by Mercy Amare
Gabe sneaks in my room every night and sneaks out every morning. I have a feeling we aren’t actually being all that sneaky. I think my dad just chooses to feign ignorance, and nobody else really cares.
Early this morning, I called my mom and talked to her. She seemed to be feeling better, and she seemed happy. She was having Thanksgiving dinner with Shelby, one of her best friends. I am just glad she doesn’t have to spend the day alone. I wish she could be here with us today. I have a feeling my mom would be a great buffer for Veronica and me.
Veronica knocks on my door about an hour before dinner. I’m in the middle of curling my hair, and am still in my underwear. I haven’t exactly decided what I want to wear today.
“Come in,” I yell.
She opens the door. “Your hair is looking lovely.”
Wow — a compliment.
“I brought you something.” It’s then that I see the bags in her hands. “You don’t have to wear this, but it’s a beautiful dress, and I know that it would look amazing on you.”
Two nice things in a row. She must really want me to wear whatever is in those bags. I curl my last piece of hair and make my way over to her. I peek inside the back and see a beautiful black and silver dress. It’s strapless. I slip it on, careful not to mess up my hair. The dress cuts off about five-inches above my knees. I am surprised that I actually love it.
“It’s Valentino,” she says. “You look beautiful.”
I grab the other bag from her. It’s shoes, and I recognize the designer. It’s Christian Loubountin Daffodile. They are four-inch, black heels. They are very simple-looking, but elegant. I slide them on, and am pleased to see that they’re not too uncomfortable.
“You are so gorgeous, Kihanna.” She smiles proudly at me.
Whoa, are we having a stepmother-stepdaughter moment here? I actually feel kind of proud. “Thank you, Veronica. It’s a very nice outfit. I will be happy to wear it.”
“You should wear your black pearl necklace with it. And wear your hair up,” she says sternly. And just like that, the moment is over. She walks out of my room, and I resist the urge to flip off the recently shut door. I walk back into the bathroom and put a few finishing touches on my hair. I decide to leave it down, because I like it better that way. Then, I spray on some perfume. I take a look at myself in the mirror and smile. I do look good. I snap a quick picture of myself in the mirror, and send it to my mom. And soon as I send it, there is another knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Gabe comes walking through the door. He’s wearing a suit and tie, and he looks good. Like really good. “You look amazing,” he compliments me. “I’m liking this dress. I can’t wait to take it off.”
His words make me my stomach tighten with anticipation. How can just his words alone turn me on? “I’m excited for you to take it off.”
Gabe wraps his arms around me and begins to kiss me. We are soon interrupted by a “Sorry,” coming from my doorway. I turn to see my dad, who now has his back turned toward us. I feel my face flush and wonder if he is as embarrassed as I am. I’m pretty sure Gabe was cupping my ass with his hands.
“Sorry, Dad,” I quickly apologize.
Gabe mumbles a quick apology and exits my room. Great. Now I can’t even use him as a buffer.
“Are you sure you want to be so serious with Gabe?” My dad asks me as soon as Gabriel is out of earshot.
Great. Now I’m going to get the sex talk. Again. “Dad, it was just a kiss.”
“No, that was not just a kiss, and you know it.” He’s using a stern voice that I haven’t heard before from him, and I know he’s serious.
“I’ll be careful, Dad,” I promise him. “I’m a big girl. I know what I’m doing.”
“I know,” he smiles sadly at me. “I love you. I hate that I missed out on so much of your life. But I am proud of the woman you are becoming.”
His words bring tears to my eyes. “I love you too, Dad.”
“How are you doing? I know it must be hard not having your mom here.”
I shrug. “I’m doing okay. I miss her a lot, but it helps knowing that I get to see her for Christmas. I’m excited about the cruise. Mom and me always planned on going on one, but we never got around to it. I’m so glad she gets to come with us.”
