Ignite

by Emma Renshaw

  Maybe I was running, but I had to. Why couldn’t he understand that?

  I brushed back the pieces of hair that had fallen from my bun while looking around the room. Boxes were stacked on top of each other. I’d spent the last week sorting through the entire house and had a mountain of clothes to donate, a list a mile long of things to sell, and furniture and other keepsakes I needed to store until I settled somewhere. Being back in Colorado in this large, empty house was strange.

  I’d called the nursing home and turned in my official notice that I wouldn’t be returning. A “for sale” sign was going up in the yard the next morning when the realtor arrived. And a moving truck should be there in a few hours to take away the boxes. The furniture was staying for now since I needed a place to sleep until I resolved the rest of Georgia’s estate.

  I stood up, brushing the cracker dust off my shorts, and the doorbell chimed. I’d expected the movers and was surprised to see Jesse. “Hey, Jesse. What are you doing here?” I asked, leaning against the doorjamb. I knew I should’ve contacted him before this and let him know I was back in town, but I didn’t want any visitors.

  “I came to check on you. I was visiting my grandmother and heard you were back, but quit your job. I tried to call, but your number was disconnected.”

  I tucked a fallen strand of hair behind my ear and tried to smile. “Yeah, moving on to new things.”

  “In Hawk Valley?” Jesse sneered.

  I rolled my eyes and pushed away from the door. I walked back to the living room, picked up the tape gun from the arm of the couch, and started sealing the boxes that I needed to close. “No, not in Hawk Valley. I’m not sure yet. I’m going to travel to a few places and then choose where I want to settle.”

  “Why not stay here? You’ve been here for a long time.”

  “It’s not the same without my aunt.” The Colorado mountain air didn’t even feel fresh anymore. It felt stale and suffocating. The house was incredibly quiet and, even when I played music, it felt hollow. It was impossible to escape the loneliness that had been settling over me. I sighed.

  Ridge was right. I was running.

  Running from being lonely. Running from an unknown threat. Running from him.

  I rubbed my fist over my heart. My chest ached when I thought of him, which happened more often than I’d like to admit, and every distraction I could think of never lasted long.

  “What happened to your phone?”

  “I lost it,” I lied. “So I got a new number. New life, new number.”

  “Let me see it so I can send your new number to my phone.” I nodded, pulling my phone from my pocket and handing it over to him. A second later I heard his ding. He handed my phone back to me, and I stuffed it back in my pocket without checking it. I knew there weren’t any messages or calls. I’d spoken with Makenna last night, and Ridge wasn’t going to call me.

  Makenna was recovering well. Whoever had been driving the black lifted truck still hadn’t been found, and the truck hadn’t been seen on the road, even though it was hard to miss. I’d been gone for a little over a week, and everything was still quiet. No one else had been harmed, so it seemed that all I had to do was leave. And never go back.

  I still hadn’t contacted my parents with my new number and wasn’t sure if I ever would. It seemed there was a silent mutual agreement that we would go our separate ways. That neither of us wanted to pretend we were a family. From now on, it was just me. At least until I could build Georgia’s House; then my life could be filled with the residents and their families. That would be enough.

  I had been enough for Georgia. My residents would be enough for me.

  Georgia’s letter popped into my mind, but I shook away that thought. I knew what she’d wished for me, but I wasn’t sure I could let anyone in, at least not in the way it would take to fiercely love someone and be loved in return. When Ridge had said those words to me, I had wanted to shout them back at him and stay wrapped up in his arms, regardless of dangers on the other side of the front door. I couldn’t choose myself over everyone else in my life though. They deserved their happiness even if it was at the expense of my own.

  “Are you even listening to me, Zoe?” Jesse asked. He was leaning back on the couch with his feet up on a box.

  “Please take your feet off that box.”

  He rolled his eyes and did as I’d asked.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you were saying.” I continued to tape boxes closed and tried to stack them, but my arms shook under their weight. Sweat broke along my hairline, and I grunted as I dropped one box on top of another.

  “Don’t leave just because your aunt died. That’s stupid. Where are you going to go? Your life is here.”

  “What life, Jesse? All I’ve done for the last three years is work and take care of Georgia. That’s it. What life? Call up my old friends, who are married and have babies now? What’s left for me here? I wouldn’t mind being in Hawk Valley with Makenna, Foster, and…the others.” I finished without saying his name. “But I…can’t be there.”

  “No, you can’t. That town fucking sucks and they’re stuck in the past. They died eleven years ago, it’s time to get over it.”

  “Get over it?” I said, incredulous. “There’s no getting over what happened and all those that died. Macy, Allison, Declan. My life will never be the same after their deaths.”

  Jesse rolled his eyes. “It’s good you’re not going back there.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not staying here either, Jesse.”

  “She’s gone now, Zoe. I’m sorry. It sucks, but she’s gone and now you’ll have free time instead of having to take care of her.”

  “I didn’t have to take care of her. I did it because I love her, and it was an honor to see her through her last years and last days. It wasn’t a fucking burden, Jesse.”

  He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “That’s not how I meant it. I’ve been waiting a long time to take you out on a date, and now we can.”

