off the light and walks over to me slowly. Only a hint of light from the window glints off his pecs and over the tattoos on his shoulders. My heart is suddenly beating forcefully against my chest as he pulls the covers back and gets into bed with me.

  Without even asking, he pulls me to him. I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. His hands are firm against my back and our bare legs are instantly entwined. I squeeze my arms around his waist—his skin is perfectly smooth against mine.

  “Are you feeling better now?” he whispers.

  “Yes,” I breathe back. I hope that doesn’t mean he is going to leave again.

  He doesn’t.

  We stay wrapped around each other. He slowly slides his hand up to the back of my neck and squeezes it gently. I don’t even realize I exhale a quivering moan until it happens.

  “You’re so tight.”

  Apparently.

  He begins rubbing his thumb and middle finger in small circles on either side of my neck at the base of my skull. It feels amazing. My lips are parted and I am breathing heavily against his collarbone. He brings his other hand up and begins kneading down my neck to my shoulders. I can feel the tension leaving my body and my head falls limply down, my forehead pressing hard against his chest.

  “Wow, you really need this. Turn over and I’ll give you a real massage.”

  I don’t even think about protesting. I turn to my stomach and nestle my face in the pillows. Cade reaches over and rubs some of the lotion I have on my nightstand between his hands. Then he comes back over, straddling me. His fingers slide easily around my neck, his thumbs moving up and down in long, slow strokes. The lotion is sweet and smells like almonds.

  He rubs down my shoulders, his thumbs moving in deep circles. The pressure is agonizingly pleasurable. He massages all up and down my arms and then down to my hands, massaging each individual finger to the tip. I have never felt so soothed or relaxed in my life. Cade might give the best massages in the known universe.

  He inches the bottom of my shirt up just a little and begins kneading my low back, just above the rim of my panties. The excruciating ache in my groin is instantaneous. I press my thighs together as the tingling begins to spread. I squirm and he asks if I am all right. Shit. I mumble, “Yes” into the pillow. I want him to continue. I decide to make it easier for him and without thinking I reach for my shirt and strip it off over my head. The air is chilly against my bare back but my breasts are safely pressed against the mattress.

  I feel him freeze over me. He is hesitating. Balls. I hope I didn’t just ruin this.

  I hear him dispense some more lotion and then his hands are back on me. He works up and down my whole back, kneading with his knuckles hard then rubbing over again soothingly with his palms. His long fingers massage down the sides of my ribs and slide back up, grazing the edges of my breasts. A zing of electricity shoots down the backs of my thighs and puddles behind my knees.

  Cade’s hands are strong and warm, moving over my bare skin, applying pressure in all the right spots. I am completely peaceful and I can feel the temptation of sleep tugging at my limbs. I don’t want it to end, but before I know it I am out.

  * * *

  When I wake, I am still on my stomach, the covers tucked up to my chin. The room is all white with the soft morning light filtering in through the window. As my eyes absorb the light, Cade’s face comes into focus on the pillow next to me. He is awake. And looking right at me.

  “Morning.” He looks blissful.

  “You haven’t been watching me all night, right? Because that would be creepy.”

  I am glad I can make him laugh.

  “No, I swear. You just finally looked so peaceful while you were sleeping, it’s beautiful to watch.” Beautiful? “And I wanted to make sure you were all right. I care about you.”

  “You care about me?” Yeah, like a little sister, remember?

  “Of course I do.” His small shy smile appears. Is he blushing? He’s making my stomach flutter and it gives me a sudden hope.

  I have to ask. “You mean you care about me like a big brother.” Right?

  He looks at me, completely earnest. “No. My feelings for you are nothing like a brother’s.”

  Feelings? Holy shit. Suddenly my heart is in my throat, I can feel the pulse of my blood moving to the surface of all of my skin. All of it.

  Cade has non-brother-like feelings for me? The words are in my head and then they just pour out of my mouth.

  “Do you like me?”

