by Beth Wiseman
“We read about 9-11 in the newspaper when it happened here, but it’s so much worse to see it on television. We need to pray.” Linda reached for Josie’s hand. “We need to pray for all those people in that place, and for all those families who lost loved ones.” Linda sniffled and bowed her head.
As Josie lowered her head, she squeezed Linda’s hand tightly. Maybe some of Linda’s faith would rub off on her.
P
Stephen scrubbed his courting buggy with soap and water so it would be nice and clean tomorrow when he picked up Linda to go swimming at the creek. Every time he envisioned the two of them in their swim clothes, and him without his elevated shoe, his stomach twisted with anxiety. But if he was going to marry Linda, this was something he knew he was going to have to get past.
He glanced over his shoulder when he heard a buggy pulling onto the driveway, then dried his hands and waited until his grandfather came to a stop.
“Gut-n-owed.” The elderly bishop stepped with care from the buggy, his gray beard spanning the length of his chest.
“Good evening to you, Daadi.”
“Where is the rest of the family?” His grandfather tipped his straw hat back as he approached Stephen, his back curved forward as he walked.
“Hannah and Annie are helping Mamm make supper,” Stephen responded about his only two siblings, “and I reckon Daed is bathing already.”
“Gut. We can talk before your supper.”
Stephen removed his hat, wiped sweat from his brow, then placed it back on his head. “Is something wrong?” Stephen recognized the expression on his grandfather’s face. Usually, it was directed at a member of the district who had displeased him. Stephen couldn’t think of anything he’d done to warrant it.
“No, nothing is wrong, but I have concerns, Stephen.”
Stephen’s brows shot upward. “About me?”
His grandfather stroked his beard. “I understand Linda is staying in the Englisch woman’s house for two weeks, no?”
“Ya, she is.” Stephen was wondering who told him but surmised it could have been anyone. Nothing stayed a secret around here for long.
“Does this concern you? Her being there?”
“No. Not at all.” Stephen’s stomach flipped a bit when he realized he’d just lied to his grandfather. “I mean, maybe a little. But Linda’s faith is strong, and she’ll only be there for two weeks.”
“Don’t underestimate the bonds of blood. That woman is Linda’s kin.” Bishop Ebersol stood taller as he spoke and lifted his chin. “Linda is at a time in her life when she can choose the life she wants to live.” His eyes narrowed in speculation. “Do you think she is continuing to practice the ways of the Ordnung?”
“Ya, Daadi. I reckon Linda just wants to get to know her mother. That’s all. Then she’ll come home.”
“Very gut then. I was just on my way home from the Miller farm.”
“How is Jonas?” Stephen knew that when Jonas passed, lots of people would be devastated. He was such a fixture in the community, such a wise soul, and everyone loved him. Linda would be very upset.
“Jonas is doing poorly. The doctor told the family that he is rapidly declining.” His grandfather shook his head. “He will be greatly missed.”
Stephen hung his head, not wanting to think about Jonas passing.
“I know it is almost suppertime. Tell the rest of the family I will be by with your mammi on Sunday for a visit.” He turned to leave, but turned briefly around. “Keep Linda on course, Stephen. This is a delicate situation, her being with the Englisch woman.”
“I will, Daadi.”
Stephen recalled seeing Linda in Josie’s Englisch clothes. He sure hoped he could keep Linda on track.
Linda couldn’t sleep that night. All tucked in under the covers of the princess bed, her mind raced with thoughts of what she’d seen on television. There was much in the Englisch world she didn’t understand. She’d enjoyed her bath for the second night in Josie’s big bathroom, but if all this sadness came with Josie’s world, Linda was sure she didn’t want any part of it for long.
She was disappointed that she’d been so caught up in her new surroundings that she’d forgotten to check the bridge for Stephen’s note. But at least they would have tomorrow, an afternoon swimming in the creek. Linda didn’t really care what they did, as long as they were together. Tomorrow, she’d reassure Stephen that the only things she wanted were to be in his arms and to be a member of the community. Maybe soon, he would think about asking her to marry him.
