by Len Webster
He shook his head. “You do because my son told me how you’d much rather Lori and Reese have a grandmother who loves them. I’m so sorry she’s never had the chance to meet you. She’s truly missing out on what a beautiful, honest, and pure granddaughter she has. A granddaughter who is going to change the world with her brilliance.”
“Thanks, Grandpa. I appreciate it. Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything for you.”
AJ let out a sigh. “Can you please convince Mum that I don’t need Gillian’s love or presence in my life? I’ve lived almost nineteen years without it, and I don’t need it now. I don’t feel deprived of anything. I’m content with my life. I don’t need extra drama and neither do my parents. We’re happy. I’d only ever want her in my life if my mum was happy with her in hers. And from everything I’ve heard, I don’t think she would be happy with Gillian in her life.”
Her grandfather made a small nod. “I’ll talk to your mother. Now tell me all about Duke. Made any friends?”
She smiled. “I did. My roommate and a few people from my classes.”
AJ had made some friends …
She just didn’t mention her friendship with Landon Carmichael.
“Dad, you are the worst chef in the world,” AJ declared as she pointed her spatula at him. It was the night after her grandfather had surprised her with his visit. AJ, her mother, father, and grandfather were in the kitchen baking cupcakes. The kitchen smelled sweet and heavenly. Filled with an aroma that was so homey.
Her father set the stack of cupcake paper cups down and squinted at her. “I’m the best pastry chef in all of Massachusetts.”
“Here we go,” her grandfather said as he continued to cut the apples into squares.
“And what am I?” her mother interrupted as she set the freshly baked cupcakes on the cooling rack.
“Baby, you come in second.”
Her mother rolled her eyes and then crossed her arms over her chest. “Second? I am not a second-rate chef, Nolan. That’s offensive to my restaurant, bakery, and staff. And it’s offensive to you, too. You helped me build them from scratch.”
Her father turned and pulled AJ’s mother into his embrace. “Clara, baby, I’m in awe of you. You’re the best chef on the East Coast. I’m just teasing you.”
“I know,” her mother said, causing AJ to roll her eyes.
“Not around the cupcakes, please,” AJ said to her parents.
Her father pressed a kiss to her mother’s forehead and then broke their embrace. “Not around the cupcakes,” he agreed.
“We’re running out of apples.” Her grandfather pointed the knife at the last two Granny Smiths on the counter.
“We’re going to need more. I haven’t made enough of Lori’s favorite cupcakes yet for when they arrive tomorrow,” her mother said.
AJ returned her spatula to the bowl of vanilla cupcake batter and went over to the sink. She turned on the tap and washed her hands before she dried them on the dish towel.
“I’ll go to the store, Mum.”
“I’ll drive you, Alexandra. It’s snowing outside. You hate driving in the snow,” her father reminded her.
She smiled at his concern. “It’s fine, Dad. The snow’s light, and Mr. Nebroski’s store is five minutes away. I won’t be long.”
“Be careful,” her mother said.
“I will,” she replied before she left the kitchen. Walking down the hall, she grabbed her keys from the hallway table and removed her coat from the hook.
AJ threaded her arms through the thick green coat and then buttoned it up. She picked up her purse from the floor, opened it, and pulled her mittens out before she shoved them into her coat pockets. AJ slung her purse on her shoulder and opened the front door. She was hit by the freezing night air as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her, causing her to shiver. Glancing down to just see the outline of the short steps, she cursed herself for not turning on the front porch lights before leaving the house.
Suddenly, headlights to her left caught her attention. AJ craned her neck to find a cab pulling up next door.
Her heart dropped. Pounded on its way to her stomach where it settled with the swirl of nausea that gripped her. Nerves overtook her and caused her to shake with fear and anticipation.
He can’t be home.
Kyle promised he wouldn’t be home.
Maybe it’s not him.
Maybe the cab’s pulled up to the wrong address.
AJ held her breath, waiting, watching as the passenger door opened.
She licked her dry lips to buy some time.
To stop her from running down the steps to the cab, ready to confront Evan if it was him. She deserved answers. She had never been this cruel to him. Never in her entire life had she been as horrible to him as he had been to her.
But no matter how much anger and pain she held toward him, AJ knew the truth. She knew the reason she had come home with a hint of hope in her chest. Why she had waited for so long for him.
I’m still in love with Evan Gilmore.
Finally, she watched the very boy she loved and let break her slip out of the cab. The streetlight above him gave her enough light to see him. She expected him to close the door and get his bag from the trunk.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he spun around and held out his hand. Then she saw it. A hand. A hand that grasped Evan’s. And then AJ saw her. The woman who got out of the cab holding the love of AJ’s life’s hand.
Her brain knew what it meant, but her foolish heart fed her excuses, giving him a pardon. Her lip trembled at the sight of the woman’s smile, and her eyes stung the moment he cupped her face.
And she watched.
Watched as Evan Gilmore kissed another woman in front of her.
Again.
Like prom, but so much worse.
AJ clenched her eyes shut and turned away, hoping they couldn’t see her. Her tears silently fell as her heart mourned what she should have known all along.
