by Mercy Amare
There is a photo attached. It’s a photo of me, and there is a huge red X over my face.
Dread fills my stomach, and I wonder exactly what the note means. I quickly stuff it into my drawer, but I can’t help but wonder who has been in my room. I quickly walk out of my room, and go to Toby’s. I knock on the door.
“Come in,” I hear him say from the other side.
I open the door. “Can I sleep in here with you?”
Toby grins mischeviously. “I knew you would come to your senses.”
I roll my eyes. “I meant on the couch, you freak.”
“Always. My couch is your couch.”
I lie on Toby’s couch and try to fall asleep. But even with him there, I don’t feel safe.
Friday, November 19
7:32 PM
Fucking hot.
“HOT,” Marco, Veronica’s assistant, tells me. You know you look hot when a gay guy tells it to you. And he is right. I do look pretty damn hot. Tonight is homecoming, and I am beyond excited.
Tonight is the night.
The night that I lose my virginity.
I’m finally ready.
Ty has been a gentleman since Gabe’s Halloween party. I know that he genuinely feels bad for how he acted. He has been so patient with me. And he is who I want to be with my first time.
I just wish I wasn’t so nervous.
I’m scared it’s going to hurt.
But at least I’m going to look hot beforehand.
I picked out my dress, so I feel good about it. It’s a short, pink, strapless dress. It’s gathered in the front, and the dress is very much me. That’s why I love it. I’m also wearing a pair of Christian Louboutin Camilla heels. They look like Cinderella slippers, and are outlined in Crystals. My dad also bought me a diamond bracelet and matching earrings. I even got a new perfume.
Nicholas soon joins us and lets me know that my “date” is here.
“You look lovely tonight, Miss Evers,” he says.
“Thanks, Nicholas,” I grin.
“Mr. Newman is downstairs waiting for you.”
“Thanks.” I turn to look in my mirror one last time and am satisfied. I head downstairs.
“Fucking sexy,” Toby says from behind me. “Why do you have to be my stepsister? Seriously, it’s so not fair.”
“You’re not my type anyway,” I joke as we head down the stairs. Ty is standing at the end of the staircase.
“You’re beautiful.” Ty pulls me into his arms as I step off the last step, and then kisses my lips. My heart accelerates at the contact, but it is cut short when Toby clears his throat behind us.
“Dude, that’s my sister.”
We both pull back, and Ty looks over at Toby. “Dude, I saw you checking out her ass on the way down the stairs. You two are definitely not related.”
“Hey, I’m just saying, you are way more experienced than Kihanna. Remember Mrs. Fields…” Toby’s voice trails off.
“That was a fucking year ago, and it was one time. Why are you even bringing it up?”
“Because you probably haven’t told Kihanna about your past, man. You need to tell her before you two get in too deep. She doesn’t need to be mixed up in your shit,” he says pointedly.
I cut into the argument. “Who is Mrs. Fields?”
Toby gives Ty an I told you so look and walks out the front door. Ty looks at me for a few seconds, and I can tell he’s not sure what to say. “Remember that game of Never Have I Ever?”
I nod, and suddenly it sinks in.
Mrs. Fields was the English teacher he had sex with. I had completely forgotten about that. Suddenly, I am double-guessing myself. Am I really ready to have sex with Ty tonight?
Deep down, I don’t think so.
“How many girls have you been with?”
Ty looks away from me. “A lot.”
“Have you been with a lot of older women?”
“Some, yeah,” he answers. “But they weren’t you, Kihanna. I’m in love with you. I was not in love with any of those other girls.”
“You know that doesn’t really make it any better.”
“I know.” He hangs his head a little. “And I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I am so sorry.”
I nod. “I know. And I knew you had been with a lot of girls, I just didn’t really think about it. I’m sorry I’m being really silly right now.”
I am being stupid. I guess I had this fantasy in my head of my prince. I would be his first, and he would be mine. Of course we would live happily ever after. But I know that it is just a fantasy. It’s not realistic to think like that.
