Something resembling emotions? This is even more of a reason why Isidore wants to lose that weak side of him. What can he say to the man who pretended to be his friend then goes and kills the love of his life? "I loved her."
"I'm sorry." Damien says.
"Vanessa was the most important person in my life. She has been here for me when I was at my lowest. She never left me. We were together for eight years. We had plans for the future. She always wanted to see the forests up north. I would tell her about the pictures I've seen with the trees and the snow. I know she would have loved it."
"Please don't hate me."
Isidore can't look at him. "I don't hate you. I've never been able to hate anyone. It's just something I can't feel. I was thinking about what you said. Can I only feel the emotions I've been programmed to feel? Is everything I have known just some program, some code that someone wrote?"
Damien leans back against the wall that is crumbling. "I honestly don't know."
"Me either. I may be a computer, but I know almost nothing important about computers. I couldn't tell you the first thing about programming or my microchip. I can hack into them and change around some stuff, but other than that, nothing."
"I'm sure you could learn if you wanted to."
"Does it really matter, though?" Isidore asks. "I know that I belong to someone. I'm someone's personal computer. There were files about some customizations that had been made to my brain. I was built for someone."
"What is it like? To know that you were created to be owned by someone?"
What a terrible question. "I don't know yet. Ask me after I'm back with my owner. It doesn't sound very pleasant, does it? Born to be a slave?"
"Don't think of it as slavery. Think of it as you being made to help someone."
He pulls away when Damien places his hand on his shoulder. "Then who helps me? Who will be there to protect me and keep me safe if things go wrong? If I don't even have the right to stand up for myself, then what happens? How would you feel about it?"
"I can't relate because I'm human."
"There are human slaves in the wasteland." Isidore says.
"But they are usually bought by people they befriend or fall in love with and given better lives. No one cares about you."
"Thanks for that. I needed to hear that no one cares."
"I didn't mean to sound like I don't think you should be taken care of." Damien says. "It's just . . . I have done some research about T.I.M.E.s and I remember reading how you were created to serve humans. It's just what you are and you can't change that."
"So you think that my life will be existing to take orders?"
Damien laughs. "That's what computers do. You don't need happiness or love like humans do. You don't deserve it."
Isidore stares down at the sand and wishes he was anywhere else but here. "I don't deserve it? I didn't choose this, Damien. I was born a human then they changed me. I was only hours old and they did that. What did I do to not deserve love? Tell me that. What choice did I have at that point?"
"You were always meant to be a computer so you didn't have a choice. Computers don't get to make their own decisions. You answered your own question. The sooner you accept your place and your function in society, the easier your life will be. You will never love anyone and no one will ever love you. You are unlovable."
Unlovable.
Damien stands and brushes the sand from his pants. "Well, I have some stuff to take care of. You should go get cleaned up and we'll stay in Rubble City until we figure out a new plan. We probably need to go meet up with Alexi and the others. Maybe there is more information about the attacks. Smile, Isidore. I could have burned you instead." He grins and walks away, leaving Isidore feeling worse than he did before he tried to cheer him up.
Byron joins him now. "What did he say to you?"
"Don't pretend to care, Byron. I'm unlovable."
"That bastard. I'm going to kill him."
"He's right." Isidore says. "Don't you understand? He's right about everything. I am attracted to electronics and machines because no human can ever love me. It all makes sense now."
"I refuse to believe that."
Isidore kicks away an empty bottle and watches it roll down one of the sand dunes. "What you choose to believe doesn't change the facts."
"Even computers will be taken care of by their owners, right?" Byron asks. "You have some kind of administrator assigned to you. That's like love."
"But I'm not with my owner. I've been out here alone for so long."
"You'll find him."
Isidore looks down at his watch. "I think I already have."
26
The tension between Damien and Isidore is growing to nearly uncontrollable levels and Byron is stuck in the middle of all of it. Isidore and Damien don't even look at each other and they will only talk to Byron if the other isn't anywhere around. Most of the time, Damien and Byron are together and Isidore is off by himself or with the other Rubble Rebels. Byron hates having to alienate him but if he won't mend what is broken between him and Damien, then there's nothing he can do. Damien is still and will always be Byron's friend. While he doesn't approve of Damien's actions, he will still be here for him. They avoid talking about Isidore mainly because Byron doesn't want to deal with the bickering and the fighting. More than that, he doesn't want to see Isidore cry again. Something about that really bothered him and it stuck in his mind. At least here in the city, Byron can know that Isidore will be out of trouble and with someone who can watch out for him.
Byron has managed to win enough money to keep them in a motel room together. That was pure hell for the first couple of nights until Isidore left and never stayed the night with them again. No one knows where he has been going, but he always comes back to Byron and lets him know that he's okay. What started out as four men and a woman has turned into two men and a computer who tries to avoid interaction with them.
Byron and Damien are finishing up a card game when someone knocks on the door to their room. "I'll get it." Byron goes to the door and opens it. "Hey, Isidore."
