Chapter Thirteen
July
"Why don't you just go out there and have some fun. I'm not getting the hang of this anyway," I mumble as I lie my surfboard down on the sand and sit beside it. The surfboard was a gift from Scott when I first moved out here two months ago. He's taken me out surfing a few times but the minute I get up on the board, I'm falling back into the water.
"No, Winn. This is about teaching you. Besides, the lineup's too long out there for the waves I want to surf."
I look out into the ocean and see a group of people just chilling on their boards, waiting for their turn to surf. Sure, they could move apart and be able to surf themselves, but there's camaraderie out there on the waves. Whether they know each other or not, they're out there to be supportive.
"Why don't you just surf over where you were teaching me?"
He looks over at me condescendingly and grins. "What? With those ankle busters? I need real waves, beauty."
I roll my eyes at him and lie down on the sand. It's these early morning hours with him that I enjoy the most. Usually I'm just a spectator and I get to watch him in action on the water while I sip my morning coffee on the sand. He's glorious to watch, but on a few rare occasions, like this morning, he's gotten me to get out there with him. And I fail epically.
He unzips and peels his wetsuit off his shoulders and down to his waist, revealing the chiseled chest that I love so much. Although it's July, most surfers still wear their wetsuits in the water. I couldn't figure out why until I stepped into the ocean in my bikini to go for a swim. The Pacific Ocean is cold!
Scott sits behind me, opening his legs and pulling me between them so he can hold me from behind.
"I love mornings like this with you, babe. It's bliss and puts me in a great mood for the rest of the day."
I lean back into him so my head is resting on his upper chest, right under his chin. "The market's still dry, huh? It'll happen, baby. Just be patient."
"I've been patient, but I can't handle much more of this. I feel like all the good ones are gone before I even get a chance to talk to the seller. The only buyers who are reaching out to me want something smaller out in the suburbs. Oh, and they're usually not in a hurry."
I turn around in his arms to look up into his beautiful gray eyes. He looks worried but it's more than worry I see on his face. I've noticed a change in his physical appearance the last several months. He now has dark bags under his eyes, the crow’s feet that were non-existent before are now prominent on his face, and he's lost that fire behind his eyes. It comes back in moments when we're being intimate, but it's no longer there at any other time.
It used to always be there.
I push him down into the sand and climb on top of him, straddling his hips before leaning down until I'm hovering over him, keeping eye contact the entire time.
"Why don't I play hooky today from Autumn and we spend the day together?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows. "I know just what you need to make you feel better."
He uses those amazing abs of us to lift himself up and kisses me briskly on the lips. "Wish I could, Winn, but I've got plans."
"But you just said that work is pretty much non-existent at the moment," I say, pouting and sticking out my lower lip.
His expression changes and he kisses me more passionately this time, before squeezing me tightly and lifting us both up and out of the sand. I wrap my legs around him so I don't fall, and then he gently puts me down so we're standing beside each other.
"I'm not going to work. I've got this thing with some buddies of mine. I'll be back sometime tonight."
"What kind of thing?" I ask.
He goes out almost every day of the week but he never tells me where, and when he returns he's usually in a foul mood. There are instances when I think he had a nice time, but it's rare. If he's really out with his friends then he needs to get new ones. No one should be that down after a day with their buddies.
"Just some things. God, Winnie. Sometimes you're all up in my business and I don’t like it. You're not my girlfriend, so stop acting like you are," he shouts at me, losing his temper.
I'm quiet for a moment, hurt by what he just said. I never meant to act like a clingy girlfriend. I know we aren’t in a relationship, but the way my feelings have developed for him over the past year is hard to ignore.
I love him.
I realized it the moment I stepped off the plane two months ago. The excitement I felt internally about seeing him was nothing I've ever felt before. I wanted to spend every moment with him, be the one he chose in the end, but I thought I did a good job at hiding all of that. His words are making me realize that maybe I haven't.
"I'm sorry. I'll just leave you alone."
I move to walk up the beach so I can quickly change inside his house and drive over to Autumn and Jared's place, but Scott catches me first, slouching down to look me in the eyes.
"I'm sorry, Winn. I just have a lot going on and I shouldn’t have snapped at you. Why don't I take you to dinner tonight to make it up to you."
"Why should you take me to dinner. It's not like I'm your girlfriend or anything." My words come out harsh, but I'm still upset at how he snapped at me.
"Don't do that. I care about you, more than you'll ever know, but we can’t be in a relationship, Winn. It would be too weird."
I close my eyes and keep them shut, waiting for the tears that want to fall to subside and then I reopen them.
He shifts slightly and then reaches down in the sand, pulling out a seashell the size of a dime.
"Hey," he whispers softly, lifting the shell up to my face. "This one may be small and generic looking, but it shimmers almost like a pearl. You don't have any small shells like this. You should put it in your collection."
He gently reaches for my hand and then places the shell in my palm before closing my fingers around it. "Can we please go to dinner tonight? I'll even let it be that expensive seafood place you like so much."