“It’s not silly,” Ty counters. “Gabe was right. You deserve a lot better than me.”
I roll my eyes. Gabe needs to stay out of my business. “And Gabe thinks he’s better? Seriously, I am a big girl. I can make my own decisions. I decided to date you. Your past is past. As long as I am your future, I can handle it.”
Take that, Gabe.
Ty seems to smile at my decision, and I decide that the decision is a good one. I can’t be scared forever. Ty and I have been dating almost three months now. If he just wanted me for sex, he would’ve broken up with me long before now.
I follow Ty outside. There is a long, black, Hummer limo waiting for us. Part of me is surprised, because I expected to see his car, but I know I shouldn’t have been. It’s typical Ty behavior… He likes to go all out whenever possible. Most girls would probably think it’s super romantic, and don’t get me wrong, I do think so too, but it’s a bit excessive.
A limo driver opens the door for us, and I slide in right before Ty.
“Wow.”
Ty grabs a couple of champagne flutes, and pours us each a glass. He hands me one. I wonder if he has forgotten that I hate champagne, but I decide not to bring it up.
“Here is to a magical night,” he says and clanks our glasses together.
I take a small sip of the champagne and set my glass down.
“I booked us a room tonight at Arianna’s dad’s hotel,” he informs me. “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but it’s a sweet room. We can just chill in the hot tub, drink wine, cuddle, and if you happen to want to have sex then it’ll be perfect.”
I feel torn.
Part of me is thinking, Aw, how sweet. I haven’t really thought much about where I would lose my virginity, but a ritzy hotel sounds perfect. But the other part of me is kind of angry. Did he just assume I would fall into bed with him that easily? The angry side is definitely winning.
I try to blow it off nicely. “I don’t have any clothes.”
He smiles. “As much as I’d love to see you naked… I actually had your friends pack a bag for you. It’s waiting in the hotel room.”
Okay. That was really sweet.
I decide to just see how the night plays out. There is no sense in getting worked up over it. The hotel sounds nice, and I did actually plan on having sex with him tonight. At least now we would be having sex in a nice hotel room. Besides, it’s not like I have to have sex with him just because he booked a room.
I am proud of my decision.
8:12 PM
Homecoming
When Ty and I walk inside, he sees some of his friends so he excuses himself to go say hi to them. That was ten minutes ago. So I stand there looking at the decorations.
I swear, there is a thing with California and chandeliers. The one in here is elegant and has crystals. It looks like it cost more than my old school. There are enough candles lined along the walkway that it definitely qualifies as a fire hazard. Along the pathway, the carpet is red. I watch as Jacqueline walks in. She has her head held high, and I have to admit that she looks beautiful. She’s wearing a long red dress. I have no clue what designer it is, but I can tell it must have cost a lot of money. It looks good on her.
“You look amazing.” I hear Gabe’s voice. I turn around and see him standing inches from me. I take a ste
p back.
“Thanks.” I take a good look at him. He looks good in his designer suit. He even fixed his hair. I have to admit, Gabriel is gorgeous. If he wasn’t so overbearing I think I could like him. Maybe.
“Where is your date?” he asks.
I shrug. “Your guess is as good as mine. He disappeared about ten minutes ago with Jason and Emmett.”
“His loss is my gain.” Gabriel holds out his hand for me. “May I have this dance?”
I start to say no. I should say no. But instead, I say yes. What could it hurt? It’s not even a slow song. Once he sees how bad of a dancer I am, he will gladly ditch me.
Gabe takes my hand in his and leads me out to the dance floor. I hate the butterflies that appear in my stomach when he is touching me. But I also love them. No matter how much I want to deny it, Gabriel has a part of my heart. But he can’t keep it.
Just as we step on the dance floor, the song changes.
To a slow song.
Really?
Gabe smiles mischievously and pulls me close to him. I put a couple of inches between us, but he pulls me closer. I should pull away, but I don’t. Our stomachs are touching, and my chest is against his.
