by Lena Skye
Tamika stared at the ceiling as the doctor pressed against her pelvis and searched for her baby. No one was saying anything; she looked up at the doctor to see if her face would give it away. The doctor’s face was blank.
“So what do you think? Is my baby okay?” Tamika asked.
“I’m going to need to do an ultrasound to check,” the doctor stated.
As soon as she said those words, the nurse in the room got busy. She quickly set up the machine and stepped back.
“Okay,” the doctor said, “I’m going to take a look to see exactly what’s going on.”
Tamika turned her head away from the monitor. She couldn’t look at the monitor, what if there wasn’t a baby there? The same baby that had been there moments before? What if it was gone? What if she already lost it?
After a few moments they wiped her stomach clean, everyone was quiet. That’s when she knew.
“My baby is gone, isn’t it?” Tamika whispered.
“I’m so sorry to have to confirm your thoughts,” the doctor said. “We’re going to have to do a D and C this evening.”
“What is that?”
“It stands for dilation and curettage. A doctor will remove the contents of your uterus. It will be done by scraping the uterine wall.”
“Is that necessary?” she asked
“Unfortunately because of how far along you are, I do recommend it.”
“As if I haven’t been through enough today, can I at least wait until my husband gets here?”
“Absolutely,” the doctor the said. “We can also talk about possibly getting you some counseling if needed. This can be a tough time.”
“Did you already know that I lost my baby when I got here?” Tamika asked, completely ignoring the doctor.
“I’m sorry?”
“You heard me, did you already know that my baby was gone? I mean I was bleeding, you had to know. So why put me through all of the bullshit?”
“I understand that you’re upset, but it’s procedure to be sure before we confirm anything.”
“Right,” Tamika spat, “Can you just leave me alone for a while please?”
“Sure,” the doctor said before she and the nurse left the room.
Tears streamed down her face but not in the way that she expected it to. She thought that she would be overtaken by emotion, but she was afraid to feel much of anything. Her baby was gone, and there was nothing that she could do about it. It was the one thing that was holding her marriage together, and now it was gone. Reggie was going to be so hurt when he found out that his child no longer existed.
She lay there, and she knew that she should be calling her husband but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Someone else was going to have to do it for her. It was bad enough that his brother was just hospitalized from being attacked, and now she was in the hospital. The poor man couldn’t catch a break.
“Knock, knock,” she heard someone say. The curtain was blocking her view of the door, but she knew who it was.”
“What do you want?” she asked Jin.
He was taken aback by her rudeness, but he understood considering the circumstances.
“I just came to check on you,” he said.
“I’m fine, you can leave now.”
“I’m sorry but the only way that I’m leaving is if you ask security to escort me out. Why are you pushing me away?” he asked as he took a seat next to her bed.
“Because of you I lost my baby!” she said through clenched teeth.
They sat in silence for a few moments. She knew that it wasn’t his fault, but the need to blame someone was overwhelming. Taking that blame onto herself would have been immobilizing.
“I’m sorry that you lost your child. I had no idea that you were pregnant. Forgive me for asking but was it…”
“No, it wasn’t’ yours. It was Reggie’s and I’m certain of that so don’t even ask. That’s the reason why I didn’t tell you that I was pregnant.”
“I can understand that, but either way, I’m sorry that it happened to you.”
“What would you have done if I was pregnant by you?” Tamika asked.
“The right thing,” he said quickly.
“Would your family have disowned you for having a kid with a married black woman?”
He laughed lightly, “My family has pretty much disowned me anyway. It would have been another nail in my coffin. However, I can assure you that no one would have stopped me from taking care of my child, or you.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me Jin.”
“Believe me I know, you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to sit here with you until your friends or family show up. When are you expecting them?”
“None of them know yet,” she admitted, “I’m too embarrassed and hurt to tell them. I was so excited about this baby and it was going to keep my marriage together. Now I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I thought that everything was falling into place. My marriage was back on track and my career was flourishing, things were perfect.”
“Is that why you distanced yourself from me?”
Tamika nodded, “I don’t know if I apologized before, but I’m really sorry for dragging you into my drama. I should have never come over to your place that day. I was hurt and I didn’t know what I wanted, you didn’t deserve to be used that way.”
Jin shook his head, “Don’t apologize, I enjoyed myself. I’ll admit that I got my hopes up and I wanted there to be something more, but I knew what I was getting into. That’s the risk that a person takes when they get involved with someone that’s married or attached.”
“Ugh, I seem to make a mess everywhere I go.”
“No,” he said quickly as he grabbed her hand, “Stop feeling so guilty over it. I’m a grown man who made my own decision. I’m happy that I had the time with you that I did and I wouldn’t take it back for anything, even if you would. I’m sorry that I kissed you, I just couldn’t help myself.”
“I kissed you back, so it’s hard for me to blame you for that. I’ve sent mixed signals.”
