Time After Time

by Wendy Godding

  Again he laughed. ‘I’m different? You should see yourself!’

  I stared at him, not finding anything in the situation remotely humorous. Like Penelope before me, I wondered if he might be mad, which would certainly explain a lot. He was nothing more than a reincarnated psychopath, and I his hapless victim. But even as I thought it, I knew it wasn’t true. There was much more to our story than simply murderer and victim.

  ‘Is that why you dress like that? Why your hair is shorn off and your face hidden behind gothic makeup?’ he asked suddenly. ‘So I wouldn’t recognise you?’

  ‘No.’ I began walking, keeping my eyes fixed on the pavement. The stones were uneven and the last thing I wanted was to trip on one and have to catch hold of him. Plus, it gave me something to focus on, something to look at other than him.

  ‘I think it is,’ he jeered. ‘I think you really thought you could hide from me, Becca.’

  Who’s Becca? I desperately wanted to ask, but I didn’t. The one advantage I had this time was that I remembered. If he realised that I didn’t know about Becca, who seemed to be important to him, then I would once again be at a disadvantage.

  ‘Come now, Abbie, you have no reason not to like me,’ he said, his voice low and cajoling.

  ‘Are you kidding? You must be kidding, right?’

  ‘I never kid, you should know that by now. I’m always deadly serious.’ Again, he laughed at his own little joke.

  I didn’t laugh. My thoughts were ranging through all my other past lives. Orla, Claire, Maria, Katherine, Antonia, Prudence, Vivienne, Veronica, Elizabeth, Penelope. They’d never found his sense of humour funny, either, nor his references to their deaths.

  ‘Abbie, lighten up! Just think, even if I do kill you, you’ll just be born somewhere else, sometime else.’ He said it so lightly that for a brief second I believed him. Believed there was a desirable outcome for all of this. After all, didn’t I want to escape my current life for a better one?

  No. Not like that…never like that.

  ‘Where did you even come from?’ I hissed.

  This threw him, and I felt the air around us change with his mood. ‘The same place you did, Rebecca.’

  Ah, I thought, Rebecca.

  We were almost at the library, and I skipped a little as I crossed the street, hoping he might be struck down by a passing truck or bus. The bus drivers in Brookdale drove like maniacs, but unfortunately, today being a Sunday, the buses were few and far between.

  ‘Hey, I have a joke,’ he said, once more in a lighter mood. ‘Do you want to hear it?’

  ‘No.’ Just a few more steps and I’d be in the library. Simone would be there and I’d be safe.

  ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’ he called after me as I hurried across the street.

  When I didn’t answer, he yelled to me, not caring who heard in the process.

  ‘Because she was scared of her past life lover!’

  As I walked into the library, the sound of his laughter rang in my ears, following even when the thick glass doors closed behind me.

  The joke wasn’t funny. But it gave me something to think about. Past life lover? That was new; as far as I could tell, we were always enemies.

  Simone was in a delightful mood as I strode through the doors, my heart burning.

  ‘Hello, my friend!’ Simone called happily. ‘Did you have a nice weekend? How is that cute boyfriend of yours?’

  ‘Over.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘We. Broke. Up,’ I explained curtly, still irritated from my conversation with Rem.

  ‘Oh Abbie, honey, are you okay?’ Simone asked, voice oozing with sympathy. ‘I know how your first break up can hurt!’

  I shrugged off her concern. I didn’t want to talk about my love life, especially when the first person I thought of was Rem, not Marcus. ‘It’s fine. But what about you? How’s your love life? How’s Dial-a-Date?’

  ‘Fine. We spent nearly the whole weekend together.’

  ‘Good sex?’ I asked, starting to relax a little. Teasing Simone helped to distract me.

  ‘Abbie!’ she warned. ‘Not that it is any of your business, but he is a gentleman and has very good manners!’

  ‘Good manners,’ I laughed, ‘You sound like a Jane Austen character.’ Actually, I corrected with a pang, she sounds like Georgina.

  Then I had an idea. I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of it before.

  ‘Simone,’ I began, ‘do you know much about genealogy?’

  ‘A bit. Enough to teach the family history course on Wednesday mornings. Why?’