Isidore doesn't look him in the eyes. "Commander Alexi has called a meeting for all the Rubble Rebels. We need to go to headquarters."
Something's wrong with him. His skin is pale and his eyes have lost some of their blue luster. Byron steps outside with him and closes the door. "Look at me."
Isidore looks up at Byron. "What do you want?"
"You're sick."
"It's nothing."
"Is it that virus?" Byron asks.
Isidore holds onto the wall and rubs his forehead. "I think so. Don't tell anyone. Please. It's affecting my body and my mind at the same time. I haven't slept in five days."
"Five days?"
"I haven't eaten anything either. I can't keep it down."
"You need some medicine." Byron says.
Isidore shakes his head. "Medicine won't help me. I need an operating system and then someone to remove the virus. It's in the computer part of my brain. Medicine for my body won't help it."
"Do you want to try what we suggested?"
"The pills? I can't."
"What if you talk to Alexi?" Byron asks. "He could get someone to make them for you. I'm sure."
"He needs that money for Rubble City and protecting the citizens. I'm fine, Byron. Really. Now you and Damien need to come with me so we can go see what this important meeting is about."
Byron grabs Isidore's hand as he turns away. "Isidore, as your friend, let me help you. I don't like seeing you suffer."
"You shouldn't have feelings for me, Byron. I'm unlovable." He pulls away and walks across the street.
Byron goes back inside the room. "Get up, Damien. We have to go to a meeting."
"Is something wrong with Isidore?"
"Yah. He's really bad off and nothing we can do will help him. Now get up and come with me."
"I don't like him being away from us like this. We should be together." Damien says as he laces
his boots.
"You should have thought about that before you killed the love of his life."
* * *
The Rubble Rebels fill the large concrete room and talk amongst themselves until Commander Alexi walks in and takes his place at table in the front of the room. He raises his hand to silence everyone. "Thank you all for being here today. What we are going to discuss in this meeting is of upmost importance to the citizens of this city and those in the wasteland. I feel that the time has come for action, for some new laws, and some dedication on everyone's part. As many of you already know, we have come under attack multiple times in the past couple of months. These attacks are only becoming fiercer and more frequent. Our brothers, the unnamed rebel group based around the city of Eden were recently wiped out when they stormed Eden's walls. They believed that it was time to take action and make a statement that they won't be abused and oppressed any longer. With the continually growing tensions and the long list of grievances we have against Paradise, I too believe it is time to make our move."
A Rubble Rebel hands Alexi a black notebook and whispers to him.
Alexi nods and opens the book. "Due to the significant increase of both Inquisition forces around Rubble City and attacks on innocent civilians in the wasteland and inside our city, all Rubble Rebels are to stay within the city at all times and be ready to take action at any time day or night. For those of you who do not have a permanent residence here, you will be furnished with a motel room and all of your necessities will be provided for you. We have lost close to fifty children in the past two months. They have either been abducted by the Inquisition or slaughtered. If you have children, you are under strict orders to keep them inside and under close guard at all times. Deliver this message to anyone you know who does have children. I am dead serious about this. We cannot let the Inquisition take any more of our children. Guard your women as well. In the past two weeks, inquisitors have started brutally attacking our women and raping them. This abhorrent action is far beyond unacceptable. We will not stand by and let them do this to us. I hate to do this, to single out a group of people, especially knowing that some of our best fighters and Rubble Rebels are women, but I need all women to be inside and not leave your homes unless it is an emergency. I apologize ahead of time, but I do this for your own safety."
A female Rubble Rebel bows and steps forward. "Commander Alexi, what about the female rebels? What are we supposed to do?"
"You will remain with a male Rubble Rebel at all times. I know this is not the best situation and by no means is this a permanent solution, but please bear with me in this."'
"Do you still want us to take guard shifts?"
"Only if you have a man with you." He sighs and wipes the sweat from his face. "I am not demeaning you. The last thing I am saying is that you can't fight and defend yourselves. Believe me, I know you can. I have been beat up many times in my life by strong women like yourselves. It is because I care about you too much to take that risk."
Another woman steps forward. "What about the pregnant rebels?"
"Absolutely no fighting. Again, I'm sorry, but your child and your health are too important to risk. I feel like all I'm doing up here is apologizing. I don't want anyone to feel like I am blindly discriminating against them. That's not the point of this at all."
"What about the men who were assaulted as well?"
Alexi holds up his hand. "Do not read anything into this that I am not saying outright. While what happened to the men is terrible and should not be taken lightly, the attacks on our women have other consequences beyond what can happen to a man. What happens if an inquisitor impregnates one of our women? I don't want our women to be placed in the position of choosing whether or not to keep their baby when they know the father is the enemy. It is for this reason and this reason alone that I am issuing these orders."
"So what is the plan, Alexi?" Someone asks.
