by Mercy Amare
I feel my face grow warm — again. “Yeah, let’s just not tell Toby yet. I dated Ty almost three months and we never did anything more than kiss. Oh my God — I can’t believe I had sex with you after one night.”
Yeah, Ty and I haven’t even been broken up twenty-four hours yet. I pretty much suck. No, he sucks. He’s the one who cheated with that skank. Now he gets to live with the consequences. One of those consequences is seeing me with his best friend.
“I told you that you wouldn’t be able to resist me long,” he jokes. “Now I’m thinking that we need to have sex a few more times before our families show up.”
A few? I think, but I’m already excited.
3:54 PM
Holy hotness.
“Holy hotness,” is Toby’s response when he sees my barely there, string bikini. I’m pretty sure my face blushes. It should be illegal for my stepbrother to look at me like that.
“You are disgusting,” is my response.
Toby then turns to Gabe. “If I find out you touched her, I will make sure you never touch another girl as long as you live.”
“I’m pretty sure Kihanna is old enough to make her own decisions,” Gabe counters, almost angrily. “And I should be mad at you for looking at my girlfriend like that.”
Girlfriend?
What?
Not that I’m not thrilled — I am. I just kind of would have liked to be asked before he just proclaims it. I’d also like to be broken up from Ty longer than… well… fifteen hours.
“Girlfriend?” Toby asks and turns to me. “Please tell me you didn’t do anything stupid with him.”
“I didn’t do anything stupid with him.”
I just slept with him the same night I caught my boyfriend cheating on me… But at least we used a condom. That gives me a smart point.
Ugh.
I was stupid. Three times I was stupid if you count today in the pool… Yeah, okay, so maybe it was fun — a lot of fun — but still, I shouldn’t have done it. I wasn’t ready yet. My body was, oh boy, was my body ever ready.
I guess it just didn’t feel real until Gabe called me his girlfriend. And now I realize that it is real.
Toby looks angry, and he turns to Gabe. “I’m serious, if I find out you did anything to her, I will hurt you.”
“I would never do anything to hurt Kihanna,” he promises.
“Good.” Toby seems satisfied with his answer.
“Do you want to swim with us?” I ask him. We still haven’t swam yet… We got a little distracted earlier. This time we actually are going to swim.
Toby shakes his head. “I think I’m just going to chill in my room. Maybe smoke some weed. You guys are welcome to join me. I brought plenty.”
“No thanks,” Gabe tells him. I know Gabe smokes. Part of me wonders if he’s saying no because he knows that I don’t smoke. I don’t want him to say no just because I don’t want to.
After Toby leaves the pool room, I turn to Gabe. “I don’t mind if you want to go smoke. I need to call my mom later tonight anyway. I haven’t talked to her in a few days, and I want to tell her everything that went down last night.”
He looks at me, surprised. “You aren’t going to tell your mom that we hooked up, right?”
Yes, I am going to tell her, but I don’t tell him. “I just mean everything with Ty, and how sweet you’ve been.”
“Oh, right.” He smiles sweetly. “So, will I ever get to meet your mom?”
I nod. “Definitely. She’s flying here for Christmas. She’s going to spend two weeks with me. You will most definitely meet her then.”
“Oh, is she coming on the cruise with us?”
“Cruise?” I ask. This is the first I’ve heard of any cruise.
“Yeah, every Christmas break our families go on a cruise for two weeks. It’s a tradition. I just assumed you knew already,” he answers.
“Right. I’ll have to ask Mom when I call her later tonight.”
“Ready to swim?”
Before I can respond to his question, he jumps in, splashing me with the warm water. I soon follow him, all other thoughts aside. Even if I’m not sure what I want with Gabe, I know that he is the boy that I have fallen for. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for love.
6:33 PM
Relationship status.
After we get out of the pool, I take a shower and decide to call my mom. Gabe changed his mind and went to smoke a joint with Toby. He says that our family dinners can get pretty intense. If our family brunch is any indication of that, then I’m scared.
“Kihanna,” my mom answers. She is trying to sound cheerful, but I can hear sadness in her voice. My heart spikes at the thought of her being in pain.
“Mom? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just trying to get over this cold.” She sounds like she’s trying to brush it off. “I’m better now that I hear your beautiful voice. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” I feel the all too familiar pain in my chest. I’ve never gone more than a few days without seeing my mom, and the distance between us is killing me. I wish so bad that she would pack up and move here, but I know that’s not a possibility. Her life is there. And part of me hates that my life is here.
“Now what is this business about you and Ty breaking up? I thought things were going well.” She pauses, then says, “Does it have anything to do with that Gabe boy? You’ve been crushing on him for a while now. Did your heart finally win?”
Wow. It’s crazy how well my mom knows me. “Yes and no. Last night, I found Ty cheating on me with Jacqueline at Homecoming.”
“How dare he!” I can practically feel my mom’s wrath through the phone. “You just wait. If I ever get my hands on him… Ugh!”
And this is why I love my mom. She gets it. My phone beeps in my ear, and I look to see an incoming call from Ty. “Ugh, he’s calling me now. He won’t give up. I guess my silence isn’t enough answer for him.”