The pieces aligned, connecting the moment she saw them. She was an intruder in their intimate moment. An intimate moment the love of her life was having.
With someone else.
Someone who wasn’t her.
AJ listened to their footsteps over the wails of her heart. Every step they made was a small stab to her chest.
Short, slow, shaky impalements that she wished were deep and quick and flawless.
But heartache never gave mercy; AJ knew that all too well.
Once their steps and whispers ceased, Alex opened her eyes. She reached up and pressed her fingers to her cheeks. Tears met her touch. She rubbed her tears into her fingertips.
It was so real, so painful.
He had lied to her.
He had moved on without telling her.
AJ now understood why he hadn’t answered her calls or texts. Evan Gilmore had gone and done it again. He chose another woman over her. He had fallen in love with someone else and left her …
And her heart behind.
AJ didn’t remember the drive to Mr. Nebroksi’s grocery store. All she knew was that tears had run down her face as her heart continued to clench in pain. Somehow, AJ made it to the store and parked her car. Somehow, she continued to breathe since she saw him with her.
AJ didn’t hate her, and she didn’t want to. She hated Evan for the torture he put her through. AJ knew she deserved better. She had always deserved better than Evan Gilmore ever gave her.
Her commitment and her loyalty had been unwavering.
Her love for him had been a waste.
The friendship they had could never be regained because she refused to go back and be his punching bag. To let him hurt her when he needed to let someone down.
She came back to Brookline believing that he could never hurt her ag
ain, but she had been wrong. So very wrong.
Once she finished brushing her cheeks clean of tears, she turned off her car and removed the key. AJ unbuckled her belt and grasped the door handle. She pulled it and got out of her car, instantly feeling the winter wind slap her skin. She quickly closed the door, rushing into the small grocery store and out of the snow that had begun to fall heavily. The warmth of the store enveloped her the moment the electronic doors parted and she stepped inside, shielding her from the winter conditions outside.
AJ picked up a basket on her way into the store. She reached the apples and ripped a plastic bag from the roll, inspecting the Granny Smiths. When she saw that they were clear of bruises, she picked up and dropped firm apple after firm apple until the bag was full. She filled up another bag until her basket had two full bags of apples. It was heavy, but she didn’t want her mother to run out again and disappoint her cousin.
Just as she was about to make her way toward the spices, she felt her phone vibrate in her purse. Alex dug into her purse and pulled it out, seeing that it was her mother calling. She answered the phone and held it against her ear.
“Hey, Mum,” she greeted as she began to make her way toward the other end of the store.
“Alexandra, are you still at the store?”
“I am.”
“Oh, good. Have you got your father’s credit card on you?”
AJ adjusted the basket handle to rest on her forearm, making it easier for her to carry it. “It’s still in my purse, why?”
“Are you able to get more powdered sugar? Lori and Reese will probably want to frost some cupcakes when they get here tomorrow, so I’ll need some more. Oh, and some chocolate chips, too. And don’t forget the vanilla beans. Mr. Nebroski’s store should have it all. If not, I can get them in the city tomorrow morning before they get here.”
Her mother sounded out of breath and stressed. AJ knew her mother hated disappointing her nieces and nephew.
“Relax, Mum. You always go above and beyond for Lori and Reese. They’ll be happy to see you, Dad, and Grandpa. I’ll be home soon with everything.” She said goodbye and then hung up, sliding her phone into her coat pocket.
It didn’t take AJ long to locate the powdered sugar, chocolate chips, and vanilla beans. She made sure she brought more than enough to the register for her mother. One item after another, she unloaded the heavy basket onto the black conveyer belt and then set the empty basket on the ground.
When she stood straight, she let out a relieved sigh.
“Hello, Alex,” Mr. Nebroski said as he weighed the first bag of apples.
She smiled at the store owner whose nationality she had never gotten correct. She knew he had an Eastern European accent, but he dismissed every country she had guessed. AJ believed she had gotten it right at some point, but he just loved teasing her. His family had immigrated to America when he was a small child, and he had inherited the small grocery store from his father when he passed away. Throughout the years, Mr. Nebroski had opened successful fruit markets and delis throughout Massachusetts. But the small grocery store in Brookline was the only establishment he worked at every single day.
“Hello, Mr. Nebroski. How are you and the family?”
“Paper or plastic?”
“Paper, please.”
He smiled and placed the apples into the paper bag. “The family is doing very well. Your mama making more cupcakes?” he asked as he pointed at the powdered sugar and then scanned them.
“She is. My cousins will be in town tomorrow, so we’ll definitely need more ingredients.”
“Little Lori and Reese will be in town?”
“I’ll bring them down with some cupcakes.”
He smiled. He loved her cousins. They would always stop by Mr. Nebroski’s store for lollipops when they visited. “Only if they want to visit, Alex.”
“You are their favorite thing about Brookline. Of course, they want to visit you.”
The bags of chocolate chips were next to go over the scanner as Mr. Nebroski smiled. “So how is college?”
