Downward Spiral

by Patrick Richards

  I walked out the front door of Leather Bound and ran down the street. As I looked around, I saw a taxi coming. I ran out into the street and stopped it.

  “Drive, just drive,” I told the guy. “Get me out of here.”

  He did, but I had no idea where I wanted to go. Then I realized that I had no money or anything.

  “Driver, please stop. I just realized I don’t have any money. I never grabbed my purse when I ran away. I’m sorry, but I just had to get away from him.”

  He let me out on the corner. I walked down the street for several blocks before a car pulled up next to me. It was Lilly.

  “Get in,” she demanded. “No, in the back seat.”

  I did.

  “There are some leg irons on the floor. Put them on.”

  Yes, Mistress.”

  “Now, put one of the hand cuffs on your left wrist.”

  I did that.

  “Do you see that black bag on the floor?”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Put it over your head and snug it up around your neck.”

  Immediately my world went black. I couldn’t see anything.

  “Now cuff your hands behind your back.”

  I did that too, but realized I had crossed the line.

  Then I heard her make a call on her phone.

  “Gloria, my dear friend, call your brother. It’s time.”

  I had no idea what that was all about, but I knew it wasn’t good.

  She drove for about a half an hour before stopping. I was helped from the car by a couple strong men and dragged into some sort of a building. You could hear the fabric rip as my clothes were torn from me before I was strapped into a heavy metal chair. My arms were secured in cuffs on the sides near the base of the chair and heavy leather straps went across my chest and lower belly. Finally my legs were secured is stirrups, spreading my legs extra wide. Someone buckled extra straps around my ankles, calves and thighs. Finally, the bag was pulled from my head. Another strap was pulled tight over my forehead.

  I tried to wiggle and move, but it was impossible. I was secured too tight to fight.

  Mistress Lilly stood between my wide-spread legs with a big grin on her face.

  “It’s too bad it had to come to this, but I’ve warned you about your attitude too many times. In just a little while, it’s going to change,” she explained, as she rolled my testicles between her fingers. “Gloria’s brother is a veterinarian. He’s gelded hundreds of horses, and now it’s your turn. You won’t be a stallion when we go home. It’s too bad, because I love to squeeze and kick your balls to make you scream, but your negative attitude has to change. I’m sure this will help. Cutting these off and making you a eunuch will solve all of your problems. I bet you’ll like it a lot better when guys stick their big cocks up your ass after today. You won’t fight it anymore. You’ll like it because it will be the only sexual pleasure you’ll ever get.”

  “Please, Mistress. You can’t do this to me. Please don’t. I’ll be good. I’ll never disobey you ever again. I promise. Please,” I begged.

  She just laughed. “You’ve promised the same thing so many times before. It won’t be long, and you’ll have that same attitude again. Honestly, I’m sick of it.”

  “But you have no idea what that dyke did to me. No torture you have ever done to me can compare to the pain I felt when in her dungeon. She doesn’t care. She hates men. The more I screamed; the more it excited her. She took me way beyond any possible limits. She hurt me so bad that I passed out several times just from the pain. I’m sure that over an entire weekend, she will kill me. All you’ll have left is a battered body to bury when she gets done, if you even get it back. She bragged about killing her last slave. You have no idea how evil she is. Will the $5000 she pays you ever replace me? Please have mercy, Mistress. Please don’t castrate me. I realize they will never work again, but the idea of losing my balls is beyond comprehension. I’ll do anything you want if you don’t cut them off or send me back to her. I promise.”

  “I didn’t know she was that bad.”

  “I tried to tell you. You saw the condition I was in when you picked me up. I was barely alive, and that was after just one day. Money isn’t everything. I’ll turn tricks twenty-four hours a day if the damn money is that important to you. I’ve had money – lots of it. It’s not the tree of happiness; it’s the root of evil. Look what Margo did to me when she realized she could have everything I ever owned.

  “Sure, today I promise, but there will be minor setbacks. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Do you ever get up in the morning and discover that things aren’t going as you planned? Are there times when you just don’t want to do something, but you finally do it anyway? Look what you’ve done to me. You dressed a straight guy up like a woman and sent him to a hotel to do tricks. I did it. You’ve changed my entire hormonal structure, turning me into a drag queen and prostitute. I went along with it. And then every once in a while I have a little bit of an attitude, and you want to cut off my balls.

  “Don’t kill the goose that lays your golden egg, because those little eggs in that small pouch define who I am. They make me your slave. They make me crave the bondage and the punishment. They make me want the pain. Once they are gone, it’s all over. Sure you can beat me and force me to be a whore, but it won’t be the same. By removing those, you’ll cut the life, the will and the spirit out of me.”

  Lilly picked up her phone. “Gloria, we’re putting this on hold. I don’t care if he’s on his way. I’ll pay for his farm call. Cancel it for today.”

  “Thank you, Mistress.”

  “Remember, Tommy, this is your very last chance.”

  I caught that but didn’t say anything.

  She released me and took me home. On the way she told me that I was still going to be punished.

  “I deserve it, Mistress. I’m willing to take any punishment that you want.”