“Did you change your relationship status on Staying Connected?”
“No!” I open my computer and log in. “I’m going to do that right now.”
“Good girl.”
I have about ten notifications, and thirty messages. Most of them are from Ty, so I ignore it. “Crap. I don’t know what to change my status to.”
“Single,” she says, like it’s the most obvious response. I don’t reply. “Ooooh. You slept with Gabe, didn’t you?”
“Ugh,” I say, lying back on my bed. “I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Yes!” I scream back at her, laughing. We’ve talked a lot about sex. My mom doesn’t want me to get pregnant before I graduate college, like she did. I’m glad she taught me.
“I am proud of you, Kihanna, you know that right?”
I’m pretty sure that I can hear tears in my mom’s voice, and it makes me miss her that much more. At least I have Dad, Toby, Veronica, Gabe, and all my friends. My mom doesn’t have anybody. I hope that my mom can find a nice guy to spend her life with, because the thought of my mom being alone forever breaks my heart.
Maybe she’ll meet a nice, rich guy on our cruise, I think.
“Oh, Mom, I meant to talk to you. Did you know that we are going on a cruise at Christmas? Did Dad mention it to you?”
“Right! It must have completely slipped my mind,” she says.
How does one forget about a cruise? “Mom, are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes, of course I am, Honey. I’m just tired.” I heard some muffled voices in the background, and then my mom says, “I’m sorry to cut our talks short, but I have to go now. Just remember — always listen to your heart. I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
The line goes dead, and I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I decided to go downstairs and talk to my dad. Maybe he knows what’s going on with Mom. Maybe he just forgot to mention the cruise to her or something.
When I get downsta
irs, I find my dad all dressed up in skiing gear. He’s covered in snow, so my guess is that he’s coming back from skiing.
“Kihanna,” he greets me. “You missed all the excitement of skiing.”
I laugh at the thought of me skiing. “I’m pretty sure I would just fall on my butt a hundred times. I thought I should just save myself the embarrassment.”
“Right, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Gabe stayed.”
I roll my eyes at that. “Dad, do you really think so little of me? My decisions are never based around a guy. If a guy doesn’t like me for me, then screw him, he doesn’t deserve my awesomeness anyway!”
“That’s my girl. Your mom taught you right.” He pulls me in for a hug, and I squeal as his cold clothing touches my skin. I’m wearing a tank top and shorts.
“Oh, hey, speaking of Mom… Has she been acting weird?”
“Weird how?” He doesn’t look at me as he asks, which makes me think he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Well, I feel like she’s been hiding something from me.” I pause for a second. “She is still coming for Christmas right? You did get her a ticket for the cruise, right?”
“Don’t worry, Kihanna. Everything for Christmas is set.” He avoids answering all of my questions.
“I will figure it out, eventually.” I put my hands on my hips stubbornly. “Just you wait and see.” I turn to storm away, but my dad stops me.
“Some things are better left unknown.”
I walk back to my room, and my laptop is still sitting open on my bed. I see my relationship status and just decide to change it to single. I don’t want to put myself “in a relationship” with Gabe right now. I’m sure Gabe will appreciate that too. Just because Ty was a jerk, doesn’t mean I want to hurt his feelings. Plus, if I changed my status this quickly, I would look bad, not Ty. And I definitely want everybody to know what a cheating jerk he is!
Holy cow, don’t people have lives? The second I change my relationship status, I get so many comments and private messages — including those from Ty. I am not going open any of those, but I decide I might as well face the music sooner than later. So I read the private message.
Ty Newman: Babe, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I’m dying here.
Me: I guess you should have thought about that before you CHEATED on me! With Jacqueline Hoff of all people! You know how I feel about her!
Ty Newman: I know! I was so stupid. It had just been so long since I had been with somebody. And I wasn’t thinking! You’re the only one I want. Please, can I call you? I need to hear your voice. Or I will come over. I want to see you, baby, please?
Me: I don’t feel like talking to you right now, and I’m not home. You know, I actually planned on having sex with you last night. I was finally ready. And then you go screw her. Why? And don’t give me another lame ass excuse! Why did you cheat on me?
Ty Newman: Other than stupidity? I was jealous. I see how you are with Gabe, and I see how you look at him. I’d give anything for you to look at me like that. I guess I thought I was evening the score.
Me: I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU WITH GABE!
Ty Newman: I know! I know! I fucked up real bad. Will you ever forgive me?
Me: I will forgive you, but we will never be what we were. Our relationship is over. Maybe we can be friends?
Ty Newman: I don’t want to be your friend. Somehow, someday… I will make a way for you to be mine again. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you, Kihanna Evers.
I shut my laptop as I read his last message. It’s too late for Ty now. Even if Gabriel wasn’t in the picture, there is no way that I would ever go back to him after what he did. I’m so not that girl.
I’m about to head downstairs when Gabe and Toby come into my room. Both of them are obviously high. Their eyes are bloodshot, and they smell like weed. I have to shake my head at them. “So how do you guys not get caught?”
Gabe shrugs. “My parents either don’t care or pretend not to notice. By the way, I saw your relationship status. Ty isn’t taking it so well, is he?”