  ‘I, ah, just wanted to check on someone. Someone we heard about in history.’

  ‘I can check if you like,’ she offered. She pushed a bit of paper across to me. ‘Just write down any details. There’s heaps of great websites to use.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I replied as I scribbled down what I knew about Georgina. Georgina Broadhurst. England. Her year of birth would be 1788.

  Simone read it aloud. ‘Seventeen eighty-eight. That’s the year Australia was settled by the British.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, a good year. Maybe she was a convict?’

  ‘You never know,’ said Simone. ‘You never know what you might find out.’

  ‘Abbie Harper!’

  At the sound of my name, I jumped. Glancing around, almost expecting to find Rem bearing down on me, I was surprised to see Mr Frank. I looked back at Simone and mouthed ‘What’s he doing here?’ to her, but she could only shrug helplessly.

  ‘Abbie Harper. I thought you had been told about your dress.’

  I blinked at him. His toupee was on crooked, and I had the urge to reach up and straighten it like you might straighten a crooked floor rug. Instead, I bit my bottom lip and tried not to laugh.

  ‘You go and wash that stuff off your face right now!’

  ‘Mr Frank, Abbie isn’t—’

  ‘It’s not on,’ he continued, ignoring Simone’s interruption. ‘I won’t have the library, a public place for all to enjoy, being ridiculed. It is a professional establishment.’

  ‘Mr Frank,’ Simone cut in, ‘Abbie isn’t working until later this afternoon.’

  ‘Well, what is she doing here now?’

  ‘Using the library,’ I retorted heatedly, my temper getting the better of me. ‘You know, doing homework, studying. Maybe you should get yourself a hobby, Mr Frank, then I won’t bother you so much!’

  Mr Frank was so surprised he began opening and closing his mouth like a stunned fish. I used the moment to flee the scene, running like a coward to a back corner of the library. I should know better than to upset Mr Frank; I needed my job.

  It was a while later, whilst burying myself deep in Jane Eyre, that Simone approached.

  I looked up over the top of my book and eyed her warily. ‘What? Are you going to fire me?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ Simone smiled. ‘He has no grounds since you aren’t officially at work. But you need to watch it, Abbie. I can’t stick up for you forever.’

  I smiled gratefully. ‘Thanks Simone. I owe you one.’

  ‘You owe me more than one, Abbie, and don’t worry. I’ll be calling those favours in soon enough.’

  Coming out of the library after my shift that afternoon, I was only half surprised to see Sebastian waiting. Rem. For some reason I had trouble reconciling his name change, whereas the transition from Heath to Marcus was easy. Maybe that was because Marcus didn’t remember anything, whereas Rem remembered everything.

  ‘What do you want?’ I asked, looking at him but not meeting his eyes. He was leaning back against his large black and silver motorcycle. Wearing tight jeans and a black leather jacket, he looked like a biker boy from a nineteen-fifties movie. Very Marlon Brando. A bad boy. I knew enough to stay away from bad boys, especially ones with murder on their mind.

  ‘I thought you’d like to go out.’

  It didn’t seem to be a question so I didn’t answer.

  ‘So?’ he said
after a few moments.

  ‘So what?’

  ‘So do you want to go out?’

  ‘With you? You have to be joking,’ I scoffed. ‘I know exactly what going out with you entails.’

  He narrowed his eyes, watching me carefully. ‘Do you, Abbie? Do you really?’

  ‘Of course.’ The slits of silver shining from his narrow eyes made me uncomfortable so I began to walk. Away.

  ‘Oh come on,’ he called, ‘let me take you out. Let’s get to know each other a little better. Marcus would like it.’

  Turning around, I stalked back to where he lounged, infuriated to see a playful smirk on his face. ‘Marcus would not like it, I’m sure of it. And Marcus would not like you anywhere near me if he knew.’

  ‘If he knew what, babe?’

  ‘If he knew what you were,’ I hissed, my skin prickling. ‘And don’t call me babe.’

  ‘And what is that, babe?’ he challenged, ignoring my warning. ‘What exactly am I? What are we?’

