The Very Worst Man
Page 8
“Still, I should have known.”
Putting himself in her place and imagining what he’d want to hear if David had done the same to him, Hayden shook his head. “No, he worked hard to keep you ignorant.” He sighed in frustration after seeing the frown deepen on her face. “Not that you’re anything but smart, because you are and you love him. There’s a reason the cliché says love is blind.”
She stood, picking up all the torn up tissues. “Maybe, but it’s not stupid. You know, I understand now why that’s one of his favorite words. He uses ‘stupid’ all the time to describe me and the things I do.”
“The man needs a smack to the head and a thesaurus.” He turned to face her as she walked past him to the trash. “How many times will I need to say how smart you are to counteract everything he’s said?”
Alexandra paused before turning to him with a small grin and shaking her head. “You won’t live that long. None of us will.”
His skin was still warm where they’d held hands. Thinking about the rest of their lives deepened the loneliness in him he’d felt since they’d talked at the bar the other night. Maxine was a great gal and he really liked her, but Alexandra had his heart. He loved her almost as much as he hated her brother. Hayden stood, following her into the kitchen.
Seeing him behind her, she continued, “I’ve spent the past week going over everything he’s said or done and now it’s all clear. The jokes that weren’t really jokes. The times I felt snubbed but brushed it off because that rude comment couldn’t be what he meant. He just had a sarcastic sense of humor, right?”
“Right?”
“No, he didn’t. He meant every single mean word he said. He just put them into a jokey form so everyone wouldn’t take him seriously.” She opened the refrigerator door, its light illuminating the kitchen. “I’ve been a terrible hostess. I haven’t offered you anything to drink, and have you eaten dinner yet? I can fix something for us.”
Hayden had said everything he knew about the whole Stan mess, but did have ideas about dinner. “I haven’t, but you know what? Let me cook up something for us while you take a shower.”
“Oh God. I reek, don’t I?” She covered her face with her hands. “I think I cleaned up the day before yesterday. I can’t remember. It’s bad, isn’t it?”
He suppressed the urge to lean over and start sniffing. She might not appreciate the joke right now. He’d not noticed anything stinking except maybe an air freshener somewhere in the room. “No, no of course not.”
Before thinking, she started to smell under her arm, stopping when seeing him grin at her. “Yes it is, and you’re being nice. Maybe you should just leave and let me only offend myself.”
His stomach threatened to growl, but he didn’t want to leave her alone at the moment. Plus, she didn’t seem ready to go out in public. He nodded at the refrigerator. “When was the last time you ate anything?”
“I’m not sure. You threw away all the evidence.” She went to the trash and opened the lid. “Here, let me look.”
If she pawed through the garbage, she really would start stinking and he had to stop her. “Alex, no. Don’t bother. Just go and clean up so you’ll feel better, and I’ll make us something.” He searched inside the fridge. “Is most of what’s in here reasonably fresh?”
She peered over the half door. “Pretty much. Use up whatever you want. I need to go shopping anyway. My freezer is nearly empty.”
He laughed. “I’ll bet. You ate all your dinners in one week.”
“Not all of them.” She squinted as if sizing him up and asked, “Can I trust you in here?”
Giving her shooing motions, he said, “Absolutely. Go and let me work.”
She walked away backwards as if she didn’t believe him. He grinned at her attitude and went back to the hunt for ingredients. Chunky milk was poured down the drain. The eggs and butter were good. He shuddered at the runny lettuce and dumped it down the garbage disposal after the milk. Cheddar cheese passed the mold inspection, as did the bacon and mushrooms. He gathered everything for a breakfast and began mixing an omelet.
Before long, eggs fried in a pan next to a few slices of bacon. She only had the large frying pan. Hearing the shower still going, Hayden wondered about the lack of kitchen supplies. He set the table with the few dishes she had. Nothing matched, leading him to think everything came from a thrift store or had been bought one at a time. He wondered if Alexandra was the ultimate minimalist or had been recently divorced. Either way didn’t matter. He’d found enough for them to eat together. Finding a second clean coffee cup in the dishwasher, he went to put it on the table.