“No,” I shake my head. I almost feel bad for Ty — almost.
“He’s been calling me nonstop. He left me one message telling me it was my fault that he cheated on you. Then five minutes later, he left another message apologizing. I’m pretty sure that he was wasted last night. He left me some messages crying.” Gabe shakes his head. “I guess he didn’t realize how special you were until he lost you.”
Gabe’s comment is sweet. I don’t feel special. And the fact that Ty cheated on me is kind of a huge blow to my ego. “Thanks.”
“Have you talked to Ty?” Toby asks.
“I just did, actually. I wasn’t going to, but I figured I was just putting off the inevitable. I’m hoping since I talked to him he will stop calling me every five seconds.”
“What did he say?”
I roll my eyes, remembering our conversation. “A bunch of bull crap. But, in short, he said he made the worst mistake of his life, and he will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me.”
Toby and Gabe both nod in agreement.
“He did fuck up really badly,” Gabe says. “But his loss is my gain.”
Toby snorts at that. “Well, when Gabe fucks up, because I don’t doubt he will, I will be here for you, Kihanna.”
I hadn’t thought about Gabriel cheating on me, but now that Toby has put the thought in my head, I can’t help but feel panicked. What if Gabriel does cheat on me? He would, without a doubt, crush my heart.
“I won’t cheat on you,” Gabe promises. “Never.”
His words comfort me.
“We’ll see,” Toby jumps in. “So who is ready for family dinner? I’m fucking starved.”
7:21 PM
Family dinner.
Apparently shorts and a tank top are inappropriate for family dinner. Like it really matters, nobody is going to see me. Just our hired help and the family. So what is the big deal? But it totally matters to Veronica.
“Go change,” she demands.
I laugh. “No way.”
“Mark!” she whines to him. Oh my God! How old is she?
Dad turns to me, and I give him a stubborn look. There is pretty much no way that I am getting up from this table right now. He sighs in defeat, and looks back at Veronica. “I’m sorry. But what is it hurting? It’s just us tonight.” He turns to me. “And Kihanna will dress up for Thanksgiving Day, so we can take lots of family pictures.”
I turn to Veronica. “I agree to this compromise.”
She glares at me, frustrated. She knows she’s lost this battle. “Fine.”
Toby joins the conversation. “I personally like the tank top and shorts, Mom. I think you’re just jealous ‘cause her boobs look better than yours without surgery. And she does have a pretty nice ass…”
Dad cuts him off. “Toby! That is enough. Don’t talk about your stepsister like that.”
“I think Gabe is the one you should be worried about.”
Gabe’s mom, Libby, looks over at Gabe. “Is this true, honey? Should we be worried about you and Kihanna?”
“Would it be so bad if I was interested in Kihanna?” he asks her.
She considers this for a moment. “No, I don’t suppose it would be terrible. Kihanna is a good girl. I just don’t want you to do something stupid and ruin it. I don’t want to make family dinners awkward.”
I lean over and whisper to Toby. “Wow — I just love it when people talk about me like I’m not there.” The sarcasm is heavy in my voice.
Toby laughs like I’ve just said the funniest thing he’s ever heard. And then I remember, he’s high.
“So it’s okay if Kihanna and I date each other?” Gabe confirms.
Libby and Jack both nod their heads, and Veronica seems pretty excited at the idea as well, but my dad stays silent. I am not sure why he’s quiet now. I thought he knew I liked Gabe.
“I thought you alr
eady had a boyfriend. What happened to Ty?” he asks.
Toby answers for me. “Ty cheated on her with Jacqueline Hoff.”
“That girl you punched on your first day of school?” Dad asks.
I nod.
“Right. Well, I can’t stop you from dating Gabe, but I think you should give it time before getting serious. There is no sense in rushing things.”
I want to dig a hole. And then I want to bury myself. Seriously, what is up with this family? Can we never have one normal meal together? Apparently not. My stepbrother and boyfriend are high, and our parents practically spend the rest of the meal talking about Gabe and my relationship. Veronica and Libby are practically planning our wedding. I feel like I need to remind them that I’m only seventeen, and I’m definitely not getting married until after I graduate college.
One good thing about being with Gabe is he already knows how crazy my family is. In fact, his family is pretty crazy too.
I laugh to myself. Yep, we are definitely meant to be.
Thursday, November 25
10:54 AM
Just a kiss.
I can’t take it anymore.
Seriously, whose idea was it to spend a whole freaking week in a cabin? Especially considering my crazy family. But it isn’t just my family that is driving me nuts. There is also Libby, who seems to think I am her future daughter-in-law, and of course, there is Gabe. Don’t get me wrong, I like Gabe. A lot. But there is only so much I can take. I just need to get away from everybody before I go crazy.
Veronica has been bugging me about my Thanksgiving outfit since our family dinner Saturday night. I’ve been walking around the house in tank tops and shorts just to make her angry. Of course, the way Gabe looks at me is also a plus. To be honest, I think he’d be happier if I just walked around in my bikini all the time. I bet that would really make Veronica angry. Unless it was Dolce and Gabbana, or some other ridiculously expensive name brand. She’d probably be okay with it then.