He doesn’t respond, he just pulls me in for a hug. “I don’t tell you this enough, but I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too.” Because even though I miss my mom like crazy, there is nowhere else I would rather be.
“We are taking pictures in ten minutes. Try not to be late. You know how Veronica gets.”
I roll my eyes, but nod. As my dad leaves the room, I can’t help but wonder what attracted him to Veronica. They are like polar opposites. Though, I guess sometimes love doesn’t care if you’re compatible or not.
And then I think about Gabriel. Maybe someday we will get married. Obviously you can’t marry somebody based on your sexual attraction to them… Well, I guess you can, but that wouldn’t be smart… But we haven’t really hung out much outside of the bedroom. He and Toby spend most of the day in his bedroom, getting high and playing video games. And I spend my day watching Pretty Little Liars re-runs. Yeah, I know — I’m pathetic. It also makes me feel a little used. But part of me, the very horny part of me, doesn’t care. Sex with Gabe is pretty amazing.
I give myself one more look in the mirror, pushing all other thoughts aside, and then head downstairs for family pictures.
Joy.
12:12 PM
Thankful for…
Thanksgiving lunch is… extravagant. Though, I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less. I guess I just thought that since we’re in the mountains, in a secluded cabin, that maybe it wouldn’t be a big show. I was wrong. We are sitting at a huge dining room table. The chandelier in this room is definitely not made of deer antlers. The plates we are eating from are elegant — it’s definitely a change from the Target plates my own mom buys. I think of all the children in the world that could have a meal if they would’ve bought cheaper plates and donated the rest of the money to charity.
“Kihanna, do you have any Thanksgiving traditions with your mom?” my dad asks.
I nod. “The usual. We always say one thing we are thankful for. But we also always say one thing we’d like to be thankful for next year. Like next year, I hope I’ll be in a good college, making good grades. So I’m thankful for it ahead of time.”
“Let’s do that! You go first Kihanna,” he says.
“Okay.” I sit up straighter in my chair. “I am thankful to be here with my dad, and with my new family. I’m thankful for all the friends I’ve made. And I’m thankful that I will be accepted into a nice college, and hopefully will have a good scholarship.”
Toby goes next. “I’m thankful for my new stepsister. I’m glad she’s not a bitch, and she’s pretty awesome. And for next year, I’ll be thankful to just have passed the eleventh grade.”
I have to laugh. “Toby, you are the best stepbrother — ever.”
“I know.”
Dad goes next. “I too am thankful for Kihanna. I’m glad she’s here with me, and that I’m finally getting the chance to know my daughter. I hate the time we missed, but I am going to try my hardest to make up for that time. And next year, I’ll be thankful for moving forward.”
I give my dad an awkward side hug. After everybody finishes what they’re thankful for, we eat. And when I say eat, I really mean gorge. There is so much food, because apparently turkey isn’t enough. Once we finish eating, Dad and Jack sit down to watch a football game, and Toby, Gabriel, and I go to the basement to play a game of pool.
“I wonder if Veronica would mind if I changed my clothes,” I say, looking down at my dress. It’s a little too short to be playing pool in.
Gabe is the one to answer. “I most definitely think she would be angry. Please tell me you’re not wearing underwear.”
I playfully hit is arm. “Gabriel Johnson! You l
ittle perv!”
“When we were saying what we were thankful for, I came this,” he holds his index finger and his thumb half an inch apart, “close to saying Kihanna’s pussy. But I’m pretty sure your dad wouldn’t have approved.”
I put my hands on my hips. “If you’re going to be like that, then you won’t get near it for a very long time.”
He gets a very serious look on his face. “I was kidding!”
“Whatever you say.”
Gabe pulls me into his arms, and kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry. You know I love a lot more than just your pussy.”
“Hello, I’m standing right here.” Toby gags as he cues up the balls.
I ignore Toby. “What all do you like?”
