Dear Diary,
Blice proposed! All my dreams are finally coming true. How does Leena McSage sound? Leena McSage. I can't wait. He is so handsome with those mystical purple eyes. He's an inquisitor so I know I will be safe from those rogue M.A.G.E.s. He's my knight in shining armor and I love him so much. He is the perfect gentleman. He even gave me a ring. It has some sort of Inquisition magic, but I haven't figured it out and he won't tell me. He said it is the most important thing he has and I deserve to have it because he loves me so much. How romantic is that? Eliza is coming over tonight and we are going to start all the preparations for the wedding. Who knew that an orphaned slave girl from the wasteland would be marrying an inquisitor and moving to Paradise with a big fancy Paradise wedding? I really am like one of those princesses in the stories we used to read. Well, Blice is singing again and I want to go dance for him. I will write more details about the wedding when my future husband isn't being so perfect. Bye.
Is that about the same Blice McSage? So he was a liar even back then. Terrible. The next one he finds interesting also makes him feel sick again. He almost can't read it, but he does.
Dear Diary,
My writing is terrible because I am trying to write in the dark and not wake up Blice. He doesn't know that I'm bleeding all over the bathroom floor. If he found out, he would probably just inject me with more of that stuff. Every time he does it, my insides feel like they are on fire. Then he tells me to use my regeneration magic on myself so I won't pass out. I can't keep doing this every day. It's partially my fault, though. I haven't told him to stop because I'm scared he will get angry and abandon me. We just moved to Paradise and our wedding is coming up in a week. I can't chance losing him now. He doesn't realize how much pain I'm in. He told me to tell him if I needed to stop, but I haven't. I know he loves me and doesn't want me to be hurting, but I want to be good for him and do what he wants. Blice asks me all the time if I am doing okay. I lie and tell him that I want to do it again. He seems happy but like he doesn't fully believe me. Once he said he thought I was in pain and I lied again. Hopefully if I survive until after our wedding, I can tell him the truth and this will stop. I have to clean this up. I think he's awake. Time to pretend to be the perfect fiancé for him.
Byron closes the notebook. He can't read any more right now. The rest will have to wait until he has a lot more to drink. Now he just feels like vomiting and forgetting what he just read. No wonder Leena never wanted to talk to him about her past. This gives Byron even more of a reason to kill McSage. He will do it. If it takes him his entire life to hunt him down again, Byron swears to Leena that he will kill Blice McSage in the most painful way possible. He will suffer and he will know the full scope of Byron's hatred and rage. No one who does these things to innocent people deserves to live.
24
Byron wakes up from his slightly intoxicated nap and discovers that they are no longer near Rubble City. He stretches and looks out the window. They are at the shack with the computers in the basement.
"Do you always fall asleep after you drink?" Damien asks from the front seat.
"I guess so. Where's Isidore?"
"He's inside. He said he wanted to try to get the computers running again. They stopped working when I came over here and tried to look for some more information."
"How long has he been gone?" Byron asks.
"About an hour."
"I'm going to go check on him."
"Okay. Have fun in the dark with some broken computers. There's no way to get it running again. It went into lockdown after some security program kicked in."
Byron goes inside and down the stairs. The lights on the computers seem to be working. Isidore is sitting at one with a cable running from it to the back of his head. He is typing and looking through some data on the screen. "I thought Damien said this place was shut down."
"Hey, Byron." Isidore says. "I got it working again."
What is going on in here? This seems dangerous. That's the computer that hurt him before. "Isidore? What's that?"
"When I was taken by the Inquisition, they put in a USB port so I can connect to other computers. I thought I told you that already."
"What are you doing with that?"
"Trying to reprogram myself." He says as he types.
"Reprogram to do what?" Byron asks.
"To forget that I'm human." Isidore says. "I don't want to feel anymore. The human side of me makes me weak. The only things that have ever cared about me are machines and computers. I want to be like them. I don't want to be controlled by the way I feel or what I think."
"You can't do this. You are a human being."
Isidore turns to Byron. "Am I? Am I really? You will never understand what I go through. No one will ever understand except for the other T.I.M.E.s."
"I can try to understand if you will talk to me about it."
The lights flicker and the computer makes a loud beeping sound. Isidore falls out of the chair and collapses on the floor.
"Isidore? What did you do?" Byron runs upstairs and shouts to Damien. "Damien! Isidore's down." He goes back to Isidore and removes the cable then tries to wake him up.
Damien runs downstairs and goes to Isidore. He feels his neck. "There's no pulse. What happened?"
"He tried to connect to the computer again."
"Damn it. If he survives this, I'm going to kill him myself." Damien rips open Isidore's shirt and places his hands on his chest and sends a couple of pulses of electricity into him. He leans down and listens to his chest. "This isn't working."
"What can I do?"
"Just be quiet and let me think. It's probably not his human side that is messed up. Hand me that orange cable over there. This is the first and only time I will ever thank the Inquisition for anything." He takes it and connects it to the computer then to Isidore's port. He jumps up in a chair and begins furiously typing and pulling up files. "There has to be a way to get this reversed. How is he doing this? Wait, I found the files that he just downloaded. If I free up some memory, he should wake back up and start working again. His brain is overloaded and it can't function normally."