"The time has come for all of us to stand strong as brothers and sisters, M.A.G.E.s and our special T.I.M.E." He smiles at Isidore. "Whether you are a native wastelander or exiled from a home behind lead walls, we need you now. Whether you fight with magic, with guns, or with brute strength, I call upon you all in this dark and troubled time. We have been pushed around for far too long. We are beaten down, oppressed, and cut off from society because someone somewhere behind those lead wall of Paradise deemed us to be the unworthy ones. But I tell you now. Each one of us is more worthy than every soul in that city combined. We haven't had comfortable lives of luxury and excess. We fight for what we have and we suffer because they want to keep it all to themselves. It is high time we take matters into our own hands and let them know what we really feel. And yes, many of us may be M.A.G.E.s who the Inquisition believes aren't truly human, only failed experiments. Yet their newly revealed Master Director is a dark matter manipulator. Why does he get a cushy job with everything handed to him when people like him are out here? They claim he is different, that he is the only one who wasn't a mistake. Well I tell you this. No one here is a mistake. We all bleed, we all live, and we all feel emotions just like the next man. And yes, Isidore Williams, you feel emotions as well. So don't think for one second that you aren't worth fighting for."
Damien gives Isidore a small smile from across the crowded room. Isidore ignores him.
Alexi continues. "Each and every soul here has felt unjust punishment, corrupted judgment, and undo suffering because of the Inquisition. And what defense do they offer? What is their supposed justification for this treatment? That they are trying to rid the world of the people who they view as a blight, a pestilence, something to be eradicated. Well, we won't stand for this any longer. On this day, I declare war on Paradise. Those polished statues, paved streets, silk flags, and coffers of jewels and gold will go up in flames. No one deserves to live like royalty when people are dying out here from starvation and sickness. We will take Paradise for ourselves, for the wasteland. In the days to come, I will approach each of you and find out your abilities, your talents, and your strengths so that we can form a cohesive plan and not end up like our courageous yet misguided brothers to the north. We will use their sacrifice as an example and we will learn from it. In two weeks, we will storm Paradise and take it for ourselves. You are dismissed."
* * *
As Isidore leaves the building after the other rebels have left, Alexi comes up to him and taps him on the shoulder. "Mr. Williams, I'd like to speak with you if you have a moment."
What is this about? Isidore was planning on trying to get some sleep, any sleep somewhere if his mind will let him. But, he should do what Alexi wants. He sits down at a table up against the wall. "Sure."
Alexi joins him. "What can you do for us? I know you are special. Your mind is unlike any other and we need your abilities."
"I can't do much at all. I don't have an operating system so I can't even access my files reliably. I store data. That's all I can do right now."
"Byron told me you can hack into computers." Alexi says.
Well, there is that. "I can do that."
"What about your plan?"
"What plan?"
"The one you told Byron about." Alexi says. "That is the plan we are going with. Shut down their vital computer systems and insight panic in the streets. When that happens, we will get in and eliminate the high ranking officials, destroy the science lab, and take control for ourselves."
Isidore feels dizzy and the painful ringing comes back. He holds his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?"
He takes a few deep breaths and waits for the pain to subside. "I'm fine. Just a virus or something. Computer problems. Sorry."
"No, don't apologize. It's okay. Can you do this like that? You look really pale."
Isidore groans and rubs his eyes. "I'll be good. It's all good. My body isn't the important part of me. Um . . . what officials are you looking to get rid of?"
"Our number one priority is Blice McSage."
"I don't know if th
at is a good idea."
"Why not?" Alexi asks.
"He is very strong. His powers are above anything I have encountered. Why him?"
"He's the president's son, he's the head of the Inquisition, he attacked Styx two years ago, do I really need to go on? The things that man has done are unforgivable and if left alive, he will only destroy more of the wasteland and cause untold amounts of pain and suffering. Also, this way we can get the president to surrender and we can deliver wasteland justice the way it needs to be handed out. Next on the list are the leaders of the Paradise intelligence operation. They're called the Outlander Forces. We do know that there are two leaders. One is Seth Thompson. We don't have any identification on the other. They are secretive and illusive, but they are just as dangerous as McSage."
Seth Thompson? Seth. Damien's partner. Could that be the same man? Surely not. Damien isn't part of the Outlander Forces. Isidore pushes his suspicions to the back of his mind.
Alexi clears his throat and leans back in his chair. "I hate to tell you this, as I consider you a good man, but there are some people in this city who will try to kill you if they find out about your microchip. The Rubble Rebels don't share this hatred, but outside of us, you will be in danger. I don't know exactly what has happened between you and Mr. Montgomery, but I need you to stay with Damien and Byron. Wandering out in the desert at night isn't good. I know you haven't been sleeping and I can see you falling apart. What do I need to do in order to make you better?"
"I honestly don't know. I need a customized operating system that only the Inquisition can give me."
"That's not possible for me to obtain."
"Exactly." Isidore says. "If you truly want to help and if it won't take away from our preparations and providing for the citizens, some of my clear pills should help me enough so I can sleep and eat."
"Okay. Consider it done. I will have some dealers make them. Next time tell me how bad this gets without them."
Paradise of Lead Trilogy Page 18