Gabriel grabs a strand of my hair. “I like your hair. And your eyes. I love your body.” He gently runs his hand down my side. “I like your kisses.” He kisses my lips gently. “I like your ass,” he says and grabs my butt. This makes me smile. Then he runs his hand gently across my lips. “I like your smile.” He pulls me closer, and I rest my head on his chest.
“What else do you like? Besides my appearance.”
“Everything. I seriously don’t think there is one thing I don’t like about you.”
“Give it time,” I joke.
“Gabe forgot to mention your awesome boobs,” Toby says. “Now let’s play pool.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Toby, you are so not allowed to look at my boobs. Or mention them. Ever again.”
“Whatever. Let’s just play.” He hands me a stick. “You break.”
As I bend over to break, Gabe grabs my butt and makes me jump. I turn around and glare at him. “You’re not allowed to stand behind me while we play.”
He pouts. “Where is the fun in that?”
I bend over to shoot again, and he grabs my butt. I knock his hand off. “I’m serious, Gabriel. Knock it off.”
“Fine,” he backs away. “I will beat you anyway.”
This makes me laugh. I haven’t seen Gabriel play before, but I am very good. From the time I was nine, until I moved here, every Tuesday night my mom bowled with her bowling league. While she bowled, I would play pool. Sometimes I played by myself, and other time I would play random opponents. When I first started going, I was forced to go because my mom thought I was too young to stay home, then I went because I genuinely liked playing pool… Well that, and I got bored staying at home.
“Want to bet?” I put my hands on my hips. This is going to be good.
“I don’t want to take your money,” he says sweetly.
“Whatever you say. I’m sure bruising your ego will feel just as good as taking your money…” my voice trails off.
“Fine.” He pulls out his wallet. “How much?”
I flash him a smile. “I have a better idea.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m thinking Celine Dion karaoke… In front of the whole school.” It’s hard to say that with a straight face, but somehow I pull it off. I hear Toby laughing, but I keep my eyes on Gabe. He looks like he’s about to decline my offer, so I add, “Unless you’re chicken.”
There is a determination in his eyes when I say that. “Deal.”
Men seriously never grow up. This is just proof.
“But,” he adds, “if I win, you have to…”
“Nothing dirty!” Toby cuts Gabe off.
“Damn…” He thinks for a moment. “Fine. If I win, you have to go skinny dipping… In Jacqueline Hoff’s pool… Without her permission.”
I think about this for a moment. I’m confident in my skills, but I haven’t seen Gabe play before. What if he is better than me? I don’t want to sneak into Jacqueline’s pool. If I got caught I would definitely go to jail. And then I would be teased for the rest of my high school career. She would probably even take pictures and post them online.
“Unless you’re chicken,” Gabe repeats my words back to me.
Now I can’t say no. “You’re on.”
Gabe moves to the side and I bend over and shoot the ball. When I do, I knock three solid colors in at the same time. When I look over at Gabe, he’s fake yawning. “Beginner’s luck.”
I smile at that. He will see it’s definitely not just beginners luck. I shoot again knocking in two more solid colored balls. When I look back up, he looks worried. “What’s the matter?” I ask him. “Afraid you’re going to have to sing Celine Dion.”
“Nah. You will miss. Eventually. Probably now, actually. I’m pretty sure that next shot is impossible.”
I look at the table. It’s hard, but not impossible. I do the math in my head, and am one hundred percent certain that I can make this shot. I shoot the ball, and it bounces around the table once. Gabe is smiling, because he thinks I missed, but at last, the ball drops in. His face turns white as a ghost.
“This is so not fair!”
I just ignore him, and continue shooting. At last, I am down the eight ball. I shoot and it goes in perfectly. I start jumping up and down and dancing. Yeah, I rock that much.
“What the fuck?” Gabe asks me. “How? When did you learn to play like that? You didn’t miss once!”
I laugh with a shrug. “I guess it was just beginner’s luck.”
“You are not a beginner.”
