The Wooden Nickel

by Alisha Paige

  Cliff helped Annalisa and Louise into the car and then sped off to the reception that was being held in a hotel downtown. Life was surreal these days and so intensely vivid. Like a huge boulder had been pushed aside and bright, liquid, golden sunshine came streaming into his pupils as sharp as a pencil on the first day of school. He saw beauty in everything and everyone and cried when his daughter lost some teeth, more for the fact that he wasn’t there for the first one she’d lost.

  He still wasn’t used to the speed of a car yet after not riding in one for years. It felt like they were going a million miles an hour and the grass and buildings glided by like lost children in a fog. Life seemed so fast and he had lost so many years. It was almost as if he lost time altogether and he felt terribly robbed, overnight. His brain had blocked the bad memories and shoved them into a far away closet and locked them all away. They could all rot there for all he cared. Become dust and fade away. No one asked him anymore about the camp for fear of that look crossing his face. Louise had seen a different person step into him and it had frightened her so much, she made it a point to instruct Annalisa to never ask Daddy questions about the war or his capture and imprisonment. Annalisa promised, nodding her head, never before seeing her mother quite as pale as a calla lily before and never wanting to again.

  As Cliff led his family into the reception, he counted the chandeliers dangling from the low ceilings as they crossed the mahogany Egyptian rugs. So much opulence and so little appreciation for it. He watched his wife and daughter cross the main lobby without batting an eye. Even their store bought dresses, stockings and shoes had cost a small fortune. Annalisa’s hair ribbon alone cost one dollar and he could only imagine the loaves of bread that dollar could have bought to feed his fellow prisoners who were mostly dead now.

  Money meant nothing to him now and it angered him that his very own family had no real appreciation for it. He and Louise had gotten into their first real fight when she began decorating their new home. He just simply couldn’t comprehend how drapes could cost that much and did they really need them at all? They had very nice, large white shades to cover the windows. They were only for show and it bothered him that Louise couldn’t find something else to spend the money on. Perhaps even material to make them herself? He didn’t care how much money her father had, he was still a simple reporter and from what he had witnessed so far, she spent entirely too much money on things she didn’t really need.

  He saw a side of Louise he didn’t like at all and it angered him, but in a new and strange way. Hitler and his Nazi’s had made him an angry man and he hated himself for taking it out on his adoring wife and daughter. They didn’t begin to understand his concerns about money and looked at him as if he were speaking an alien tongue. He would just shake his head and stalk off, leaving his wife to pick up the pieces of his wrath. When would his outbursts end? Louise felt helpless. She couldn’t talk to him about the last seven years and he had taken her place as the new zombie.

  ~ * ~

  “Spell circus,” Louise said as she buttered Annalisa’s toast, going over her spelling words.

  “C-I-R-C-U-S. Is that right, Mama?” she replied, sipping her orange juice.

  Louise nodded as she laid a plate of bacon on the table. She handed Annalisa her toast and took a bite as sunlight filtered through the kitchen window, making long steaks on the solid oak table.

  “Good. Now, spell clap.”

  “C-L-A-P,” Annalisa replied taking a sip of orange juice, knowing she had just aced her spelling words.

  Cliff walked slowly into the kitchen clapping, wearing a fluffy navy robe and slippers. Louise’s breath caught at the sight. He had regained a lot of his strength and was growing back into his large frame. His blond hair had finally grown out completely and his light sideburns framed his strong face.

  “Oh, Daddy. You don’t have to clap. Mama’s just quizzing me on my spelling words.”

  Cliff bent down and kissed the top of his daughter’s golden head. “I know, darling, but you got every single word correct. You’ll make an A.”

  “They’re easy words. I don’t know why Mrs. White gives us such baby words.”

  Cliff chuckled and thought right then and there that maybe she’d follow in her grandfather and father’s footsteps and become a reporter.

  “I want to be a writer, Daddy,” she announced, finishing off the last of her breakfast and taking her plate to the sink.