Linda closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but her mind was as restless as her body. She missed Mamm and Daed, even Luke and Matthew. She’d only been there since Tuesday, but it seemed longer.
Josie looked at the clock on her nightstand. Eleven thirty, and each minute seemed to be ticking by a hundred times faster than the last one. She’d never been more frantic to get her affairs in order than she was right now. She scanned the pile of personal mementos and keepsakes in front of her on the floor as her right hand began to shake again, something it had done several times during the course of the evening.
Linda had gone to bed early, and Josie sensed something was wrong. She wasn’t sure how much of it had to do with the tragedy on television, or if it was something else. Either way, Josie wanted Linda to know everything about her, and her entire life was poured out on the floor of her bedroom. With her left hand, she picked up a picture of her and her mother at the beach. Josie remembered her father taking the picture when she was about ten. She and her mom had made a sand castle together and were proudly displaying it for the camera.
Josie tossed the picture into the pile she didn’t plan to leave for Linda, but then picked it up again and wondered if her mother would speak to Linda at Josie’s funeral. Would they establish any kind of relationship after Josie was gone? Mom was not the kind of influence Josie wanted for Linda. All Mom cared about was status and what people thought, nothing like sweet Linda. Josie supposed she’d die without seeing her mother again, and sadly, that was all right with her.
Robert didn’t call again tonight, but he’d said it might be tomorrow, so she tried not to worry. She had the television volume in her bedroom on low, and at last count, fatalities were at fifteen hundred. She recalled Linda’s reaction to the news again and wondered if bringing her here was a mistake. Such innocence. And Josie was exposing her to life in a world she’d been sheltered from.
She slammed her right hand down hard on the carpeted floor, hoping the blow would jar some feeling into the numb limb. Nothing. She picked up a picture of her and Robert on vacation in Italy. It was one of her favorite pictures of Robert, handsomely dressed in cargo shorts and a white T-shirt, and she was wearing a yellow sundress and looked so happy. Robert was going to be a lost soul when she was gone. She recalled the first time she met Robert, through mutual friends, and the only blind date she’d ever been on. He’d stolen her heart on that first encounter at the Italian restaurant on Mason Boulevard.
Josie lay down in the middle of the floor, surrounded by tokens of her life lived thus far, a life soon to end, and she allowed herself to feel the pain in her heart, the fear of the unknown, and the absolute sense of loss she felt about not growing old with Robert and not being able to spend more time with her daughter. It was her most pitiful moment, she was sure, as she pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed.
“I don’t want to die.” She tucked her blue satin pajamas tight around her knees and hugged her legs. “Please, God. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I’m afraid. I’m so scared.” She sobbed hard, stifling her cries so as not to wake Linda.
And then she felt it.
His presence.
And then she heard it.
His voice.
I am here My child. The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
15
JOSIE AND LINDA SPENT THE MORNING WATCHING television, mostly sweet loves stories. Josie didn’t turn on the news, and while she tried
to focus on the movies she and Linda had picked out, her mind wandered. Linda had asked her if she was worried about Robert, and she said a little bit, which was true.
Josie could tell that Linda was anxious to see Stephen, mentioning their planned swimming trip several times. Linda seemed nervous as well and explained that girls in her district wore either shorts and a shirt to swim in or a one-piece bathing suit. She also said some of the girls wore a two-piece swimsuit, but she didn’t own that kind and didn’t think she’d wear it if she did.
Linda had left to try on her suit for Josie, and when she entered the room wearing her swimsuit, Josie rose from the couch. “That looks really good on you.” Linda had chosen a dark blue, one-piece bathing suit.
“Danki. Mamm approved of this one when we went shopping in the city.”
“Are you going to Pequea Creek?”
“Ya.” Linda tugged on her swimsuit in an effort to cover more of herself. Josie remembered her own breasts being larger than most girls’ too.
“Sweetie, you’re all in there. I promise.” Josie smiled warmly. “Stephen will think you look great.”
