Killer Honeymoon

by Traci Tyne Hilton

  Jane took a deep breath. “We can figure it out with the money guy, I guess. In the meantime…”

  “We should get back home to the bedroom?” Jake’s eyes twinkled.

  “I should probably call Rocky and Flora. There’s no way I can look a gift corpse in the mouth.”

  “So to speak.” Jake grimaced.

  Jane remembered the remnants of the body’s face and also wished she had come up with a different turn of phrase. Jake’s accounting of their various properties was outside of the realm of reality, so she filed it away to be thought about in the far future. The Rainier cabin, on the other hand, made her happier than she had expected. Thrilled, really. She could keep going there, could take her future kids there, could even bring Gemma and Grant there someday if they wanted to come, which they would. And thinking about a lifetime of happy memories on the mountain helped her forget about how gross the body in the shed had been.

  Jane and Jake made it back to the Crawford beach house and were ready to get to work on the murder. “This place is going to need a better name than the Crawford beach house.” Jane settled into the kitchen and poured herself another cup of coffee.

  “The house of sand and fog?” Jake stood at the picture window, staring at the ocean.

  “Ew, no.” Jane tapped her phone screen. “I’m going to make the call. I am going to do it. This case was almost literally a wedding present.”

  “Yup.”

  Jane tapped the contact info for Flora Wilson at the SCoRI office. “A wedding present from God.”

  “Just call, will you?”

  Jane pressed the little green phone icon. It rang.

  “Senior Corps of Retired Investigators.”

  Jane swallowed. “Flora, this is Jane.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?” The mildly acid voice belonged to Flora’s office manager, Miranda.

  “I am, but we have a problem. Could you put Flora on?”

  “Why not?” Miranda chuckled.

  Jane wouldn’t let the snide reception get to her. Miranda wasn’t married, so whatever she was thinking about calling into work on your honeymoon was probably not fair, anyway.

  “This is Flora.” Flora’s voice was tired, rushed, and a little put out. So, normal.

  “Hey, this is Jane. We’ve got a little problem out here in Warrenton. At the house. The, um, the beach house. There was a body in the shed.”

  “Hang up and call 911. Right now.”

  “We already did. It’s okay. The ME has the body and stuff. But we thought if you guys came out here, we could maybe pursue some lines of inquiry and make it count toward supervised hours.”

  “That’s Clatsop County.” Flora paused. “So Judy has the body.” She paused again, the sound of shuffling papers barely audible. “We have a new case here. Should be fast, but I don’t know.”

  “I guess, if you can’t…”

  “It’s not that we can’t. Let me talk to Rocky. We can assign this case to someone and maybe get out there. But without a client…”

  “The body was found at our house. Couldn’t Jake be the client?”

  There was a long pause this time. “Yes. I think that would work.”

  “Great! So when will you be here? We’re staying here for two weeks, but after that Jake is leaving for a month.” Jane’s heart was beating as fast as the words spilling out of her mouth.

  “Give me a few hours to take care of business here and we’ll call you.”

  “Yes, I can do that. Thank you.” Jane ended the call. “She’s going to do it, Jake! I can’t believe it.”

  “Did you say I was the client?” Jake’s eyebrows were pulled together. “How much is that going to cost me?”

  “Less than a starter apartment in Paris, I’m sure.”

  She sidled up next to him and nibbled his ear.

  He put aside his fake reluctance and they found a way to entertain themselves until Flora called.

  “We’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning. This was an old body, and you have limited time, so don’t waste today,” Flora said.

  Jane blushed, not agreeing that the other things they had to do were a waste of time. “They said that five ‘kids’ went missing a few weeks ago. I think we should go try to meet some local youths. Learn something about the missing kids.”

  “I agree,” Flora said. “You and Jake will be much better at that than Rocky and I. Be ready to report when we come tomorrow.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Flora. Not ma’am. I’m not a hundred years old and this isn’t Texas.”

  “Sorry.”

  Jane and Jake both Googled for the name of the place young people hang out in Warrenton. The obvious answer for a clear, warm day like this was the beach. All they had to do was fill the hours between now and sundown.

