To Be Your Girl (To Be Yours Book 1)

by Rae Kennedy

  “It was no big deal. Really, I’ve done it so many times.”

  “Take bleeding girls to the hospital?” Now, I’m confused.

  “Oh, no. Uh, I mean donating blood.”

  “You donated blood? For me?”

  “Yeah.” He waves it off. “Like I said, it was no big deal.” He gives me a tight smile and looks away, clearing his throat.

  “Cade?”

  He turns back to me.

  I almost startle to see the sorrow so clearly pouring out of his eyes. “What happened?”

  He takes a long breath.

  “The roads were icy. As we passed through an intersection, a car coming from the other side couldn’t stop. They slid right into the front of my car, on the driver’s side.” He’s looking past me as if he is seeing it happen again. “It wasn’t that bad, but...then we were stuck. And you were losing so much blood. You were so white. I’ve never felt so helpless.” He swallows hard, his eyebrows furrowing into a pained expression. “I’ve never been so terrified in my life.”

  I smile at him, trying to relax him a little. I can’t tell if it works.

  “We finally made it here and then, ha!” He throws his head back and rakes his hands through his hair. “They call this a hospital? It’s a glorified doc-in-the-box. They have no trauma ward and with the shortages, they didn’t have enough blood!”

  “They didn’t?”

  He shakes his head. “Did you know your blood type is O-negative?”

  “No.” Then I remember. “Just like yours, right? The universal donor.”

  “Yeah, that’s the good thing about O-negative. The bad part is O-negative’s can only receive other O-negative blood. They didn’t have very much on hand. They gave you what they had but were going to have to life-flight you into the city. But then...” He chokes up a bit but then waves it off, putting on a smile for me again. “You know what, never mind. You’re here and you are going to be fine and that’s all that matters.”

  “Cade. Tell me.”

  His jaw clenches and his foot taps quickly on the floor. He gulps and clears his throat but his voice still comes out a little shaky. “I heard a nurse say she didn’t think you’d be able to make the flight.” He blinks rapidly and lets out a heavy breath.

  I’m frozen. Eyes wide. Mouth open.

  “It was a no-brainer. I made them take my blood.”

  All of my breath exits my lungs. It comes out sounding like a whimper. Cade takes my unencumbered hand in both of his.

  “I’m so sorry.” His face contorts as he tries to find words. “I’m sorry I was such a coward when I broke it off. I just want to be with you.” He’s searching my face for my reaction.

  I want to reach for him, feel him in my arms, yell hallelujah, and take him back instantly. But then I get the flashback of him walking out my door. Not turning back. Then of him kissing that girl at the party.

  I’m tired of not being in control of my life. He doesn’t get to suddenly decide when it’s okay to be together. And neither does Tuck.

  “No.”

  His entire face and shoulders fall. Broken. “What?”

  “You left. You just left me. I wasn’t worth fighting for.”

  “You are. I just didn’t know how.”

  I’m fighting back tears. “I don’t buy it.”

  “I...it’s hard to ex... I don’t know how to make you understand.” He looks lost. “Tuck is the brother I never had. I was still trying to figure things out when we met. Then he took me in, kept me straight. He’s just always been so...put together. Honest. Loyal. And the one thing he asked when you moved in was to not fuck with you.”

  “Were you just fucking with me?”

  He winces at my words, but says resolutely, “No.”

  “What about that girl at the party. Aren’t you dating her?”

  He looks a little confused and then straightens. “No. I mean she keeps inviting me to things, but no.”

  “You were kissing her.”

  He nods, his jaw clenching again. “I saw you hanging all over Court’s roommate and I got pissed. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not good enough, Cade.” I feel a tear hit my cheek and I am so mad at my stupid body for betraying me.

  “I know. Fuck. I know I don’t deserve another chance. But I need it. I promise I’ll never let you down again.” He’s practically begging and I feel another tear fall. I have to stay strong. I will not be mistreated. Not by him, or any man. Ever again.