Linda blushed slightly. “It feels strange not to have my kapp on.” She reached up and touched the clip that held her hair in a tight bun on top of her head. “What are you gonna do this afternoon, Josie?”
“Well, I thought I might take a little nap and then make us some dinner for later. Do you like lasagna?”
“Ya! I have that when we go to Paradiso. Mamm and Daed take us there about once a month. Do you know how to make lasagna?”
Josie smiled. “Actually, I make pretty good lasagna. So, I’ll make that, a salad, and some garlic bread for us to eat when you get home from your swim with Stephen. How’s that?”
“Sounds gut.”
Josie heard the clippety-clop of horse hooves.
“There’s Stephen.” Linda headed toward the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Have fun.”
Josie watched out the window as Stephen pulled away with Linda beside him in the buggy. It was a bright, sunny afternoon, and the cool water in the creek would be a welcome relief from the heat. Josie remembered those days from her own youth. But twenty years ago, Amish girls wouldn’t have been caught dead in a swimsuit like Linda was wearing, no matter how conservative. Times were changing. Even for the Amish.
Though she didn’t have a headache this afternoon, Josie lay down on the couch anyway. She hadn’t slept much last night. She couldn’t shake that voice she’d heard. Her religious background had certainly taught her everything she needed to know about God, about Jesus. She’d studied the Bible. She’d gone to Bible study. And for a time, it seemed to make sense, even though she never felt any real connection to God, even back then.
Robert had so many valid arguments against the concept of God. “Josie, some humans need something to believe in, or there would be even more chaos than there already is,” he’d said. “I’m not one of those people. My mind just can’t grasp the concept of this higher power.” He’d talk about evolution, how an all-powerful God wouldn’t let people suffer this way, and on more than one occasion, he’d mentioned the possibility of otherworldly entities being in control. “There are too many pieces of the puzzle missing, parts of the Bible missing, cover-ups by religious rulers. It’s just not an idea I can buy into.”
But what if Robert is wrong? He was the most giving, loving, generous, and sincere person she’d ever known. Robert wasn’t capable of telling a lie, and he lived each day to serve others. If what she’d been taught in Sunday school was correct, Robert was going straight to hell for not believing in God and His son, Jesus. And if there is a God, how could such an entity send such a good man to the depths of hell for all eternity?
What about me? What do I really believe? Am I changing my tune at the eleventh hour on the off chance that there might be a God, so that I’m not damned to hell? Is it too late for me? Again, she recalled the feeling she’d had the night before, the voice she thought she’d heard, and the calm that had spread over her. She’d felt like a child, wrapped in the comforting arms of a parent, unconditional love that could be felt to the core of her being.
She closed her eyes and tried to reconcile her thoughts, her feelings. But nothing made sense anymore.
Linda dipped her toe into the cool water at Pequea Creek and wondered when Stephen was going to shed his trousers, shirt, and shoes. She knew this was uncomfortable for him, but if they were going to be married someday, he was going to need to get past this. If I can wear this bathing suit . . .
Reflections of everything around them bounced off the clear blue water as sunshine streamed down through the trees, leaving patches of glassy stillness on the creek’s surface. Linda poked the water with her foot until it made ripples across the reflection of her face.
“It’s chilly.” She turned to Stephen. “You coming in?” Linda eased down the creek bed until she was knee-deep in water.
“Ya.” Stephen sat down on the ground and fumbled with his shoes. Linda made it a point not to watch. She heard him toss his boots to the side and then the sound of him pulling off his trousers. She was sure Stephen had a bathing suit on underneath his brown pants, but the sound of him pulling them off, then tossing them on the ground, sent a ripple of anticipation through her. She turned around in time to see him toss his blue shirt and suspenders onto the pile and shivered at the sight of his beautifully proportioned body in nothing but a pair of gray and white swim trunks. He held his head high above a confident set of shoulders and broad chest, even though his square jaw tensed visibly. A gentle breeze blew his tawny-gold, bobbed hair as he stepped toward the water’s edge with precise footing—as if he’d practiced it a thousand times.
