Message from Nam

by Danielle Steel

  “Probably the dump,” Peter said cheerfully. “That’s where we got our stuff.”

  Gabby looked at him and shook her head in despair, as Paxton smiled at him again, while carrying one of Gabby’s enormous valises. Where was she going to put all her stuff, Paxton wondered too. Having seen the single tiny closet in their room, it was an interesting question.

  “Are you a senior?” Paxxie asked him.

  “I was. I graduated in June. I’m just starting law school. But I’ve been living off campus for the last two years. Thank God the brat didn’t talk my parents into that, or she’d really have driven me crazy.” They were back at the entrance to the living room again and he looked as though he was about to leave, and pleased to do it. “Well, she’s all yours.” He glanced at the mountain of bags they had dumped in the middle of the room, helped himself to a doughnut from Paxton’s bag, and waved as he made an escape, and Gabby stood smiling at Paxton.

  “Thank you for your help. And I apologize for him,” she said as soon as her brother left. “He’s a hopeless jerk. But the truth is, I love him. I wouldn’t admit it to him, but I can to you. He’s hopeless, and he used to beat me up … or try to.” But it was obvious that they were very fond of each other, and for a moment, Paxton envied them. She and George had never shared that kind of playful affection. But he was also ten years older than Peter, and had no sense of humor whatsoever.

  Their conversation drew out the other two, and as Paxton and Gabby helped themselves to doughnuts and Cokes, Dawn and Yvonne emerged from their room, to stare at Gabby’s mountain of valises.

  “My God, where did all that come from?” Yvonne said with a look of immense irritation. “Did you get my Kools?” she asked Paxton.

  “I did.” Paxton handed them to her, and Yvonne handed her the correct change. She didn’t want any gifts from Savannah. And Dawn went to unpack the rest of the groceries, after Paxton had introduced them to Gabby. Yvonne was looking suspiciously at her, smoking a cigarette, and she was quick to ask her where she came from.

  “San Francisco. I haven’t exactly ventured far from home,” she apologized with a small shrug. “But I love it here. I’ve been visiting my brother here for four years, and all my friends are here, the ones who went to college anyway.” She looked at the three of them enthusiastically. “You’re gonna love it.” Yvonne shot a quick glance at Paxton, indicating that she wasn’t so sure, and even Dawn looked a little uncertain.

  “I didn’t really want to go to college at all, but my parents insisted I come here.” Her father was a professor of English.

  “Did you want to go to school back home?” Gabby was interested in all of them, and she looked like an open, easygoing, happy person.

  “No.” Dawn shook her head with a sad smile. “I wanted to get married. And we want to go to India to study Eastern religions.”

  “I want to go to law school,” Yvonne confessed, smoking her cigarette and using an ancient, half-melted olive-green plastic ashtray. “But it’s a long road from here. I’m here on a scholarship, and I’ve got to make the grades, or I’m gonna be out on my black ass and back in Alabama before I know it. And I’m not goin’ back till I can do something to change it. What about you, Savannah?” Paxton didn’t want her calling her that, but she decided not to antagonize her further.

  “I want to be a journalism major.” She smiled. “So I can write about you changing the South.” Yvonne grinned in spite of herself, and lit another cigarette as soon as she put out the first one. She was nervous, but she was also very beautiful, and Paxton found herself wondering if the black girl had ever modeled.

  “I don’t know what I want to be,” Gabby admitted to all of them. “I just want to have a good time and stay in school till I get married.”

  “Are you engaged?” Dawn looked at her hopefully, feeling she had found a kindred spirit, but Gabby shook her head sadly.

  “Not yet. I haven’t found anyone, but I’m looking.” Paxton and Yvonne laughed, and Paxton couldn’t help thinking that lots of boys would be running after Yvonne and Gabby.

  “You should find plenty of what you’re looking for here,” Yvonne offered her encouragement. “I’ve seen a whole bunch of cute guys since I got here.”