"How long can he survive without his heart beating?" Byron asks.
"We only have a few minutes at best. I'm working as fast as I can. Come on. Come on, damn it. Thirty percent complete."
"It's been four minutes."
"I know." Damien says. "You reminding me isn't going to make this go any faster. Forty percent."
"Five minutes."
"Shut up, Byron!" Damien screams at him.
Byron goes to Isidore and watches him closely as the minutes tick by and nothing happens. He's not losing anyone else.
"That's it. It's done. Tell me he's breathing."
Byron places his hand on Isidore's chest. No breathing, no heartbeat. "Nothing. His heart isn't even beating."
"We warned him. We warned him not to mess with this stuff and he goes and does it anyway. I'm out of answers. There's nothing else I can do. If that didn't work, then nothing will. How long has it been?"
"Eight minutes."
Damien sighs. "That's it, then."
Byron jumps when Isidore grabs his hand. "He's moving."
"Thank God."
Byron takes Isidore in his arms and helps him sit up.
Isidore rubs his eyes. "What happened?"
"You overloaded your microchip again." Damien says. "What part of a guaranteed death sentence don't you understand?"
"I died?"
"Never, ever, ever mess with your microchip." Damien says.
"I know what I'm doing." Isidore says.
"If you know what you're doing, then why were you dead for eight minutes?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "Mistakes happen, even with technology."
"You have to start viewing yourself as human. We can't keep restarting you."
"But I'm not human at all. I thought you would see that by now."
"Who told you that nonsense?" Damien asks as he an
alyzes the data on the screen.
"Well, my brain is seventy-five percent computer, right? That means that I'm technically mostly computer with a human body."
"Even if your brain was fully a computer, you would still have this body that you have to take care of and preserve. If you die, what do you think happens to the computer side of you? It dies too. They are connected and merged into one hybrid being. There is no way to separate them. You have to find the balance."
"Maybe I don't want to be both." Isidore says.
"What are you saying?"
"He wants to be only a computer and forget about the human side of his brain." Byron says.
"Why would you want that?"
"Forget about it. It's not important."
"What happened to you?" Byron asks. "Did the Inquisition do or say something to you when you were there? This isn't like you, Isidore. You've been acting strange since we escaped the Inquisition."
Isidore plays with the watch around his wrist. "Do I have a virus? Can you tell? I haven't been feeling very well. Sometimes I have an intense ringing in my ears and some numbers flash in my mind and won't go away. Then I'll have strange dreams and not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. I've found that for some reason alcohol makes it worse."
Damien picks up the orange cable and hands it to Isidore. "Plug this into your USB port again and we will see what you have going on in there."
He does and watches the screen. "So? See anything?"
Damien shakes his head. "I can't tell. Your files are so messed up, there's no way for me to know what's supposed to be there and what's not. Not only that, but this code isn't normal. It's something I've never seen before. I guess whoever was programming you made their own code. This is unreadable. I'm sorry. I know some stuff, but not enough to deal with this."
"Okay."
"You are basically a buggy, corrupted data storage device right now." Damien says. "Until we get you an operating system, there's not much more I can do for you. I mean, I guess we can try to treat your symptoms if it is affecting you human body."
"I can't sleep." Isidore says. "Does that count as a symptom? I guess I should come clean about something. I had been taking sleeping pills that Blice gave me, but he's no longer here so I can't sleep at all. I thought that maybe drinking would help, but that only made the ringing sound and numbers come back."
"Then we'll get you some more sleeping pills." He turns away from the screen and reaches into his pocket. "I have another idea. How long has it been since you took one of your clear pills?"
"They are too expensive to make. I know that I was promised free pills, but they couldn't make that work. I haven't had one since we left prison. The strange time reliving stuff happens mainly at night, hence why I can't sleep." Isidore says.
"I wonder if it would help at all if we gave you one of my pills."
"Electricity? I don't know if that's a good idea."
"It's better than trying Byron's." Damien says and holds up a purple pill.
Isidore stands and disconnects the cord. "This doesn't sound safe at all."
"What if he took one of each kind?" Byron asks.
Isidore backs up to the door. "Are you trying to kill me? How would taking that help at all?"
"Know how I learned what I do about computers?" Damien asks. "Trial and error. You're a computer, so I figured we could experiment."
"Oh, perfect. So you are just going to do whatever you want and not give me a choice? What if I get seriously injured?"
"You injured yourself earlier. What's the difference?"
"Don't do this, please." Isidore starts crying.
Damien looks at Blice. "Did I say something wrong?"
Byron reaches out to him. "Isidore?"
"I'm done with this. Don't touch me."
Damien stands and grabs Isidore's arm. "You will stay here and we are going to find a way to help you. We can do this one of two ways. Either you cooperate or we will make you cooperate."
"Please don't hurt me. You can't do this."
"Sit down or I will make you." Damien holds up his hand and the sparks jump to life.
"Why do you think you can tell me what to do?"
"You are a computer. You don't get to make decisions for yourself."
