by Beth Wiseman
She rubbed her hands together as she walked down the hallway. Good. Complete feeling. It had been like that all morning. She was glad she didn’t mention anything about the numbness to Dr. Phillips.
After she made her appointment for an MRI in a month, she walked into the waiting room to find Linda surrounded by four women. They all had their heads bowed and were holding hands. Linda looked up when she entered the room.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” Linda stood up. “I will pray for each of your loved ones.”
One woman hugged her. “Thank you.”
Josie waited until Linda walked to where she was standing a few feet away.
“Normally, it’s not our place to minister to others, but all these women are sad about a very sick loved one, so we all prayed together. I told them of the Lord’s peace and how he never abandons us in our time of need.” She smiled, then her expression grew serious. “What did the doctor say about your hand and arm?”
“Oh, it’s fine. Just a neurological problem from the headache. No biggie.” If there is a hell, I’m going there for lying. “Let’s forget all this and go do something fun.”
Linda didn’t move. “Are you sure that’s all he said?”
Josie nodded. “I told you, no biggie. How about a trip to the mall? Does that sound good? And maybe get some lunch after that? By then, we’ll be hungry after that fabulous breakfast you made.” She headed toward the exit. Linda followed, waving at her new friends on the way out.
“Sure. That all sounds fine.”
Linda had been to the mall plenty of times with her Englisch friends since she’d begun her rumschpringe almost two years ago, but her friends clearly didn’t have the wealth that Josie had.
Linda thumbed through the blue jeans on the rack while Josie was in the dressing room.
“No one has to know if you want to try them on.”
Linda turned to see Josie standing beside her with several pairs of pants and a couple of shirts draped over her arms.
“Ach, I couldn’t.” Linda wondered if she would look like the women in the fashion magazines, or even like Josie. She smiled. “Or could I?”
“It’s only clothes. And you’re just giving them a try. It’s your running-around period, right?”
Linda thought for a moment, tried to visualize herself wearing the stylish blue jeans. “Okay.” She picked out a size she thought might fit and also grabbed a pink, lacy blouse, then walked to the dressing room.
After she slipped out of her dress, she pulled the tight blue jeans on, then slipped the blouse over her head. She had a slender figure like Josie’s, but enough curves to fill out the Englisch clothes. Vanity and pride were forbidden, and guilt rose to the surface as Linda studied herself in the mirror, but she pushed it aside, and just for this moment, she pretended she was one of the fashion models in the magazines. She put her hand on her hip and turned slightly to one side, the way the girls in the magazines did. She pushed her chest out a bit, puckered her lips, and wished she could pull her hair from the prayer covering to make the look complete.
“Can I come in?”
Linda’s heart jumped in her chest when she heard Josie’s voice, and she could feel the red taking over her cheeks. “Uh, wait. Um. Just a minute.” She gathered herself, then opened the curtain.
“You look adorable.” Josie smiled. “Do you want me to get them for you?”
“Ach, no. I’m not allowed.”
“Okay. I understand. Like I’ve told you, I don’t want to do anything to upset your parents. I just wasn’t sure if you were allowed since it’s your rumschpringe.”
Linda recalled the time Marian Kauffman wore blue jeans into town while she was in her running-around period. Her parents had found out, and even though they weren’t happy, they didn’t do anything because certain behavior is allowed during that time. Josie closed the curtain.
“Wait.” Linda pulled it open again. “I reckon, maybe it might be all right.” She lowered her head, but quickly raised it, now that she was aware she tended to do that.
“Great. I’ll meet you at the register.”
Linda stood looking at herself in the Englisch clothes, and suddenly she thought of her mother. Her real mother.
“Where are the clothes?” Josie asked when Linda met her by the register.
“I changed my mind.”
Josie’s brow crinkled as she spoke. “Are you sure?”
“Ya, I’m sure.”
“Okay.” Josie looked at her own pile on the counter, then glanced at Linda. “You know, I think I have plenty of clothes.” She turned to the clerk. “I’ve changed my mind too.”
As they exited the mall, the sun felt good against Linda’s cheeks, a welcome contrast to the cold in the mall. Josie draped an arm around Linda’s shoulder, and for whatever reason, Linda thought of Mamm again.
Late that afternoon, Linda helped Josie fold clothes she’d pulled from the electric tumble dryer. How much easier wash day would be with such modern conveniences, but she noticed right away that Josie’s dried clothes didn’t smell the same as her clothes at home, a certain freshness that could only come from line drying.
She handed Josie a folded pair of blue jeans.
“Those used to be my favorite jeans, but I’ve lost about ten pounds, and they don’t fit very well any more.”
“I like the beads along the waist.” Linda studied the sleek design, then glanced around the room, making double sure they were alone. “Can I try them on?”
Josie handed her the jeans. “Of course you can. You can have them, if they fit, but only if you’re comfortable with that.”
“No. I just want to try them on.”
“Here try on this blouse with them. That’s one of my favorites.” She handed Linda a bright red blouse with lace on the collar. “It’ll be our secret.”