  “Oh?” Cliff replied, as he kissed Louise on the forehead and dropped two cubes of sugar into a mug of coffee. The silver spoon clinked softly as he stirred while he watched his daughter grab her books on the counter. Should a seven year old have that many books to carry?

  “Louise, don’t you think we need to get her a book bag?”

  “She has one, dear,” Louise answered as she kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a jiffy. Do you want breakfast today?” Louise asked, hopeful that he would soon regain his former appetite.

  Cliff shook his head. “I’ll just make some toast.”

  “Okay,” Louise answered softly as she followed Annalisa out the front door.

  The open door cut a swath of sunshine through the parlor, landing on a high shelf. Cliff saw a tiny glint and then it was gone when Louise shut the door. He laid his coffee on the table, crossing to the parlor, peering onto the shelf, full mostly of ancient leather bound classics that Louise had read as a child. Holding the books up was a rectangle wooden box with golden edges. Cliff lifted the box from its resting place and let the books gently fall to the side. He brushed a thin layer of dust off of the glass top and slowly opened it. A faint tinkling come from within, lasting only a few seconds. He turned it over, rewinding it when something caught his eye. There was an engraving on a golden disc and as he read it, he began to remember.

  To My Beautiful Wife, Louise

  I will love you, forever and a day!

  Love Your Husband, Cliff

  And just beneath the engraving in tiny lettering, he recognized German words. It had been his last gift home to Louise and now he remembered when he had bought it. In that quaint little music box shop in Germany. He had mailed it the very day that the SS guard had captured him. Tears stung his eyes. He had completely forgotten about the box and while the music tinkled, he saw something else inside, wrapped in a tiny piece of tissue paper. Very carefully, he unwrapped it, suddenly curious.

  Of course. The wooden nickel.

  He had returned it to Louise in Berlin. How could he have forgotten about the music box? He watched the sliver of tin as it plucked out the tune on the turning tube of metal spikes and remembered that day just as it was.

  Almost like warm, golden honey, seeping slowly around his nearly frozen heart, thoughts of her back then found their way into his dehydrated brain, slowing awakening memories of her before the door had been locked for good. A gray shadow crossed over the solid door at the far corner of his mind, teetering near the lock. The gray shadow fizzled to vapor, forming a misty fog and slipping into the keyhole, bouncing from side to side. Finally it clicked and the lock was broken. The heavy door swung open wide, sighing a tired creak, letting out the dust of years and years of scattered bones. Fresh tears wet his face and cooled his cheeks as ragged breaths swooshed from his cavernous lungs, expelling the dark bats that came hurtling out, finally escaping.

  He had been a fool. How could he turn his heart away from his wife? She had held onto to hope for seven years, never giving up on his return, taking care of and loving their child. Now he was back, but only as a shell. He shook his head hard, releasing the night moths once and for all, banishing them from his soul. He cried openly for all the lives lost that he couldn’t help save, but mostly he cried for his wife and child. They had nearly lost him once. He was ashamed at himself, but there was still time. The repairing would begin immediately. He closed the music box and returned it to its usual sitting place, repositioning the books as Louise came through the door smiling.

  “Hello, gorgeou
s.”

  Surprise caught in her throat. “Well, good morning, Cliff. You look different. What happened the ten minutes I was gone to drive our daughter to school?”

  “Do you miss teaching, sugar?”

  “Very much,” Louise sighed as she tossed her pocketbook on the sofa.

  “I want you to go back.”

  “But, I wanted to take a year off, to take care of you.”

  Cliff held his hand up. “I’m fine, darling. You have taken care of me. You’ve spoiled me rotten and I’ve done nothing but walk around in a daze.”

  “Well, maybe so, but I took a year off because I missed you, too.”

  “Come here,” Cliff ordered with his hand out stretched.

  Louise began pulling off her gloves as she walked to him, eyeing him cautiously.

  Cliff pulled her to him and covered her with kisses. Her chest heaved as she gasped for air. He had taken her completely by surprise. Letting her go, he looked into her face. Small worry lines stood out on her forehead as her eyes searched his face for an answer. What had gotten into him? Where was her zombie husband?