  They managed.

  CHAPTER 4

  That night’s bonfire was about half a mile from their house. A dozen kids were gathered around, dressed warm for the cool night, hoods pulled up, hands shoved in pockets, or poking the huge fire with long sticks of driftwood. Plenty of bottles were tucked into the sand, so the crowd was bound to get noisier, but at the moment, it was mellow.

  Jane and Jake played it like they were just walking and happened past the fire. “Hey.” Jake tilted his chin at a tall, broad-shouldered guy in his early twenties or so, who was throwing another log on the fire.

  “Did you bring beer?” the broad-shouldered guy asked.

  “Not this time. Just passing.”

  The other guy chucked a small log into the flames. “Whatever.”

  Jane moved to a group of three girls, each with a brown bottle in hand. “Nice fire.”

  A short girl with brown hair in a pixie cut pulled another brown bottle from the pocket of her oversized hoodie and offered it to Jane. “Don’t talk so much.”

  Jane waved away the bottle. “Sorry. You guys seem kind of down.”

  The brunette took a long drink from her bottle.

  “It’s been a bad day,” a girl to her right, in short-shorts and a baggy sweatshirt, said.

  “Sorry to hear that.” Jane wrapped her arms over her stomach and rocked on her heels. A cold wind blew across the beach, sending the smoke from their fire into the rolling waves.

  “Not as sorry as Eric.” The short-shorts girl indicated the broad-shouldered guy at the fire.

  “What happened?” Jane asked.

  “His girlfriend ran away from him,” the brunette answered. “And he’s been pissy to everyone since.”

  “Was that today?” Jane tried to hide her excitement. Maybe his girl was one of the missing kids.

  “No, a few weeks ago, but someone found a body today and now Eric thinks Cherry is dead.”

  “Do you think it was her?” Jane shivered. Another body, another shed. Her serial-killer theory was right.

  “No, it was a guy.”

  “You lost me.” Jane glanced at Jake, who stood by the fire, listening to the boys.

  “His Cherry and some other girls ran off with some guys. Anyway, the body was a guy and he figures that means they’re all dead.”

  “He’s the kind who would rather have his girlfriend and all her friends die than get dumped,” the brunette said.

  Short-shorts rolled her eyes.

  Jane hadn’t heard any of them say their names yet, and they didn’t seem likely to. “I’m Jane.” She held out her hand to the short-shorts girl.

  “That must be nice for you.” The girl glanced at Jane’s hand and left the little knot of girls.

  The third girl, with a sandy blonde ponytail and a track jacket, wavered on her feet. She reached for a bottle on the ground and tipped over, landing on her bottom.

  “Jeez. Get control of yourself.” The brunette rolled her eyes and walked off.

  “See you around.” Jake’s voice rose over the sound of the crackling fire. He connected with Jane, taking her elbow gently and walking away. “They aren’t feeling much like so
cializing, I’d say.”

  Jane steered their steps toward the water instead of down the beach. “True. They’ve heard about the body already and suspect what we do. Eric in particular, since his girlfriend, Cherry, is one of the missing kids.”

  “You’re good. All I learned is that the blonde you were hanging out with, is sloppy drunk and none of the men want to take responsibility for her tonight.”

  Jane kept her eyes trained away from the crowd. “Sounded like her best girlfriends felt the same way.”

  “Did it seem like they knew we knew about the body?”

  “They didn’t seem too curious.” Jane slowed her steps down, not inclined to leave the scene. “Brr. Don’t you think it’s cold?” Jane leaned into Jake. There was more to learn at that fire, and she had to make a report tomorrow.

  “Let me guess, so cold you want to stop by the fire again?”

  “Umm hmm.”

  He led her back to the fire.

  Eric stared at him.

  Two other guys, one in a jean jacket and the other in a ball cap, also stared.

  A fourth guy got a little too close for comfort. “Did you bring firewood or beer?” he growled.

  “Nope,” Jake responded lightly.

  “Then get out.”