  I chewed my lip; my lungs felt like they might burst, I was so wound up. ‘You’re wrong. You’re just…wrong. How are you even here? How do you keep finding me? And what do you want?’

  Rem shrugged and reached out, but I flinched away, feeling the coldness of him all around me. ‘The answer is simple. You.’

  ‘Me? What?’

  ‘I’m here because of you, I keep finding you because of you and I want…you.’ He tilted his head and regarded me. ‘I thought you knew all this.’

  I bristled, uncomfortable under such close scrutiny. Especially his close scrutiny. ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Then if you know all of that, you’ll get on the bike and come with me.’

  My heart hammered in my chest, and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I had to pretend I did. And somehow I knew he was right. He wouldn’t hurt me…yet.

  Without thinking, I walked towards him, ignoring the delighted, perfect smile that spread across his face and the brilliant flash in his eyes. He handed me a helmet that seemed to be made for me—don’t think about that—and climbed on. I suspected I flashed my underwear at him when I swung my leg over the bike, judging by the twitch of his lips. Making a mental note, I promised myself to wear jeans next time.

  Next time…Was I mad? There would be no next time. There shouldn’t even be a this time.

  ‘Where do you want to go?’ he asked, starting the bike with a roar.

  I shrugged. The bike suddenly lurched and I threw my arms around his waist. He laughed. ‘You can hold on to me, Abbie. Any time you like.’

  I swallowed, trying not to think about how hard his body felt beneath my fingers and against my chest, trying not to remember him as Penelope had last seen him. His chest bare, hair tousled, eyes heated.

  We didn’t drive far, and I was both surprised and disappointed when he pulled up in front of Delilah’s. Great. Now everyone was bound to see me with Marcus’ brother, including Lilly Hamilton, who was guaranteed to be there.

  Climbing off, I smoothed down my dress and hair, fiddling nervously with the stud in my nose. To my surprise, Rem swatted my hand away. ‘Don’t do that.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ I asked, stunned.

  ‘You should take it out,’ he said, putting his hand possessively on the small of my back and leading me into the crowded cafe. ‘I don’t like you with that stuff all over you.’

  ‘Well, I like me very much with this stuff all over me,’ I replied hotly, stepping to the side so his hand fell away.

  ‘It’s not you. You’re pretty without it.’ He sat down at a table and I slid into the seat opposite. ‘Beautiful, even. But I guess you know that already.’

  I didn’t respond but hid behind the menu, which blocked my view of him, feeling hot and itchy. I could feel that my cheeks were flushed, the colour blotching my neck as well. I wasn’t used to compliments, if those were what he was offering.

  ‘So, Becca…’

  ‘Abbie,’ I corrected, lowering the menu just enough so he could see my eyes. ‘My name’s Abbie.’

  ‘Ah, semantics.’ He waved his hand. ‘You’ll always be Rebecca to me, just as I’m sure I’ll always be Anthony.’

  I looked back at the menu. Rebecca and Anthony. They were the key.

  ‘So, you and Marcus are over now?’

  ‘You ask a lot of questions.’

  ‘You don’t ask enough,’ he countered, ‘and I know you must have them. Or is it true that this time you actually remember everything?’

  ‘I remember everything,’ I told him, putting the menu down and glaring at him across the table. ‘Every little thing. So be warned. I’ll be watching you this time.’

  ‘Watching me?’

  ‘You won’t get a chance to…you know. I’ll tell Marcus.’

  ‘I’ll tell Marcus,’ he mimicked. ‘And what do you think Marcus will do? The same thing he did last time? Look where that got him.’

  I blinked, my heart frozen in my chest. An image of Heath’s tombstone flashed through my mind.

  ‘Ah, c’mon Abbie, if you remember everything then you’ll at least give me a chance.’

  ‘Give you a chance? Are you crazy? Give you a chance to kill me?’ I lowered my voice and glanced at the other patrons. Thankfully, no one seemed to have noticed us.

  ‘What are you talking about? I don’t want to kill you!’

  My mind spun. What was he talking about? He looked completely and utterly surprised, as if the idea of killing me had never entered his head, though it had entered it plenty of times before. I didn’t understand. We seemed to be talking in riddles.