“Do I smell better?”
She almost startled him, walking in without a sound. With her standing close enough to touch, he leaned over and breathed in. “Different, certainly.” He scooped up a serving of omelet and bacon for each of them, giving Alexandra her plate. “Less like gym socks and more like flowers.”
“I like the flowers part, but different?” She took the cup from him, setting it down before sitting. “And that’s not better?”
Her hair hung down her back, dark and damp still from being washed. He’d been able to ignore how close, naked, and wet she’d been while cleaning up, keeping his focus on cooking. Now, he concentrated on pouring their coffee, letting that keep him from thinking about her pajamas. Her t-shirt looked old enough to be soft, while her pants were made of that too soft to feel material popular now. Catching her expectant look, he remembered she’d asked him a question. “Better? Ok, yes, it is. I didn’t want to imply you were anything but perfect before cleaning up.” He grinned at her laugh and brought the other drink over and sat.
Shaking her head at him, she took a bite of her omelet. “Oh my God, this is good. Where did you learn to cook like this?”
“I worked my way through law school in a diner. By the last year, I was a morning cook.” He took a bite. “Pretty good. It could have used some onion.”
“Mmm.” She swallowed and pointed her fork at her food. “I can’t even imagine these tasting better. They’re perfect.”
“They’re not bad. I’m picky about my eggs.” He glanced over at her to see Alexandra staring at her plate. “Is something wrong?”
“No. I just was thinking about something. A Stan memory that I didn’t realize was bad until now.” She picked up a slice of bacon and took a bite. “There’s been a lot of that this week.”
He ate more, thinking of how she’d dodged Maxine’s calls for the past four days. “Have you been home this whole time?”
“No. I went into work but stayed in the back. Brenda handled the easiest of the cases. If Stan was going to unload on me, he picked the best week for it.” She put down the half eaten slice and wiped her mouth with the paper towel. “I spent my time on surgeries in the back of the building and moving Dr. Gibson’s paper records to the computer. It wasn’t a total waste.”
Her automatic justification for how she ran her own business tugged at his heart. She tended to over explain a lot, and he made a mental note to see if that was her nature or Stan’s influence on her. Still, Hayden wanted to reassure her that he didn’t automatically think the worst of her and how she’d coped with her brother’s meltdown. “I’m sure it wasn’t a waste at all. Except for your coffee table, you’ve been on top of things really well through all this.”
“You think?” She picked up her fork only to put it down again and push the plate away. “Sometimes it feels like I’m always floundering. Especially now.”
He echoed her movements, putting his fork down on an empty plate. “It doesn’t seem like it from the outside.” He nodded toward the television. “How about I clean up, and we can catch the evening news?”
Grinning, she stood and gathered their plates. “Will you be leaving soon after to call Maxine again and reassure her I’m fine?”
He threw away their paper napkins and pushed in the chairs. “Yes to going home, no to calling Max. It’ll be too late by then.”
He grinned at her teasing. “Thank you for not sending me out into the blizzard without catching the weather.” Her snorting laugh left him feeling rewarded as she clicked the remote.
“Right, because that’s a legit danger this time of year.” She sat. “Come on. Have a seat. Might as well make yourself comfortable.”
Hayden did as she asked, settling in next to her. They were close enough to touch and he stared straight ahead, trying to concentrate on the news. He smelled her fresh scent and squirmed a little in his seat. If he did the fake stretch, he could put his arm around her shoulders. Every skin cell on her side of his body felt electric as if she were a magnet he couldn’t resist.
When a commercial came on, she muted the sound. Without looking at him, she said, “I liked it when you said you wanted justice for Sheila.”
“It’s true.”
“I also liked it when you called me honey. It sounded good coming from you.”