  “Me too,” Paxton confessed with a shy smile. She had seen several on her way to the store, and Gabby’s brother was the best-looking of all, and he was even more attractive because he was a little older. But she suspected that most law school students probably wouldn’t be caught dead with freshmen. Which made it all the more surprising when he turned up at their room again several hours later. Dawn had already gone to bed, and Yvonne was reading on the couch and wearing a very seductive dressing gown when Peter suddenly appeared with a friend carrying a six-pack. He saw Paxton coming out of the other room, and held a beer out to her with a shy smile.

  “We came back to see if you needed any help.” She was surprised to see him, and Gabby was even more so.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked suspiciously. “And no, I can’t cash a check.” She turned to Paxton with a conspiratorial air. “He passes bum checks on me all the time, don’t ever cash one for him.” And then she noticed his friend, standing in the doorway. “Hi, Sandy, come on in, no one’s naked.”

  “Damn, how disappointing,” he said, blushing nonetheless, but Peter looked more relaxed, as he glanced from Yvonne to Paxton.

  “Actually, we were hoping that you were. Anyone want a beer?” Even Yvonne smiled at him, as she offered Sandy a cigarette, and the two boys made themselves at home on the floor and the chair, while Gabby and Paxton sat on Gabby’s trunk, which they had decided to use as a coffee table. Sandy was at the law school, too, and he was one of Peter’s seven roommates. They had a house on Ellsworth, and it was cozy and cute, and an utter shambles.

  “We’ll have you over to dinner sometime,” Peter said cheerfully, “after we get a bulldozer in to clear out the kitchen. I think we still have pizza in the oven from last year but I’m afraid to look.” He smiled happily as he finished his beer. “What about you?” He looked suddenly straight at Paxton, and the intensity of his blue eyes surprised her. “Can you cook?”

  “I try,” she said shyly.

  “Can you make grits?” Yvonne asked with sudden interest, and Paxton wasn’t sure if she was baiting her again. “Or ribs, or hogbacks?” But Paxton decided to tell the truth. Queenie could, but she couldn’t.

  “About the best I can do is a steak, or an omelet and hash browns.”

  “That’ll do,” Peter said quietly. “Maybe we’ll find someplace to cook dinner one night. Or maybe we’ll just have to go out and eat.” He could think of worse fates and there was a moment’s silence in the room as Yvonne watched them with interest. And Sandy was watching Yvonne too. He thought she was a knockout, much to Gabby’s chagrin. She had always liked him. Things were definitely getting interesting very early, and very quickly. They had all arrived only that day, but Paxton could already see some good times on the horizon.

  The boys hung around for a little while, and then went on their way. They were meeting friends at Kips, and when they left, Paxton admitted that she was tired. It was two o’clock in the morning for her, and all of a sudden she could really feel it.

  “You didn’t look tired to me when Gabby’s brother was here,” Yvonne teased. “You looked fine to me.”

  “And you looked pretty fine to Sandy.” Paxton gave it right back to her, and this time they both laughed. And Yvonne was still sitting on the couch and reading when Gabby and Paxton went to their room to change into their nightgowns.

  “I can’t believe it,” Gabby said to her as she supped her nightgown over her head a few minutes later. “He always hates my friends. I can’t think of a single friend I’ve ever had that he’s liked … and suddenly, he’s dropping by to make friendly chitchat with a six-pack. I can’t believe it.” She looked at Paxton with absolute amazement. “It’s you. It really is. You’re the first girl he’s ever liked that
he’s met through me, or even with me. I can’t believe it.”

  “It’s just curiosity. He won’t be back. There are a lot more interesting girls out there at the law school.”

  “I doubt it.” Gabby had been impressed by her too. She was a stunning-looking girl, and one of the nice things about her was that she seemed not to know it. She was quiet, and smart, and when you talked to her a little bit, she was really funny. And Gabby still liked the sound of her accent. And there was a lot more to Paxton than met the eye, more wisdom, more compassion, and more inner beauty. And Gabby knew from experience that her brother was no fool. He had spotted a good one. Maybe even a great one.

  “He’ll be back. You’ll see.” And then Gabby groaned as she lay on the narrow, uncomfortable bed, and thought it over. “In fact, I may see more of him this year than I’ve ever seen before. I’m not so sure I like that.”