  “Jesse. We are only friends. I’m sorry, but that’s all we’ll ever be. I’ve told you that.”

  “Is it the guy from Hawk Valley?”

  “No,” I answered. It wasn’t only Ridge anyway. It was so much more than that. Even if Ridge hadn’t taken over my heart, I wouldn’t see Jesse that way. I’d never had those feelings for him or seen him as a man I wanted to date. “Jesse, please, if we’re going to be friends, I need you to drop this.”

  “Fine,” he muttered. “I think you should stay in Colorado though. Where else will you go?”

  “I’m not sure yet,” I said. “But I’m going to find somewhere and make a home there.”

  “This is your home.”

  “No,” I yelled and tears filled my eyes. Exhaustion was hitting me hard, and my emotions had been all over the place. I didn’t want to do this right now. Or ever. “Georgia was my home,” I said more evenly, but sternly.

  I shook and I felt an angry flush spreading up my neck and filling my cheeks with color. I swiped at the tears that had fallen in anger. “Look, Jesse, I’m tired and have a to-do list a mile long. I don’t have time for this right now. I’ll call you before I leave, and we’ll have dinner at your favorite taco place.”

  He grimaced, but he nodded once and walked to the door. He opened it and stood in the open doorway for a moment before turning back to me. “Think about it, Zoe. Think about staying and…think about us. We’re compatible. I know we are. I have enough money to give you anything you want. Think about it.”

  Before I could refuse him, he walked out, closing the door behind him. I shook my head and wondered where he’d gotten the idea of an “us” from. I’d never showed him affection in that regard, and it had even taken years of him visiting his grandmother before I agreed to have a friendly dinner with him. And if he knew me at all, he’d know money was the last thing in the world I wanted.

  33

  Ridge

  Colt crossed his arms over his chest as he sat in one of th
e office chairs around the table computer at MarxMen. I leaned back in my chair, blowing out a breath and staring at the ceiling. Roman was reading through the report Kiernan had printed out and the locations where the number had pinged from when the text message was sent, but each of those locations were false leads.

  “I have nailed down where the phone was purchased. It’s a burner and could be in the garbage by now, but if it’s turned on, I’ll be notified. We have our scanners searching for the number every twenty seconds.”

  “Where was the phone purchased?” I asked.

  “New Mexico.” Kiernan laced his fingers together and leaned back in his seat, kicking up his legs on the desk.

  Roman kicked Kiernan’s feet. “Don’t put your fucking feet on it. Asshole.”

  Kiernan grinned and chuckled. “Don’t mind him. He’s grouchy because Harper went out of town with her friends. He’s not nice when she’s not around.”

  Roman growled at him, and I cracked my first smile in days. I wasn’t sure I’d smiled since Zoe had left. The only time I’d attempted it had been at my breakfast with Avery, and the disappointment that had shone in her eyes when I’d told her that Zoe was gone had killed me. She’d only met Zoe once and already liked her.

  Zoe was gone, but I wasn’t going to stop searching and hounding Colt, Roman, and Kiernan until they found out something about this bastard. Whoever it was had made Zoe run. I was plagued by the thought that they may go after her while she was by herself, and I couldn’t allow that. She’d thought the threat would be gone if she left town, but I wasn’t taking that chance.

  Zoe needed to be safe. Even if she wasn’t in my life, I had to make sure she stayed safe.

  I swallowed around the lump in my throat. It’d been a long two weeks since she’d pulled out of my driveway, and I’d been a fucking miserable ass, so I could relate to Roman. Except he had it all. A beautiful wife and son. She was pregnant with another kid, and she was coming back to him.

  My girl wasn’t coming back to me.

  “Do y’all know anyone in New Mexico?” Kiernan asked.

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t say if Zoe does though. She was only passing through town.”

  Kiernan nodded and flipped a pen in his hand as he scanned the screen on the table in front of him. Colt cleared his throat. “The detectives haven’t found any other evidence at any crime scene. The sketch artist had a witness describe the man that paid him. That witness was the man Ridge carried from the building fire.”

  I growled thinking about the picture Colt had shown me. “It could be fucking anyone. Nondescript. Average height. Caucasian male.”

  Every rock we overturned was another dead end. If I wasn’t at work, I was at the station or in Austin, at MarxMen, searching for answers and new leads. I couldn’t stop; I had to find a way to truly end this. Zoe deserved that.

  I lifted my phone a hundred times a day to call her and simply hear her voice, but I stopped myself every time. She’d made herself perfectly clear, and I wouldn’t take that away from her. Love couldn’t be forced.

  On the nights I couldn’t sleep, which was every night, I drove out to my property and continued to work on what I wanted to be Zoe’s nursing home. I was going to finish it. I didn’t know what I’d do with the damn thing, but now I needed a challenge. And each swing of the hammer and every wall I tore down served as a reminder that she wasn’t coming back and I needed to kill that hope that was still living inside my damn chest.

  “If that phone turns on, I will find him,” Kiernan promised. “He won’t have time to log into a VPN with how I’m running the searches. I’m sorry we don’t have the answers right now, but we won’t stop.”

  “We can’t stop,” I said. “Zoe has to be safe.”