  “Cade, I...I was just starting to feel normal again.” I am nowhere close to normal yet. He’s looking at me and I can see his eyelids start to quiver as his eyes become glossy. I wipe two more tears from my cheek. “You were right before. You’ll only hurt me in the end.”

  A single tear spills over from his crystal blue eye and hits his smooth cheek. “Haley, please.”

  I pull my hand away from him and cover my eyes. It’s all I can do to hold it together. The tears start to become uncontrollable.

  “Please leave.” I can’t do this anymore. I can’t see him, hear him, be near him. It hurts too much.

  He whispers, “I love you.”

  I smash my hands over my eyes and roll away from him on the bed. There is a sharp pinch in my hand from the IV. I can barely push out my breath to say, “Go. Please.”

  And he does. It takes him a minute to get up from the chair. I can feel him stand over me. I’m grateful he doesn’t say anything. I can’t bear any more. His footsteps retreat to the door and as soon as it closes behind him, I let out the wail I’ve been holding in.

  CHAPTER 23

  Tuck helps me up to the house, even though I’ve told him I can manage. My arm has twenty-eight stitches, not my legs, I told him. But I didn’t want to admit that my head is still a bit fuzzy and I feel like passing out every time I stand up too fast. So he has his arm around my middle and I don’t protest too much as he helps me up the uneven steps.

  “Do you need anything to eat? Drink?” Tuck asks as we step inside.

  Everything looks the same, but somehow the feeling in here is different. Like I’ve been gone years instead of days.

  “No, I just want to rest.”

  “Sure.”

  In my room, I change into my most comfortable sweats and get lost under the fluffy blankets and the smell of the freshly cleaned sheets. Tuck brings me a tall glass of water with my pain meds and watches as I take them down. I love mother-hen Tuck. Even when she hovers.

  I sleep all day. And all night. I wake up and it is black outside. I pull the covers up over my cold ears and nose and roll over to continue my slumber when I hear muffled voices in the hall. Deep, male ones. It’s a little late for Tuck to have someone over, especially when he has work in the morning. I’m too tired to think any more of it before drifting back to sleep.

  When I wake up, the glass of water is full. Two pain pills sit beside it and a little note,

  Take your pills. No arguments. – Tuck.

  I roll my eyes and take the damn pills. I’m starving and I need to pee. I take care of the latter then shuffle to the kitchen, still drowsy.

  The fridge is open. All I can see is his hand on the handle. I didn’t realize Tuck was still here. Maybe he’s going in late so he can keep an eye on me. Then I see a little of the arm attached to that hand. And the myriad of black and gray tattoos covering it.

  Cade closes the fridge just as I step into the kitchen, his arms full of eggs, milk, butter, and a bunch of fresh herbs.

  “Mornin,’ sunshine.” He flashes me a huge grin, showing off his perfectly straight white smile. “Eggs?”

  I’m pretty sure I have been standing here staring at him like an idiot for an hour. Okay, maybe two minutes. And apparently, he is very amused, chuckling at me as he gets a skillet out of the drawer.

  I finally clear the giant lump in my throat. “What are you doing here?”

  “Right now? I’m making us some eggs.” He points across the counter. “Sit.”

  Being so
used to following his commands in the kitchen, I find myself sitting before I even realize I have obeyed.

  “This”—he shakes the new skillet at me—“is a fucking piece of shit. Like, I’m going to throw it away.” But he turns on the burner and cracks the eggs into the shit skillet nonetheless.

  “No. I mean what are you doing here? In my house.”

  He looks at me, cocking his head. “What do you mean? I live here.” He gives me his devilish sexy smirk and continues making us eggs.

  They are fucking delicious.

  When we are done, Cade stands, takes my plate and heads to the sink.

  “I’ll help.” I go to stand but he stops me.

  “I’ve got these. You should stay off your feet.”

  “Oh my gosh, boys. I’m fine.” But then I buckle a little as I stand up, bracing myself with the table. Cade rushes over and steadies me.

  “Come on, you should go rest.”

  “That’s all I’ve been doing for the last three days. I don’t want to go back to bed.”