Linda darted up the stairs with the clothes, and returned feeling as pretty as Josie. She’d left her hair in a bun atop her head, but shed her kapp. “What do you think?”
“I think you look beautiful! But Linda . . .” Josie’s expression softened into a nurturing look she’d seen on her mother’s face. “I think you look beautiful in your Plain dresses too. Simply gorgeous.”
Linda knew that looks were of no concern. They shouldn’t be anyway. It’s how she’d been raised and what she truly believed. But it felt good to bend the rules just a bit. She’d never been in any real trouble, and if this was the worse thing she ever did during her rumschpringe, her conscience could handle it.
Josie had turned on some music. Another thing they didn’t have at home. Songs of worship during church service were only sung in High German. There was some harmonizing at Sunday singings, but nothing like this. Instruments were forbidden in their community, said to invoke too much unnecessary emotion. But when Josie’s hips started swaying to the music, Linda found her hips moving to the tune as well.
“Oops. I forgot to turn on the dryer after I pulled this load out. Be right back.” Josie headed past the kitchen to the large laundry room. Linda kept swaying her hips to the music until she heard a knock at the door.
“Can you get that?” Josie yelled from the back part of the house.
Linda walked to the front door, pulled on the knob, and swung the door wide.
Without even thinking about how she was dressed.
14
“STEPHEN!” LINDA STOOD FROZEN IN THE DOORWAY. “What are you doing here?”
Stephen eyed Linda up and down in the blue jeans and bright red shirt. He was speechless, but he could feel his mouth curving upward into a smile. This is exactly what he’d feared, his Linda succumbing to temptation. But seeing her in the tight jeans and lacy red shirt showed off curves he didn’t know she had, a figure she’d kept hidden beneath her Plain dresses. It wasn’t anger bubbling to the surface, something entirely different. Stephen swallowed hard.
“I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You told me Monday that you’d go by the bridge, and my not
e was still there tonight on my way home from work.” He frowned. “I reckon you weren’t that interested in what I had to say.”
She stepped onto the front porch and closed the door behind her. “Of course I’m interested in what you have to say. You know how much I love your poems.”
“You don’t even have your kapp on.” He looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders and scowled.
She mumbled something under her breath, shook her head, then folded her arms across her chest. “I know what you must be thinkin’, but I’m not straying from our ways. I was just trying some of Josie’s clothes on. For fun.” Her expression challenged him to quiz her further, so he just shrugged.
“If you say so.” He tipped his straw hat in her direction. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doin’.”
She grabbed his arm. “No, wait.” Then she threw him a smile, the kind that always made him melt. “Where’s my note? Is it still there?”
Stephen recalled the proposal he’d written. “No. I threw it away.”
“Why?” Her lip folded into a pout.
“Because it just didn’t seem important anymore.” Stephen wondered how much of the Englisch life Linda was going to get involved in. Maybe he should just walk away from her for good. What if his grandfather saw the way she was dressed? Another part of him wanted to drop to his knee right then, to assure that she would marry him and remain a part of the community. But he shifted his weight and stared back at her with the same challenging look.
Her expression softened. “Anything you write to me is important. I’m sorry that you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad, Linda. I just figured you would have been by our spot under the bridge before now, and . . .” He paused with a sigh. “I’m just surprised to see you in Josie’s Englisch clothes. You sure you ain’t gonna jump to the other side?”
She stepped forward, her arms still crossed. “Stephen, I cannot believe you would even ask me that.”
He shrugged again. “Well, it just wonders me to see ya dressed like this.”
“It ain’t . . .”
Linda stopped when the front door swung open. “Hello.”
If Stephen wanted to know what Linda would look like when she got older, now he knew. Linda looked exactly like her birth mother, but with darker hair instead of blonde, and minus the lines around the older woman’s eyes.
“You must be Stephen,” the woman said with a smile. “I recognize you from Linda’s description. I’m Josie.” She shook Stephen’s hand, then turned to Linda. “You’re right. He is very handsome.”
Linda’s cheeks reddened, but it warmed Stephen’s heart to know Linda had said that, even though vanity was to be avoided. He forced a half-smile.
“Come in.” Josie stepped backward and pushed the door wide.
Stephen raised one brow at Linda, who nodded.
Once inside, Linda excused herself. “I’m going to go change clothes.” She scurried up the stairs, and Josie motioned for him to sit down on the couch. Josie sat down in a chair on the other side of the coffee table. He glanced around the fancy home, not comfortable in it and not comfortable being alone with Josie. He resented the time Linda was spending with her, and he was afraid it would show. Too much temptation for Linda. Then he recalled his reaction to Linda in the Englisch clothes and decided maybe he’d best just work on his own temptations.
“It’s so nice to meet you . . . um . . . oh gosh. Um . . .” Josie rubbed her temples with both hands. “I’m sorry. It’s nice to meet you . . .”
“Stephen.”
Josie closed her eyes, slowly reopened them, and dropped her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry. I knew that.” She attempted a smile. “So, I understand that tomorrow you and Linda are going swimming at the creek?”
“Ya.”