  When we arrived at Leather Bound, she sent me right down to my room. I was to get undressed and kneel in the corner like a little child. She would be down when she decided my fate. Several hours passed before I heard her, but I never moved.

  “I’ve spent some time thinking about you,” she said. “I realize that your life has been entirely turned upside down. You grew up in a world where you gave the orders and everyone else followed them. Suddenly a year ago that changed. It could have been drugs or alcohol that caused your demise, but it wasn’t. It was a sexual fetish that took you down. You let it win. This is no one’s fault but your own. A wise philosopher once said, “Every man is the architect of his own future.” Someone else said, “You made your bed, now you must lie in it.

  “You’ve given control of your life to someone else, and like your ex-wife, some of us have taken advantage of that. She took everything from you and then discarded you like a piece of garbage. Hell, she had been having affairs for several years.

  “There are two ways to get to the top in this crazy world. One is to work your ass off and earn it, and then there was her way. You fuck your way to your ultimate goal. She used you. She uses everyone, and she fucked anyone who’d give her the next rung up on the ladder. Me, I just picked up the pieces, and you were one of them. Be honest with yourself. Margo gave you what you thought you wanted. Your craved the bondage and the pain and the slavery. The history of that was splattered all over your computer. You’re a smart guy, but your pecker did all of the thinking for you. You were driven by a dark sexual craving and a strange fetish. A masochist grew within you. It was always there in the background, but you welcomed it and let it destroy your life. You’ve gone from the top of the world to the very bottom, deep into the depths of hell, and those people were right. There is no going back. You gave up everything. You have a criminal record. You’ve become the laughing stock of the community and everyone who’s ever known you. You’ve lost the business your grandfather left you and all the money. You’ve destroyed your respect and given up your freedom. In reality you don’t e
xist anymore except as my slave. No, slavery doesn’t exist, except in your mind. You could have walked away from this months ago, but you didn’t. And you know why? Because you like it. You like to be controlled and humiliated and tortured. You’re just an object to be used and then thrown away. You may have been born with that so called silver spoon in your mouth, but now it’s just a cum spitting cock. There’s a big difference – one’s on the top, and the other is on the bottom.

  “I’ve heard people say, ‘You are what you are.’ And, they are right. You are just a worthless slave, and deep down inside you know it. It’s going to take time, but sooner or later you’ll admit it. You can’t change fate. Maybe it’s karma. I don’t know, but it’s what you’ve always wanted, so be happy you’ve achieved that goal.

  “Do you remember the first time you hurt yourself for your sexual pleasure? You liked it, and the next time you wanted more. Well it’s been a long, long road since then. That little tap on your ass that started it way back then has led to brutal floggings and unspeakable tortures, and yet you always need more. The drug addict takes one hit, and it leads to another. How are you any different? I paddle your ass with a dozen strokes today, and you want two dozen more tomorrow.

  “A while ago you told me during one of your fits of attitude that you should have taken the thirty days in jail. Well, I’ve decided for your punishment to give you those days. During that time, you’ll have a chance to reflect on your past and to contemplate upon your future. No one will bother you during that time. No one will try to influence your decision. But at the end of those thirty days, we’ll make a decision together. I’m not going to beat you into submission. It only works during the heat of the moment. But during those thirty days, you might want to examine what road you wish to travel. I will abide by your decision. Is that acceptable with you?”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Good, tomorrow we’ll get things started. Tonight you can do as you wish as long as you remain here in your room. Stay kneeling in the corner or lie on your bed; I don’t care. It’s up to you, but tomorrow you will begin your punishment.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I lay awake most of the night, thinking about things. A million thoughts clogged my brain like four lanes of traffic reduced to one on Friday night during rush hour. No one was going anyplace fast.

  Finally Mistress Lilly entered my room. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Good, let’s get things started. Take off all your clothes.”

  I stood there naked before her. She had brought a few things into my room. The first was an official looking strait jacket right from some long-gone mental institution. It was clean but stained from years of previous use. I extended my arms and let her slide them into the extra-long sleeves. The stiff canvas jacket was buckled up the back before my arms were crossed in front and secured in a similar manner.

  Next, she gagged me and buckled a collar around my neck. She attached a leash and ordered me to follow her. We went up the stairs and out the back of the building. She put a canvas hood over my head and buckled it tight. There were no holes in it except the two small eyelets below the nose in order to breathe. I felt someone put leg cuffs on me connected by a very short tether before lifting me up and putting me on something hard. I heard a door close. When the motor started, I realized it must be some kind of a van.

  My collar must have been fastened by a short chain to the floor as well as my leg cuffs, because I couldn’t move around. All I could do is lay there and feel the bumps in the road as we covered the miles.

  It was at least two hours before we arrived at our destination. I was placed in a wheel chair and pushed down through the corridors of some large building. I could tell by the echoes of every sound we made. Otherwise there was silence. There was nothing else here. Finally, we stopped. The belt holding me in the chair was loosened, and I was hauled by two people out onto a mattress. They left me there, lying on my right side. Then there was silence. I lay there and held my breath. The only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat.

  “M – m – m – m…,” I tried to yell, but no one answered.

  “A – a – a….”