  His face is close to mine, studying me. His eyes are light and clear. “Fine. But if you’re staying up, you need to go change.”

  “Why?”

  He leans in close, his warm breath at my cheek. His lips barely graze my earlobe as he speaks.

  “Because. You know what these fucking sweatpants do to me.”

  * * *

  “What the hell, Tuck?” I whisper-yell at him, huddled in my room.

  He chuckles at me from the other end of the phone. “So, you’re not happy about Cade moving back in?”

  “No! You didn’t even tell me!”

  “Sorry. I thought it would be a good thing.”

  “No, I told him at the hospital we aren’t getting back together. You were right. Even though it still makes me furious, what you did. He doesn’t know how to be in a relationship”

  “Are you sure? I’m not so sure.”

  “What? Are you kidding me?”

  “I think you should give him another chance.”

  I don’t know how to respond. It’s like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Tuck wants me and Cade together now?

  “Gaahhh!” I hang up on him just as a knock comes at my door.

  “Haley.” Cade’s deep voice rolls through my walls. “I’m leaving for work. Do you need anything before I go?”

  I’m about to have a breakdown. “No.” The floor squeaks as he shifts his weight. I hold my breath so I can hear him. After a few seconds, he walks away and then I hear the front door close.

  * * *

  Waking up the next morning, I need a shower. Bad.

  I run the water hot and when I see steam emerging past the curtain I step in, letting the heat soak over my body and relax all of my muscles.

  The bathroom door opens. I hear him walk across the floor and the ting of the toilet lid being lifted. Really? I stick my head out of the curtain and, yep. There is Cade, barebacked and all lean muscle under his tattooed skin, his ass in tight charcoal gray boxer briefs and nothing else. Goddamn his perfect little ass.

  “Still trying to sneak a peek, huh?” He says over his shoulder as he starts to pee.

  Embarrassed, I retreat back into the shower. “Shut up!”

  “Does that mean I get to look as well?” I can hear the devilish grin in his voice.

  “No!” I don’t know why my heart is beating so fast.

  As he leaves, he stops at the door. “Let me know if you need any help in there.”

  “Get out!” I know he’s just being facetious but the thought does cross my mind for a second that with only one good arm, I could use some help washing my hair. But I’m not admitting that to him.

  I shampoo my hair, albeit slow and inefficiently, and definitely much better on one side than the other, but I do it. See, I knew I could. But when I lean my head back to rinse out my hair, I feel like I’m spinning. My eyes can’t focus and before I realize it, my tail bone hits the bottom of the tub hard with a thud and then I land on my back. Fucking ouch. It’s so slippery and the water is spraying my face. I’m disoriented and not sure which way is up. My arm aches and I double-check that I didn’t tear any stitches.

  Cade rips the shower curtain open. “Hale! Are you okay?”

  I’m lying in the shower, naked. I feel more embarrassed than injured. I meet his eyes. They are filled with worry.

  “I just got a little dizzy.”

  He is still wearing only his tight tiny boxer briefs but he steps in quickly, and without me asking, he lifts me up. “Let me help you.”

  Then, without any of the cockiness or teasing he displayed just a few minutes ago, he steadies my hands on his shoulders and starts rinsing my hair. I watch his face as he massages his fingers into my scalp and then runs his fingers through my hair, wringing my long locks out under the water. He is focused on his task, keeping his eyes on top of my head, not once glancing down to my bare breasts, heaving and slippery wet just inches away from his naked chest. My nipples are hard and needy, so close to him, yearning to feel the pressure of his palms against them. My heart is racing and I can feel the blood pulsating to all of my extremities.

  Why does my body respond so easily to his presence?

  Next, he kneads in my conditioner and when my hair is thoroughly rinsed, and his gaze returns to mine. He gives me a little smile. He reaches for the washcloth and squeezes a good amount of my peach vanilla body wash over it. He’s going to wash me. I’m thankful the water is so warm it has turned all of my skin pink so he won’t notice me flush.