“That should be fun. I know Linda is looking forward to it.” She appeared as if she was trying to smile again, but instead cringed so badly that Stephen felt himself cringing just watching her.
“You all right?”
“Actually, I have a really bad headache.” She stood up. “I need to go take something for this. I apologize for leaving you downstairs by yourself.”
Before Stephen could answer, she was hurrying up the stairs with one hand holding her head. It was only a moment later when Linda came down the stairs.
“Josie said to apologize again for leaving you.” Linda sat down beside Stephen on the couch. “She gets really bad headaches sometimes.”
Stephen was glad to see Linda back in a dark blue dress and black apron. “You look beautiful.” He reached for her hand and squeezed. “You don’t need all that fancy stuff.”
“I know that. I was just, you know . . . playing dress up.” She smiled.
Stephen decided to take advantage of them being alone, in the nice air conditioned house. He leaned over and kissed Linda softly on the lips, then said, “I just don’t want you to get too used to all this.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to get to know Josie, and all this comes along with Josie. That’s all.”
“You plannin’ to see your folks during the two weeks?”
“Ya. I thought I’d go spend the day Sunday with them. There’s no worship service, but I’d like to just be there.” She scowled, then leaned closer and whispered. “We don’t have any kind of devotions here, and I miss that. I really do.”
Stephen was glad to hear that she missed it. “Maybe you should bring it up, see if she’ll share devotion time with you.”
Linda tipped her head to one side. “I think I will. I’d enjoy that.”
Josie popped two Vicodin in her mouth and downed the pills with some water she had on her bedside table. This was a bad one, and when the phone started to ring beside her, she thought her head might explode. She grabbed it on the first ring.
“Josie?”
“Robert? I can barely hear you.” It hurt to talk, and as much as she wanted to talk to Robert, she was hoping he’d keep it short.
“Honey, listen. Something’s happened. Have you been watching TV?”
Josie took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried to fight the pain enough to understand what Robert was saying. “No. What do you mean something’s happened? Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m okay. But they are having their own version of 9-11 over here, and over eleven hundred people are dead from an explosion at last count. Turn on CNN.”
“What? Oh, my gosh! But you’re okay? Robert, you’re in a safe place, right? Should you come home?” Josie stood up, kept one hand to her head, and wandered restlessly around the room.
“Josie, listen to me. I am in a very safe place, far from where the explosion occurred, so don’t worry. Things will settle down again soon, but I just didn’t want you to see all that on television and worry. I am perfectly safe where I’m at.”
“Thank God,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Thank goodness.” She spoke loud and clear. “Thank goodness you’re safe.”
“I love you, babe. I’ll try to call you later, but if not, we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“I love you too, Robert. Be safe.”
Josie hung up the phone and decided to head downstairs to check on Linda and Stephen and to turn on the television. Her head was still killing her, but she knew the meds would take effect soon, and she wanted to see what was going on in China.
“Where’s Stephen?” Josie glanced around the living room.
“He went on home. Said to tell you it was nice to meet you.”
“I feel badly that I had to leave him like that, but I had a really bad headache come on.” She reached for her temple and could feel the sharp pulse against her fingertip.
“Is it better?”
“No. But it will be. I just took some pills.” She reached for the remote. “Robert just called, and there’s been a big explosion in China. He’s far away from the action, but he said it’s just like 9-11 was here.” Josie pushed the On button.
“Oh, no. Reall
y?”
“Well, I don’t think planes crashed into buildings, but there was an explosion, and Robert compared it to 9-11.”
Josie began flipping channels until she reached CNN. She focused on the television, thankful that the Vicodin was kicking in. “That’s horrible.”
Live coverage from Beijing showed bodies covered with dark sheets among the wreckage of the explosion. It had occurred at a twenty-six-story high-rise not far from Peking University. The newscaster said that that a well-known terrorist group had already taken credit for the despicable act.
Josie watched the details unfolding. “I’m glad Robert called to tell me he was okay. I’d have been worried to death if I’d turned on the TV and saw this.” She shook her head. “So many dead. So tragic.” Josie continued to view the devastation. Her heart hurt for all of them. “As bad as this is, at least it wasn’t a direct hit on the university where all those young people go to school.”
Josie heard a sniffle, and turned to Linda. Tears were streaming down her daughter’s cheeks, then she began to sob loudly. Josie ran to her side and threw her arms around her.
“Linda?” Josie held her tightly; she was trembling. “Sweetheart, are you all right?”
“Those people, they are dead, no?” Linda pulled away from her, swiped at her eyes, and pointed to the television. “The ones covered up.”
Josie gazed into Linda’s eyes as her daughter stared in horror at the disturbing images on the television, right about the time the newscaster said, “The death toll has now reached twelve hundred and twenty-two.”
“Yes. I believe those people are dead.”
Linda shook her head and covered her face with her hands. “I can’t watch any more. I’m sorry, Josie.”
“No, it’s all right. We don’t have to watch it.” Josie clicked the remote and the screen went black. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you would get so upset or I would have never turned it on, Linda. I’m sorry.”