  “I’m so sorry, darling. I know I haven’t been myself,” Cliff whispered, staring at her mouth, remembering how wonderful it tasted and how he had just now tasted it for the first time since his return home.

  Louise searched his face again, reaching for the right words. “No, I understand. You were part of a horrible event. Something so terrible that it has touched the entire world.”

  “You’ve been through an incredibly hard time yourself and you were so brave.”

  Louise shook her head. How could he compare his ordeal to hers? She understood his needing to be detached for a while. She had turned it into an art form herself. She knew all too well what it was like to be the resident zombie.

  “I know life as it is for you now takes some getting used to,” Louise answered slowly. “You can take all the time you need. I’m just glad I have my husband back.”

  “That’s just it, darling. I am back. For good.”

  Louise smiled at him when he flashed her one of his famous, killer smiles. Her heart melted halfway as he covered her mouth with his and scooped her into his arms. Louise giggled as he carried her to the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed, bringing back memories of their wedding night.

  With shaking fingers, he unbuttoned her silk blouse, revealing her cream colored bra. For a second, Cliff wondered how much that beautiful lacy thing cost, then he shook it off. Poverty and hunger were no longer part of his world. His wife could indulge herself and he intended to indulge her now. He shrugged off his robe and let it fall to the floor. Louise sucked in her breath at the sight. Oh, he was ever so much healthier now. His ribs no longer showed and his arms were beginning to take their former muscular shape. His large torso gave way to slender hips and as her eyes traveled downward, she could tell that Cliff was more than ready to make love to her. The thought thrilled her more than she ever imagined.

  She sat up and unfastened her bra, flinging it to the floor. Cliff pushed her skirt up, unsnapped her garter belt and pulled her lacy panties down over her silk stockings. She kicked her heels off, each of them thudding as they hit the wooden floor. He wrapped his giant arms around her and laid her down, nearly crushing her with his heavenly weight as he shifted himself onto the bed. He pushed her skirt further up around her waist and gently slid into her, unable to wait another second for the woman he had neglected for far too long.

  Her world went white as he stole her breath and filled her full with his heat, kissing her with unbridled longing as her jasmine scent filled the now stifling bedroom.

  “I missed you so much, Cliff,” Louise breathed between kisses.

  Cliff growled as he moved within her. She rose off the bed, hooking her wrists behind his neck, savoring the ethereal sensation of having him as she once did, wholly and completely when life was more simple. Back then, their future together seemed as distant as China, looming far ahead in the distance, glistening purely emerald and foreign. Both of them existed in purgatory, waiting for a new day.

  Without warning, their future was upon them, returning to them again in a Berlin hospital, amid smells of sickness and death, but here nonetheless. Louise would take it anyway she could get it and so would Cliff. He kissed his wife with an unspoken hunger that would never be sated and never be taken for granted. She could leave his world in an instant, just as he’d left hers. Every kiss was precious to him. His love making slowed as he savored every lick, every taste, every breath that was her.

  Cliff ran his hand over the smooth strand of pearls that hung between her breasts. He palmed her left breast, reaching for her heart beat, wanting to feel her life. It echoed softly beneath his hand. Tears fell easily down her cheeks as his gaze rose to her face. He laughed out loud, his boisterous voice bouncing off the high ceilings. He looked down at his young bride. How many years had passed since they’d tied the knot? It felt brand spanking new to him and now she was laughing, a slow giggle bouncing off her middle. It felt so good to laugh again. Cliff was back, feeding that fire within her heart that had never gone out. Grabbing a fistful of satiny curls, he pulled her to him, drinking in her life dreams and smiling at them as he took her in his arms and rocked her with him as they both laughed and kissed and touched one another, revisiting each detail of the other and reminding one another of the remarkable loveliness they shared.