  “Don’t be unfriendly.” The blonde had meandered over to that side of the fire. “Let the lovebirds warm up on their way back home.”

  “Tourists.” Short-shorts rolled her eyes again.

  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” The jean-jacket guy slurred his s’s.

  “Maybe,” Jake said. “I used to come here a lot.”

  “Not you, her.” He pushed Jake’s shoulder.

  “Back off, bro.” Eric stepped up to the jean-jacket guy.

  “Jane, you spent much time here before?” Jake asked, as though the big, drunk guy hadn’t just tried to start something.

  “Not that I can remember.” Jane shrugged, her eyes glued on Eric.

  Jean Jacket put his meaty paw on Jane’s waist. “Then let’s make up for lost time.”

  Jane scooched nearer Jake.

  Eric reeled back with one stony fist and slugged Jean Jacket in the jaw. “Don’t go touching another man’s woman.” His fist, though impressive, lacked some of the impact Jane had expected. “No one likes that guy.” He swung again, but in slow motion, and missed.

  “Oh yeah?” Jean Jacket swung a fist at Eric, hitting him in the shoulder. “Cherry liked it.” He swung again, this time planting it on Eric’s chin with a crack.

  Eric swayed under the impact. He worked for his footing and drove at Jean Jacket headfirst, throwing him to the ground.

  Jean Jacket hit the sand with a thud, Eric on top of him. “I’ll kill you for that, Mason. You know I will. I will kill you.” Eric had Mason pinned to the ground and punched him in the face, a solid crack of bone on bone.

  Short-shorts screamed and threw herself on Eric’s back. “Get off! Get off!” She grabbed for Eric’s arms, her skinny white fingers skeletal in the light of the fire.

  Eric swung his arm behind him and pushed her off his back.

  Blood streaming from his nose, Mason pushed himself up and knocked Eric over. He got to his knees and reeled back, one thick hand in a rock of a fist, and he lunged at Eric. His fist connected with Eric’s left eye.

  Eric dropped.

  “Mase, that’s enough.” Short-shorts’ voice cracked. She stood to the side, her arms wrapped around her waist.

  Mason stood and brushed the sand off his knees. He spat. “Come on.” He grabbed Short-shorts by the arm and dragged her off.

  The drunk blonde knelt by Eric and nudged him. “He’s not dead.” She flopped on her back and closed her eyes.

  The brunette and the others turned their attention back to the fire.

  Jane wanted to follow Mason and Short-shorts, but she hesitated. She didn’t trust the drunk blonde’s medical expertise.

  Jane and Jake both checked Eric’s vitals. He was breathing, but he wouldn’t open his eyes. “Dude.” Jake’s single word was low and worried.

  “He’sh fine.”

  “I don’t know.” Jane chewed her lip. Concussed, for sure. And what if he fell into a coma? She patted her pocket, checking for her phone. “Maybe we should call for someone?”

  “Who?” the drunk blonde asked. “He’s the paramedic.” She laughed, but her heart wasn’t in it. Then she rolled over and groaned.

  “Can someone take him to the ER?” Jake called

  “Chill out,” Baseball Hat said. “I’ve got him. You all just move along.”

  Jane gritted her teeth, but stood up. If the guy in the baseball cap was going to take care of his friend, she guessed it would be all right.

  Jake shrugged. “He’ll be fine. His head will hurt in the morning, but he’ll survive. Let’s stroll in this direction.” He led Jane down the beach, away from their house. “I’m a little worried about the blonde. The guys really didn’t want to take care of her, and the girls all left.”

  “When we turn around to go home, we can offer her a ride.”

  “Thanks, love.” They walked in silence for a few feet.

  “Eric is sensitive about his girlfriend leaving, and Mason is taking advantage of that weakness.”

  “Guys can be jerks.”

  “We didn’t get enough information to make any headway.”

  “Don’t get discouraged. We got some names, anyway.”

  “Let’s go get one more, at least.” After a few minutes of silence, they returned to the fire, her eye out for the drunk blonde.