“I don’t think you realize how beautiful you look tonight,” Gabe says. “I bet every guy in this place is envious of me right now.”
Gabe’s words are sweet. Ty has said similar things to me, but it feels different coming from Gabe. Maybe more genuine? I don’t know, but I like it.
I am in trouble.
“I’m here with Ty,” I remind him.
My words don’t affect him at all. “You say that, but where is your date? Right now you’re mine. I intend to enjoy this moment very thoroughly.” He slides he hand down to my lower back, right above my butt. He’s teasing me, and I pretend like it isn’t affecting me. I like his hand there. Part of me wishes he would slide it further down.
I lay my head against Gabe’s chest and listen to the steady sound of his heart. I smell his cologne, and it smells good. Though I suspect he would smell good no matter what.
Gabe leans down, kisses my cheek, and whispers in my ear. “One day, you will be mine.”
His words should make me mad, but they don’t. Instead, my heart beats faster. My stomach feels like I’m free-falling, only I’m not scared. I’m excited. Whatever this is between us feels so real.
Your boyfriend is Ty, I remind myself.
I choose not to reply to Gabe’s comment. I just let him hold me close as we dance. I try not to think. I just want to feel. I know it’s wrong, but after this dance I will go find Ty. I will forget this ever happened. I can’t fall for Gabe. As bad as Ty thinks he is for me, Gabriel is that much worse. He not only has the ability to break my heart, but to rip it into so many shreds that I may never find all the pieces.
“I wish I would have gone after you first,” he whispers again. “You should be mine. It isn’t fair.”
“We don’t always get what we want.” I say it more for me than for him.
“I know that you don’t want him,” he replies. “I see the way you look at me, and I see the way you look at him. You belong with me, Kihanna.”
“Maybe so, but I am with him. Not you.”
“You could be.”
I take a step back. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” I turn around and walk as fast as I can away from him. If I stayed there another second, I might never leave. And I can’t do that to Ty. I can’t do that to me. I walk up the stairs and try to open the bathroom door, but it’s locked. I bang on the door. From the other side I hear shuffling, and then the door swings open. Jacqueline walks out, her blonde hair is a mess and her dress is slightly pulled up. She pulls it down.
“Hey, Skank,” she greets me.
“You’re one to talk.”
She walks off, brushing my shoulder as she leaves. I walk inside, and see that a guy is zipping up his pants.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry.” I am about to look away when I see who it is. “Ty.” I almost can’t even believe it’s him as I say his name. His eyes grow big as he sees me.
“Kihanna, baby, I’m sorry…” he starts in. I don’t listen. I just turn around and run out of the bathroom. I hear him yelling, “Kihanna,” as he runs after me. I see Gabe in the middle of the dance floor, so I do the only thing I can think of. I run into his arms.
“Please, take me home,” I plead.
He doesn’t question. He just puts his arm around me and escorts me out of the building. He opens the passenger side door for me, and then gets in the driver’s side. As soon as he gets in the car, I lean my head over on his shoulder and cry.
I was about to give myself to an asshole. Part of me is relieved that I didn’t have sex with him. The other part of me is devastated, because I trusted him. What does that say about me? I obviously am not good at judging people.
Gabe doesn’t say a word. He just drives, with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other holding my hand. What would I do without him?
Finally, I hold my head up.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not really.”
“What happened?”
I sigh. “Can we talk about it later?”
He nods.
“Guys are fucking jerks.”
“Yes, we are,” Gabe agrees with me.
“I have a question…” I pause for a second. “If you and I were dating, and I wouldn’t have sex with you, what would you do?”
Gabe laughs at this question. “The answer to this question is simple… If you and I were dating, we would be having sex. We have way too much chemistry between us.”
His response, cocky as it is, makes me smile. “I’m serious. Let’s say we had been dating three months, and we haven’t done anything more than kiss… What would you do?”