“It’s great, Mr. Nebroski. I love Duke.”
“That’s so great that you and Evan are both home. Brookline has missed you both.”
AJ winced at the mention of his name. Her heart howled in pain at the loss of him. “You know Evan’s home?” she asked, curious as to how he knew.
“Oh, yes. He just walked in not too—Oh, hello, Evan. Good to have you home.”
She stilled as dread consumed her, and her lungs struggled to intake air.
“Thank you, Mr. Nebroski,” Evan said.
AJ focused on the register, hating that he was right there. Just as he had been right there when he brought another girl home. Just as he had been right there when he kissed her.
But AJ had her pride, and she couldn’t let him see that he had broken her—again. No, she wouldn’t allow him to have that satisfaction over her. To know he caused her to suffer greatly at his mistreatment and disregard of her.
So she turned and forced the smile on her face.
“Hello, AJ,” he said.
The first words he’d said to her in months.
She clenched her hand, her blunt nails digging into her palm—the pain distracted her from the one centered in her chest. “Hello, Evan.”
Then she glanced at the conveyer belt to see how many more items Mr. Nebroski had left to ring up, but her eyes landed on a box. One small box. Her heart plummeted into a pit of fire he’d been dangling her over for years. AJ had never known the pain a box of condoms could bring her.
Agony.
So much agony.
She tore her eyes from Evan’s condoms and concentrated on the store owner putting through the final packet of vanilla beans. Everything around her deafened her. Pain threatened to obliterate her. So she did what she had been doing for weeks. What she had been doing for years. She pretended.
Pretended she was okay.
Forced the smile on her face as Mr. Nebroski glanced back and forth between them.
She reached into purse, deciding to pay with cash, and pulled out several bills to pay for her groceries and leave a generous tip for the store owner. He handed her the groceries with a smile, and she had stretched her fake smile wider.
“Drive safely, Alex.”
“Thank you, Mr. Nebroski. If I don’t see you tomorrow, have a Merry Christmas,” she said, ignoring Evan’s eyes on her and quickly left the store. She wanted to make it to her car before Evan finished his purchase and stopped her.
Once she stood on the sidewalk, she cursed under her breath when she realized that her car was at the end of the parking lot. AJ sighed and made her way toward it. Her plan to get to her car quickly was already a failure. The paper bags were heavy and sleet on the ground meant she had to tread carefully to avoid slipping.
AJ almost made it to her car when she heard Evan yell, “Alexandra!”
She ignored him and the burn in her chest, needing desperately to reach her car, but he stopped her with three words.
“I can explain!”
Three words. All she had ever wanted was three words from him. But they weren’t the three she had hoped and longed for.
She spun around and took in the apprehension on his face. He used to look at her with sincerity and love. He looked at her with adoration the morning after she had given him her virginity. But now all she saw was fear in his eyes.
Agony and guilt.
She wished the parking lot had no lighting so she’d never have to see the pain in his brown eyes.
“I waited for you,” she stated, holding back her incisive need to cry and scream at him. “I kept our promise. I came home for Thanksgiving, and you didn’t.”
“I know,” he said in a small voice.
“No, you don’t know. I sat at your doorstep and waited. You had
the final say for us. Instead of being honest with me, you let me believe that you still loved me. I’ve spent weeks … months still loving you.”
“Alexandra—”
“You don’t get to call me that! Not when you ignored me for two months. Not when you buy condoms for another girl. A girl you’re careful with. You were never careful with me, and I had to go through two pregnancy tests while you fell in love with someone else. You promised me that there was no one else after me. So thank you. Thank you for breaking everything. You and me, we’re done, Evan Gilmore. We’re done. There is no more AJ. There is no more AJ and Evan. We are never going to be best friends ever again.”
“Pregnancy tests?”
That was all that he had gotten out of what she said.
She hadn’t meant to let that slip, but she was hurting, and she was going to have the last say. So AJ nodded. It was all or nothing now. “Oh, and my STD results came back. I’m clean. So you don’t even need those condoms.”
“Alexandra …”
Don’t cry, AJ. Not this time. He doesn’t get your tears this time. He doesn’t deserve anything from you. It’s already over. Say what you need to and leave.
“You brought her home for Christmas. I saw. You let me find out that you moved on in the most horrific way. It was almost vindictive. I was fair to you. After everything, I was fair. I loved you through everything. For nineteen years, I have loved you. I loved you when you hurt me. I loved you when you saw right through me. I loved you, knowing deep down that you were incapable of loving me. I was your best friend. I gave you everything. Everything, Evan. I loved you more than enough and trusted you enough to give you my virginity. To give you my heart. But this … I don’t think I could love you after this.”
His eyes shone with unshed tears, and he appeared as if he were about to cry. She wanted him to hurt. To feel the pain she felt. He broke her heart again and again.
She had to convince herself to move on, to let him go.
This had to be the last time.
Promises, promises.
She knew that as long as she still loved him, there would never be a last time. And she had to overcome that. She needed to be free. So she spun around and began to make her way to her car, allowing her tears to finally and slowly slide down her face.