  Nothing. So I lay there quietly and waited.

  Hours passed and nothing changed. Finally, I must have fallen asleep, but when I awoke, things were different.

  I wondered if I was dreaming. The hood was gone as well as my gag. I was still in the strait jacket but the cuffs and collar were also missing. I sat up and looked around. There was a bright light in the center of the ceiling, but other than that the room was totally white. I was in some sort of a cell. It was no more than six foot square with an eight foot ceiling. The floor was like a firm mattress, and when I got to the walls, they were the same.

  “Holy shit!” I said, “I’m in some padded cell in some sort of an institution.”

  I yelled, “Hey, is anyone there.”

  Nothing happened; no one answered. As I looked around, I noticed only two things in the room other than the soft, stark white walls. In one corner there was what appeared to be something resembling a toilet without water and in the other was a dispenser with a nugget of sorts in the tray and a small vertical tube. I looked at it for a several minutes before deciding it was the source for my survival. I tried sucking on the tube and received a mouthful of water. Then I tried the nugget. It didn’t have much flavor, but it ended my hunger. Suddenly another nugget silently appeared.

  Finally I sat down in one of the empty corners and waited. Certainly someone would come along in a while, but they didn’t. Time passed very slowly, but still I figured things would change. They didn’t. No one ever came to my room. There was never a sound. It was just me - all alone in a world of white.

  I slept and then stayed awake. Finally I got up and walked around my little abode. Sometimes I went back and forth, and other times I did rounds to break up the monotony. I pushed my feet into the walls and did crunches to pass the time. Then I slept some more. My food was provided, and I came accustomed to using the toilet, but with no hands available and no way to wipe, I dealt with it. Actually it wasn’t a problem other than in my head. Whatever I ate came out in a rather semi-solid form and with my unclosable ass bud, there didn’t seem to be a problem.

  Having no one to talk to and absolutely no outside stimulation, I started to wonder if maybe I had actually died and didn’t really know it. If I did, maybe this is hell. Then again, if I’m going to the light that constantly shines down from above, this might be a waiting room to heaven.

  “Hey, God. I’m ready,” I yelled.

  Maybe I should have called the devil.

  Every once in a while I thought about my past. I stepped off the solid rocks of a successful life and landed in a sea of turmoil. I was drawn into the maelstrom with no possible way of escaping the ever downward spiral. When I thrashed around in the water, I realized that I couldn’t swim. There was no way to save myself. I would just go round and round and round, going ever deeper until I was spit out to struggle on the very bottom. Finally I realized that this was my destiny.

  I’m sure days passed and maybe weeks went by. I hummed and sang and told myself stories. I got really good at talking to myself. Whenever, I had a question, I’d tell myself the answer.

  Thirty days… I thought. Who would have dreamed they would be in solitary confinement? Mistress Lilly really outdid herself this time.

  In my present world the sun never rose, and I never saw it set. It was always up there staring down on me There was no way of telling how long I had been here. It seemed like forever, but was it just a day or a week?

  Finally I just knelt in the apex of the walls and buried my nose in the corner.

  There was nothing left, and no reason to do it. This was my penance. I was like the priest who flogged himself every day because of the sinful thoughts he had the day before.

  One day or one night, who knows which, I wondered what I did so wrong in my past life. Is this my h
ell? Is this where I’ll spend eternity?

  The mind is a wonderful thing, but it needs food. It needs interaction and outside stimulus to work properly. Here in my stark white padded cell, it got none of that.

  I don’t remember ever closing my eyes after that. I just stared into the white rubber corner and watched the shadow of me never move. I just hoped it would someday. Finally it did. The wall opened, and I was taken from my totally blank existence. Like I arrived, I was blindfolded and gagged and returned to my room at Leather Bound. My strait jacket had been removed, and I sat their naked on my bed.

  When Lilly walked in, I sank to my knees and hugged her legs.

  “Are you alright?” she asked.

  “I think so.”

  “Good… why don’t you get cleaned up and dressed. Come upstairs when you’re ready.”

  “Okay.”

  I stayed in the shower for quite some time, letting the hot spray rejuvenate me. After all, I figured it had been thirty days without one. I towel dried my hair and walked back in my small bedroom and was faced with the greatest dilemma of my current life.

  On the bed were two stacks of clothes. One had pink panties with a lacy bra, and the other was topped with dark green boxer briefs. The first pile had a pair of white low-rise cut off shorts, while the other sported a pair of dark gray cargo shorts. I looked at the woman’s pile with the little tank top and narrow straps, or the guy’s with the V-necked light gray tee shirt. Both piles had an attraction, but left me very confused.

  It shouldn’t have, after all I’m a man. But she has created someone else. I wondered, do I please myself or surrender to her. I didn’t realize the choice would be so difficult.

  Finally I walked back into the bathroom and brushed out my hair, pulling it back into a ponytail. It gave me time to think, but I had no answers. If I dressed as a woman, it meant I accepted my life as a hooker, but if I dressed as a man, I would be rejecting the only person who probably cares about me. Finally I went back to my room, moved the pillow and sat with my back against the headboard, staring at the two piles.