“Masturbate a lot.”
His response makes me blush. I hate that it makes me blush.
“But like I said, we couldn’t make it that long.”
“But say we did wait… Would you ever consider… having sex… with somebody else?” Just saying it out loud makes me cringe. I still cannot believe that Ty cheated on me.
Suddenly, I’m wishing that I would have punched him. Why didn’t I punch him? I just ran away like a scared baby… Well, I will confront him. Eventually.
“I have never cheated, and I never will,” he answers. “Did Ty cheat on you, Kihanna?”
I don’t answer. Mainly because I don’t want Gabe to beat the shit out of Ty. I know Ty deserves it, but still, I want to be the one to slap him. Or punch him. Something. But my silence is answer enough.
“Son of a bitch!” he yells and punches his steering wheel. “I am going to kill that motherfucker.”
“Please, don’t,” I plead with him. “I just want to move on from this. I don’t want it to be a big deal.”
“Death would be an easy way out for him…” Gabe’s knuckles are white from his death grip on the steering wheel. “Ty Newman will pay. I can’t believe he hurt you like that.” His voice grows softer, and he turns to look at me for a second. “I’m so sorry, Kihanna.”
“Me too,” I agree. “But I’m glad I figured out now rather than in the morning after I slept with him. God! I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I was going to have sex with him!”
“You were going to have sex with him tonight?”
“Yeah,” I answer, angrily.
The car grows silent for a minute, then Gabe speaks. “I’m glad that you didn’t.”
“Me too.”
“So our family is leaving for your dad’s cabin in two days. We always spend every Thanksgiving up there. I was thinking maybe we could go early. It would be great to unwind.”
I don’t have to think long about it. “Sure,” I reply. “Just give me like an hour to pack and change.”
“Okay,” Gabe says as we pull up to the front of my house. “I’ll see you soon.”
I smile at him.
“Kihanna?” I
hear him ask as I climb out of his car.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about what happened. You deserve a lot better.” I can hear a double meaning in his voice. I know that he is including himself in the category. I hate that he is reminding me.
“You’re wrong, Gabe. I’m not too good for you. In fact, sometimes I worry that I’m not good enough for you.”
I don’t wait for him to reply. I just shut the door and run inside.
Is it possible to have my heart broken and repaired in the same night?
11:32 PM
Road trip.
Gabe picks me up just before midnight. Toby was still out… with some girl I’m sure… And my parents didn’t mind that I was heading out early with Gabriel. They seem to trust him and his family a lot.
My phone kept buzzing. Ty was calling and texting me like crazy. After the twentieth time hitting ignore, I finally shut off my phone. At that point Gabe’s phone started ringing, so he shut his off too.
“We don’t get very good cell service at the cabin. Just wi-fi,” he informs me. “It’s kind of nice. When we go up there, I know that we are actually going to have some family time. Our dads are pretty much workaholics.”
“Yep,” I agree, sadly. “I feel like I hardly get any time with him since I came here. The only reason I am here is to get to know him, but I barely see him at all. Part of me wishes he would just send me back to my mom.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he quickly protests.
“I’m not leaving,” I confirm. “I miss my mom, but I feel like I have a new life here. I never made any roots in St. Louis. Here, I have friends. I have a brother. I have…” I stop before saying you. My freaking boyfriend and I just broke up for goodness sakes. Why am I already thinking there is an us?
“Me,” Gabe finishes for me. “You have me.”
“Yeah.” I twirl my hair with my finger. I need something to do with my hands. Something to distract me. “I’m glad we are friends.”
Gabe chuckles. “We are going to be great friends.”
Friends are good.
Extremely sexy guy friends that make my panties melt… not so good. Ugh, how am I supposed to resist this blond hair, blue-eyed angel? Okay, angel may be a bit far-fetched. But still, he’s so freaking charming. And like he said, we wouldn’t wait. I can’t have held out on Ty for three months just to give it away to Gabe for free.