“I know that this may be highly inappropriate for me to ask, but what do you want?”
“I want to make things work with my husband. Things have been incredibly rocky for us lately and we’ve finally gotten back on track. Right now we’re trying to fix the damage that’s been done to our relationship. I took things a step too far and now I’m paying for it. If I wasn’t married, I would most likely be with you, or someone like you. But I am married, and I have to honor my vows.”
He sighed, it wasn’t what he wanted to hear but he respected it. He didn’t see how a woman like Tamika could be so underappreciated by her husband. She was beautiful, intelligent, sweet, and overall a great person. Her drive was downright sexy and he got to see it firsthand every day.
“Just know that no matter what, I’m here for you. I brought you under my wing as my mentee because I believed in you and you prove me right every day. If you feel like you have to pull away from me to protect your marriage, I understand. However, I just want to say that I’ll never cross that line again with you unless it’s something that you absolutely want. We can keep our relationship friendly and professional just as it was before.”
Tamika nodded, “Thanks, I needed to hear that. I have a feeling that I’m going to need as many friends as I can get after today.”
Jin lightly massaged her hand, “I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. You deserve nothing but the best.”
She sighed, “Right now I feel like I’m getting exactly what I deserve.”
“Don’t say that and don’t think that way. Would you like me to call anyone for you?”
“It’s like you read my mind. I know that it may be too much to ask of you, but do you think that you could call my husband for me? I can’t do it.”
He gave a slight smile, “Of course I can do that for you. Where is your phone?”
“It’s in my purse
beneath the bed.”
He searched for her purse and he tried to hand it to her.
“It’s in the side pocket, just grab it search for Reggie’s name and call him.”
Jin nodded and did as asked. She watched him as he dialed the number over and over again. He left a message the fourth time he called.
“What would you like me to do?” Jin asked, “He’s not answering his phone.”
“He’s probably still at the office.”
“Do you have his work number in your phone?”
“It’s in there but under a different name in my phone. Search for his first and last name and it should be under that contact. When I got a new phone my numbers didn’t sync correctly. I rarely call him at work so I never merged them.”
“Okay, I’ll try his job. Will they still be open?”
“Yeah, their office doesn’t close until 8. Evil lawyers never sleep,” she said.
He laughed, “Okay, no problem. I’ll give him a call and let him know.”
Tamika never removed her eyes from Jin as he called the office. If things were different, they could have been happy together. However, she made her choice about the man that she wanted to be with pretty early in life. When she first laid eyes on Reggie she knew that he was the man for her. They were young, but she knew.
One night after her college’s cheerleading rehearsals it was decided that it was time for them to meet the team. Tamika was always unimpressed by the men that she cheered for. Although she was the cheerleading captain at her high school, she never dated a football player. Instead, she opted for the captain of the debate team. His name was Arthur and he was a certified nerd and she loved him. However, they both knew the reality of their situation. He was going off to Florida for school and she was heading to New York. Her father and mother taught her early that young relationships didn’t last, and they were right. She and Arthur parted ways as amicably as they could and agreed to check in with each other.
Love wasn’t a feeling that she’d known yet, she hadn’t experienced being head over heels for a boy in her entire life. Sure, there were men that she was interested in, but never to the point of teenage girl insanity. After the practice the girls walked over to the field and he immediately captured her attention. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was the kind of boy that only existed on TV, and when he saw her looking at him, he flashed her the most amazing smile and waved.
“Ooooh,” all of the girls went as they noticed the two flirting.
“Stop it,” Tamika laughed.
“No you stop it,” Madeline told her, “it’s too early to start flirting with them. Most of them turn out to be dogs, so don’t like them too much.”
Madeline was the captain of the cheerleading team and in her final year of college. Tamika respected her a lot but she hoped that she was wrong about the guy on the field.
“You never know,” Tamika said.
“Go ahead and get your heart broken. They all seem nice until the football season starts, then they just look at us like convenient pussy. Don’t fall into the trap; I’ve seen far too many girls do it. You’re way too smart and talented to get caught up in the bullshit. Focus on cheering and class, and you won’t lose. If you want a boyfriend, grab one from the chess team, not one of them.”
“But I’ve already been down that route; maybe I’m ready for something different.”
“I’m not your mom,” Madeline said, “But don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”
Madeline was right, she wasn’t her mother. Tamika was going to do whatever she wanted and when she wanted something, she went full throttle.
Tamika was pulled from her thoughts when she saw Jin’s brow furrow. He looked confused, “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” he said into the phone. “Are you absolutely sure? I see.”
He hung up with a troubled look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, I double checked but maybe this number is old. Did Reginald get a new job within the last few months?”
Tamika shook her head, “No, he hasn’t. Why?”
“The receptionist said that he hasn’t worked there in months and from the sounds of it, he was fired.”
Tamika laid her head back onto her pillow, “Today just gets better and better.”