  “Believe me. He’ll forget us all by next week, except maybe Yvonne …” And then in a whisper, she decided to say something to Gabby. “She’s incredible-looking, isn’t she? She’s so beautiful!”

  “But such a bitch!” Gabby whispered.

  “I don’t think she really is,” Paxton defended her, “I think she’s just uptight about me, because I’m from Georgia.”

  “I don’t know.” Gabby thought about it for a little bit. “She looks like a tough customer to me. I’m not sure I’d want to get on her bad side.”

  “Maybe life hasn’t been easy for her. Blacks have it rough in Alabama. They have it rough everywhere, except maybe up here. Maybe she’s got good reason to be the way she is.” Gabby shrugged, not particularly worried about it as she glanced at Paxton.

  “What do you think about Dawn?”

  “I think she’s scared, poor thing. I don’t think she really wants to be here.”

  “She sleeps all the time.” She had taken two naps that afternoon. “Maybe she’s got a disease. You know, like narcolepsy or something really exotic.” Gabby looked hopeful and Paxton laughed, she was so relieved to discover that she liked her roommate. And she really did. Gabby Wilson was zany and fun and Paxton couldn’t think of a better person to room with.

  “We’d better get some sleep,” Paxton finally whispered to her. She was already half asleep, and it was long after midnight, and Gabby was still rattling on, and sounded as though she could go on for hours, but Paxton couldn’t stay awake a moment longer. “We’ve got orientation tomorrow, and I have to see my adviser and try and pick my classes.”

  “Don’t worry about a thing. Just pick the easy ones, the stuff you’ve already done in high school.” Paxton laughed at the suggestion. “There’s no point killing yourself while you’re here, Paxton. We’re here to have fun. Don’t forget that.” Gabby was serious. She had come to Berkeley to have a good time. And find a husband. “Remember, Pax, we’re here to have fun.”

  “I’ll remember that …” Paxton whispered as she drifted off to sleep. She was dreaming of Queenie, and a beautiful black girl, and a handsome prince who kept offering her a beer, while somewhere in the distance her brother danced with a crazy redhead.…

  CHAPTER 4

  Paxton and Gabby both did exactly what they’d set out to do when they’d come to Berkeley. Gabby signed up for the easiest classes she could, and managed to go out almost every night. She was having the time of her life, although she had not yet found a husband. And Paxton, on the other hand, had signed up for the toughest classes open to her, particularly those involved with journalism or writing. She was also taking a political economics class that was so hard it terrified her, physics, math, and Spanish. Her adviser had fought her on everything except Spanish and math, but she seemed to be doing well in every class except physics, and that was a required class anyway, and she was taking it on a pass/fail basis. But she was exhilarated by everything she learned and did, and still managed to go out with Gabby and her friends sometimes, and she almost always enjoyed them. They were a fun-loving crowd, and they seemed to be involved in everything. Two of them were involved in CORE, several were trying to raise money for SNCC, which were causes that appealed to Paxxie, too, as they benefited southern blacks, and one evening she met Mario Savio, the leader of the Free Speech Movement. Gabby seemed to know everyone, and although she knew the cause people, she also knew the more social ones, too, and most of her friends were pretty tame, which was comfortable for Paxton.

  By the second month of school, Paxton had had several run-ins with Yvonne Gilbert. The black girl seemed determined not to give Paxton a chance about anything, and she constantly assumed that if something was wrong, it was Paxton’s fault, and it was beginning to seriously annoy Paxxie. It was prejudice in reverse, and it was getting to be a challenge to hold her temper.

  Not surprisingly, given her extraordinary looks, Yvonne had found a boyfriend by the second week of school. He was the star running back on the football team, a huge, handsome black boy from Texas, and by association and because of her own personality, she was becoming quite a star on campus. All the boys were running after her, but she seemed to be serious about Deke, and she’d already made it clear to several of her admirers that she had no interest in white boys.

  She was in Paxton’s physics class, but she never talked to her, and they hardly ever spoke except when they ran into each other in their living room and really had to. But the exchanges were never really friendly.