“No. But I bet that is the last time you doubt my mad skills. And by the way, you should probably start practicing for your performance.” I let out a little squeal. Okay, so maybe I’m acting a little immature, but I don’t care. This is freaking hilarious.
“No way! I’m not doing that!”
“Yes you are. You said you would. And if I would’ve lost, you so would’ve made me skinny dip in Jacqueline’s pool!”
“You don’t have proof.” He crosses his arms stubbornly.
Toby clears his throat, and holds up his phone. “Actually, I do.” He pushes the play button the video. “It’s already got fifty comments on Staying Connected. There is also a poll to see which song people want you to sing. So far All By Myself is winning, followed closely by My Heart Will Go On, and Beauty and the Beast.”
This makes me laugh — hard. Soon Gabe and Toby both start laughing too.
“Fine. I’ll do this. The first day we are back at school. I’ll have somebody pull the fire alarm, and when everybody comes out I will do my thing. I will probably get suspended for a few days, but it will totally be worth it.”
I picture all the students and staff walking outside, wondering what’s going on, and then Gabe starts singing. It’s pretty much going to be epic.
After playing and winning a few more games, I end up watching Toby and Gabe against each other. They’re both pretty good, but not nearly as good as me. I don’t think they like playing with me, because I am hazardous to their egos. I’m not sure why, but that makes me happy.
11:14 PM
Going home.
As always, Gabe sneaks into my room, but tonight he doesn’t attack me with kisses. He just lies there beside me in the dark. He has yet to say a word, and this scares me a little. I wonder if I did something wrong.
“Gabe?” I ask.
“Yeah?” His voice sounds a little distant.
“Are you okay?”
He doesn’t reply for a very long time. “Kihanna, you know that I love you, right?”
Oh, God. I don’t like how this is starting. “Yeah…” My voice trails off, and my stomach fills with dread. I know exactly what is coming next, but I am hoping that I am wrong.
“I’m not ready for this. For us.”
This brings tears to my eyes, but I try not to let him hear it in my voice. “Why?”
“I just…” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I am so happy. And I keep thinking about Lily. I took any chance of happiness she ever had. She won’t know what it’s like to have true love. I shouldn’t get the chance either. It isn’t fair.”
“So this is it?” I confirm. “Just like that, you’re done with me?”
“I care about
you.”
This makes me angry. “Fuck you, Gabe. You don’t care about anybody but yourself. You couldn’t decide this before you screwed me? Or did you just decide that I needed to be fucked up as bad as you are?”
“That’s not what this is…”
I stand up, not wanting to hear anymore of his half-ass excuses. “Congratulations. You stole my virginity and broke my heart all in one week. Don’t ever come near me again.”
He starts to say something else, but I don’t listen. I run out of my room, and into Toby’s. He’s asleep, so I turn on his light.
“Toby,” I cry, as I shake him.
He stirs, and sits up when he sees me. “Kihanna, what’s wrong?”
“You were right about Gabe. He’s a jerk.”
“I’ll fucking kill him!” Toby shoots up out of bed, but I stop him before he gets to the door.
“No, just take me home, please.” I sob. “I just don’t want to be near him right now.”
Toby considers what I’m asking him for a few seconds, and then he nods. “Okay, let’s go home.”
I follow him into the hallway and am glad to see that Gabe is nowhere in sight. If I never see him again, it will be too soon. I get inside the passenger side of Toby’s car, and bawl my eyes out as we head home.
I was right about one thing — Gabe does have the ability to shred my heart into millions of tiny pieces. I just didn’t think he would do it.
1:43 AM
Black.
As we get closer home, I force myself to stop crying. It’s stupid to cry over a guy. Especially a guy who doesn’t love me back, because despite what he says, he doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t have broken up with me.
“He’s an idiot, you know,” Toby says. He has been pretty quiet the whole drive. He just let me cry, which is exactly what I needed.