"We'll see. Autumn's showing me how to work the new business software on the computer and I'm not so great with technology. It might be a long night. I'll text you later."
He continues to stare at me before leaning in and kissing the top of my head. Without another word, he races up the sand and into his beach house, but I stay firmly planted in the sand.
I look out at the ocean. The dark blue water seems to go on forever and I like to drift off and think about the people out on that water. What are they doing? Where are they going? But you learn at an early age that the water doesn't go on forever. That if you were to go out into the Pacific, eventually you'll reach Asia or Australia, or even something closer like Hawaii. It's still crazy to think about. The child in me wants it to go on forever. Fear of the unknown doesn't terrify a child like it does an adult. The adult in me likes the security it brings me, knowing that it'll bring you to some other land. That you won't be lost forever.
I wish I had that security with Scott.
★★★
An hour later I'm at the Calabasas home that my sister and her husband share and we're in Jared's office. When I came out here two months ago I decided very quickly that it wouldn't be a short trip. I wanted to try living in California. I had nothing holding me back at home. College was never my thing and I'd just lost my job. Sure, I could still be working at my parents’ boat shop, but that wasn't a job I wanted to work.
The nice thing about the Los Angeles area is it's easy to find a dancing job and some of the places are a lot nicer than the club I worked at in Michigan. I'd stumbled across a burlesque job in the paper at a five star club that a lot of celebrities were known to frequent. When I told Autumn about it she voiced her concern and made Jared add me to his payroll to work on the business side of things for him. She didn't want me dancing anymore.
Working for Jared's been nice. I've basically taken over a lot of Autumn's old responsibilities, which has me wondering what the hell she does all day, but I'd never say that out loud. I'm grateful
for the job and I don't want her to have any reason to fire me.
"You'll input all of the daily expenses for the talent here. Almost everything is tax deductible, so when in doubt, input it anyway. Our accountant will weed out anything that's not tax deductible."
She points to the next column and continues talking, shifting her fingers from column to column on the computer screen. Honestly, it's all a blur. Numbers have never been my thing.
"Then you'll total everything down here, double check your math, and save the file. Make sure to send a copy to the accountant too. His email address is saved in the contact information."
I just nod my head, trying to make it look like I understand everything she is trying to explain to me. "So you can write off things like lube, sex toys, beds, costumes, and even the STD tests?" I ask her.
"Yep. All of those things are needed in this business, therefore we can write them off."
"Wow," I reply. It's amazing the things you learn while working for a producer and ex-porn star.
After printing out the report, Autumn closes the files on the computer and hands me an accordion file with all the daily receipts inside. "I already imported these receipts so now they just need to be put somewhere safe. Follow me."
We walk down the long hallway to their master bedroom. Once we get to the walk-in closet I notice a door on the other end. Autumn turns a key and walks through the small door.
"Come on, Winnie. I don’t have all day."
I walk through the door and it's a large crawl space. It's almost like what you'd see in a home in the Midwest. There are big containers lined against one side of the space and each one has a piece of paper with a month written on it. We walk over to the July bin and Autumn places the accordion folder inside.
"We file them here and at the end of the year we move it all to storage. We're required to keep the receipts for a certain number of years, just in case."
We walk back out of the crawl space and through the closet. When we get back into the master bedroom Autumn plops down on the bed.
"I'm so tired today. Maybe I can finish teaching you tomorrow?" Autumn lies flat on the bed and pats her hand on the open space next to her. "Come lay with me."
I lie down beside her and stare up at the white ceiling. We used to do things like this all the time when we were kids. We're both fans of silence.
"Can I tell you something?" Okay, maybe we aren’t being silent. I turn my head and look at her. Her long blond hair is fanned out against the comforter and her eyes are closed with her hands resting on her stomach.
"You can tell me anything."
Her eyes open and she looks my way. "I think I might be pregnant."
"OH MY GOD!" I scream and then realize my mistake and whisper, "Oh my God. You're pregnant?"
"I think so."
"How come you don't know?"
"I need to take a test and I'm scared to, but my period’s a few weeks late and I'm tired all the time. I don’t have morning sickness but I read that it usually doesn't start until you're six to eight weeks along. I'm barely six so I know it's coming soon."
I can see the fear in her eyes as her words replay in my head. "How come you’re scared, Autumn? You'll be a great mom."
"I-I know that. At least I think I do. I'm scared about Jared's reaction. We always said that once we started a family he'd leave the business, but his production company is doing better than ever and this is all just bad timing."
"Or maybe the best timing. Everything happens for a reason, Autumn. This baby happened for a reason, and if you are pregnant, I know Jared is going to be so happy to be a father. You just wait and see."
She smiles at me and reaches over to squeeze my hand. "You always know just the right thing to say to make me feel better. I'm so glad you moved out here."
"Me too," I whisper back. My phone vibrates in the pocket of my denim shorts and I pull it out to see who it is. It's a text from Scott and I frown as I read his message.