  My lips part and I try to steady my breath as he brings the cloth across my shoulders and down my arms. The cloth tickles as it brushes the insides of my elbows and wrists. His eyes are on my body, going over every inch of skin as the washcloth follows, across my chest and down between my breasts.

  A small whimper escapes my lips as he brings the cloth up over my breast, cupping it with his hand and caressing over my nipple. He can surely feel my heart thumping behind it. He doesn’t linger but I can tell he is affected too. He bites his plump bottom lip as he moves to wash my other breast. He sweeps the cloth down my sides and across my quivering tummy before putting more body wash on the towel. He turns the water up and it is almost too hot against my sensitive skin.

  Then he drops to his knees in front of me, his face at my navel. I’m glad my hands are on his shoulders because I’m not sure I can stand on my own. He has to notice my legs shaking as he washes the outside of my thighs, calves, and both feet. He brings the washcloth up the inside of my leg slowly. When he reaches my knee, I spread my feet just a little wider, allowing him farther up. Cade pauses for a moment but then continues, dragging his hand up the inside of my thigh.

  My whole body throbs, but nothing more so than the hyperactive pulsating between my legs. My clit aches—it’s almost painful. My insides are clenching as he reaches the apex of my thigh, desperate for some pressure, hoping he’ll provide it. The water has soaked his boxers so they cling to his body like a second skin and I can clearly see his excruciatingly large erection between his legs. Fuck. He skims the cloth over my sex briefly on the way to the other leg, and the roughness of the terrycloth over my swollen clitoris makes me gasp and my fingers dig into Cade’s shoulders.

  “Sorry,” he whispers.

  Doesn’t he know I liked it? Can’t he tell I want more? Need it, even. But I know it’s not right to ask him for it.

  He washes the rest of me carefully, gently. When he’s done, he turns off the water and wraps me in a large soft towel, drying me off quickly.

  “Thank you,” I mouth to him.

  I hold on to his arm as I step out of the shower. He stays inside.

  “Are you okay to get dressed on your own?” His face looks pained.

  I nod.

  “Good.” His smile is tight. “I’m going to take a shower then.”

  I can’t keep my eyes from dropping, looking at his gigantic and obviously very uncomfortable hard-on. He sees me staring and
I don’t do anything to mask my fascination.

  “Yeah,” he says, clearly addressing the elephant in his shorts. “And I’m going to take care of this.”

  I imagine him masturbating. Because of me. For me. His hand stroking up and down his length. The throb between my legs constricts tightly. He moves to close the curtain but I don’t want him to.

  “Can I watch?”

  His face falls, desperate, and he clutches his stomach in agony. “Fuck, Hale.” It comes out guttural.

  He seems conflicted but he rips off his shorts, not being able to take it anymore. His erection springs free. He is bent over, one arm straight out, leaning against the shower wall while his other hand is firmly around the base of his engorged cock. He grunts and gasps for unsteady breath as he drives his fist up and down his erection, squeezing, pulling, rocking his hips. His arms flex under all of his black ink.

  The tip of his penis is red and swollen, the skin shiny and taut—I want to touch it. But I don’t. Watching him, raw, vulnerable, and so intensely overcome with sexual desire sends electric shocks up my spine and makes me lusty. I can feel my little pebble, hard and beating waves of pleasure back through my entire body. My towel drops to the floor as I touch my most sensitive spot, applying the pressure I need. I’m openly moaning with Cade and I think I might come with him. I can tell he is getting close as his speed becomes more frantic.

  He grabs the knob and turns the hot water on over his body, and I watch him come, expelling into the water, his abs contracting as he whimpers. My release comes too. I’m barely able to stand as the sizzle under my skin starts to subside.

  Then he looks at me. He’s panting and spent. His eyes are so beautiful but empty. He's not embarrassed, ashamed? The hot water is streaming down his face and torso. He closes his eyes and shuts the curtain.

  * * *

  I’ve been sitting on the couch for almost an hour. I’m not sure what just happened, or what’s going to happen next when Cade comes out of his room. My stomach is in a bundle.