  “The fucker needs to pay for running Makenna off the road,” Colt sneered.

  Roman nodded. “Kiernan may be an ass, but he’s the best at what he does.”

  Kiernan turned his head, glaring at Roman. “Is that any way to talk to the godfather of your kids? And remember who promised to babysit when Harper gets back in town so you can have some time with her. I can take the offer off the table if you’re not nice.”

  “I really should’ve let you die over that damn sandpit.”

  “You’d miss me too much,” Kiernan said with a wide grin on his face. Roman shook his head and turned to me.

  “Are you ready to set up security on your property?”

  I nodded. “The kitchen will be done soon, so I’ll be moving in and finishing the rest while I’m living there. With all this shit going down, I want to make sure I have something in place.”

  I wanted it to be there before I moved in on the off chance that Zoe decided to come back. I gritted my teeth against the pain that slashed through my chest.

  I needed to find a way to kill the hope that she was coming back. I knew better than that. My life had taught me that.

  “Ridge,” Foster called. I looked up from the oxygen tank at my feet. I had been checking the percentages and refilling the cans when Foster came into the equipment closet. “I know Zoe is gone, but don’t do anything stupid.”

  I raised my brow. “What the hell does that mean?”

  He sighed. “Elise is here. Wants to talk to you.”

  “Fuck,” I grumbled and stood up, passing Foster on my way out. He clapped a hand against my shoulder and stopped me.

  “Don’t go there again,” he said.

  “I won’t.” Just because Zoe was gone didn’t mean that I was going to fall back into bed with Elise or accept her back into my life. I’d had a taste of something far greater than the years I’d spent with Elise, and I wasn’t going to settle for less. It might mean a life alone, but I could handle that. I had the firehouse, my boat, my property. Whatever holes those didn’t fill, friends and Avery could make up for.

  I crossed my hands over my chest, getting a sense of déjà vu as Elise stalked toward me. “What are you doing here, Elise?”

  “I wanted to let you know that I’m going back to Austin.”

  “That’s good,” I said. I wasn’t sure why she needed me to know that information. I hadn’t seen her in weeks, not even passing through town. I had assumed she was already gone, since she hadn’t gotten what she’d come back for.

  “I’m sorry about the way I acted when I came back and while we were together. I was with a man in Austin who left me for someone younger and more successful. It made me realize what I did to you and how I treated you because of your job.”

  “Appreciate that.”

  I didn’t have anything else to say to her. I’d had my closure with her a long time ago and didn’t need to rehash the past. I’d moved on when she walked out. If only it were that easy with Zoe.

  “Is it serious with you and that redheaded girl?”

  “That’s none of your business, Elise.”

  She held up her hands and smiled a little. “I know, I know. I’m only curious. I want you to be happy, Ridge.”

  I clenched my jaw. “It was serious. Well, it was serious for me. For her, it wasn’t. She’s gone now.”

  “Why did she leave? Was it your job?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not every woman has a problem with their man working as a firefighter, Elise. Half the people in this station are married. It wasn’t my job.”

  “You know, the day I decided to move back was right after I saw the two of you dancing at The Watering Hole. I don’t think you even knew I was there that night. Your eyes were so focused on her and, even from across the room, I could see how much you cared about her. I know you loved me, Ridge, but you never loved me like that.”

  I didn’t say anything, because I knew that was true. The way I felt for Zoe was something completely different than what I’d felt for Elise. I had been ready to spend my life with Elise and would’ve done so happily had she not left. Or somewhat happily. It probably wouldn’t have been an easy marriage. But I didn’t just want a life with Zoe. I needed Zoe. She had become the mos
t important person in my life, and it felt vital to have her there.

  Fuck. I wanted her back. I wanted to hop on the first plane to Colorado and bring my woman home. Or move wherever she was going. Anything as long as I was by her side, soaking in her goodness every day.

  “When I left, there a was a part of me that wanted you to chase after me because I wanted to feel important. I knew you wouldn’t. You had let me go before I finished closing the front door. If you love her like I believe you do, don’t let her go. You didn’t chase after me, but you should chase after her.”

  “It’s more complicated than you could possibly know.”

  Elise shrugged. “Maybe, but I’ve had my heart crushed recently, and I’d give anything for a man to look at me like you looked at her. I’ll see you around, Ridge.”

  I waved and watched her go for what was most likely the last time.

  “She’s right. You should go get Zoe,” Foster said from behind me. I turned to face him, nodding.

  “I know she’s right, and I will as soon as I make it safe her for here. Not until then. When it’s safe, I’ll bring her home.”

  34

  Zoe

  I folded the cover of my tablet back to prop it up, and I leaned back in the Adirondack chair and sipped on the ginger ale. I still hadn’t been able to get rid of the nausea. It lasted all day, every day. I hadn’t been eating or sleeping well. Anxiety filled me every moment of the day.

  “Has everyone been okay?” I asked Makenna. She was leaning back in her bed. The bruising on her face from her car wreck was almost gone, and the stitches on her head and side were out. The scar along her head was covered by her hair, so as soon as the last of the bruising faded, she’d look like her normal self again, as if nothing had happened.