Linda eased backward in the water until she was chest deep, and it only took Stephen a few moments before he was facing her. Their eyes met in a new and unexplored way, and Linda wondered what was going through Stephen’s mind. He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the lips, and the feel of his naked chest against her invoked both excitement and fear. She backed away, bit her bottom lip, and eased herself into deeper water.
Then without warning, she cupped her hands in the water and splashed Stephen in the face. Things were getting too intense, too serious.
“Hey!” He splashed her back, and in no time, they were carrying on like playful kids, instead of the young adults they were. And this felt better. There’d been enough serious moments in her life lately, and today she just wanted to play and have fun, put her worries aside.
And that’s exactly what they did for the next two hours.
Abe wished he could do something to ease the worry in Mary Ellen’s heart. His wife wasn’t sleeping well, tossing and turning all night long, and during the day, she worked so hard he thought she might keel over.
“Mary Ellen, if everything isn’t perfect while Linda is away, the boys and I will survive. You don’t need to work so hard.” He watched her scrubbing the floor after they’d finished supper Thursday evening.
“I reckon I can’t have the haus a mess, Abe.” She scrubbed the wood floor even harder with the sponge in her hand, although Abe hadn’t a clue what she was scrubbing. It looked clean to him.
He squatted down beside her and eyed the floor. “What ya scrubbing, Mary Ellen? It ain’t dirty.”
She stopped abruptly and fired him a look. “Luke spilled orange juice here earlier, if you must know.” Mary Ellen resumed the scrubbing as if she was mad at that floor.
He grabbed both her shoulders and pulled her to her feet even as she resisted. “Abe, what are you doing?”
Then he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m giving you a hug and hoping to pull some of the worry from your heart.” He eased away and cupped her cheek. “I know you are working so hard to keep your mind off of Linda, but I worry mei fraa is going to just fall over with exhaustion.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Mei lieb, everything is going to be all right.”
Mary Ellen shrugged. �
�I know that, Abe. There’s just lots to be done, that’s all. I am still expected to have a clean home, and that is just what I plan to do.” She dropped to her knees and began to scrub again.
Abe blew out a breath of exasperation. “All right, Mary Ellen. I’m going to go secure things outside. Paper says we’re in for a nasty storm later. Luke and Matt are already out there tending to the animals.”
“Fine.”
Abe shook his head as he headed out the kitchen door. Poor woman was going to be exhausted if she kept on like this. But, truth be told, he was missing his Linda more than he cared to let on, and it had only been two days.P
Mary Ellen rubbed the sponge across the floor with a vengeance God wouldn’t approve of, anger and bitterness with every swipe. Sending Linda for two weeks was her idea, and Mary Ellen didn’t think she’d regretted anything more in her life. She’d never been away from her daughter, for starters, but every time she envisioned Linda with Josie and all her fancy things, she went into some sort of jealous tailspin that was not in her normal character. Jealousy is a sin, and she’d prayed that God take away these feelings ever since she’d dropped Linda off on Tuesday.
The woman is dying. How can I be harboring such nasty thoughts toward her? She’d been praying constantly to rid herself of such notions. Mary Ellen knew she’d been selfish and mean-spirited, but Josephine Dronberger hadn’t thought things through either. Linda would be devastated when Josephine passed. Didn’t Josephine ever stop to think that maybe it would have been best for Linda if she’d never shown up here?
Linda was terrified of pain, and saw pain as the gateway to death. Mary Ellen reckoned all that started when Linda was a young girl and witnessed their cow having a troubled birth, which killed both the momma and the calf. Mary Ellen had reprimanded Abe repeatedly for allowing Linda to see that. Mary Ellen had been at market when it happened, and six-year-old Linda cried for days afterward. Once Luke sliced his finger on a saw blade in the barn, not even enough for a stitch, and Linda passed smooth out and busted her chin. Linda couldn’t stand to see someone in pain.