Scott: Something came up. Rain check on tonight. I'll see you Friday.
Friday? I was the one that was supposed to text him about tonight. He should have been a sure thing.
"Everything okay, Winn?"
I look up to see my sister studying me. I take a deep breath and smile back at her. "Everything's fine."
"Bullshit. You may be an excellent liar with everyone else, but you've never been able to fool me. Spill."
"Umm... You know what? This is not something you would even want to hear, so let's just say I'm having a bad day and can't wait for it to be over. Okay?"
She rolls her eyes at me and sits up on the bed. "Or you could just tell me what Scott did that's got you so upset."
"Scott?" I ask, playing dumb.
"Yes, Scott. You don't actually think I believed that Christmas was a one-time thing? I had suspected something for a long time, and you two suck at covering it up. You've been screwing for over a year and you're with him practically every day."
"What the fuck? You've known and haven’t said anything?" I ask, shoving her teasingly on the shoulder.
"Well, you obviously didn’t want anyone to know so I kept my mouth shut."
"Does Jared know?"
"Of course Jared knows, and he talked to Scott about it months ago. That's how I know it's supposed to be just a sex thing."
Huh? Scott knows that Jared and Autumn knew about us, yet he still played the awkward card this morning at the beach. Why would he do that unless he really does have no interest in me other than sex? Have I been kidding myself this whole time? I thought Scott and I would never work out because our families would be furious. By the look on Autumn's face I can tell she isn't furious at all. So why didn’t Scott say anything?
"What do you mean by supposed to be just sex?"
She leans in and raises her hands, brushing her thumbs under my eyes to wipe away the fallen tears. I didn’t even realize I was crying.
"I mean that the two of you keep playing around and pretending that this thing between you is just sexual when it's clearly not. You have feelings for him. I even think you might love him and I know he has feelings for you. I see it every time he tries to discreetly look at you. He watches you like a man in love watches his woman. He can deny it, you can deny it, but I see it. I'm not blind."
I look into her green eyes, eyes that have been my refuge my entire life and admit what I've been trying to hide for too long. "I do love him. I love him so much, but... but just this morning he said some harsh things to me. He reinforced how I'm not his girlfriend and how we could never be more than what we are now. It's nothing I didn't already know, but it still hurts. He doesn't want to be with me."
"He does, Winn. He's just scared."
"Of what? He's not scared, Autumn. He's been pushing me away the past few weeks. This morning he snapped but it's been there for weeks. The text I just got was him bailing on dinner with me and telling me he'll see me Friday. We've spent almost every night together since I moved to town. I'd sleep there or he'd sneak in over here, but now he wants to go a full four days without seeing me. Something's up."
"I think you're reading too much into this. Have you tried talking to him?"
"Anytime I say anything he makes a joke or doesn't want to talk about it. What would I even say?"
"You can tell him how you feel, Winn. Even if that means he breaks it off and it's over, at least you'll know. You should tell him how you feel."
She lies back down on the bed and I follow, ready for a nap myself. "I'll go over there in the morning and talk to him. Right now I just want to take a nap with my sister before waking up and drowning my sorrows with a bottle of wine."
"Make that two bottles. You'll have to drink my portion, too, since I most likely can't drink for the next nine months."
Chapter Fourteen
Scott
Me: Something came up. Rain check on tonight. I'll see you Friday.
I send the text and then turn my phone off. Nothing good can come from anyo
ne who tries to contact me today.
I'm in the parking lot of one of Jared's warehouses just inside the Nevada state border. He's shooting the next big movie in his super hero franchise, which Tawny somehow convinced him to let her be the big star of. Since the first flick was released several months ago, Tawny has become a mainstream name in the porn industry.
I lower my visor to take a look at my face. It looks worse than it did a few hours ago. The split in my lip has started bleeding again, the swelling in my now broken nose is worse and that's created two black eyes that not even the best concealer could hide. I have no choice. I have to talk to him looking like this.
I step out of the truck and make my way into the warehouse. The few people I pass stare at me, but I ignore them and continue to walk inside. When I get to the security check one of Jared's men lets out a low whistle. "Jeez, boy, what got to you?"
"Long story, Splinter, but I need to talk to Jared."
"Go right in. You look scary as shit and I'm not about to tell you no right now."
"Good to know the well-being of Jared's stars lie in your hands," I joke back.
The large warehouse doesn't look much different than any other set Jared's been on, except that the props are a little more expensive. I spot Jared looking over some photo proofs as the set designers are working furiously to change the set up for the next scene. I'm grateful that he's not shooting at the moment; I just hope he's in a good mood.
"What the hell happened to you, Scotty?" Tawny's voice echoes in the large warehouse.
Tawny comes running up to me from the other side of the room. I didn’t even see her when I came in. It probably has to do with the blurred vision I've had ever since I was punched straight in the nose. Her attention on me has gotten Jared's attention. He immediately puts down the proofs and walks over to me.
Playing His Game (The Reynolds Brothers) Page 12