***
Reggie sat at the bar; he had drank three too many Jack and Cokes and he was not intending on stopping anytime soon. He was surrounded by modern luxury at the bar of the Andaz hotel right on Wall Street in downtown Manhattan. Whenever he was down in the dumps, he went to the places that he never could afford as a kid. Bar Seven Five was just that. He could get a room if he wanted to, granted it would be with the money that he couldn’t touch, but it was still his money. He’d worked hard to achieve his spot in life, but it didn’t matter, all of it was going to come crashing down on him. What happened to his brother was his fault and he was going to find a way to bring everything to an end. His brother hadn’t done anything wrong; he was used as a pawn. What kind of woman attacks a man’s family? Mimi, which was who. Now, he was forced to protect himself and his family the only way that he knew how.
The Glock Model 23 felt a little nostalgic, but he was going to have to get used to it. He used to carry a gun around when he was younger but when he completely switched over to a “square” lifestyle he gave it up. He hoped that this style of living would come to a close for him soon. As soon as he made sure that his family was safe, he would get rid of it. He had to use some of his emergency cash to get it, but shit, this was one hell of an emergency.
“Would you like another sir?” The bartender asked.
“Yeah, keep ‘em coming,” he responded.
When he met Mimi he knew that she was trouble, but he never thought that she would turn on him the way that she did. He took a risk leaving Alabama to come to New York to play football. He spent everything he had to get to where he was. His mother was no help and his father was an absentee. No one knew how broke he was, but Mimi spotted him from a mile away.
She was at the first game of the season, he didn’t get much time on the field but she’d been watching him. He caught her staring at him a few times, as he looked behind him into the bleachers. She was gorgeous, even though she was a little older than what he preferred in a woman.
After the game was over she called his name, “Dawson!”
He turned to see her and stopped before his team had to go to the locker room, “Yeah?” he said.
“You looked really good out there,” she grinned.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Why isn’t your hair cut? You would look so much better with a fresh lining,” she said as she sized him up.
He self-consciously ran a hand through his poorly maintained afro, “I just haven’t had the time, I’ve been busy.”
She gave him a knowing smile and handed him a piece of paper with her name and number on it, “When you have the time, call me. I’ll take care of you, as long as you take care of me.”
His eyes went wide, “I’m sorry what does that mean?”
“What do you think that it means?”
“Well…”
“You’re right,” she winked. “Now you go ahead and catch up with your team, I don’t want to get you in trouble.”
“Alright.”
“Dawson! Get your ass over here!” The coach yelled.
“Damn,” he said.
“Bye Dawson,” Mimi smiled before she sauntered off.
“Awwww shit, you’ve got a cougar after you! She’s fine as hell too Joe!” his teammate Marlon said.
“My name is Reggie.”
“Dude, I know that. I’m from chi-town, we call everybody Joe.”
“That’s some weird shit.”
“Aren’t you from Alabama? Where it’s legal to marry your first cousin?”
Reggie laughed, “You wanna make fun of the country boy huh?”
“All day every day,” Marlon said, “Most of my family
migrated from the south so I’m used to dealing with country bumpkins.”
“Chicago is just full of country black people anyway.”
“That’s the truth,” Marlon laughed, “Here in New York everyone thinks I’m from Mississippi, we have light country accents. But then when I’m visiting my family in Arkansas, they all ask me if I’m from New York. I can’t win.”
“It’s a blessing, southern chicks love New York dudes and women from New York love country boys. You’ve got the best of both worlds.”
“Yep and when I’m home, I’m just another Joe.”
They both laughed and headed for the locker room.
Mimi came through with her promise. When he had some downtime, he called Mimi and she picked him up. She took him to get his hair cut, got him some new clothes, and then took him out to dinner. After dinner they went back to her place and he made good on his part of the deal. She taught him how to lick a kitty just the way that she liked it and just how powerful deep short strokes could be.
The entire time that he was with her, he was in awe. Why would a woman like her want to deal with a boy like him? He didn’t have two nickels to rub together. There were people that offered to do things for him financially, but he declined. Reggie was too afraid of being caught by the board and his school scholarship being snatched. Some things just weren’t worth it. He didn’t pawn all of his shit to get to New York just to fuck it up by being a greedy idiot. However, he still managed to get caught up. If he knew now what he knew then, his path would have been different. He would have spent all of his time and attention on the wild haired and sweet Tamika. She was everything that any man would want and more, but his time was split between two women and Tamika never had a clue.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time and noticed that Tamika called him. There was a voicemail as well, which was rare for her. He called her back and she picked up.
“Where in the hell are you?” She asked.
“I’m sorry babe, I’m out with the partners working late.”
“Right,” she said with a lot of attitude.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m in the hospital, that’s what. You need to get down here, now. I’m at St. Luke’s. Come to the ER and ask for me.”