  Eric was sitting up, the guy in the hat was sitting down, and everyone else was gone.

  They passed the guys without saying anything.

  CHAPTER 5

  Jane and Jake slept with their window open, the sea air cold and clean. Jane woke early. Housecleaning habits died hard. She made her way quietly downstairs, straight to the coffee maker. She considered making a big breakfast for Jake, but she didn’t want a mess to clean up. Besides, there were still four almost fresh croissants in the cupboard and a basket of fresh fruit.

  She yawned, stretching her arms over her head. Flora would call her when they got into town, but that wouldn’t be for hours. If she really wanted to fill out her case notes, she’d have to learn as much as she could from the morning news, which would already be waiting for her on the front porch.

  She leaned on the rail of the porch, drank in a deep breath of fresh air, and stared at the remnants of the sunrise. She could picture this as their home. Nothing to keep them in the city, really. She could be a small-town girl, if the small town was at the beach and it was always sunny. The clouds just over the distant hills reminded her that the last thing it was “always” at the beach was sunny.

  The paper wasn’t on the porch. She climbed down the steps to check the bushes. Paperboys didn’t always have the best aim.

  Instead of finding the paper, she found a foot.

  With painted nails and a silver toe ring. Also, it was attached to a person lying with most of her body in the bushes, but her tan feet hanging out on the gravel path to Jane’s door.

  She took a deep breath and nudged the girl with her bare foot.

  The foot shifted, and Jane exhaled. Not a dead person. So glad it wasn’t a dead person.

  “Are you okay?” Jane knelt beside the girl and nudged her shoulder.

  The girl rolled her head to the side and moaned.

  She looked familiar. It had been dark last night, so she didn’t trust her memory, but it looked like it was the very drunk blonde from the night before.

  There were no signs of trauma on her head, but there was a heavy odor of last night’s drinking. “Wake up.” Jane shook her shoulder.

  The girl’s eyes fluttered open. Her mouth opened slightly, followed by a hollow retching.

  Jane stepped back. It didn’t seem like a case for an ambulance, but then, she didn’t have a lot of experience with fall-down drunks who slept under bus
hes. She exhaled slowly and looked up at the house. Should she wake Jake to help get the girl inside? Or could she do it herself? She got herself into the bushes behind the girl and lifted her by the armpits. “Up and at ’em.” She lifted the half-conscious girl—she was lighter than expected—and propped her up. “Wakey, wakey.”

  The girl’s head flopped to the side and breathed her dead-dragon breath all over Jane.

  Jane wrapped her arms around the girl and dragged her up the steps and into the house. She dropped her onto the sofa. “I guess it’s time to make coffee.”

  The girl looked to be in her mid-twenties, but if this kind of drinking and passing out was normal for her, she was probably a lot younger. She rolled her face onto the flower pillow with a soft groan and didn’t say anything. One arm hung limp off the sofa, a fresh set of French tips grazing the floor.

  Jane got the coffee going and went upstairs to Jake. He was reclining against a pile of fluffy white pillows, reading something on his phone.

  “Hey, Jake, what’s the best hangover cure?”

  Jake looked up, both eyebrows lifted. “Did you party a bit too much after I went to sleep?”

  “Nope, but I think that blonde girl from last night did.”

  “And you are worried about her why?”

  “Because she’s on our sofa.”

  Jake set his phone down. “That’s not what I expected.”

  “So what can I give her to perk her up a little?”

  “A few years to grow up.”

  “Not a raw egg with tabasco? Or the hair of the dog? Something like that.”

  “Definitely not either of those. I’d suggest a croissant and maybe some coffee.”

  “You could Google, maybe, and see if there’s something better.”

  “There’s not. Remember, I was an expert there for a little while.”

  Jane sat on the end of the bed. “Funny, I never expected to be glad for your wild past.”

  Jake lunged forward and grabbed Jane for a kiss. He pulled away and grinned. “What were you saying?”

  She kissed his cheek. “Nothing, but we have a fairly sick guest downstairs, so I should go play nurse now.”

  “And tonight you can play nurse for me?”