“It was a slip of the tongue.” She didn’t respond and he could guess at what she must be thinking. “I shouldn’t admit to this probably, how sometimes I think you’re sweet. Honey just slipped out.”
“You didn’t say it sarcastically. I liked that.”
“What? No, I didn’t, Alexandra.” He stared at her face, unable to look away. Now wasn’t the time to tell her anything. She was still reeling from Stan’s betrayal and he knew that. Her eyes drew him in, and when she smiled, he couldn’t keep from confessing. “I couldn’t ever call you honey, sweetheart, darling, or dearest and be sarcastic. You’re the best person I’ve ever met, and every time I learn something new about you I’m even hungrier for more.” She’d stopped smiling at him and licked her lips. The action drove him insane, and he said, “I want to get to know you better, but only if you agree.”
“I suppose, but aren’t you already in a relationship?” Alexandra shook her head. “Max said it was obvious you were in love with someone.”
He chuckled enjoying the little glint of jealousy he saw in her face. Hayden needed to reassure her and said, “Maxine is somewhat correct. I’m interested in a certain woman and I’m not sure if she feels the same.”
A few moments passed with nothing else but news being broadcasted into the room. Alexandra muted at a commercial, and in the loud silence between them, she said, “She probably is interested in you. You’re a great guy.”
He opened his mouth then closed it to keep from telling her his feelings. Hayden didn’t mind being vulnerable to her. He just didn’t want to speak from the heart and then hear her say how much she hated him. Sensing the current commercial block’s end drew near, he decided to go with too much honesty. “I liked hearing that from you. Any time you feel the need to say I’m great, go ahead.”
“Oh.” She clicked off the mute when the advertising ended, letting the flood of sports information flow into the room. They sat, listening to who won which game, players’ stats, and ongoing rivalries until the program finished. Alexandra muted the sound again, saying, “This thing between us isn’t one sided, is it?”
His heart leapt into his throat and he croaked, “It isn’t?”
“You seem to be as attracted to me as I am to you. After this week of thinking about nothing but everything Stan has done since our parent’s funeral....” She swallowed as if avoiding another crying binge. “All I can think about is how right you’ve been since all this horror show started. You’ve known from day one how awful he was, and yet you’ve been polite to me.”
He looked at her, his gaze caressing her profile and enjoying every curve of her face. “It’s easy to be nice to you. You’re a lovely woman who’s sweet to Lily. I couldn’t help but fall for you.”
“Are we talking about the same thing?” Turning toward him, she stared at Hayden. “You’ve fallen in something more than like, right?”
He laughed at how she couldn’t say the word. Maybe love was too strong to say today, and he didn’t mind waiting until she became more comfortable with the idea. “In like so hard it’s made falling rocks look like fluffy clouds.”
“Oh my goodness.” She leaned toward him. “This is scary, but I want to know,” she murmured as their lips met.
Shock froze him in place like stone. He felt every centimeter they contacted and it wasn’t enough. Hayden put his hands on her shoulders and drew her closer into a hug. She groaned and he felt his restraint dissolve. Nothing he’d ever drunk had given such an intoxicating effect as Alexandra did in his arms. He should have pushed her away when she went for a kiss. Reality far surpassed what he’d imagined in the secret corner of his heart and tore through any ethics he had. He needed to end this now and began pulling away to avoid going further. Hayden’s strength melted at her protesting sigh. Letting her continue the kiss, he didn’t want this to ever end.
The practical and rational side of him flashed a warning about his duties. He ignored it, instead kissing down her throat to the little hollow. She’d spritzed perfume there, judging by the tangy taste of her skin. A baser part of him wanted to sink lower until the vee neck of her t-shirt stopped him. Her fingers buried in the hair at the nape of his neck seemed encouraging, so he gave in to the need, stopping just short of her cleavage. With a slight start, he realized how easy making love to her would be. Pulling away from her almost physically hurt him. He stared into her eyes, wanting to ignore everything and get lost in the hunger he saw in the blue depths. Afraid his voice would fail, Hayden cleared his throat before saying, “I need to quit this and go home.”