  ‘I don’t want to hurt you. I want to…’ he paused and leaned forward, his silver eyes glowering, his perfect face serious and intense.

  Involuntarily, I leaned forward to hear what he was going to say, almost hanging on the edge of my seat with anticipation. Our faces were inches apart, and I felt his cool breath on my face.

  ‘Abbie, I want to love you. All I’m asking for is a chance. That’s all I’ve ever asked, but you’ve always said no. Always. Even when you didn’t want to, even when your heart and body were telling you not to, you still said no. But this time,’ he grinned, perfect white teeth flashing, ‘this time you know better. If you remember, as you seem to, then not only will you give me a chance, but you’re also already half in love with me. Am I right?’

  I stared at him. I had to choose my words carefully. ‘What about Marcus?’

  ‘What about him?’

  ‘Well, he and I…’

  ‘What?’ he said, his voice hard and cutting, ‘What about you and him? You haven’t…?’

  ‘No.’ I shifted uncomfortably. Was I really talking about my and Marcus’ sex life with his brother? Not that we even had one. But this was wrong on so many levels.

  ‘Well then,’ Rem said smugly. ‘You and he never…but you and I…’ His voice trailed off suggestively.

  My flush deepened, and I couldn’t meet his eyes. He laughed, a deep chuckle, which only made the colour spread. I felt more like Penelope Broadhurst than Abbie Harper.

  ‘It’s been a long time, Becca.’

  ‘Stop talking like that.’

  ‘Hey, it’s been two thousand years; a guy can get pretty horny.’

  I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. Was he telling me than this thing, this cycle we were looped in, had been going on for two thousand years? And that at some stage we had been lovers? Suddenly, my throat felt tight and nausea swelled in my stomach.

  ‘Can you just order already,’ I hissed.

  ‘Sure. I won’t embarrass you anymore,’ he said, winking at me. ‘But just know that I’m looking forward to renewing our acquaintance, all aspects of it. Very much so.’

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  There were no more dreams for me. I couldn’t believe it. After all this time, after all those years of wishing and praying for the dreams to go, I couldn’t believe that I would be free from the torme
nt of my past lives. Now, the moment they vanished, I wished I had them back again.

  I missed Penelope. And Georgina and Harry.

  I missed Heath, and strangely, I missed Sebastian too, although I wouldn’t admit that to anyone. I wanted to know what had happened. It wasn’t right that they should just vanish.

  Leaving my house under another beautiful, cloudless sky in Brookdale, I was about to make my way to the bus, when I stopped short. Marcus was there.

  Leaning against his car, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, he looked utterly adorable, his brown hair flopping in front of his eyes, which met mine with such intensity I felt my heart might burst.

  Rem was there too. I glanced away from him guiltily.

  ‘Do you want a lift to school?’ Marcus asked, his voice low and hesitant.

  ‘With him as well?’ I flicked my gaze to Rem, who winked at me while grinning delightedly.

  ‘Yeah, he wants to borrow my car.’

  ‘Is he leaving town?’

  ‘C’mon Abbie, I thought you and I were going to be friends,’ Rem said, teasing me. ‘I told Marcus we would be friends.’

  I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at either of them, feeling prickly all over. ‘I think I’ll catch the bus.’

  ‘You’re too late,’ Marcus told me. ‘It left.’

  ‘I’ll walk.’

  ‘Ah, c’mon Abbie, are we back to this again?’ Marcus complained. ‘Just let me give you a lift.’

  ‘What about him? There’s only two seats.’ I eyed Rem carefully.

  ‘You can sit on my lap, Abbie,’ Rem replied, and his lips twitched in amusement. He was obviously delighting in my discomfort, and all I could do was stare hotly at him.

  ‘There’s a back seat,’ Marcus glared at his brother, ‘He can sit there.’

  And have him stab me in the back, I thought. But despite my misgivings, I climbed in the front seat, pulling the seat belt on. Marcus was a complete mystery to me; I envied his ignorance.

  ‘So are you guys back together?’ Rem asked, leaning forward and letting his hand dangle on my shoulder.

  Looking out the window, I trembled where he touched me, feeling my skin dimple of its own accord; I was unsure if I wanted to pull away or lean into him.