  And Dawn seemed to live her own life too. She still slept most of the time, and more than once Paxton had wondered if she ever even went to classes. “She’s never going to make it, if she keeps it up like this,” she’d said to Gabby several times, who seemed to feel it was not her problem. She had her own life to lead. And she was having a good time going out with two of her brother’s friends from the law school. And her own prediction had proven true. She was seeing more of her brother than she had in years, and although she complained about it constantly, she really enjoyed it. He had started turning up every few days just to make sure she was “alright,” or to bring her things, like a six-pack or a pizza or some pastry he’d just happened to pick up, or a bottle of cheap wine, but Gabby knew he wasn’t worried about her, he was interested in Paxton. The two would sit for hours sometimes, on the battered couch, or on the floor, talking long into the night, drinking coffee or beer, or just Coke, and talking about the things they believed in. They seemed to share the same opinions about everything, and it was rare that they disagreed, and it almost frightened Paxton sometimes to realize how much alike they were and how compatible on a broad range of subjects. It was as though they had been destined to meet and become friends. But it worried Paxton at first, because unlike Gabby, the one thing she didn’t want was to find a husband. She had come to Berkeley to learn and to make something of herself, and one day she was going to be a great journalist, or at least a hardworking one, and go out and write about the world. She wanted to go to Europe, Africa, the Orient. Sometimes she even thought about spending a year in the Peace Corps. The last thing she wanted was to fall in love, settle down, get married, move to the suburbs and have babies. And she’d told Peter that and he’d laughed. Even his blond good looks were a lot like hers. People told them they looked alike, and he and Paxton looked more like brother and sister, than he and Gabby.

  “Are you telling me I look like the type who’s going to get married and move to the suburbs? Christ, how insulting.” But he was laughing and sitting on her living room floor at two a.m. when he said it. Gabby had just come in from a date, Dawn had been asleep for hours, and most of the time now Yvonne was sleeping at Deke’s apartment off campus.

  “Did I hear someone say marriage?” Gabby cupped her ears jokingly with one hand, and stopped on her way to the bedroom.

  “No, you did not!” Paxton was quick to correct her. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and lying on the floor near Peter. She loved being close to him, loved what he thought, and who he was and what he stood for. But she didn’t want to love him more than that, didn’t want to r
eally let herself fall in love with him, at least not yet. She just couldn’t.

  “Your friend just insulted me,” he informed his younger sister, but as he said it, he stroked Paxxie’s golden hair, and smiled down into the green eyes he was falling in love with. “I think she just called me a square, or worse.”

  “I did not!” Paxton sat up, laughing then. “I just said I didn’t want to get married, move to the suburbs, and have kids. I want to see the world first.”

  “And you think I don’t?” He still looked mildly insulted.

  “He wants to see the world,” Gabby assured her, “Monte Carlo, Cap d’Antibes, Paris, London, Acapulco, St. Moritz. You know, the hardship spots.” The three of them laughed.

  “What do you think I am?” he demanded of them both. “Lazy?”

  His sister knew him better than that as she replied, shaking her head, “No, just spoiled. Like me.” She smiled benignly and he threw an empty Coke can at her.

  “Well, it’s true. Can you see either of us wanting to join the Peace Corps, like Pax? Just thinking about it gives me hives, and I can’t see you digging trenches or building latrines either, can you?” she asked him honestly, and he shook his head.

  “Why do you think I’m in law school?” he teased, but there was truth to it too. He was going to graduate from law school at twenty-five, and with luck he could avoid the draft till he was twenty-six and it was no longer an issue. He liked the deferral status that law school gave him. He had no desire to join the police action in Viet Nam. Only two months before, after the Gulf of Tonkin incident, American aircraft had bombed Viet Nam for the first time, after years of being there as advisers. “To tell you the truth, I can’t see myself in Viet Nam, or anyplace else even remotely like it. What makes you want to join the Peace Corps, Pax?”

  “I’m not sure I do. I just want to make a difference somewhere,” she said seriously, as Gabby left them alone again. “I’ve spent my whole life watching people indulge themselves and not give a damn about anyone else. I don’t want to do that. My father cared about people a whole lot. I think he would have done something like that if he’d had the chance and hadn’t gotten married.”