  He swallows hard, the little crease appearing over his nose. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  Honestly, the signals I have been getting are kinda mixed. He moves like he is going to reach for me, but then stops. Maybe remembering I’m practically naked. And so is he.

  Does he like me in that way? I have to know.

  “Do you want me?” I’m not even thinking when I say it.

  “Fuck.”

  “Well?”

  We stare at each other for a moment.

  He is so clearly being torn to pieces, but I need to know. This may be my only shot.

  “Do you want me or not?”

  He looks at me fiercely, jaw clenched. Is he going to reject me again?

  I can’t stop myself. “Because, Cade—you can have me.”

  He closes his eyes, his face contorts in pain. He is. He is going to say no. He doesn’t want me. I am mortified. He lets out a long sigh and opens his eyes. My eyes lock on his clear blue ones just for a second before he reaches his hand to my face and pulls me to him.

  “I want you.”

  Then our lips crash together and he is kissing me, hard. Hard but his lips are so soft, his skin smells so clean and his mouth tastes so sweet.

  He slides his hands down my bare back and crushes me against him. I am intensely aware that my naked breasts are pressed against his smooth chest and I cling to him. His fingertips glide up my spine, stopping to wrap behind my neck, his thumb stroking my cheek. His mouth is devouring mine.

  Gradually, I can feel his control come back as his soft lips press slow and deliberately against mine. He pulls away, sucking my bottom lip just long enough for me to catch a breath before his lips are back over mine, his tongue confidently sweeping into my mouth. Holding me firmly, he rolls me onto my back, his hard body covering mine. The weight of him and his hot skin touching mine is glorious.

  When he pulls away this time, he bites my bottom lip. The hint of pain is exquisite. Our faces are just an inch apart. My chest is heaving as I try to ste
ady my breathing. He sweeps a piece of hair from my forehead as he looks into my eyes.

  “Hale, I’ve wanted you since the second I saw you. Standing there in the hall, you were the cutest little thing I’d ever seen. And off limits. Tuck made sure I knew just how off limits you were.”

  Tuck told him I was off limits? That sounds about right.

  “Then you smiled at me and I was wrong. You weren’t cute—you were gorgeous. Then the next day in the kitchen in your underwear—fuck. I had a hard-on all morning.”

  I’m smiling big.

  He smiles back at me, a heart-breaking smile, as he continues. “I was surprised at how much I liked you, just being around you, and how much I wanted to protect you. And I knew I needed to protect you from me. Then all of a sudden you had a boyfriend, and I was so mad that he got to be with you and I didn’t. I didn’t realize how much I wanted you until we danced, and I almost kissed you... I thought if I pushed you away, I could keep my promise to Tuck. But I missed you too much.”

  I don’t have any words. So I kiss him, holding his face in my hands I can feel the stubble along his jaw. I feel his body melt against mine as our lips meet.

  A door shuts in the hallway. Tuck’s footsteps are unmistakable as they pass my room.

  “Shit. I should go.” Cade moves away but I hold tight to him.

  “I don’t care what Tuck thinks.”

  He chuckles quietly. “Yeah, well, you’re his sister. He won’t murder you. Just... Not like this at least.”

  “Okay,” I agree.

  He squeezes his eyes shut when he kisses my lips quickly then I let him go. After he leaves, my tiny bed suddenly feels enormous.

  * * *

  I get dressed and ready for class. I have one more test this morning that I—surprise!—haven’t studied at all for but I’m not even thinking about that. When I get to the kitchen, Tuck and Cade are sitting at the table with a heaping plate of fluffy yellow scrambled eggs and a pile of steaming pancakes. Normally, I would be ecstatic that Tuck is having breakfast with us—today, all I want is to get Cade alone again.

  As Tuck talks about the merger at his firm and his date with Ali that night, I feel a nudge against my foot. I glance over to Cade. He is smiling wickedly at me. A smile takes over my whole face. I kick him back under the table and try to steady my expression as Tuck looks at me. He is asking me a question about how my classes are going but it is hard to concentrate and act normal at the same time Cade is rubbing his foot up and down my calf.