Chapter 7
Giving into the urge to kiss him melted her bones. One item on her curiosity checklist satisfied, she smiled. “I’m not sure I want you to leave after a kiss like that, Hayden.”
He shook his head before standing and walking to the door. “That’s too much. I can’t, considering our relationship.”
“Do we have one?” she asked while following him.
“Yes, and all this is a serious breach of ethics.” He put a hand to the back of his neck as if to scratch an itch more mental than physical. “I stopped by here for Max’s sake. Please start answering her calls and texts. If I check on you like this one more time, I could lose my job.”
The twinkle in his eyes softened his words. She got the hint and rather liked getting under his skin. Alexandra patted him on the arm, hoping he felt reassured. “I understand and appreciate your checking up on me for her. I just didn’t want to tell her about Stan and his outburst. It really hurt.”
He put the back of his hand to her cheek in a caress. “I know, sweetheart.”
“I didn’t want to think all those mean little things he’d said over the years were true, but they were. Every last one of them and even worse than all the garbage he gave me? He killed Sheila. I can see why he’d lie about such a thing, but still. He isn’t the brother I thought he was.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I think about how I’d react if my brother David did something like this.” He pulled her into a hug and gave her an extra squeeze. “I might have eaten fewer frozen dinners than you did this week, but I’d have been just as angry and hurt.”
“Thank you for saying that. I tend to overreact and every day kept trying to get over this.” She pulled away from him a little and looked up into his eyes. “I’ll pay for all this emotional indulgence tomorrow. Everything major at work that could be postponed has been.”
“So you’re feeling better and I don’t have to worry about leaving you alone tonight?”
“Yeah. A little real food, a hug from you, and it’s not so bad. It’s still not good now that I know Stan is guilty. The anger is still there, but the hurt has dissipated.” She tilted her head a little before teasing him. “You’re not such a bad guy.”
Hayden chuckled. “I appreciate you saying so. Despite being on his side for so long, you’re not such a bad girl.”
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nbsp; She eased out of his arms. “I wonder if we would have met without Stan’s influence.”
Hayden winced. “I’d like to think Dr. Olsen’s retirement would have helped us.”
“Let’s go with you bringing in Lily as our first meeting and ignore all the courtroom drama.”
He laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “Fine with me. It never happened.”
“Have you been home since work?” When he shook his head, Alexandra stepped away from him and motioned to the door. “Go, then. Otherwise Lily will be mad at me on her next visit.”
After a couple of seconds staring into space as if trying to imagine such a scene, he shook his head. “She couldn’t be angry with you and if she is, so what? She might not purr as loud?”
Crossing her arms, she leaned against the wall. “Come on, no one likes the vet, not even her.”
“Maybe not, but I’ve never seen her treat someone like catnip before you.”
A happy feeling started in her heart. She loved the little cat and enjoyed the affection. “I’d like to say that’s typical of my feline patients, but it’s not.”
He turned the doorknob, and before opening the door, asked, “Will you be ok tonight?”
“Eventually.” Her breath caught when he leaned forward. She put a hand on his shoulder and met him halfway. This second kiss electrified her like their first. Alexandra relaxed into his arms, loving how he held her close, and deepened their kiss. She wanted to stay there all night, but he broke off.
“I don’t even want to think about how wrong this is professionally.” He stopped holding her and stepped back. “Personally, it’s the best thing to happen to me in a long while.” With one hand on the doorknob, Hayden paused. “If you need anything, you’ll call Maxine or me, won’t you? You don’t need to be sad and alone like this.”
Hugs, kisses, and kind words didn’t equal love, so why did her heart feel squishy and happy inside? She worked to keep the affection blossoming in her from showing on her face. “I appreciate that and will call Max tomorrow morning first thing. I shouldn’t have worried her like that.”