"I'm a human being." Isidore says. He tries to pulls away from Damien. "You said it yourself. Don't pretend for one second that I don't have emotions or can't think on my own. I thought you cared, Damien."
Damien pushes Isidore to the floor and holds him down. "You only know the emotions you were programmed to have. You don't even have a soul. Now you will do as you are told."
Isidore squirms to get away. "Is that how you've felt this entire time? I thought you were my friend."
"Humans will never be friends with machines. If I wanted to, I could kill you right now and no one would say a word about it."
Byron grabs Damien and pushes him up against the wall. "I would. Don't you dare threaten him like that. I don't care what he has in his brain or how much of a computer he is. He is my friend and a good man. You have no right speak to him like that. If you touch Isidore, I will kill you, Damien Montgomery."
"You too? What is wrong with you people? Computers will never be humans. He has a human body and that's it. What's next? Are we going to allow appliances to get married? This is insanity." He pushes Byron off of him. "This ends now. I'll show you he has no emotions." Damien storms upstairs.
Isidore rubs his arms where the red marks from Damien's fingers are beginning to bruise. He looks away from Byron and stays where Damien left him.
Byron doesn't know what he should do. Does he stay here and try to console Isidore or does he go make sure Damien isn't doing something stupid? When the explosion shakes the building, Byron realizes he should have gone with Damien.
"What was that?" Isidore asks as he pulls himself to his feet.
"You stay here." Byron says. "I'll be right back."
When Byron steps outside into the cool night, he watches Damien laughing standing beside a large fire and throwing some dry cardboard on the fire. Then Byron realizes what is going on. Where's Vanessa? "Damien, stop! What are you doing?"
"I'm proving a point."
Byron turns around as the door to the building shuts again. Isidore.
Isidore stands there and watches the bright flames against the night sky as they engulf his van. The wind whips through his hair and a tear streaks down his face. The smoke fills the air and is blown out over the desolate desert. He falls to his knees and hides his face in his hands. He cries out and the pain is just as real as if he has lost a lover. In a way, he has.
Damien stands over him. "Watch it burn, Isidore. Dry your tears. You don't actually feel an attachment to it, do you? Get up and stop pretending."
Isidore collapses in the sand and cries even louder.
Byron drags Damien away from him. "Why are you doing this to him? Can't you see how much he hurts? Look at him. Look what you did. Tell me that's not human sorrow and pain."
"He'll get over it. It's just a van."
He studies the man he used to call a friend. "When did you get so heartless?"
Damien crosses his arms and watches the fire. "I'm looking at the facts, Byron."
"The facts? How about the fact that we don't have any transportation now? Did you even think about that? We're stranded here in the middle of nowhere. Good job, Damien. Way to betray us all."
Damien glares at him. "What did you say?"
"You betrayed us."
"That's all I am anyway. I'm a traitor. I always have been. It was bound to happen again."
25
"How long do you think he's going to stay there?" Damien asks as him and Byron watch Isidore who is curled up where Vanessa used to be.
"Why do you care?" Byron asked.
"Maybe I was wrong."
Isidore hasn't moved from where he is sleeping in the middle of the burned rubble and scraps from the van. His face and arms are streake
d with soot and oil. He's a mess. It's been two days and he doesn't eat or anything. "He hasn't spoken in three days."
"I didn't know." Damien says. "I had no way of knowing that he was that attached to his van. This just proves my theory that he can't truly feel anything. It's all in his mind."
"Just shut up, Damien."
Eventually Isidore wakes up and begins looking for something.
Byron watches Isidore. He's on his hands and knees sifting through the charred remains of the van. He goes over to him. "Isidore? Do you want something to eat?"
"Go away. Let me die."
Byron sighs and sits down next to him. "I can't let you destroy yourself like this. I am so sorry about Vanessa."
He doesn't respond.
"Damien is just confused and he doesn't understand."
"So he kills my best friend?" Isidore breaks down again and lays his face against the twisted metal.
"Look at this. It's from the steering wheel. I guess it survived the fire." Byron hands it to him.
Isidore holds it and brushes away the soot. He holds the tiny metal disk to his lips. "Thank you, Byron."
"No problem."
Damien joins them and holds out his hand to Isidore. "Can we talk?"
Against his better judgment, Isidore takes his hand and stands. "Why are you asking me? I don't have a choice, remember?"
"I lost my temper and I never should have done any of what I did." He leads Isidore over to the wall of the shack and they sit in the sand together. "You don't know about my past, but I'm not the best at making good decisions when my emotions take control."
"Your partner?"
"How do you know about that?"
"Blice told me." Isidore says.
"Yah, my partner. I shot him because I wanted to be a hero and he was in the way. He never did anything to me, never did anything but be supportive and my friend. But what did I do? I saw an opportunity and as soon as he turned his back to me, I shot him and now he's in a wheelchair. He can never walk again. I regret that every day of my life, but there's nothing I can do to go back and change it. Now I have another terrible thing to add to my life of mistakes. I apologize for my words and my actions. I don't know how much you truly can feel, but I do know that you have something resembling emotions and I shouldn't have hurt you like I did."
Paradise of Lead Trilogy Page 17