  ~ * ~

  July 16, 1946

  Dearest Diary,

  Hello my old friend. I know, I know, I waited much too long to write, but here I am again, at long last. Guess what? Cliff has come back to us. He’s been back for over a year now and our lives are simply glorious. Those past seven years seem like hell to me now. I don’t know how I survived it at all and suspect surely, that it was by the grace of God alone. Somehow Cliff was able to bury some of the pain, enough of it for him to go on and find happiness in life.

  Oh, it was terrible, dear diary. He was a mess for so long and it broke my heart. He wants me to begin teaching again and I agreed to in the fall, so I am excited about that. I really do love the children and miss the ones I’ve taught over the years. I can hardly believe it, but my first class would now be fourteen years old. I suspect I will hardly recognize any of them if they come calling. Why, they’re practically grown now.

  Annalisa is simply grand. She got a part in the school play as a puppy and she’s been walking around the house on all fours practicing and barking half the day. Cliff tried to give her a bone and she turned her nose up at it! What a silly puppy! Oh, but she brings us such joy and now I have more wonderful news! We’re expecting another baby this winter! Mother says she will keep the baby while I’m away teaching and I hope it all works out. It will be hard for me to leave the little one, but I do miss my other children. Cliff says it will be good for me.

  My dear husband is still working at the paper and loving every minute of being a reporter. Pa sent a few young men over to Europe to report on the war reconstruction and Cliff thought about going, but I just threw a fit. I know it seems selfish, but I just can’t let him go yet and Pa didn’t push the issue either. I think he felt guilty when Cliff disappeared and I know he believed Cliff to be dead. I’m so happy that my father won’t have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. Cliff coming home healed so many wounds.

  Hank missed his brother dearly, too and guess what, Lily is expecting also, but she is two months further along than I. Ida is now away at college and so grown up. She’s such a lovely girl. It’s hard to imagine how many lives would have been affected if Cliff died in Sachsenhausen, so I try not to. We have so much to be thankful for and we’re enjoying the summer months ever so much. We spend long, leisurely days by the lake on our boat and Annalisa has become a wonderful swimmer. Cliff has even taught her to fish and last night, we had everyone over for a grand fish fry out back.

  As I feel a precious, new life squirm within me, I can only hope that he or she experiences twice the h
appiness and none of the pain that our love has endured. Oh, Diary, life is wonderful and I’m ever so grateful for my beautiful family.

  I hope to write you soon with more and more happy thoughts.

  Yours Truly,

  Louise Emberton

  ~ * ~

  “I love you, Cliff. I’m so glad you came back to us,” Louise whispered into his sleeping ear as she rose to prepare breakfast.

  She sat on the edge of the bed, stepping into her house shoes and reaching for her robe when she felt his hand on her back.

  “Come back to bed, honey.”

  Surprised that she woke him, Louise turned to find him in the dark. Something in his voice tempted her to do just as he asked. Scooting over to him, she pulled her legs back onto the bed.

  “I need to make breakfast before Annalisa heads off to school. Are you hungry?”

  “Yes.”

  Suddenly, Louise was excited. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted a big breakfast.

  “Do you want bacon and eggs or pancakes?”

  “Neither,” Cliff whispered as he brushed her hair off of her shoulder and kissed her softly on the neck. A warm chill traveled through her.

  “My homemade biscuits?”

  “No,” Cliff breathed into her ear. “I want you for breakfast.”

  Louise glanced at the clock before crawling back under the covers that Cliff held open for her, inviting her back into his warm cocoon. She nestled into his chest as he pulled her to him. His body heat enveloped her. Tilting her chin up with one finger, he kissed her slowly, shaking her sleepiness off with liquid heat that seared her toes and traveled the length of her long legs to the splayed palm that rested on her raised hip. Dragging her on top of him, he pulled her long hair out of her face as he kissed her flushed cheeks and eyes. He couldn’t imagine a more delicious or satisfying breakfast. What in the hell had he been thinking? In all his misery, he could have lost this magnificent woman. Melancholy gave way to splendid exploration as he unwrapped his new found treasure that really had been waiting to be opened and admired for far too long.